HEY REAL QUICK…THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED, FAVORITED, AND FOLLOWED THIS STORY. IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO ME. I DID QUITE A BIT OF THINKING FOR THIS STORY AND I DIDN'T THINK I'D LIKE WRITING SUCH A SAD ONE WITH KENDALL BEIGN THAT SICK BUT ONCE I STARTED I COULDN'T STOP. I KNOW IN MY STORY, MAGICALLY, KENDALL IS CURED AND HE GETS TO BE HEALTHY AGAIN AND HAVE MORE YEARS ATTACHED TO HIS LIFE, BUT IN REAL LIFE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT. MY AUNT WAS DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER WHEN I WAS ONLY 11 AND I WATCHED IT REALLY BREAK DOWN MY FAMILY. MY MOM AND HER LOST TOUCH, BECAUSE JUST LIKE HOW LOGAN REACTED, SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITHOTU HER SISTER. CANCER SUCKS AND IT DOESN'T PLAY FAIR BUT FOR THE PEOPLE THAT FIGHT IT AND DON'T LET IT BREAK THEM DOWN YOU ARE MY HEROE'S AND IF ANYONE HAS A FAMILY MEMBER STRUGGLING WITH THIS AWFUL THING YOU ARE ALSO MY HERO AND I'M WRITIGN THIS FOR YOU, AND FOR EVEYROEN EVER EFFECTED BY IT.
Logan's P.O.V.
You would need a saw, or a Samurai sword to cut the tension in this room right now. Thankfully I had Joey on my lap to distract me every now and then as everyone sat around, quietly eating. Joey would bounce around on my lap, pick at his slice of pepperoni pizza and then try to reach for his glass of milk. I would have to grab the glass, slide his paper plate closer to him so he didn't drop the pizza and every now and then I would smooth out the hair on his head. Just so I didn't have to look around the crowded table. However, sometimes I was caught. I'd have to look up. That was the absolute worse.
On the right side, sitting close to each other, was Maggie and Rose. Maggie was closest to me, because across form her, on my left side was Josh and Chris. Josh didn't even dare to look up at her, and would occasionally smile at me, or Kendall. Kendall…I know there was a reason I married this man, I was just having a hard time understanding that reason. He had Sammy right next to him, in a spare chair form the garage, but his attention and focus was strictly on the kid to my immediate left. Kendall had assigned seats. Under no circumstances was Maggie aloud to sit next to him. Before I could argue it on him, Rose popped up and said she'd sit next to Maggie before he could. And she did. Which left Chris, who was turning more and more into Kendall every day, to sit next to the poor kid. Neither Chris or Kendall talked, or attempted to talk to the kid. I had to admit though, seeing him shove his tongue down my daughters throat was a little irritating but it wasn't going to make me rude. I quietly cleared my throat getting everyone's attention and smiled small. "Josh…how was work?" Josh sat up a little wiping his hands on the napkin on his lap and smiled to me.
"Busy actually." I nodded and shot a warning glance to Kendall. He sighed and leaned forward on the table, staring at Josh.
"Why'd you become a paramedic?" I turned back to Josh and saw him daring the glance at Kendall. He swallowed hard and Maggie sat up a little looking between her dad and boyfriend.
"Well I was in college, playing hockey for Minnesota state when I got in a bad accident and hurt my leg pretty bad. I was benched the rest of the season and changed my major to sports medicine. I don't know…one thing just led to another and I went to apply for the job, getting it." The table went quiet and I was suddenly reminded of something very important. I sat up fast, making Chris and Rose turn to me.
"Your dad is cancer free!" Sammy was the first to jump up, mouth wide open staring at Kendall. I don't know if she knew exactly what that meant but she was happy about it. "He doesn't have it anymore you guys!"
"Yay daddy!" Sammy climbed on Kendall's lap and hugged around his neck tight. Joey jumped off my lap and ran around the table also climbing on Kendall's lap. I remembered the talk Kendall and I had in the doctor's office and fell back in my seat, seeing all four of my kids get up, and hug their dad tight, telling them they loved him. It was a sick reminder that I had messed up, and I didn't realize how bad until this moment. All four of them held onto their dad at the same time tight. He tried to hug all of them but couldn't get his arms around all their backs. I looked down at my hands in my lap and played with my fingers feeling my pizza coming up.
"Does that mean you can teach me how to play hockey now daddy?" I glanced up to see Joey staring up at Kendall hopeful. Kendall laughed and nodded pulling him back in for a hug.
"Maybe even Josh can join us since he played in college." I saw Josh's face light up and Kendall moved forward a little staring at him. "Of course…as long as you don't break my daughters heart." Maggie stood up straight and glared down at Kendall. "Cause if you break her heart, I'm afraid you'll get in another bad "accident" and not be able to walk again."
"Daddy!" Maggie stomped her foot and Josh swallowed hard but nodded slowly.
"I understand sir." Kendall chuckled and looked up at Maggie.
"Calm down little girl. You should be lucky I let him come over." Maggie frowned walking back to her seat. Chris also got up and went back to his seat eating the last bit of his crust. "Okay…were playing…me and Joe against Chris and Josh… let's go." All three boys jumped up quick and Kendall downed the rest of his Pepsi before turning and walking towards the hall closet where his gear was. I looked down, swallowing hard and pushed my plate away. Not that I didn't deserve this, but it still hurt. I watched all the boys and even Maggie leave after Kendall. I was left with Rose and Sammy who still had pizza left to eat. I slowly stood up and closed one of the pizza boxes before lifting my own plate and walking to the kitchen. When I got in, had to bite my bottom lip so I didn't start crying again, and losing my mind. I never realized that when the day came, that Kendall would be 100% better, I wouldn't be involved with the celebration. But it was my own fault. I was the idiot who hurt him and my family, and I deserved everything I got. I don't know how many times I was going to have to tell myself that, but it was the truth.
I only tossed my plate in the trash before walking back into the dining room. Now both Rose and Sammy were gone. I sighed quietly, tucking my chair back under the table and reaching out for the paper plates scattered around the table. I started stacking them, and picking up dirty napkins. When I got to the end Kendall was sitting at, I stopped short seeing Joey's school bag on the ground. Inside, was a gold, shiny medal. I bent down quick and reached in, pulling it out. On the bottom written in his handwriting on a piece of paper taped to the medal was "BEST POPPA EVER". My heart dropped down to my stomach hearing giggles form the backyard and I stood up fast. I put the plates and napkins on the table and started to peal the paper off. When it was off, I heard a gasp leave my mouth. "Spelling Bee Champion". I looked up fast and hurried towards the glass doors leading to the backyard. I pushed through them and se Joey running, trying to hold up his hockey stick. "Joseph Knight!" Everyone stopped moving and talking and Joey dropped his stick. We never yelled at the kids, at least we tried not to. So I know I must have scared him. I started to walk down the stairs of the deck to get to him on the grass. "Come here…" I got down on my knees and held the medal up. Joey quickly started walking towards me, his head down, and one fist baled up, rubbing his eyes. He was already crying. When he got close enough, I reached out with my free hand and pulled him in hugging him tight. "Why didn't you tell me you got this?" He sobbed out and put his arms around my neck crying onto me. "I'm so sorry baby…I never wanted to make you upset. You have no idea how proud of you I am, sweetheart." He sobbed again and I gently rubbed his back. "Why'd' you cover it up with best poppa ever?" I kissed the side of his head and he sobbed still, shaking his head. I swallowed hard and saw Kendall come up behind us, bending down as well. He gently took the medal from me and sighed seeing the paper also in my hand. He grabbed it and looked up quick. He rubbed the back of Joey's head, running his fingers through his hair. My other arm now also wrapped around Joey and pulled him up tighter onto me. He was still crying, sobbing and wailing, breathing hard. I pushed myself up, holding him up on my body and turned, waking back to the house. I heard Kendall tell the kids to stay out there and start the game just as I walked in the house. I hurried to the stairs and carried him all the way up until I got to his room and walked us in, sitting on his bed. He continued to cling onto me, crying and because my face and chest was already wet form his tears, I hadn't noticed I started crying. "I'm so sorry Joey. I'm sorry I was mean to you. I never wanted to hurt you. You're my baby and I love you. I'm so sorry Joey." His small little hands gripped my shirt ad tugged on it, sobbing louder into my neck. I closed my eyes squeezing onto him, crying myself. I heard the floor creak by the door but didn't turn, knowing it was just Kendall. He was just going to say, told you so. You're a bad dad and I'm going to leave you, and take your kids away too. That only made me squeeze Joey tighter.
"I'm sorry poppa." I frowned, letting one of my own sobs leave my mouth. I felt a dip next to me along with a hand on my back, rubbing softly. I turned my head quick and saw Kendall staring between Joey and I. I couldn't help sobbing louder seeing him. He pulled me in quick and sighed rubbing Joey's back.
"Joey…you're poppa and I love you so much. We are so proud of you for winning the spelling bee champion but we wanted you to tell us about it, okay?" Joey only nodded against me and I sighed wiping under my eye on Kendall's shoulder. "Why'd you cover it with best poppa ever?" I pushed harder into Kendall remembering me asking Joey if he wanted a medal for his A. "Joe…"
"Because I wanted to make poppa proud and happy." I sobbed out again holding Joey closer to me. "I wanted to show poppa I was a good boy and I wanted to make you and poppa like each other again." I sat up fast and stared at Kendall seeing him shaking his head.
"Buddy…you don't have to worry about that kind of stuff." Joey pushed off me slowly, still gripping my shirt and turned to Kendall. "What happens between me and your poppa has nothing to do with you, and you don't have to try to fix it."
"But-but…I didn't want you two to get a divide." I frowned sitting back, and relaxing and heard Kendall chuckle beside me.
"A divide?" Joey nodded furiously and rubbed both his eyes. I slowly set him down, on both of our laps and held the back of his head. "What do you mean Joey?"
"A divide daddy…I didn't want you and poppa to leave me to have to get two houses and have two Christmas's and birthdays." He did the typical kid thing with the hiccupping and the rubbing his tired, sore eyes and I smiled small turning to Kendall.
"He means divorce. He doesn't want us to divorce."
"You guys are getting a divorce?!" We both turned to the door to see our other three children looking terrified. Maggie ran in and stood in front to of us shaking her head and pointing between the two of us. "You guys promised everything was okay! Daddies okay now poppa don't be sad! You guys can't divorce!" Kendall jumped up quick and pulled her in for a hug where she molded into his body and started to sob, hysterically. Seeing this, I guess Chris and Sammy thought for sure we were getting divorced and ran over, tackling me, and hugging me, begging me not to leave. I only looked to Kendall for help and eh sighed shaking his head.
"Guys…guys relax. We're not divorcing." All three of the kids stopped and looked between us, confused. "Your little brother was scared we were because while I was sick we went through so hard times." He motioned to me and him. He put out a hand for Sammy who gladly jumped up and took it. Kendall bent down slowly picking her up and setting her on his hip while Maggie held around his other side. "I love your dad you guys, and he loves me. I know it's been hard with me being sick, and everything else happening but it's not enough for us to divorce." I felt Chris laid his head on my shoulder and Joey snuggle back on my lap. I couldn't take my eyes off Kendall though. He looked so sincere. "You guys need to though that while we all have our faults; it's not going to break this family apart. Your father could tell me right now, he wanted to see other people and I'd still love him with my entire heart. He had to deal with a few personal problems while dealing with me being sick, and unfortunately he took it out on you guys some times, but that doesn't mean he isn't the best dad in the world and It doesn't mean he loves you any less, okay?" I closed my eyes putting my head on Chris's and held tighter around Joey tighter. "This family isn't going to tear apart over something stupid like cancer. Especially now that I'm better and will stay better the rest of my life." I opened my eyes to see Kendal staring down at me, burning hole sin my skull, but smiling. "So…what we're going to do is stop our crying, go down stairs, eat the rest of that pizza, and go play some hockey, with Maggie's stupid boyfriend." Maggie pushed off Kendall quick and stomped her foot pouting and storming past him and Chris who had jumped up. I couldn't help but smile as Chris ran after her saying her boyfriend was stupid, and on the short side. Kendall set Sammy down softly and ruffled her curly brown hair. She squealed and ran to me, kissing my cheek and then ran out of the room screaming for her big brother to be on her team. We were left with Joey again who looked calmed down, but tired. I rubbed his back softly and he looked up at me, suddenly shy. He shoved his face back in my neck making both Kendall and I to laugh.
"I love you Joey and I always will." I kissed his head softly and he squeal much like his sister and jumped off my lap. He gently patted Kendall's leg and looked up at him.
"You're it daddy!" He turned and ran as fast as he could out of his room. I chuckled looking at the door he just ran out of and felt about 20 pounds leave my body. With my head still turned, I felt but didn't see Kendall get in front of me. One of his hands rubbed over my head softly making em shiver. I turned, looking up at him and watched him reach with his other hand, for one of mine. I breathed in hard and took his hand, letting him pull me up. When we got as level as we could, with me being about foot shorter his hands went on my face and he kissed my forehead softy.
"That was quite a speech you gave." I tucked my fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tugged him towards me gently. He didn't even move. I sighed and turned my head to look up at him. "Do you remember what the first thing you wanted to do when you got better was?" He frowned and turned his head looking over mine, to try and figure it out. I laughed and stepped into him kissing his collarbone.
"I know I was thinking about getting a Harley." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Okay then what…I still want a Harley just so you know." I craned my head to look at him and smiled shaking my head.
"First of all…no way. You're too old to have a Harley." His mouth fell open and I laughed kissing his open mouth. "Second…you told me, the night we got back from the cancer center in Michigan, that the day you found out you were better, and healthy again…you wanted to go back in the studio and record again." A small smile crept on his face and I shrugged. "So…tomorrow we'll take the kids with us, and go in to pick up where we left off with James and Carlos. How does that sound?" Even before I could blink his arms were behind my legs, lifting me up. I panicked slightly and put my arms around his neck. He forced my legs around his waist just so he could attach his lips to mine. I laughed in our kiss and rubbed my hands over his head.
"That sounds perfect actually…you know what would make it better?" I pulled away from his mouth and frowned shrugging. There was a pinch to my butt and I yelped. "Some hardcore fucking." I groaned slapping his bare head lightly and wiggled out of his arms. He set me down, put shoved his hand in my back pocket as we walked out of Joey's room.
"You're a pervert you know that?"