Disclaimer: I own nothing.

School was the easiest place for him to be, it was also the place he hated more than any other. Here he acted the part of the shy timid boy, he blended into a crowd and if he stood out at all it was basically because he didn't stand out or rock the boat. He hated being there because it was the reminder that he was not a normal teenage boy, he wanted to be able to do all the things that the other students could do. Laugh with friends, hang out on the weekends, and join a club all the things that they took for granted.

He would have traded anything if he could have had the problems they had and not his own fears. He was jealous of his best friend, the biggest concern that the boy had was over the welfare of the sister that was injured because of his inability to pilot. Shinji was jealous for he had never known anything like that in his life. To feel something that strongly that they would do anything for someone else.

He knew that if truly wanted someone to believe he felt like that he could convince them, but he would never be able to convince himself. It was always something that made him feel hollow, he could show the world whatever it wanted to see but that wouldn't mean that it was true.

He would talk and laugh, be embarrassed by what they say and play the part of a friend. But in the end that was all that he was doing, playing the part, never really being able to be the friend that they deserve.

He lay on the roof watching the clouds move by, he knew he should of went back to class, put on the mask of the boy they all see. But as he sat there during lunch the warm breeze made him feel tired so he lay down for a while. The funny thing for him was that he didn't have the energy to sit around and pretend.

He knew that only a few would notice his absence, Asuka would say he was off being an idiot and doing something perverted. Toji would think that he should have done the same thing as him. Kensuke would think that it had something to do with Nerv regardless of the fact that both Asuka and Rei where there and Rei herself would take note and leave it at that.

The teacher and the rest would most likely forget that he even showed up for the day, it wasn't a problem the only person who would cause a fuss was Asuka. And oddly enough she was the easiest out of them all to deal with. 'She will complain for a while and then write me off before I can even speak.'

Every so often he found a benefit to how people viewed him, if they have prejudged him it meant he didn't have to put effort towards defending himself. The negative was that Asuka's judgements held little to no basis on fact and usually was the worst possible case.

Sighing he decided he would deal with that problem when it happened and would enjoy the peace of laying on the empty roof.

He wasn't too sure how long he had been there the sun was going down so he had probably fallen asleep.

"Ahem"

Startled by the noise he opened his eyes to find the class rep standing at the open door to the roof with a very annoyed look on her face.

"And why didn't you come back to class?"

'She noticed?' was the only thought that went through his head; he had to mentally kick himself for forgetting about her being in school today. Going over the options in his head he decided on the one that seemed best.

"Ah…"

Playing dumb was the safest bet, she would continue with the belief that he was an idiot and fell asleep during lunch. 'I think I have used the excuse before.' He wasn't completely sure if he had, but he thought it the best choice.

"Ah isn't an answer Ikari, why weren't you in class after lunch."

"Ah…"

Now he felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights, someone had once said that if at first you don't succeed try, try and try again.

"You know you're on clean up duty today?"

"Ah…"

Shinji was beginning to lean towards Einstein's line of thinking that insanity was best defined by repeating the same action over and over again and expecting different results.

"Sorry" when out of all other options it was best to apologise, he learnt that lesson fast. It made people think they were in the right. And usually when someone thought they were in the right they would tend to become happier.

However his main problem right now was that he didn't know which mask would best suit the situation, apologising would only buy him so much time. It would be up to him to decide what the best course of action from there was.

Looking at the class rep he noted that she seemed only somewhat happy with his apology. While his interaction with the girl was not as much as Asuka's, he had built up a fairly reasonable type of image for her. He had expected her to be happy with the apology; he knew she wouldn't blow him off and leave like Asuka would but he had expected her to be happier with the remark.

"That doesn't answer my question and you are still on clean up duty" her voice is neither hard nor sharp, to her she is simply stating a fact.

Deciding to play the part of the timid boy he slowly got up, bowing his head he made another apology and offered a weak reply.

"Ah…Sorry, I must of dosed off at lunch...I will get to cleaning." Bowing again for emphasis he left the roof.

He felt sick with himself, how he hated it, he hated every time he went through the timid routine, for no other reason than he just wanted to say something else. Do anything else, but to go against what they thought of him could bring hate, and while he was fine hating himself, he didn't want to be hated by another.

Entering the classroom he goes about the cleaning duties that have been assigned to him. He doesn't bother to wonder who is supposed to be on cleaning duty with him. Whoever it was had probably left already, it wouldn't be the first time. The only people who ever stayed were Asuka, Kensuke, Rei and Toji. And out of them Asuka would only wait until he was done doing the work, the others would actually help with the clean-up duties.

He didn't really mind it, he was used to having to do all the cleaning duties in the apartment, and it was something the rest of the class expected of him.

"So why where you asleep on the roof?"

The words shook him from his thoughts, turning around from cleaning the tops of the desk he saw Hikari wiping down the bored. 'Was she also on duty today?' He couldn't remember he usually checked what day it was and if it was with Kensuke or Toji. Though he was fairly certain that the name on the list had started with an M, though it wouldn't be the first time he had made the mistake.

He decided to answer her question with a question, "Wasn't someone else meant to be on clean up duty today?" It wasn't hard to stutter for the question he felt somewhat uncomfortable around the class rep. He wasn't too sure why he felt uncomfortable but that didn't help him not be. It was odd to him he liked the idea that he felt naturally uncomfortable around someone. Usually he knew why he was either uncomfortable around others or he knew that they would expect him to be uncomfortable.

"Makoto was supposed to be on duty today, he said that he had to leave early, so I decided to help."

'I knew it began with an M' that thought aside he had to wonder why she bothered to stay behind.

"So, roof answer."

Looking up he at her he smiled sheepishly, "I fell asleep during lunch, guess I slept for too long" it was technically the truth he didn't have to tell her he hadn't planned on coming back to class until he had to do the clean-up duty. 'Usually Toji is the one to come wake me if I slept on the roof.'

"Hey Class Rep where is Toji?"

He noticed that she seemed to have been shaken from her own thoughts when he asked the question. Trying not to look directly at the girl he quietly awaited the answer.

"He said he had somewhere he had to be today, he was reluctant to tell me where you were."

Shinji suppressed a smile at hearing that, he didn't have many friends, he didn't know if the way he acted around people actually meant that they were actually his friends. He did know that Toji thought of him as a friend, and he would easily say the boy was the closest thing to a friend that he had ever known. He knew that Toji would probably think that he was going to get him in trouble for missing class. That and Hikari would now know where to look if either of them didn't show up after lunch again.

"And next time you try sleeping on the roof I will come up there and drag you back to class"

He apologised again to her, he felt guilty about it. Hikari was one to take the rules very seriously. 'Guess I'm going to need to find a new place to sleep.' Guilty he may feel but that wouldn't stop him from going somewhere to sleep when he didn't have the energy to play pretend.

"Is something wrong Ikari"

Looking up from moving the desk to the side of the room, he notices that Hikari was looking at him intently.

"I don't know what you mean Class rep; I don't think there's anything wrong." It was true everything was the same, the same as every other day before it, and it would be the same for every day to come, regardless of what he wanted.

"It's just you seemed, very spaced out of it today, and you looked angry leaving the roof. You're not annoyed that you were scolded for missing class?"

He wasn't quite sure how she had managed it but her question sounded more along the lines of, 'you can't complain because you did skip class.' However he was surprised at the first part, he was tired that day, maybe more so than usual but no one ever picked up on it before. He was also sure that he had passed her when he had started feeling angry at himself, but he wasn't too sure on that one.

"I was tired" the every pathetic little Shinji, the easiest mask to wear. Not that it felt the most natural but it was the one that made people turn away and pretend that everything was alright.

"If you have problems in class, I can help. It is part of the role of Class Representative."

That caught him off guard, true he hadn't spent much time getting to know the girl, and most of his basis for how he thought of her was based off her friendship with Asuka. But her words made him feel… kind of bad at how his prejudgment of her. At another time he would have found it funny that he was using his prejudgments on her as a way to act, and not the ones that she had of him.

However right now he was caught off guard by the question, looking at her he could see that she was being honest. Oddly enough for someone who hides behind masks he can't help but appreciate when someone was being honest with him.

"I'm just…" 'What lonely, sad, sick of hiding behind masks' he knew he couldn't tell the truth, who would want to hear it from him. Who would want to hear the problems of average, bland Shinji Ikari. "Tired"

And when in doubt stick with what you said at the beginning, he knew that it was actually a fraction of the truth meant that he could say it without any real problem.

She looked sad at his reply, but that couldn't be the case, she would have nothing to be sad about.

"Okay then" her eyes were downcast.

And once again the feeling of guilt washed over him, he didn't know why it didn't make any sense to him however that didn't stop him from feeling guilty.

"If you want…"

"You know there isn't much left I can finish up by myself." Deciding that it was best to try and cut the conversation short.

"Okay" her voice was low, not like the low threatening voice Asuka uses when Misato is in the apartment, it sounded closer to himself when he would agree to do whatever it was Asuka was telling him to do.

He couldn't help but watch as she made her way towards the door. Stopping just before she left.

"You know if you have any problems I will gladly listen" and with that she left the room.

Being by himself Shinji pulled out one of the remaining seats and set at the desk. 'How is it that I had read her so wrong?'

Looking back at it he noted that he hadn't paid as much attention to her as he had the rest of his classmates. There was a very simple reason for that, he felt uncomfortable around her. Since the day he had first come to the class he had felt uncomfortable around Hikari Horaki, he didn't know why, it was different from others he felt uncomfortable around.

Sitting in the empty room he felt annoyed at himself, at lunch time he would have been able to say that he knew what everyone in the class thought of him, and how they viewed him. However at the same time he had forgotten that Hikari was in today.

And then there short time cleaning the room showed that he had made a mistake, he didn't know how she viewed him, but he had based her off second hand information and her friendship with Asuka.

Sitting alone in the class room his mind began to wonder, it moved to realms of fantasy with thoughts he never dared hope for, 'I wonder if she seen through my masks.'

That thought thrilled and terrified him, the idea that someone would notice him was something he had wanted but dared not wish for. However he had been wearing them for so long what if the boy underneath was something that they hated, what if it was something he hated more than the masks.

Finishing the task of cleaning the classroom he wondered what it would be like to not need to wear his masks.