Logan's P.O.V.
My hands weren't shaking because I was nervous. I wasn't afraid, and I wasn't worried. For once in about 6 months. There wasn't a small thought in the back of my head that would cause stress or doubt. My head was free of any negativity and my body and soul was free of any heartache and pain. Just like the fresh, cold spring rain that had started this morning was washing away all the bitter cold, and snow from a heavy, long winter, the beat, slow steady and soothing was also washing away the problems between myself and the body in front of me, holding me close. Even if in some sick twist of events I would want to break away from this dance, I couldn't. His hold on the small of my back, and the tight grip on my right hand was showing no sign of letting go. No complaints from me.
I had a weird feeling we were being watched closely. Everyone that was around us, was here because the loved us, and they had faith in us. That's why I wanted them here. TO know people, besides us and our kids believed us and wanted us to keep trucking along for the sake of love, made my eyes water. It hurt so much to know I could have lost all of this. In a blink of an eye my life was falling apart and I almost lost everyone I cared about. And now…in a faster blink of an eye I was dancing with the love of my life, to my favorite song, with our friends and family around us watching. It reminded me a lot like our wedding mostly because it was technically, by law, our wedding. Second one anyway.
It wasn't a hard decision to get back together. No one's arms were being twisted behind their backs, and neither of us hesitated to say 'I do' all over again. And for once both Kendall and myself were not thinking of anyone else but ourselves, and we were thinking about the love we had built and then destroyed and how we could rebuild. It wasn't going to be easy. I mean…maybe it will be. Maybe we will go to bed tonight, wake up tomorrow and start everything up again like nothing had happened. If it didn't happen like that, I could definitely understand. In fact I would welcome the challenge of waking up to find a little mess to clean up, or a small problem to fix. I would kiss the man of my dreams, thank the lord for the chance to live on this Earth again, and start my day. Everything that happened dafter this point in my 47th year on this planet, would be okay with me. I would understand why things happen and instead of trying to cover them up and act like the bad doesn't happen, I'll face it with Kendall's hand in mine, and our children surrounding us, hoping the pain will pass and the sun will rise again. Because fortunately for us, the sun does rise every morning. The world continues to spin and we carry on. Because we have to, unless we want to be alone, and unhappy. Blessings are usually in disguise and you can't ever pass them up. Patience is a virtue and I know now that I need to learn it, and live that way.
I found it easier and easier to fall asleep in his arms lately. I had always felt safe there, because he never let me go. He would never do anything to wake me unexpectedly or harm me in any way while I slept in his arms. That should a lot of trust for both of us and in this moment now, as I had my head on his shoulder and had my face pressed into the sweet, smooth skin of his neck, the trust was very evident. We were still dancing, but barely. He was doing most of the work, as he swayed us to that wonderful and beautiful beat. I wasn't sleeping because I don't think I could, standing up. But my eyes were closed and my breathing was slow and calm. Trusting him to guide me around the floor, making sure I didn't fall. I'm sure if I were to fall, he'd be there to pick me back up, or maybe even fall to the floor with me. I couldn't hear much moving around us, and figured because of how late it was, most people were getting ready to leave, or had already left. I honestly didn't care. I had him in my arms. That was all that mattered. I trusted him. Even when his hand holding up mine outside our bodies, let go of my hand, and slowly dragged his fingers down my arm and even moved to the back. They stopped on my shoulder blade and I opened my eyes seeing him tilting his head down, kissing above my ear. He nudged my arm, making me lift it up so I could set it on his shoulder. I did as he was silently asking me to, and his hand met the one already on the small of my back locking his fingers together. I couldn't help but feel a few fingers, graze over my butt, making my lift my head up and off his warm comforting body. I smiled big and quick and weaved my fingers through his short hair on the back of his neck. I parted my lips, making my smile bigger and he chuckled quietly, looking up and over my head. I heard footsteps approaching us, but decided to go back to my nestling into his neck, which he of course just let me.
"Joey is really tired but he won't go to sleep until you guys, or at least one of you guys tucks him in." I closed my eyes hearing Chris's soft voice and sighed out.
"We'll be in a minute. Can you make sure your Grandma is set up?" I opened my eyes hearing him walk away and lifted my head to again look at him. "You know…we've been dancing for almost an hour. You look exhausted…get up to bed." I shook my head slowly and glanced over his shoulder at the tables, all empty, with plates and trash surrounding them. I groaned mentally and he pulled me in softly kissing my forehead. "Don't worry about the mess. That's' why we have kids."
"I don't want them cleaning up by themselves. That's not fair." He shrugged and glanced over his shoulder at our now very empty and quiet backyard. Having the ceremony at our house was a no brainer. But now I was regretting it immensely. "We should have hired a cleanup crew…" He laughed and gently pushed away from me, and spun me out form his body. I smiled looking down at our feet and let him spin me. I stayed out away from him seeing him watching me. Our left hands were locked at the fingers and I softly pulled his hand away from mine. "Do you remember our honeymoon?" I slowly walked over to a table and sighed picking up a messy empty plate. He got right beside me, smiling small and bending down blowing out the candles.
"Vaguely…I had a lot of alcohol that trip." I laughed loudly and walked around the circular table picking up random trash and dirty plates.
"That's my point. We didn't have sex on our wedding night." We were at opposite sides of the table and he looked up, eyes locked on mine. "Is this one going to be different or…" I gently tugged at my bottom lip with my teeth and narrowed my eyes at him. I don't know why, but giving him that look, I've learned makes him crazy, and automatically horny. The trash he was holding dropped from his hand and he stood up straight looking at me with lust filled eyes and an open mouth, drool practically spewing out both corners of his mouth. I smiled hearing a few pairs of footsteps and turned to see Chris, and Josh walking out, their ties off around their necks and sleeves pushed up on their arms. "Hey guys…you don't mind cleaning up do you? We need to say goodnight to Joey and Sam…" Both of them shook their heads and I hugged both, giving Chris a small kiss to his cheek, walking away, leaving them behind saying goodnight to Kendall. I walked into the house seeing the house fairly clean with a few gifts on the living room table. I ignored them walking to the hall and going down it undoing my tie. I stopped in front of Joey's open door walking in quietly. He was already curled up in a ball under his blankets with his thumb in his mouth. I knew I was going to start breaking that habit of his, but not right now. I walked to the side of his bed and kneeled over it brushing hair rout of his face. I kissed his head softly and tucked the covers under the sides of his body. "Hey Joe…" He groaned quietly and I smiled resting one knee on his bed holding myself up outside his head. He opened his eyes and turned up to me, clearly exhausted.
"Poppa…I'm tired. I love you." I nodded and kissed his head again pushing off the bed.
"I love you too baby. Sleep tight hon…" I backed out of his room being as quiet as I could, hearing him already snoring. I shut his door half way and turned yawning myself. I stopped dead in my tracks seeing Kendall walking out of Sammy's room, next to Joey's. He turned to me and smiled.
"She's tucked in. She still had her pretty little pink flowers in her hair so I left them in." I nodded and he walked to me slowly, putting his hand son my hips and kissing me gingerly. "So Mr. I like to tease my poor helpless husband just because I can…were you all talk out there?" I wrapped my arms around his neck fast and kissed onto his mouth with passion and fire. He moved his body into mine and pushed me back until my back hit the wall just by our bedroom door. I reached out blindly for the handle of our door keeping the kiss going, by parting my lips and allowing him access. Just as his tongue dance over my teeth I got the door open and pushed it hard. I pulled him along with me, me stepping backwards holding onto him for dear life. I heard the door shut softly and broke away from his mouth, just so he could suck on my pressure point on my neck. I ran my hands up through his hair and tugged gently.
"You need to lock the door…" He moved away from me quick and I started to disrobe myself watching. When he turned back to me he was also taking off his shirt and kicking off his shoes. "You're mom told me Katie and her husband are thinking about another kid." He nodded and walked into me biting along my neck while I pushed the shirt off my body. "Your mother also told me when she gets back home she's sending a bunch of your old baby clothes for Chris and Rose." He nodded again ripping the shirt off his body, exposing tan, muscular flesh for my viewing pleasure. I swallowed hard reaching out and running my fingers over his chest, paying specific attention to his nipples. He groaned loudly and pushed me hard so I fell back on our soft huge bed. He wasn't in a chatty mood which was understandable. He was in a 'I need to fuck you now' mood and that was also understandable. I loved when he got in these moods because I really didn't have to do any work. He tore my shoes and socks off and aggressively tugged on my belt around my waist. "Hey…" I put my hand son the outsides of his face and turned it up to me. He unzipped my pants while staring at me and I sighed softly. "I love you." He nodded chuckling, leaning down and kissing around my belly button while pulling down my pants.
"Yeah…I got that from tonight." I lightly smacked the back of his head and lifted my butt just a little to let him pull my pants off. He kept my boxers on which frustrated me, but I held it in. When he stood up taking off his own pants I pushed myself up on my butt leaned out kissing the delicious v line on his right side. Just as I started moving my lips to the line of his pants he was struggling with I heard music. Like, kind of loud music. I pushed away from him looking up at him and saw him frown zipping his pants back up. "Chris and Josh…I'll tell them to keep it down. Stay here and don't you dare do anything without me." He kissed me hard on the mouth before turning and grabbing his white button up shirt pulling it on, but leaving it unbuttoned. I groaned watching him walk out and leave the door open. I glanced round our fairly dark room and got off the bed walking over to the nightstand on Kendall's side of the bed. I reached out for the lamp feeling around a bit for the little switch to turn on the lamp and sat down huffing out. I finally grazed past it and turned it sighing out and standing back up. Just as I was going to turn I noticed a good sized stack of papers on his nightstand and frowned sitting back down. I didn't like going through his things but when I saw the papers were in fact music sheets my curiosity peaked. I picked them up gently and put them in front of my face looking at the top. Of course there was no title, just three question marks. I scanned down the sheet slowly reading messy handwriting that could only belong to a frustrated and confused husband of mine. If he ever got writers block, his penmanship would fail and you'd be lucky if he could read what he wrote himself. However I did catch a few words that really tugged at my heart strings.
"I can't ever change without you. You reflect me: I love that about you…" I gripped onto the paper harder and felt my tear ducts working up again to make me cry for the 500th time tonight. I honestly don't think I could read anymore, even if it was legible. But again, more words caught my eyes. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery." He was clearly writing about the struggles we faced but it wasn't in a mean and hurtful way. He was doing it in a way that neither fo us were taking the blame. He had married me again but there was a part of my mind that still thought I had messed up so bad nothing could be right again. Seeing these words, knowing he's been going crazy over finding the right words to say, made me believe everything could go back to normal.
"Okay…I gave them a firm warning to keep it down and…" I looked up seeing him stopped in the middle of the floor staring at me. "Oops…I forgot to put that away… uhm…it's not even close to done, and it's stupid anyway so whatever you read it's not even…good so…" he moved in front of me and took the papers form me softly opening the drawer of his nightstand shoving them in. He looked down at me just as I felt a tear hit my bare chest. "What's wrong? Was it that bad I made you cry with disgust?" I shook my head softly and he kneeled down in front of me putting his hands on my knees. "Babe…" I set my hands on his face and pulled him in kissing his forehead softly.
"Thank you." His hands move up to my hips and squeezed while he laughed.
"I didn't do anything Loges." I pushed his face away and nodded rubbing under his tired green eyes. I smiled and wiped my face with my shoulder.
"Yeah you did…you took me back. You gave me a second chance." He gave a small, very tiny crooked smile.
"Well you gave me a second chance I thought it was only fair I gave you one too." I nodded scooted closer to his body on the floor. My legs rested outside his body gently and I squeezed my thighs around his ribs. "You know…it took a while for me to realize this but no matter how frustrating you are sometimes and how many times we fight over stupid shit you are always going to be the one I'd continue to do it with. I had no idea that with you gone, out of my life, how alone I would be until it happened. That was scary for me Logan. You are the love of my life. I can't do the rest of this life alone and if you show me how I will fight to make everything right I will do it every day till the very end. Just show me how." Another tear escaped as I pushed into him kissing him softly, slowly and lovingly. His body lifted and he pushed me back onto the bed lying over me, one of his legs between mine. He grabbed both my hands and locked them over my head trailing his soft kisses down my jaw and to my ear.
"I trust you, and I believe in us. There is no more fighting that has to be done to make it right. Just don't let me be afraid again." He pushed over me so his face was inches away from mine and smiled.
"Of course my love. Never again."
THE END
SO THE LYRICS KENDALL WROTE ARE FROM MIRRORS BY JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. I COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK THOSE FIT LIKE SO PERFECTLY FOR THE SITUATION AND I JUST LOVE THE IDEA OF THE SONG AND IT REALLY HELPED ME WITH THIS ONE SO…THANKS JUSTIN!
SO THAT'S IT FOR THIS KOGAN. I JUST STARTED A KAMES BTU IF THERE ARE ANY IDEAS FOR A NEW KOGAN AS ALWAYS PM ME!
AND I WILL BE IN THE MIDDLE OF LIKE 3 OR 4 STORIES SO I AM SO SORRY IF I DON'T UPDATE THAT MUCH. I WILL TRY JUST PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.