Chapter 25
(Madge POV)
After waking up and seeing that I've slept through lunch, I decide I need to go ahead and get up. If I lay here much longer I'm afraid that I may fall back asleep and if that happens I know I'll never be tired enough to sleep come bedtime tonight. I stretch my arms over my head as my feet hit the cold, cement floor. I miss carpet. Plush, soft, squish between your toes carpet. The kind I had in my room back home. Well, in my room before I was married anyway.
I shuffle over to the bathroom and turn on the shower. As I peel off my clothes, I glance at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is finally growing back where it had been shaved so they could stitch me up. I think it'll take forever before it catches up to the rest of my hair though. And the scars on my face are the same as always. Pink toned and obvious. I let out a quiet sigh as I step into the shower. The steamy water feels good and wakes me up a bit. I'm just finishing rinsing out my shampoo when I hear Gale's voice calling out to me. I turn off the water and step out of the shower where Gale is waiting, handing me a towel.
"Thanks." I say as I take it and dry off. "What are you doing home so early?"
"I'm supposed to come get you and bring you down to the departmental meeting." He says quietly. I study his face for a few seconds before saying anything else. He has that burdened look he gets when things are weighing heavily on him. Something's wrong.
"What's wrong? You've got that look. And what on earth do you need me for at your meeting?"
He gives me the saddest of smiles and then starts explaining. "There was a meeting, right now actually, about your father, for us to figure out what, if anything we can do to help him. I felt like you should have a say in what was going on."
"Oh, I see. Well, let me get dressed and I'll come with you." I tell him.
"Okay. Hurry though, we won't want to keep them all waiting."
I rub the towel over my head and pull on clean clothes. After slipping on my shoes without bothering to re-tie them, I stand and reach out for Gale's hand. He takes it, leading me out of our place and over to the Defense Department. When we arrive, Haymitch is waiting at the front desk for us.
"I filled out all the paperwork for temporary clearance. Just need a signature." He says pushing a small packet of paperwork towards me. I flip through the pages until I find the one on the back where there's a line for my signature and scribble my name on it. I smile up at Gale as I hand Haymitch the packet back.
"What?" He whispers down at me, not understanding my smile.
"It's the first time I've written my married name." I whisper back to him. It's silly, I know, but I kind of liked it. Liked how it looked on paper.
Gale smiles back at me for a moment before we're interrupted by Haymitch. "If you two lovebirds are done whispering to each other over there, we've got a room full of people waiting to vote."
I feel my cheeks blush and I hide a little behind Gale out of embarrassment. Gale just nods to him and pulls me to follow him and Haymitch down the hallway. We enter the meeting room and I suddenly feel very shy as multiple heads turn and all eues are on me. Gale gives my hand a gentle squeeze and pulls me to sit down next to him. Once we're seated, I don't let go of his hand, holding it tightly underneath the table.
"Alright, let's catch the lovely Mrs. Hawthorne up to speed on everything and then get on with the vote." Haymitch begins. "Here's the short version sweetie, your father's in a rough spot. Snow's doing a bang up job of torturing him and we've been trying to figure out how we could help."
I nod, keeping my eyes on Haymitch, waiting for the part where he tells me how they think they can help.
"It seems that the place they've got him makes it impossible for us to rescue him. The only other thing we see possible is to have one of our few inside guys slip him a lethal pill. Something to end his suffering. What we need from you, is your vote."
"My vote?" I squeak out.
"Yeah. Your vote. Do you want us to slip him a pill or leave him be?"
"Oh, I see." I reply, looking down at my lap. My mind swirling all over the place. A lethal pill? The best option they've come up with is a lethal medication to put him out of his misery? There won't be a rescue?
"It would be given to him with an option for him to decide whether or not to take it. The choice would be all his own. We would only be providing an option." Gale says quietly, leaning down to me.
"Can I have a moment alone? I won't take long, I just need a minute." I ask quietly as I stand up.
"Use my office. Down the hall, third door on the left." Haymitch says. I nod and begin in that direction trying to ignore the annoyed looks on the faces of the people in the room. Once I'm out in the hallway though, I feel Gale's presence behind me.
"No, just me. I need to be alone with my thoughts for a moment." I explain to him, hoping he won't be offended that I don't want him to come with me.
"Okay. I'll wait right here for you. Take as much time as you need." He tells me leaning back against the wall to wait. His eyes reflect the sadness I hear in his voice. I'm not sure if it's sadness for me not wanting him with me right now or if it's sadness for me having to make a decision as to how I'll vote. I don't have time to think about that just now though. I step into Haymitch's office and shut the door behind me. The smell of liquor and stale air makes my nose twitch.
How do I decide this? How would my father want me to vote? On one hand, the thought that we'd be giving him a way to put an end to his pain and suffering gives me a sense of comfort. To know that he would ultimately have that final decision, that it would be his choice. But on the other hand, sending him that pill would be giving up in a way. Saying that every option had been fully explored and there was no better solution. Sending that pill would be the end of my father. Do I really want to send my father the message that there isn't any hope?
Was there really no possible way to get him out? And what happens if we send him this pill and he takes it and dies? Does President Snow go after my mother next? Mabel? The Mellarks? Where does it end? It doesn't . It just doesn't end. Not with someone like Snow making all the rules and calling all the shots.
(Gale POV)
I pace back and forth across the hallway as I wait for Madge to come out of Haymitch's office. When she'd asked if she could have a minute alone, I just naturally assumed that meant a minute away from everyone else in the room, not me. Out in the hallway though, I'd found different. She really did mean she wanted to be alone though I don't think she meant it to be anything towards me. Still, it stung a little. I hope whatever's running through her mind right now isn't too painful for her. I know this isn't an easy vote for her but I truly felt that she had to be here and be a part of this. And however she chooses to vote, that's how I plan to cast my vote too. Whatever she decides, I'm going to support her any way that I can.
When she finally comes out of Haymitch's office her face tearstained and her eyes are red. Whatever she's decided, it hasn't been without inner torment. I hold out my hand to her and give hers a squeeze. I lead us back into the meeting room and we sit down.
"Alright, ready to vote?" Haymitch asks.
Madge nods but doesn't speak. I hold her hand a little tighter, wishing I could somehow make this easier for her.
"Those in favor of sending a lethal dose to , raise your hand."
My eyes are peeled on Madge as I wait to see if her hand raises in favor or not. When I see her shaking palm raise, my own hand goes up as well. Only then do I look around the room and see how many other hands are raised. Almost every hand. Enough that Madge's vote wouldn't have mattered either way but I still feel it was important she have a say.
"Guess that's a yes then. Alright, that's enough for today, my team will begin plan development tomorrow and we'll see if we can't get this taken care of by week's end." Haymitch says.
Madge's hand drops back to her lap and I watch as a teardrop falls, wetting the gray fabric of her pants. I need to get her out of her so she can deal with this privately. I don't want her to fall apart right here in front of everyone and I also don't want her to have to desperately hold herself together either. I stand up and gently pull her to her feet as well, leading her out of the room.
"Come on, let's get you home." I tell her softly as we start to head down the hallway and out of the department.
"It's okay, you can stay if you have work to finish up. I'll see you at home later, okay?"
"No. I'm finished for today. I'll come with you." I reassure her.
We're almost out of the department when she stops and turns to me. "Gale, I really just want to be alone right now. It isn't that I don't want you to be with me, I just…" She begins.
"You don't have to explain anything. Just go, I'll be up later. Soon, okay?" I cut her off before she can finish. I hate that it feels as if she's pulling away from me right now when I want to do is comfort her but whatever the reason, if being alone is what she wants, needs right now, I'll give her that.
"Bye." She says as I lean down to kiss her forehead. She looks so sad that it's heartbreaking. I watch as she disappears from view.
I head back to Haymitch's office wanting to see if he has any idea how this will all go down and realistically how soon.
"You still here?" He asks when I poke my head in his door.
"Yeah, for a little longer anyway. Just wanted to see how you thought this would realistically play out. Like how soon?"
"We'll figure all that out in development but I hope to have the pill in his hands by the end of the week."
"Is it quick? Will he hurt at all when he takes it?" I ask feeling like there are just so many things I need to know about this plan.
"Again, things to learn about in our development meeting. Listen kiddo, do yourself and the girl a favor and get outta here for the rest of the day."
"She didn't want any company right now." I explain.
"Course not. She's hurting. It's her father, you don't think she'll grieve her father? Go and just be there for her, however she'll let you. I'll see you in the morning." He says waving me off.
He's right. She's grieving her father's death. It may not have happened just yet but she's grieving just the same. And she won't get a chance to say goodbye to him. If anyone knows what that feels like, it's me. Still, I don't want to go home just yet. I do want to allow her the time alone she wanted. But I can do something to help in the meantime.
I head up to the agriculture center and find the section with the flowers. It's a small section and it's not one open to just anyone, I have to swipe my badge to get inside. There's a worker there and she looks a little startled when I come into the room where she's busy tending to flowers.
"May I help you with something?" She asks wiping her hands on her apron.
"Sorry if I startled you. I'm Gale Hawthorne, from the Defense Department and I wanted to ask your help with something."
"Of course. What can I be of assistance with?"
"It's for my wife. She's grieving the death of her father and I'm sort of at a loss as to how to comfort her right now. I was wondering if I could have a flower to cheer her up?"
"Oh, the poor dear! I'd be happy to put something together for you. My own father passed away a few years back and it was a terrible time for me. A coworker of mine brought me flowers and it was so much more of a comfort than anything else she could have done." She says sympathetically as she begins darting around cutting a few orange flowers and arranging them in a vase.
"Thank you for your kindness, this will help a lot, I'm sure of it."
"I'm sure it will too. These are called Tiger Lilies. They'll last for quite awhile if she keeps the water in the vase fresh." She says as she hands me the vase of flowers. She must've cut at least a dozen blooms and I'd only asked for a single flower.
"I can't thank you enough for this, really, it's more than I'd hoped you'd be able to do. Thank you." I tell her gratefully.
She places her hand gently on my forearm and gives me a sad smile. "It was my pleasure, really. She'll be in my thoughts."
"I'll be sure to return the vase as soon as she's finished with it."
"Of course, no worries."
I smile at her and head out of the room, leaving her once again to her work. I'm so grateful for her kindness and I'm so glad that she was working when I went in there. I hope these help ease the pain Madge is feeling right now. I hope they show her how much I care and how sorry I am that she's going through this right now.
When I walk up to our door, I hear Posy inside singing. Crap. I'd forgotten that Posy would be here. I should've thought of that and gone to get her from school so Madge wouldn't have to watch her. I open the door and see Madge laying on the bed with Posy kneeling next to her, singing some song she's making up as she goes along.
When Posy sees me, she goes right into her explanation. "Madge is sad today so I'm in charge of cheering her up. That's why I have to sing to her."
Madge sits up and wipes her tears away, giving Posy a loving smile before turning to me. "Those are beautiful. Where did you find them?"
I look down at my hand, having been so distracted by Posy that I'd forgotten I was holding Madge's flowers. "Oh, I got them for you. Thought they might help. They're tiger lilies." I tell her as I set the vase on the night table next to the bed.
"I love them. Thank you." She says, reaching out and running her finger over the petals of one of the lilies.
"And now, I'm taking Miss Posy here off your hands and giving you the quiet time you wanted." I tell her as I reach down and swoop Posy up in my arms.
She looks up at me, her face a whole mix of sadness and thankfulness. Sadness about her father, thankfulness that I'm trying to be there for her however I can, even if that means not actually being with her.
"But Gale, I'm not finished cheering her up yet!" Posy whines.
"You were a big help Posy and I feel better already. Go on with Gale and I'll see you later, okay?" Madge tells her before I even have a chance to say anything and then she reaches over to her flowers, pulling one stem from the vase and handing it to Posy. "Here, to thank you for singing to me."
Posy's whole face lights up and she clutches the flower to her chest.
"What do you say Posy?" I prompt her.
"Thank you!" She says leaning over from my arms to hug Madge.
"You're very welcome."
I lean over and kiss Madge softly on the forehead again. "I'll bring your dinner back here later, okay?"
"Love you." She says so quietly I can barely hear her.
I take Posy and head up to my family's home to hang out with them for awhile. It'll give Madge the space she needs and me an excuse to visit with my family. I don't hang out with them near as often as I should. And almost never by myself. Usually, it's both Madge and I together.
"I certainly hope you aren't bringing her back because she was being anything less than well behaved." My mother says with a pointed look at Posy as I surprise them by bringing her back early.
"Nah, not this one. In fact, she was being such a big help that she got a present." I say as I put Posy down on the floor.
"Look Ma! Madge gave me this because I was so good at cheering her up!" She states as she proudly holds up her flower for my mother to examine.
"My, my, what a pretty flower! Why don't you go have Rebekah help you put it in some water? She and Rory are in the back room playing a game with Vick."
After she skips out of the room, my mother turns to me. "Madge is sad? Did something happen?"
"Can't really talk about it. Classified stuff." I say as I internally debate telling her about it anyway.
"Gale, I'm your mother. Nothing is classified."
"Madge's father is getting the brunt of Snow's anger over our escape. The only way we know to help him is to offer him a lethal medicine so he can end his suffering. Madge is taking it pretty hard."
"Oh no, I wish I'd known! I would've sent Vick back down for Posy!" My mother says covering her mouth with her hand.
"No way you could've known. And should anyone ask anything, you'll need to say you know nothing."
"Understood. Where is she now?"
"Back home. She just wanted to be alone. Been like that all afternoon. I took her some flowers, I think it might help just a little."
"Grief is one of the most difficult things we ever encounter in life. Just be there for her however she needs you to be. It's the best you can do for her."
"I just wish there were something more I could do. I wish I could've come up with a better option to help him somehow but there just wasn't any way."
"Well, I hope that she'll at least find some peace in knowing he won't be suffering anymore, that his soul can be laid to rest." My mother says sadly.
"Wait, what did you say?"
"What? That she finds peace knowing his suffering will finally come to an end?" She repeats sounding confused.
"Ma, I've gotta go. You just gave me an idea and I have to go see Haymitch right now!" I exclaim as I dart out the door without waiting for a response. I run as fast as I can back down to the Defense Department, taking stairs three at a time. I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner! I don't know if it'll work but it's crazy enough that it just might save Mayor Undersee's life!