Chapter 21

(Madge POV)

I reach up, standing on my tip toes to kiss his lips. "Have a good day, I'll see you tonight. Date night, don't forget!"

"Love you." He says, his lips pecking against mine once more before he heads off to his first day working in the Defense Department.

"It's good to see you two happy like this." I hear from behind me.

I spin around and find Tripp. My heart clenches a bit. Ever since he confessed his love to me and that whole jealousy incident with Gale, I've had a hard time being around him. I still carry a lot of guilt when it comes to him.

"Hey, how's it going?" I ask, trying to sound cheerful and casual.

"I'm good. I mean what I said though, about my being happy for you two."

"Thanks." I tell him, full of awkwardness.

He senses it and shakes his head with a subtle laugh. "No, sorry, I don't mean that in a weird way. What I mean is, it's good to see you looking like your old self again. Looking like the pieces of your life have fallen back into place."

"Oh, well, I can't argue with that. It does feel good to be on the road to normalcy again."

"What are you up too right now? They just changed my shifts at work and I've got a bunch of time to kill. Want to do something?"

"Um, I would, but I kind of have a memory project I have to finish up before my appointment with my therapist." I tell him. And I'm not exactly lying to him. I do have to finish what I was working on yesterday afternoon when Gale came home. But the partial truth I'm not telling him is that I really don't want too because I don't know how to act around him anymore.

"Oh, okay. Next time maybe. How's it going with the memory stuff by the way?"

"Still no memories. Not even a flicker of one." I sigh.

"Well, keep at it. It'll come back sometime I'm sure. Anyway, guess I'll go see what other troubles I can get myself into. See you around." He tells me as he waves and heads off in the opposite direction of me. I watch him go wishing it could be somewhat different between us. Not in a romantic way of course, no, not that. I just wish there were a way to be friends with him and not feel like I'm taking advantage of his heart, of his feelings for me. He's already done far too much for me in one lifetime.

I head back to my room, wanting to wrap up the assignment I'd tossed aside yesterday. I'm almost finished with my memory assignments. Ren says that soon, I'll just do periodic check ups with my team of doctors instead of the regular ones I've been doing. As much as I'm thrilled to be finished with all the Medical Center appointments I do think I'll miss all the assignments. At first, I hated them. I thought they were stupid and I definitely don't think that they're working to help me regain any memories, but I've grown to enjoy them as thought provoking activities. Like the assignment I'm about to finish up now. They gave me a stack of cards and wrote names and places on one side of the card and I'm supposed to flip it over and write down the first things that come to mind when I read that name.

Some cards are easier than others for me to fill up. Like the one that said School on the front. That one was easy. I was a good student. Good grades. Near perfect attendance. Never a troublemaker. Not my favorite place to be. That was an easy card to fill out. It was the cards with names that I found to be more difficult. The problem is that since my injury, I've learned quite a bit about things that have happened but that doesn't make them memories. This assignment is focused only on what I can truly recall about a place or person, not about knowledge I've since gained on the topic. That makes it harder. Like the card for my father.

I'd quickly written the words, Respectable. Overworked. Tired. Busy. Concerned. Important. These were the words that came to mind when I thought about how I remembered him. It was difficult however to ignore the words that come to mind out of information I've gained recently rather than out of memory. Prisoner. Liar. Horrible. These are words I would want to add to what I actually wrote. My mind wonders if I felt that way before my head injury? According to Gale, I'd become aware of my father's poisoning my mother and becoming a Capitol prisoner long before I left for the games. How did I feel about it back then? Was I angry? Did I forgive him? Pity him? Miss him? It's so difficult to know. My mind, my memory, it just feels like a big empty black hole. And I hate that.

As I flip through the rest of my cards, I notice writing on one of the cards that I don't recognize as mine. It's on my card. Gale must have written it. Selfless. Giving. Kind. Strong. Adventurous. Brave. Determined. Fierce. Breathtaking. Mesmerizing. Wife.

Tears spring to my eyes as I run my finger over the words he scribbled at the bottom of my card. He sees me so differently than I'm able to see myself sometimes. The girl he knew still feels very foreign to me in a lot of ways. Like his word Adventurous. I don't see myself that way at all. I never once remember being on any sort of adventure. Of course, I do know that I must have been somewhat this way because Gale told me I'd gone to woods with him. That I'd lived it out there. I'd even learned to swim! But I can't remember that version of me. No matter how hard I try, I just can't remember myself.

I wipe away the tears and hurriedly flip through the rest of the cards to see if there are any others that Gale may have written on. When I see his card, I smile and feel the tears well up again. Here he has written the words, Love. Husband. Soul Mate.

It's true. He is all of those things. He is my husband who I love so incredibly much, and if there is such a thing as a soul mate, I'd bet on my life that he was mine. After all, hadn't I fallen hopelessly in love with this man twice now? Yep, he'd have to be my soul mate. There's no other possible explanation.

I wonder if he did this while I was in the shower this morning? Why wouldn't he have just told me about it? I guess that's just his way though. Little loving surprises here and there. He knew I'd read this today and see what he'd added. He'd filled in the parts I couldn't. The missing pieces of my mind. I want to do something special for him too. Something to let him know that I care just as much about him as he does about me. But what? I don't have time to think about it right now though. Right now, I need to finish this assignment and get to my appointment.

I scribble down quick answers on my few remaining cards and hurry down to my appointment with Ren. After I'd been late that one time, I've made a very conscious effort not to do it again. Not that it was a big deal with Ren that day but I still felt bad about it.

"So how did it go with the assignment?" Ren asks once I'm settled into my chair across from him.

"Good I guess. Still no memory or anything worthwhile but it was thought provoking if nothing else."

"It's all worthwhile, even if it seems otherwise. Remember that." He says. "In all of life, it's all worthwhile."

There seems to be some sort of hidden wisdom behind his words. It's a feeling I often get when I talk to him. Like he must have been through quite a bit in his life. We never go into discussion about it though. All our conversations revolve around me and my life. And I suppose that's how it should be in a therapist/patient relationship.

"Gale wrote on two of the cards too. I didn't know it until this morning. He must have seen that I was working on this and decided to add in his own thoughts." I say holding out the two cards that Gale wrote on.

Ren takes them and reads over them. He looks back up to me and smiles. "You seem to be making a lot of progress as a couple. How do you feel about him having looked at your work and about what he wrote?"

"I don't mind that he looked at it. It wasn't a secret or anything. As for what I think about his additions, well, all I can say is that I wish that I was able to remember the things that he remembers. We may be making progress and doing fine now but it's like we each have different starting points for our relationship."

"Does that matter to you?"

"Sometimes. I feel as if I'm behind him in a way. Like until I regain my memory, I think I'll always feel as if I need to catch up to where he's at. Does that make any sense? It's kind of hard to explain."

"I think I see what you're trying to tell me. Perhaps it's not as important as you think though? Perhaps, you should try and focus only on the here and the now of your relationship and not on catching up to him. It's not a race."

"I can try." I say with a sigh. "Ren, do you honestly think I'll ever get my memory back? I would have thought something, even a small memory would have come back by now."

"The human brain is a very complex thing. Memory loss isn't a cookie cutter type of problem so there unfortunately isn't a clear yes or no answer to your question. The best I can say is that you have the potential to regain anything you once had. Nothing was irreparably damaged in your injury."

"I may not have my memory but I'm pretty positive this is one of the most frustrating experiences of my life." I say.

He chuckles. "Probably so my dear, probably so."

"Well, what's next? Where do we go from here?"

"I wanted to ask how you were feeling about Gale's transfer to Defense. Are you comfortable with this transfer?"

"I wasn't initially but the more and more I thought about it, the more I felt he just needed to do it. When I think back to the Gale Hawthorne that I remember, he wasn't the type to waste away washing dirty dishes. He was so much more than that. He was a fighter. A tough guy. A rebel. Being married to me shouldn't change that about him. I appreciate that he respected me enough to let me have a say in the matter but I think today is the first day that he'll really be working where he's needed."

"And how will you feel about him going away?"

"I can't think about that now. I'll worry about it when the time comes. He needs me to be supportive of him, whatever he's doing and I plan to do my best to make that happen."

"You know something Mrs. Hawthorne? You are one very smart young lady."

"Thank you." My heart flutters a little at the sound of my name. I still love hearing my name as Mrs. Hawthorne rather than Undersee.

"And this wraps up our session. I'd like to see you again in about a month, just to check in and see how you're doing. But if you feel like you need a session with me before that, just stop by and schedule one."

"Thank you, I will. And I want you know I've really appreciated our talks."

"That's what I'm here for. Anytime." He says with a smile as he stands to shake my hand.

As I head back home, I realize I should go visit with Katniss. Gale said she was getting a little stir crazy so it may be nice of me to stop in and see her. I find out what room she's in and stop by. Her door is closed but there's a window on it so I peek through before knocking. I don't want to wake her if she's resting. I see Peeta, resting his head on her bed. She is in fact asleep so I'm glad I didn't knock. I can't imagine it's easy to sleep with your leg all tied up in that contraption thing. I watch through the window for a minute. Peeta's eyes are closed but he isn't asleep. His hand is moving. Fingers running up and down Katniss's uninjured leg. It's easy to see how much he cares about her. I'm glad she has somebody loving her in the way that I have Gale. Everybody deserves to have someone care about them in the way that Gale cares about me.

(Gale POV)

If I'd thought it was annoying going through the process of getting temporary clearance into the Defense Department, it's twice as awful to get permanent clearance. A lot of paperwork and boring stuff. Haymitch had been glad I'd said yes but didn't seem surprised by my decision. When I asked him about being able to discuss mission destinations with Madge he'd scoffed at me. Told me "We'll see." And that was that. No further discussion. And all I've been doing since then is paperwork and more paperwork. While he kicks back for a nap, snoring just loudly enough to be annoying. So far, I've gotta say, this sucks.

When I'm finally finished with it, I toss the stack back onto Haymitch's desk. It lands amidst piles of papers and trash with a resounding thud. He startles awake, grumbling.

"You finished?"

"Yeah, finally."

"Alright. Here's your badge. You'll have to wear it at al times down here or anywhere in 13 where you're sent for official business. Don't lose it. If you thought the paperwork to get it was a pain in the ass, you should see the crap you have to fill out to get it replaced."

I make a mental note to never lose it. Ever. I slip the cord around my neck and examine the badge. It has my picture and name on the front and a swipe strip on the back. "What's the swipe strop for?"

"Grants access to any area of 13."

"I can go anywhere I want?"

"Don't go nuts or anything. It's all recorded in our systems every time you swipe it."

"Sure. Ok. So what's my first assignment? What am I working on?" I ask, eager to do something other than paperwork.

"We have a break until after lunch. Then we'll have a departmental meeting. See ya back here after lunch kiddo." He says easing himself back into his chair as if to resume his nap.

"Yeah, okay." I say as I leave. His eyes are already closing.

I wonder if Madge is ready for lunch or if she's still at her appointment. I decide to swing by our place before heading to the cafeteria. I find her sitting cross-legged on our bed. Doing nothing at all.

"Hey beautiful, what are you doing?" I ask smiling at how her cheeks still flush pink when I call her beautiful.

"Just thinking. Are you finished with work already? I thought you'd be there all day."

"Nope. Just got a lunch break. Thought I'd see if you wanted to have lunch with me. You hungry?"

She nods and climbs off the bed. I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead. "You okay?" I ask her. She seems really quiet.

"What? Oh, no, I'm fine. Just lost in thought."

"What about?"

"Just stuff." She shrugs. "How was your first morning? Was it better than doing dishes?"

"Not better than dishes I'm afraid. All I did was paperwork and more paperwork. Then I have a departmental meeting after lunch. Gotta say this hasn't been near as exciting as I thought it would be."

She laughs a little. "I'm sure it'll liven up a bit as you get settled into it all."

"How about you? How was your morning?"

"Good. I saw what you wrote on my cards." She says stealing a quick glance up at me. I can't tell if she's angry about it or not.

"Yeah, um, about that, see I just couldn't help it. I wanted you to see what you were missing. So you could see what I see when I think back to how it was back in 12."

"I didn't mind that you wrote it. It was sweet really."

"You sure? You don't seem very happy about it."

"I am. I liked reading what you thought."

"Then why do you seem so sullen?"

She stops walking and turns to me. "I loved what you wrote and it was a lovely surprise to find it. If I seem sullen it's just that I'm a little sad that I can't remember the things that you can. I just left my appointment with Ren and we talked about it there. I'm fine, I promise. You're just catching me at an off time."

"Don't be sad. It was supposed to make you happy." I tell her, kissing her forehead again and running my hands over her arms. I hate that I made her sad.

"It does. Really. I was watching Peeta and Katniss together earlier and thinking how everyone deserves to have someone love them the way that you love me."

"Well then cheer up already. You're loved and that should make you happy." I say giving her a little nudge. It's been awhile since she seemed this bummed out about her memory loss.

She takes a deep breath. "Gale, just kiss me already and let's go eat lunch."

I do just as she orders, planting a long, sweet kiss on her lips. It's clear that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Whatever it is that has her thinking, missing her memories, it isn't something she wants to discuss. And she does seem to have liked what I wrote. Maybe it's just hard for her sometimes. I brush it off, not thinking anymore about it as we walk hand in hand to the cafeteria.

We find a table and sit down to eat. "Hey, look what I get. This card right here, it gets us into any area of 13 that we want." I say holding up my badge for her to see.

"Oh yeah? Well where are you taking us?"

"Where do you wanna go?"

"Hmmm, somewhere top secret. I want to see the good places. The ones they don't show you on those tours." She says leaning forward across the table and lowering her voice. Her whole face lit up with excitement.

"I'll see what I can do about that. See what I can find out." I whisper back with a grin. In my head, I've already got an idea but I won't tell her about it yet. I'll let it be a surprise for later. Maybe for our date tonight. Yes, I think that's exactly what I'll do.

Over the rest of our lunch she seems to cheer up a little and I think that she must have been telling the whole truth when she said I was just catching her at a bad time. She had just finished her session and that was bound to get her thinking and mulling over the lost memories of her past. When I have to go back to work, I take my time kissing her goodbye. Savoring our kiss, running my hands over her back and down to her hips.

"You'd better stop that if you plan on making it back to work on time." She whispers in my ear as my lips travel to her neck. I can feel her heart racing in her chest as she presses herself against me.

"I hate work." I whisper back as my lips nip at her neck once more before I force myself to pull away, knowing she's right.

"I'll see you tonight. And I expect more of that." She whispers as she steps back, a gleam in her blue eyes.

I smile and shake my head. I love how easy it can be to get lost in just one kiss with her. She's so intriguing, so tempting. So perfect. I stare at her until she finally gives me a light shove towards the door.

Out in the hall, I run my hands over my face. Time to switch my focus back to work now. I head back down and get to the meeting room just as the meeting is beginning. Madge was right, I would've been late if I'd stayed much longer. Haymitch shoves an agenda in front of me and doesn't spare me the look that tells me I was close to screwing up right off the bat.

Most of the meeting is just each team going over the general details and new business of projects they're currently working on. It seems each district has a team leader who has a team working under them. Most of what they discuss doesn't interest me much partially because I don't know much about other districts and partially because I don't know enough about what it is they're working on for it to make sense to me. When they come around to Haymitch though, my attention peaks.

"We're awaiting word on the condition of 12 before determining what our next step will be. I'm expecting to receive some communications sometime tomorrow. I'll update everyone at the next meeting with what our game plan will be." Haymitch says. Everyone in the room nods, seeming to understand what he's talking about. I don't though. Not fully.

When the meeting ends and we're back in his office, I take the opportunity to ask him about it. "What's up with 12?"

"We're waiting to see how they fared after the Capitol's destruction efforts. The mayor, his family and the Peacekeepers were all evacuated just prior to the destruction. We need to find out just how destroyed it really is."

"What'd they do to it?"

"Bombings. Waves of them."

"What then? What happens when we find out how it is there?"

"Well, if it seems that people could possibly still be there or if there could be people that managed to escape into the woods, then we'll try to go back and get them. If not, then we'll leave 12 alone and focus on what Snow's next move is."

"Snow's next move?"

"Yeah kiddo, his next move. You don't think he's finished yet do you?"

"Finished what?"

Searching for your wife for starters. Other tributes and victors as well. He was made a fool on national television. He won't be letting it roll off his back like nothing happened. He's seeking vengeance."

I nod, unable to really find words at the moment. I never thought about it this way before. He's dead right too. Snow won't just roll over for us. He will keep tossing up all of Panem in search of Madge and the rest of us. My mind wanders too about what Haymitch said about 12. Would there be a chance that anyone's been able to survive? Would there be another rescue mission in search of survivors? And if 12 isn't in need of another rescue, if it really was demolished, does that mean we go after Snow next? My mind is so flooded with questions but I know I can't ask them right now. Not sure Haymitch would even have answers for me yet.

I head over to see Katniss before I go up to get Madge for dinner and our date. I'd promised to come by and see her to let her know what my final decision to Haymitch would be. Her door is open so I poke my head in.

"Hey! How's it going?"

"Gale, thank God you're here. I'm about to lose my mind."

I laugh at her dramatics and pull up a chair next to her bed. "So I took the transfer." I tell her.

She rolls her eyes. "So Madge gave you permission, huh?"

"Why do you have to be like that Catnip? Huh? Madge is your friend. And I am too." I ask with a little annoyance in my voice.

She sighs. "Don't go getting all worked up over it. It's just weird to me sometimes how you two are a couple and seeing the way you function together."

"So how's Peeta? You two becoming a real couple yet?" I ask just to get a jab in.

"Shut up Gale. You wouldn't understand how it is with Peeta and I."

"And you can't understand how things are with Madge and I so stop judging."

"Did you come here just to argue with me? Because I can do that with the nurses."

"Actually no. I came because I said I would. Because I thought you'd be happy to hear I took the transfer. The arguing was all your fault with the snarky commentary about me and Madge."

She sighs. "Truce?"

I nod. "When do you get out of here anyway? You won't be here all 6-8 weeks will you?"

"Not sure. Earlier today they said something didn't look right on my blood work. An infection setting in possibly. If it is, then I'll be here a little longer while they deal with that. The meds they keep giving me are knocking me out. I slept solid all morning and I still feel exhausted and crappy."

"Well, I'll stop by again tomorrow and check on you."

"You're leaving already?" She pouts.

"Sorry, got go meet up with Madge. It's date night." I say unable to hide my grin. I love date night.

"Date night? You guys are still doing that?"

"Yep. Went so good on the first one and all that I insisted we make a regular thing. That Peeta of yours, he has good ideas, gotta give him credit for that."

She just gives me a look and shakes her head as I leave. I don't know why she's so anti-love, anti-relationship. Back before her games I always thought she never dated or showed interest in guys because she was so focused on caring for and feeding her family. But now that we're here in 13 and that isn't an issue, I can't figure her out. I can tell she cares for Peeta but she just doesn't seem to be able to let him in all the way. She's still so guarded. And she really needs to loosen up a bit. She really does. Maybe all this laying in bed for the next several weeks will actually do her some good. Maybe she'll be able to finally relax and allow herself to enjoy something for once.

Upstairs, I find an empty unit but there is a note from Madge.

Gale,

I went on ahead to dinner with Rory and Rebekah. See you up there!

Love you,

Madge

I smile knowing she's up in the cafeteria right now with my family. It's so much better than how I felt when she was shying away from them at first after her head injury. This feels so much more like my Madge and I love it.

A/N: Per a request, the next chapter will be mostly a fluffy date night chapter. Coming soon, hopefully in the next day or so! I love when you guys let me know what it is you want to see more of with this story! Thanks for all your ideas and suggestions and I'll keep doing my best to make them a part of my story!