Logan's P.O.V.
I had never felt my age until now, with the lifting and the bending. It was seriously taking a toll on my body. My back hurt to straighten out, and I'm afraid if I sit, I won't be able to get back up. I think the absolute worst part however, is how alone doing all this made me. The last time I ever moved, was when we just had Joey. We had to upgrade to the house I had just moved out of. More space, big backyard, close to the elementary school and a store. We had everything we needed in that small community, and even better, I wasn't alone. Not that I'm completely alone now. I just didn't have Ken…him. I'm so sad and pathetic I can't even think up his name. It was like poison hearing it. It made my heart hurt, but at the same time all I could think was…good riddance.
After hearing Kendall voice his true opinions about Chris and Rose's situation, it made me see him in a different light. And our first fight wasn't our last. For the next week or so, all we could do was scream at each other, because more thing started coming up. He had always thought in the back of his mind that I was going to cheat again. I had never really cared about what our kids did with their lives. I wasn't strict enough. I never made time for him…for our marriage anymore. He definitely showed me the real Kendall Knight, and for the first time…in forever, I was happy I wasn't going to have his name anymore.
The only downside to all of this was how it was going to effect the kids. Especially Sammy and Joey. When we decided that enough was enough and we didn't have the time or energy to fight anymore, we made it official and legally got a divorce. The documents were signed and the kids schedules were cut right down the middle. I'd get Sammy and Joey during the week, and Kendall would get them on the weekends. Not pleasant at all when they heard the news. But the absolute worse was when Maggie went before the judge who worked on our divorce and begged him to not make her go to Kendall's ever. That really…really hurt Kendall. And honestly, I could have cared less. She was almost 18, and the judge granted her wishes. Full time, Maggie would live with me. She never, under law had to see her father again, and while she was okay with it, so was I.
And of course after a long nights talk between him and I, Chris asked for a little help financially and made sure I was going to be okay, before getting his own apartment with Rose. That happened actually before the divorce. To say the house and the family wasn't breaking down and spiraling out of control would be a lie. To say that I was happy without Kendall, and didn't miss him…would also be a lie.
"Poppa?" I looked up quick and smiled seeing Maggie and Josh walking towards me slowly. They had two bags of fast food and a drink carry along with grocery bag and carefully set them down on the new counter. "You alright?" I nodded and breathe din the fresh scent of cleaner I had just been using to scrub the kitchen. "Well we got some lunch, and just as we pulled down on the street I remember we didn't have any kind of plates or utensils so I just grabbed some plastic ones for now." I nodded still walking to them and the bags and gently kissed the side of Maggie's head. "Oh and Chris called me. He said your phone went straight to voicemail but he's bringing a few house warming gifts and also offered to help with whatever."
"Don't they have their own place to unpack?" She giggled and shrugged and I gently leaned against the counter staring at Josh. "Hey…can you give me and Maggie a minute?"
"Of course…I'll take my burger and go see what I can do about setting up your TV." I smiled and nodded watching him grab a drink, soda and fries before walking out of the rather small kitchen into our small living room. Maggie leaned next to me and put her head on my shoulder, yawning small. "Your dad will be bringing Sammy and Joey by tonight. It's Sunday ya know."
"I don't have to see him right?" I shook my head fast and rested it on the top of hers softly.
"Just giving you a heads up sweetheart, and also wanted you to know that your brother and sister aren't going to be very happy with you not going with them." She laughed softly and I closed my eyes breathing in hard. "I know this will be the last thing you want to hear but your dad…he's not a bad guy."
"Says the man who just divorced him." I stood up straight and turned down to her, one eyebrow raised. She smiled and shrugged turning to the food and grabbing a thing of fries. "I know he's not…but right now." She looked up at me with big full brown eyes and smiled big. "I don't like the person he is being." With that she turned, swirling her skirt and hoped out of the kitchen out to Josh.
Although it wasn't as big as the last house, this one was respectable. It was in a very small and secluded neighborhood and as far as I knew, we only had one other person on our street. It was a new house, on a new lot so the buy was great. It was 4 bedroom, and only one level which I was actually grateful for. No stairs to carry stuff up and down. It was two car garage and covered in a wraparound porch. The backyard was pretty big, with a pool already built into the ground. Big selling point with Maggie. Everything about this house was amazing and I was glad we got it when we did, for what I paid. The only part that was missing was the happy and complete family.
I wondered around the house while eating my messy burger, desperately trying not to spill on the new beautiful carpet. I checked in my room, seeing boxes and boxes of my crap and the new, unmade bed the movers had just brought in. I walked slowly in trying to figure out how I wanted set the room up. I hadn't had my own room in a very long time, and for once I was going to be able to do with it, what I wanted. I walked to the bed, taking the last bite of my burger and sat down grabbing a box form the top of a pile close to my bed. I set it on the bed next to me and flipped it open reaching inside, trying to understand what I had packed and what kind of order I had packed it. Of course…I rushed out of the house quick, so who knows what's in this box.
The first thing I pulled out was a book. To be more specific, a photo album. My wedding photo album. I placed it gently on my lap not even trying to hide the smile creeping on my face. In a pretty cursive, printed in black on the very front under the picture of Kendall and I in our suites, was one of my favorite song titles. From a movie at least. I know I sound like a typical gay man liking a musical but it was more for the song than anything else. The black popped out against the white and my fingers started to trace over the writing. "Bound To You". I swallowed hard looking at Kendall's happy, adorable face, and wished I had a time machine to go back to this day, the day of our wedding and tell the very young naïve me, that this marriage and love would fall apart with no warning. I would have rather never loved then to love and lose the past 20 years of my life. That hurt worse than anything. The thought that I gave my entire life, my entire being to this man just to let him kill me.
I couldn't even look at the happy memories from our wedding, knowing they would just make me more upset. I placed the photo album on the bed beside the box and reached in again shaking off my sadness and anger. I again, to my surprise grabbed another photo album. I stood up frowning and looked inside, smiling quick. It was a box specifically assigned to photo albums and books. I looked at the front of this one just as I heard giggles form Maggie out in the living room. The photo album I was holding was of just Maggie. We made a specific one for each kid and lucky her, with her boyfriend still here, I wasn't going to miss this opportunity to embarrass the hell out of her.
I walked down the hall with an extra spring in my step clearing my throat. Before I could push a word out, I heard a small…bark. I stopped fast, hoping it was just from the TV Josh said he'd hook up. But I heard it again, and then I heard little paws hitting the hardwood in the kitchen. I walked slowly out to the living room seeing Chris down on his knees patting his thighs. Quickly a small, Golden Retriever puppy barged toward him carrying a tied up piece of rope two sizes bigger than his small body. I stopped by the new couch, still with plastic on it and started to shake my head. "This is my house warming gift?" All four of them turned to me and Maggie leaped over to me, making the dog bark and chase after her.
"Poppa I want him! I want to keep him please poppa!" She started pulling em forward and I went down to my knees in front of Chris, instantly getting attacked. With a tongue. A puppy tongue with puppy breath. I held around him gently as he licked my face and the kids laughed. "See he likes you already poppa…can we keep him please?!" I could only laugh and scratch the dogs back as he ran away to investigate. I turned my gaze to Chris and narrowed my eyes at him.
"Well I could have gotten you a cat but I know you're allergic so my only option was a dog."
"A plant would have sufficed Christopher." I felt two arms wrap around my neck form behind and a small kiss was planted to my cheek.
"Don't worry…she's potty trained." I smiled turning and watched Rose walk…rather waddle into the kitchen, holding her now showing belly. It wasn't very big, but big enough to make her have to go up in clothes sizes. I sighed out turning back to Chris who was looking at me worried.
"You look tired dad." I smiled and slowly pushed myself up, feeling bones crack. I rubbed my knees before standing straight up and pointing to the couch. He sighed softly also standing up and walking to the couch with me. We both started to tare the plastic off, without saying another word. I knew he was blaming himself for Kendall and me divorcing, because he told me so. I knew he was tossing and turning at night because of it but there was no way I could change his mind about it. He was stubborn like Kendall and obnoxiously caring like me. There was no way of breaking him or changing his mind, which was sometimes a good thing or a very bad thing like now. "Maggie told me he's coming over tonight." I straightened up balling the plastic up in my arms and nodded slowly. He gently, but assertively pushed me down on the couch and took the plastic form me. He held it in his hand and I leaned back in the comfy plush seat of the couch. "You won't be terribly pissed if I wasn't here would you?" I shook my head quick and yawned rubbing my face. "Okay…then I'm going to help for a bit, while you sleep. You look worn out dad you need to rest." I gave him a salute and he sighed shaking his head, and walking away. As much as I didn't want to and knew I shouldn't, I let the comforts of the couch and the very attractive lull of the sand man, pull me down, resting my head on the arm and tuck my legs up into my chest and drift off into a dreamless sleep.
I woke up to a start, hearing an unfamiliar dog barking. When I head the reason for her barking, knocks, I jumped up and hurried to the front door, flattening my hair on the top of my head, and checked my watch. 7 at night. I groaned knowing it was Kendall with the kids, and picked up the puppy, pulling the door open. I looked down immediately not daring a glance at Kendall and smiled big seeing Sammy and Joey. "Is that our puppy?" Joey moved forward first, dropping his dad's hand from his and I bent down chuckling.
"It is…your brother got her for you guys." I let go of the dog that jumped up and started licking Joey's face. He laughed loudly and pushed his Spiderman backpack off his shoulders. I smiled turning to Sammy who was still holding her dad's hand, looking down. I heard her sniffle, and with her free hand, she rubbed her nose. I stood up quick, finally looking at Kendall. I would have loved to see him drop to his knee, ask me to be his again, and tell me he loved me. But he didn't. He just sighed softly and patted the top of Sammie's head.
"You okay sweetheart?" She nodded fast and let go of his hand, running past me into the house letting the dog and of course Joey, chase after her. I watched them until they disappeared in the living room, and turned back to Kendall. He shoved both hands in his pockets and breathe din deep. "She's not having a good time adjusting. To the going back and forth between the two of us. She couldn't sleep at all last night or the night before. She said she kept having nightmares and kept coming in my room, asking if she could lay with me. After about 20 minutes she would leave, running out and crying loudly. I don't know what…I don't know how to help her." In my mind, I wanted to scream at him and tell him, 'Don't be a prick and come back in my heart'. That would fix a lot. But I had to bite my tongue. I leaned against the door frame and softly shook my head.
"I wish I had the answer but I don't know either Kendall. It's something that she won't be able to understand until she's older." He nodded slowly and I saw his eyes dart into my house over my shoulder. "Do you want to come in…see the place?" He chuckled quietly and looked down rubbing the back of his neck.
"I don't think that would be a good idea Loges. I'm not here for you…" I laughed louder than he had and straightened up, putting my hand on my door knob.
"Please Kendall don't flatter yourself. I wasn't asking so I could beg to get you back. It was a nice gesture I was trying to make so maybe we could sit down with our little girl and talk like adults to help her, but I guess we won't. So I'll see you Friday at 5." I stepped back in the house, and slammed the door hard in his face. I jumped hearing the slam and closed my eyes. But closing my eyes, meant the tears I had been trying to keep in, fell freely.