Kendall's P.O.V.
"The last time I threw up like this…we were 27 and it was Carlos's birthday. We were fucking wrecked." I kept my head in the toilet bowl, holding my head up with my hands, and tense dup feeling a wet cloth on the back of my neck. I smiled small hearing and feeling Logan kneel behind me, rubbing my back, soothingly. Definitely not a very ex-husband kind of move. "Oh well there was when I first got sick. That was pretty bad." He chuckled softly behind me and I forced my eyes open pushing away from the toilet back into him. He gently guided me down and against the wall of his very clean and organized master bathroom. When my back and head touched the wall I watched him sit on his but next to me, facing me, pulling his legs up to his chest. "Please tell me…I didn't drive here drunk."
"James brought you over. I guess you put on quite a show." I furrowed my brows and he sighed out brushing off the knees of his sweat pants. "You were really drunk Kendall. You kissed him and he pushed you away and you started crying and tried to get his pants off. Then you passed out and he brought you here." I put my hands on my lap and nodded slowly seeing him watching me. "You want some water or seven up? I think I have some…or maybe ginger ale."
"I'm alright loges." He nodded and we went awkwardly quiet before the burning question on both our minds probably, came out of my mouth. "What the hell happened Logan?" His eyes went down to the floor, avoiding my angry ones. "How has everything gotten to this? What the hell happened to us Logan?" He pulled at the fabric of his pants shrugging his shoulders, kind of pissing me off. "You're not going to just get off that easy Logan Mitchell. You changed, completely when I was diagnosed. Why?"
"I didn't change Kendall I was just dealing with life. That's how I dealt with it. You have no room to talk. You screamed in our sons face because he wasn't doing what you wanted. If I'm not aloud to deal with things the way I want, you can't either."
"Oh and there it is!" I pointed a very accusingly finger at him making him frown, putting his legs down, crossing them. "Turning everything around on me so I look like the jackass! Everything I told Chris was to help him! I'm not just going to sit back and watch him throw his fucking life away! How can you just sit there and be okay with this?!"
"Because it's not my life or my decision Kendall! You can't be there all the time to tell him what's wrong and right! He has to make his own stupid ass mistakes!" I raised an eyebrow and pushed off the wall, letting my mouth hang open. He breathed out hard and pinched the bridge of his nose which could only mean he had a headache and he was either going to start crying or end up walking away. But I wasn't concerned with that.
"Wait…what did you just say?" He looked up at me quick scrunching his eyebrows together. "You think…this whole time you have thought what he's been doing is stupid and a mistake, haven't you?!" He turned his head to left, dead giveaway I was right and he had been lying. "You unbelievable prick! What the hell did you do that for?!" His eyes squeezed shut hard and I scooted closer to him, holding back my yells and punches because I was still a little woozy and dizzy. "You thought from the very beginning with him getting her pregnant was a god awful mistake and now, with them living together, on our money might I add, engaged planning a wedding, with again our money, this was a mistake. You've always wanted him to go to college, just like I always wanted him to play football. But you totally let me sail down shit creek, and for what?! Did you like getting a divorce? Do you like being alone!?" I made one slight move to touch his arm and he shoved me away.
"I've already gotten this speech from James and Carlos. I don't need it form you Kendall!" He turned to me tears glistening his perfect brown eyes. "What do you want me to say?" His voice was barely a whisper making my entire body go numb. He sounded so hurt. In so much pain. "I can't say sorry enough, so I stopped. I can't explain myself because no one will care and everyone will hate me. I…" He looked down wiping his eyes shaking his head. "I always had you to fall back on. You were my shoulder when I needed a cry, and my body guard when someone wanted to hurt me. I thought I was going to lose you so I pushed away our kids." I nodded, trying to make him get a long quicker, because I already knew this. "But then you got better and once again…you were the favorite. With our kids and the first chance I got, I tried to be like you and-"
"Wait a minute Logan." He looked up at me and I raised a leg resting my elbow on my knee and set my head in my hand closing my eyes. "What do you mean I'm the favorite? You think our kids have favorites?"
"Kendall who always wants to go toss the football around with you all the time? Who always goes to you when she wants money? And don't get me started on Samantha and Joey. Sammy begging for the superman piggy back rides, Joey asking his daddy to build him a fort all the time…It's just the truth Kendall and I was hit hard with it when Chris told us he was getting married. Yes Kendall…this whole time I've known how fucked up this is, and I have been so mad at him but I never wanted to tell him that, because you did it for us and I saw how upset he was at you and…" He trailed off swallowing hard and I put my forehead in my hand. "I would usually be worried that you'd leave me hearing this, but were divorced so it doesn't matter now I guess. Just know how sorry I am for what I let happen to you…to us." I looked back over at him and saw him lean back against the tub. He didn't look like he was going to cry anymore, which was probably because he had gotten all of this off his chest. He's probably been stressing and worrying about it since the beginning and I knew it was true, seeing the hair that was growing back on his head, slightly grey. It was actually pretty cute.
I don't know what had gotten into me, I might still be drunk but I flipped myself around, got right next to him and lifted his arm lying my head on his chest quick. He froze, especially when I wrapped both arms around his torso. I closed my eyes inhaling deep missing his scent just as bad as before. When I snuggled deep into him pulling him closer to me, he finally relaxed. One arm wrapped around my back resting on my arm where he gently rubbed up and down with his soft fingertips. His other hand went to my head where he rubbed over gently. What I wasn't expecting however was the soft kiss I felt to my forehead. It made me force my eyes open, and unfortunately shove away from his warmth and comfort. He put a hand over his mouth shaking his head, closing his eyes tight. "I am so sorry Kendall…I didn't…" I felt my cheeks burn from embarrassment just like the first time we kissed. It was okay then because I was going to ask him to be my boyfriend but now…we were a divorced couple, with 4 kids. It was different now extremely awkward. Just because he said sorry and I snuggled up on his body doesn't mean we can just go back to normal. We both still have issues we need resolved. Right?
I watched him look near tears, once again as he pushed himself up off the floor. He mumbled something about going to make sure Maggie and Chris hadn't killed each other, and hurried out only leaving a trail of a broken heart. I struggled to find the right words to say and find the right things to do. Divorcing him was a mistake. He was the love of my life. I should be with him forever and always like we had promised each other. And this wasn't just about us anymore. The kids were going through serious hell because of our disagreements on one of our children. That wasn't fair to them. This wasn't their fault, yet here we were, punishing them. Splitting their things apart, making them drive back and forth between the two of us. Their 8 and 7. They should be worried about their macaroni Owls, and chasing butterflies. If that wasn't the best pep talk I could give myself, I don't know what could be. I ran out of the bathroom, his clean and organized bedroom that looked a lot like our old one and hurried down this huge new house I had never been in. When I got halfway down the hall, I stopped quick seeing a bedroom door halfway open. I walked to it, smiling instantly. All 5 of them, Logan, Maggie, Chris, Sammy and Joey were on Joey's bed, snuggled together. Logan who had Sam and Hoe under his arms, was crying. I could faintly hear him say he was sorry over and over. Chris and Maggie who seemed pissed at him, were reassuring him they still loved him and weren't mad. He probably couldn't hear them over his own voice and the tears. I quietly stepped in the doorway leaning against it, seeing the sun slowly starting to come up. It was just the beginning of spring and if we had any lick the snow might melt away. Maybe if the snow melted away, so would all our problems. Maybe we could go outside and not be reminded of the hard times we had gone through. It was a slim chance but it might just be able to happen.
"Daddy…" Sammy pushed away from Logan, who closed his eyes hiding from me. Sammy sounded and looked tired as she trudged towards me. I dropped to my knees quick pushing the door open all the way and putting out my hands. She collided into my body and I held around her tight rubbing her back. "Are you here for good like Chris?" My eyes moved to Chris fast and saw him stand up, sigh and yawn walking over to me.
"Doesn't know how to keep any secret…" He got in front of us and we held each other's gaze. "Uhm…I know how much you hate hearing you were right but…I'm going to go to college. To play ball. I'm calling Notre Dame tomorrow to try to get myself on the team and registered before deadline. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you before."
"What about Rose and the baby?" He smiled small and fidgeted with his hands looking down.
"Notre Dame has a great criminal justice program Rose had been looking at. And just a short walk from the campus is a really nice daycare." I couldn't help the smile as he shuffled his feet and looked back to me. "We are also going to wait on the marriage thing, and were moving out of our apartment and going to pay you and dad back for everything. He's already said we can stay here until we graduate." I nodded slowly and softly pulled Sammy who was now passed out in my arms up and stood up, holding her on my hip. I know Chris isn't a very physical kind of guy, especially to me or Logan so I put out my hand. He looked down at it and then looked to me.
"DO you hate me?" He shoved my hand away hard and pushed into me, hugging me tight. I huffed out, but held around him closing my eyes. "I love you too Chris." I softly kissed his light brown short hair just as he pushed away and walked out of the room. I chuckled to myself and looked back in the room seeing both Maggie and Logan looking anywhere at me. "Where's Josh?" Maggie jumped up, stomping her foot and I walked in, right to Joey's little wooden chair at his desk. I sat down letting Sammy sleep still and looked up at Maggie.
"Chris kicked him out because you told him too. We weren't doing anything wrong daddy." I was grateful she was yelling because her sister and as I looked around her to see Joey curled up on Logan's lap, sleeping.
"Were you using protection?" Logan's face turned a nasty shade of green and she looked away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry I'm asking but I don't think I could handle another one of my children having their own children. So you can either tell us the truth or you can hear about safe sex from your old man. You're choice little girl." She bit her bottom lip and looked back at me stomping her foot again.
"We…haven't gotten to…that base yet to even need…protection." She put up a hand and shook her head fast. "But trust me! Rose has been telling em about being pregnant. I'm going to be using a condom daddy!" I rolled my eyes looking away but nodding. I saw a small smile on Logan's face and smiled back at him. He ran one of his hands through Joey's hair and gently placed him back on his bed, under his covers slipping off the bed. I looked back to Maggie who tucked hair behind her ear, looking between us. "Are you guys going to get back together because…" Both Logan and I looked to each other and she cleared her throat softly. "I may not know what it's like to be married for 25 years but from what you guys have shown us, and what you guys have taught me, whatever has gone wrong, isn't enough to throw away 25 years. I'm sorry if at any time me or Chris, or them…" She pointed ot her younger brother and sister before stopping on Logan. "Have ever made you guys fight. I know sometimes we can get crazy and we do or say stupid things but I don't want you guys to be divorced anymore." Logan walked to her quick cupping her face, and pulling it up to his to kiss her forehead. She wrapped around him giving a quick hug before pulling away and crashing into me. Her mouth was close to my ear and she whispered softly… "I missed you daddy". I closed my eyes fast and held around her back for just a second. She pushed away and as I opened my eye I saw her rushing out of her baby brothers room. I sighed softly standing up and looking down at Logan. He had his hand son his hips looking at the door and I cleared my own throat.
"Where's her room?" He smiled small nodding out of the room and walking out. I followed softly and quietly, as to not wake the sleeping princess in my arms until he walked in the room down the hall across from his. He walked in and quickly closed her blinds to block the sun out. I walked her to her pink and purple bed and laid her on her back, covering her up gently. I kissed her forehead before standing and turning to see him walking out of the room. I frowned and followed seeing him just go straight to his room. I Followed still and when he stopped suddenly and turned to me, I stopped as well. He was crying again. Bad. But not making any noise. "Loges?" He wiped his face, but continued to quiver his bottom lip. I stepped forward and he remained unmoved. "I…I love you. Take me back and make me better again. I need you…more than I ever wanted to admit. I'll do anything to have you back and to have our family back to normal. Please baby…tell me how to fight to make you mine again I-" I was cut off by two soft full pink lips pressing into my own lips. His hands went to the sides of my face, pulling em down to him, to deepen our kiss. I grabbed ahold of the sides of his torso and held him tightly afraid if I'd let go, he'd be gone again. The only time I was disappointed with our kiss was when he pulled away. He was out of breath and still crying slightly.
"I love you Kendall. Don't…don't leave em again please." I reached down quick picking him up under his legs and moved to the bed quick throwing him on and crawling on top quick. But this wasn't anything sexual. I just wanted to be in his arms and feel him clinging to me.
This was the start of our new normal.
GOD THAT LAST LINE UP THERE/\ IS SO CHEESY…BUT IT PULLS THE TITLE INTO THE STORY, SO I THINK IT'S AWESOME. ALSO WHEN I WROTE THE LAST LIKE SEVEN OR SO PARAGRAPHS TO THIS CHAPTER, I WAS LISTENIGN TO JUSTIN TIMBERLAKES SONG, MIRRORS OVER AND OVER. IT REALLY GAVE ME SOME INSPIRATION SO LOOK OUT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER.