Under the Influence
A/N: A lot of rehashing delayed this chapter. It gets better, next chapter. I promise.
Hakone has been a fun trip so far. We've walked around the town. I've respectfully kept my distance from Sasuke and I think Sasuke has understood my intentions of wanting respectable distance. It doesn't help that the mark my beloved has put on me is covered by a band-aid on my neck. I don't think he's noticed it. He doesn't strike me as the type to stay quiet about something like this. But I can't say I'm not glad for the respite. I like that he's taking his steps towards restoring our friendship and I've taken every opportunity at my disposal to help him in bridging it. But that doesn't mean my eyes immediately avert from his, each time they meet. I wish he wouldn't look in my direction so often.
We are walking back to our inn after dinner. Sui makes me laugh when he recalls some story from their high school days. They all went to the same high school, that much Sui has pointed out only more than twenty times. I roll my eyes when he repeats it again. Some shenanigan gone wrong but they managed to get out of trouble. Since a lot of their high school stories have involved similar plot, I tune him out.
I sigh as I recall how I wished my Itachi-sama wouldn't have looked so disappointed at the sight of the band-aid I'd put on my neck. He was embarrassed now but I knew the possessiveness glinting in those dark orbs. I sigh again. I miss him already. I'd dropped him a text earlier and he hadn't said anything more than "Enjoy your trip," in his reply.
Suigetsu puts his arm around my neck and grins menacingly. I think he has the makings of being a member of the Akatsuki. That smile is eerily scary. "What's that band-aid on your neck Naruto?" He ruffles my hair and widens that smile. "Got yourself a cute girlfriend or something?" he teases as Juugo eyes him and then shakes his head to stand beside Sasuke.
My hand immediately goes to cover the mark but Sasuke's eyes slide to it. I curse the silver-haired busybody in my head. "Nah. I got bitten by an insect," I look down and blush, keeping my eyes fixatedly away from Sasuke's. Bitter awkwardness has creeped in between us now, that blooming friendship shattering in an instant at the hurt I see in those eyes. Regret seeps in. His feelings still stand like a mountain between us.
He pointedly looks away and begins walking faster. "I'm hitting the bath first," he says and walks away.
"Of course!" Sui remarks sarcastically. He finally lets me go. "Isn't that awfully possessive?" Sui nudges me again when we make our way to our onsen inn.
"Something like that," I shrug, passing it off as coolly as I can. I fake a sad look. "It is what it is."
He pats me slightly, chuckling. We make our way to the inn and even though I've been surprised by its oriental beauty and aesthetics, I'm still taken aback by it.
Atami comes into my head immediately. Though this inn is old and famous, it doesn't hold a candle to the inn we were in. And he got us the best room too! I suddenly find myself wondering if he's ever been this thoughtful or excited for someone else. I don't like the taste of it in my mouth as irrational jealousy flits through me again. It leeches me of the happiness I feel when I think of him. I didn't think I was so narrow-minded till him.
Sasuke and Juugo are nowhere to be seen and we just assume that they've already hit the baths. I quickly pull out my necessities and move towards the bath. We strip and store our clothes in the lockers provided before we head to the baths. Sasuke and Juugo are seated on the far end. When Sui spots them, he immediately moves in their direction. I follow and sit furthest away from Sasuke. I bathe quickly before moving to the closest bath. Warm water seeps in, warming my body. I close my eyes and relish in it till someone comes and sits beside me. I tense before I open my eyes, expecting Sasuke. But it's just an old man who's taken his perch next to me. We smile at each other and make small talk. The trio joins our bath and breaks the conversation. I immediately throw the towel I was holding across my lap. The old man eyes me for a moment before he moves away. I wonder if I broke a social taboo.
We try all the baths and even the sauna. My hair is fuzzy from the heat. Sui ruffles it when I'm putting on my yukata and I glare at him till he laughs and ruffles my hair again. I don't like these liberties he takes. I swat his hand away. "Enough man! Leave my hair alone!" I warn him, forcing my tone to stay light.
"But it looks like cotton candy!" he says touching my hair again. I know he's not trying to come on to me or anything. He is as straight as they come. But I just don't like anyone touching my hair than Itachi or Kiyoshi.
I move away and tie that wretched yukata knot, wishing I'd learnt it from Itachi when he'd tied it in Atami. I miss him to the point of going crazy. "Busy?" I quickly drop him a text before picking up my clothes. Juugo and Sasuke wait for us at the door to the baths. Sasuke eyes my knot and laughs. "That's not how you tie a yukata, Naruto!" he exclaims, moving forward to correct it for me. His laugh, his tone, his body language, everything is innocent but I move aside before he can touch it.
"I think it's more comfortable this way," I say, my hand going to my neck to hide my obvious brusque behavior.
Sasuke looks taken aback for a second before he shrugs and moves towards the room, Juugo at his heels. Sui nudges me. "Trouble in paradise?" Sui asks.
"What do you mean?" I look at him blankly.
Sui chuckles as if amused by something. "It's Sasuke, isn't it? The insect that bit you?" he laughs before hastening his steps and moving away.
What the actual fuck?
Suigetsu pours us all another drink in our room. We'd started with light beer and along the way came a drinking game which turned to two and now we're on the really hard stuff. I know mixing drinks is going to make me pay a hefty price tomorrow but my competitive streak makes me make reckless decisions. I'm glad they still haven't resorted to playing childish games where X and Y are supposed to kiss. I push some of the shochu in my glass, down my throat and look up to see Sasuke's eyes on the plaster on my neck before meeting mine and frowning slightly. I feel relief when his attention is stolen by Juugo who says something to Sui. We've already had too much to drink and I don't want to do something I'll regret or worse, won't even remember.
"I think I've had enough," Juugo says, moving to stand, only to be pushed down by Sui who begins refilling our glasses again.
"Then let's make this the last one," I say making a compromise. I smile when he smiles at me.
But Suigetsu won't have any of it. He leans in closer to me and puts an arm around me. "We're on a trip dude! Let's drink till we drop!" he says, pleadingly.
Sasuke joins in. "Sui's right. We should drink guys!" he says.
Juugo looks at me when I smile bleakly but don't say anything. He looks again at Sasuke and then he shrugs. "Okay! I'm in!" he says, laughing when Sui holds up both his arms and cheers. Out of the four of us, he's the loudest and the most boisterous.
Sasuke sits opposite me. I look up to see his eyes on me again. It unnerves me a little. I want to shake it off so I hold my glass and take a sip. I turn my attention to Sui who's singing a song I don't know and I nod along once I get the beat. Sui laughs as he stands up and does a little wiggle. His sharp voice grows louder when Juugo starts clapping. I join in after a beat and then so does Sasuke. Sui forgets a line and he turns to us to sing it. I turn to regard the two seated in front of me. Juugo finishes his drink and then he stands up to continue the song for Sui. He moves to stand next to Sui as they both use a beer bottle as mic and continue singing, their arms around each other. I pull out my phone to record them, loving every bit of it.
Sasuke moves to sit next to me. I give him my happy smile which he returns. I put my arm around him without thinking. "Let's sing a song next," I suggest pleasantly.
Sasuke looks at me for a moment but he doesn't turn his head to my hand around him. I can see what I've done foolishly. Suddenly I want nothing more than to retract my hand but refrain from doing so. Sasuke is my friend! He's one of the people I cherish a lot. I don't like this wall of unease that has built between us. As it is, the truth of my relationship with his brother stands like a wall between us. I don't want this distance to increase. Call me selfish but I want both, no three of them. I love them.
Juugo says something bringing me back. "Hurry up and choose a song," he tells us.
I turn to Sasuke and we both choose a song he recommended me. We both know the lyrics to the song. It helps that the song has a fast melody. Sasuke starts the song and I pause to gasp in air. His voice is beautiful when he sings. He sings the first line and I join in, suddenly feeling terribly nervous. It's not like I haven't belted out a few tunes at the karaoke bars but my voice is no match for his. Hesitantly I begin, lowering my eyes to not see their eyes on me. Suddenly Sui jumps and does a dance move and I laugh in the middle of a line when everyone starts jumping and mimicking his moves.
Sasuke doesn't continue singing. He's laughing too hard as he catches up with Sui's moves and shakes his hips awkwardly. I copy the moves as well. We all start singing together now, thumping along to the beat which Juugo has played on his phone.
Sasuke smiles at me but it's light and friendly. "I'm glad you're here Naruto," he says, making me smile back.
"Me too," I say, meaning the words for the first time today.
I step out for a smoke, smiling pleasantly at the silly state of things. Alcohol thrums in my blood at the same pace as the beat that plays. I pull out my phone to do a quick call with Itachi. He hasn't replied and I keep wishing he was here with me tonight. Maybe if Sasuke was to be okay with it, then maybe that day could come true. I'm about to press the call button when the sliding doors open and I lock my phone.
"Having fun, Naruto-kun?" Juugo asks when he comes over to stand next to me. His voice is deep and carries a hint of maturity about it. I've always liked Juugo. There's something oddly perceptive about him. Maybe I'm biased over the fact that he's never asked me stereotypical questions like the rest have.
I nod, smiling at him. "Please drop the 'kun' already?" I grin at him.
Juugo smiles politely before pulling out his own pack. He fumbles for his lighter and I immediately offer mine. He takes it and lights his cigarette. The balmy summer wind pricks my skin for some reason. "Alright, now that we've established that, is it okay if I talk to you frankly?" his odd need for reassurance throws trepidation down my spine. I exhale harshly.
"Of course!" I paste on my best foreigner smile.
"What is Sasuke to you?" his voice is the same, polite and mature. My euphoric bubble stays intact around me.
I smile pleasantly at him. "He's one of my best friends. In fact, he's like a brother to me," I tell him.
"Then why did you choose such a shitty way of refusing him?" he asks, his voice the same blanket of neutrality. It gives nothing away. But his eyes move to my neck and glare at it.
"That was not the intention." I say solemnly. Some of the sobriety returns at Juugo's tone, bursting my happiness.
"Then what is it?" Juugo asks.
"To turn down Sasuke? I love someone else! Look, I was supposed to tell him about it, okay? And while I didn't want him to know like this, this is what it's come to." I inhale some more smoke as bitter guilt assaults me.
Juugo considers this for a second. "Even if that involves stepping over said brother to get to his elder brother?" he asks me instead.
My eyes crash with his neutral ones. He's guarding his thoughts very carefully. "What the fuck are you saying?"
Juugo looks down at his cigarette and flicks the ash. "I happened to see you two at the station last night, kissing."
Coldness crashes into my chest, turning my blood to ice, making my bones feel like they're made of lead. I trip over a foot and he rights me immediately. "You've always given me the impression of being a sensible man so I really don't know what pleasure you're deriving by trying to cause a rift between them."
How the fuck can he draw that conclusion?
I stub out my cigarette and glare at him. "That's not what I want at all." Pain strikes my chest, making me clutch it.
"Why else would you choose to seduce his brother?" he stubs out his own cigarette and stands to his full height. He's almost as tall as me.
"You think I wanted to? You think we didn't fight it?" But this did not describe my feelings for Itachi, our feelings for each other. The fact that we only succumbed to our greed when we realized it was inevitable.
"I've known Sasuke since we were in high school. And by extension I've known Itachi-san too. One day, after school I went over to his place to play some video game. Sasuke broke a glass by mistake and Itachi-san was beside him in an instant. Sasuke nicked his finger and Itachi-san immediately moved to treat the small cut."
"What is your point?" I inquire as politely as I can.
Juugo runs a hand through his hair before looking at me sternly. "My point is that, Sasuke will always be Itachi's first priority. He may have caught the same flu as you, but when it comes to choosing, he'll choose his brother." He pats my shoulder comfortingly before briefly eyeing my neck. "I won't ask you to break up with Itachi-san since it's none of my business, but since you're here for some more time, I'd rather you never let Sasuke find out. Because if he does, you know what you'll be losing."
Our impulsive actions are beginning to cause ripples in the calm ocean of my life with Itachi-sama. Juugo saw us. Juugo saw him. And yet he didn't tell Sasuke. Instead, he chose to talk to me about it. But it does nothing to calm this nervousness in my chest. My sweaty hands fight for purchase on the iron railing as I kneel on the floor. Do I tell him about it? About Juugo seeing us? But what if he panics and wants to break up? How the fuck will I survive? My physical time with him as it is limited. And now even the thought of this premature end of us, bleeds in my skin.
How can I be expected to cut out someone who's etched into every cell of me. Thoughts of having to break up with Itachi fuck with my brain. I'm not ready. Greed and righteousness mess with my mind. I can't do it. I can't walk into his space and walk away forever.
If only our business wasn't linked to Sasuke by default.
The alcohol messes with my state of my brain.
The barely make it to the toilet before I throw up. Tears leak out from my eyes as I wipe my mouth quickly and lean against the stall wall. My mind is blank and I feel bone-tired. But I don't have it in me to go face these people. When I go back, I'll have to tell Itachi everything. I know I can't keep this to me. Maybe till our parting kiss at the station, I could've confidently assumed he'd choose me. But after he just turned and walked away so easily without looking back a time too many now, makes me forcibly believe Juugo's words.
Itachi thinks I feel guilty for choosing him. Juugo thinks I have a personal vendetta against Sasuke. All these charges thrown against me cut to the bone. I feel guilty because I know, for better or for worse, it will shake up the roots of their brotherhood more than anything.
And I already know which side the scales will tip towards.
What have I done?
I sit in the bathroom stall for a long time. Finally when I know I can't hide anymore, I make my way back. The impromptu dance session has come to an end. Everyone is seated around the low table and Sui is talking about something from this seminar he takes. Sasuke immediately looks at me when I return. "Are you okay?" he asks, shifting a little to create some space beside him.
My eyes turn to Juugo's who is currently fixated on Sui, listening to him. I know he's pointedly avoiding me. But I don't care. I take the seat Sasuke offers. Sui kindly puts a bottle of water in front of me. "Sasuke boasted of what a strong drinker you were, so I had my hopes exceptionally high, but I guess even the mighty Uzumaki Naruto has his limits," he teases.
"The gods too have bad days, you know," I say to him, keeping my mind away from everything else. Everyone laughs.
"Well, that can be amended," Sui says, unwittingly sloshing some whisky in a glass. "Here, drink up!" he presents me the glass. Before I can decline, Sasuke immediately puts a hand on Sui's to ward him away.
"I think he's had enough," he says, making Sui eye him for a moment.
"Nah! What's the harm?" his challenging eyes and menacing smile turn towards me. "Drink up, if you dare," he says.
"That's enough," Sasuke's voice sounds final.
Sui looks at me and pouts. "But the night is still young!" he protests.
That's it.
Temptation to escape the plethora of emotions clogging my chest, rises. I take the glass from him and gulp it down in one go. "Keep it coming," I say.
Sui thumps my back. "Yeah! That's the way to go!"
Sasuke looks at me with narrowed eyes. "You threw up and now you want to drink again?" his tone immediately puts me on edge. Both Sui and Juugo have to know what he feels.
"We're on a trip, wasn't it you who said that?" I look at him like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
Sasuke's jaw ticks threateningly and he presses his own drink into my hand. His eyes are like twin culminations of coal. "Do what you want."
I eye his drink and gulp it down. Sui thumps my back again. "Pace yourself Naruto because from here on, we're only getting started."
I pick up the bottle and pour us all a drink. Sasuke picks up his glass as a means of truce. "To Hakone," I say my voice bitter with sarcasm. It gets lost in the cheer from the other three members.
I swallow the bitterness down in a single gulp.
Our party goes on till past one o'clock in the morning. Juugo was the first to stand up and call it a night. Sui left a while ago to use the toilet and hasn't come back. We all have so much alcohol in our systems, we can hardly stand straight. I shake my head to clear it as one Sasuke turns into two.
"I think I should call it a night too," I say, making a valiant attempt at trying to stand straight. My feet totter a bit but I hold my balance. I know I need to talk to him about his feelings but right now is not the right time. I'm not sober enough to keep myself from blurting the truth. The whole truth.
Sasuke tugs at the bottom of my yukata to pull me back to sit down. "Stay Naruto," he is so drunk his words are slurring.
I'm no better when I open my mouth. "I'm sleepy," my words are stretched and mumbled as my brain refuses to cooperate with my tongue.
"Ten minutes," Sasuke says. Holding up two fingers, making me laugh as I sit down.
He gets to sloshing some alcohol in our glasses but I put my hand up. "No more. We've had enough." I tell him, taking the bottle of alcohol from him and putting it on the table. Some of the alcohol spills on the table.
Sasuke huffs like a petulant child as he looks at me or tries to. His eyes are half closed; half crossed when he squints at me. "But we didn't make a toast," he argues.
"We did! With everyone, remember?" I ask and then he nods.
He comes closer even as I try to draw away from him a little. His hand encircles my shoulders. The next words out of his mouth are spoken right next to my ear. "But you didn't do a toast with me," he says.
"Okay, let's do one," I say, wanting to get this over with and to go to bed. Clearly being inebriated is making me stupid. I lift the bottle and pour me some alcohol. I bring the two glasses towards us. He takes his glass with unsteady hands.
"Let's do a love shot," Sasuke suggests drunkenly.
I can feel my head turning towards him in slow motion.
A mischievous grin extremely similar to Itachi's fills up his lips. I lose all sense of reason when I see that smile. Atami returns to my head. To a moment where I sat next to my beloved and enjoyed that impish him till I'd leaned forward and claimed that smile for my own.
My eyes look up to find Itachi's almond-shaped eyes but Sasuke's face with his half-lowered lashes looks back at me expectantly and reality hits like a brick of ice.
I clear my throat and move away. "I don't think that's a good idea," I tell him. Sasuke quietly links his arm with mine, grabbing tighter when I try to unlink our arms.
Sasuke leans in again, his breath reeking of alcohol. "C'mon Naruto! Just one shot!" Sasuke pleads.
I sigh as he links his arm tighter around mine. We clink our glasses together and pour the Suntory whisky down our throats in one go. It would have burned like a bloody bitch but alcohol tastes sweet now.
"Alright, let's go," I tell him. Drunk me takes that as a symbol to stand up and walk away but Sasuke's arm is still entangled in mine.
Sasuke's head rests on my shoulder now as he takes a deep breath. "Can we talk?" he asks suddenly.
The tensing of my shoulders must be a dead giveaway. My head is too full of alcohol to function properly. I breathe through my nose but don't say anything. I nod instead.
"You know I like you," he says, his voice awfully sober for someone who's drunk.
I stare down at my glass and nod. It's time for what I came to do.
"Is he the one who gave you this?" he nods towards my neck.
I cover the band-aid instantly. I wish he'd not brought it up.
"I know you like someone else," he whispers softly as he moves away. His voice is so soft, so sad that tears prick my eyes.
"Yes," I say, dread pooling in my stomach. Why do we keep circling back to things I'm not ready for yet?
"Why do you like him?" he asks, his voice low.
I'm thankful for the dim lights that hide my flaming face. "It just had to be. It was a force of nature," my fingers skim the mark on my neck, over the band-aid.
Sasuke refills his glass now and drinks it in one go before I can stop him. "Okay. And why not me?"
"Because you've always been a brother. You know I'm an only child. The moment I met you felt like finding a long-lost twin. That's why it could never be you."
"Who is it?" his voice is quiet and cold now.
I stare at his face and don't say a single word. "That's none of your business," I say finally.
"Why?" he asks fuming at me. He inches closer towards me. "Because it is someone I know?" My insides tighten all air freezes in my lungs. "You think I'm blind?" Sasuke face stops till he's an inch away. Tears run down his cheeks as he finally crumbles. "Why him Naruto?" he asks in a soft whisper. I'm too numb, too dumb to react. Panic that was always foreign to me takes over my chest. It makes my blood roar in my ears and expands in my chest like helium. He knows. He fucking knows. I force a breath through my mouth, closing my eyes to fight the waves that threaten to take me under. It feels like my ultimate moment of judgment. The verdict to a decision that has the power to exalt me to high heavens or rip me apart and kill me.
How the dices have rolled! Initially, I'd planned to evade this as much as possible and now I can't hide anything from him. Now he's entitled to these answers. I abhor this sudden twist of fate, of power. I'd come here to hammer that final nail shut but now I am being thrust into that very coffin. I know I've used up my entire share of luck just by having Itachi.
"When did it happen?" I hate this question even more.
"Dunno. But we've been together since White Day."
Sasuke fights the urge to slap me. "Was it because it was too convenient?"
Nothing about my romance with my Itachi-sama is convenient. In fact, I feel like I have to scale new mountains to cross a milestone. It's not convenient at all! "What the fuck do you mean?" I ask, frowning at him.
Sasuke looks about ready to explode. "Just because he's your dorm neighbor and a friend from your home university…" disgust fills every corner of his face when he trails off.
Neighbor? Oh. Oh…
Relief flows through me. I can play with his ignorance. I am willing to use Kiba as a shield if it means getting him off Itachi's back. I run a hand through the back of my neck. "Uh…it just came to be," I stick to half-truths.
I stand up, finally. I'm very, very glad that despite my state of drunkenness, I haven't managed to do anything rash.
Sasuke has other plans as he pushes his hands into his lap and picks a nail. He's swaying but he doesn't want to go. "C'mon Sasuke," I say in English as I put out my hand for him to take.
"It really can't be me?" Sasuke asks as my frow burrows as my body turns cold.
"No," I say. "You mean a lot to me Sasuke and though I don't return your feelings, I want to do everything I can for you, just not in a romantic capacity." I swallow once before I look at him.
"Do I still come before him?" he asks me.
Little does he know my partner would be the first to prioritize him always. I smile a small smile and nod.
"Then that's good," he murmurs slowly and then looks at me. "I've got say, he is either insecure or extremely gutsy to mark you like that," he turns to me, "does he even know you're here surrounded by a bunch of dudes?" he asks me incredulously.
I smirk. "Yup, he does." I absently scratch the side of my neck, close to the band-aid. "And this," I chuckle, pointing to my neck, "is neither a result of insecurity or guts." I let out a small laugh. "Let's just say I'm being loved."
Sasuke makes a face. "Shush Naruto. I'm not ready, okay?"
I clink my glass to his. "You made me say it."
Sasuke huffs and pours another drink. He steers the conversation away and I breathe in a sigh of relief. While it is true that we both must head to bed, this comradery between us begs me to stay. We don't drink much after that, choosing instead to laugh and joke like we always did.
"Do you think Itachi's seeing someone?" Sasuke's sudden question makes my heart still in my chest. Even though my head was full of thoughts of him and nothing else, hearing his name out loud has my heart going into overdrive as it starts pumping insanely loudly. I'm afraid Sasuke will be able to hear it.
I decide to pour myself a drink to calm down and drown out my noisy heart. "I don't know." I say, licking my suddenly very dry lips. Is this a test? Otherwise, why would he ask me? Why does he keep bringing Itachi in a conversation like this? "What makes you think so?" I ask. That last conversation where Sasuke called him weird comes to the forefront of my mind. My hand shakes badly as it reaches my mouth with the alcohol. I down it, swallowing the bitterness. My head is throbbing and amidst it all, I'm sober now as fuck.
"Just things." He turns to look at me and smiles as if amused by something. "Can I tell you something without you judging me?" he asks.
"Yeah, sure," I say, my heart kicking at full power now.
I fill up my glass and am about to take a sip when he looks at me, laughs and says, "One time I thought there was something between you and my brother." He laughs, patting me lightly on the arm. "You and my brother! I thought I'd gone mad," he laughs.
If only my heart wasn't already thudding like a runner's in a marathon! Even if I'd gone insane, I knew there was no way I'd have seriously laughed along and played it lightly. Unfortunately, clear-headedness has also lit the fire of curiosity again. "Why is that thought so crazy?" I ask before I can help it. I take another shot of whisky. The bottle is nearly empty now.
Sasuke rolls his eyes as he takes the bottle from me. "Because he's straight Naruto. He's always dated women," he emphasizes.
I take another gulp of my drink to calm down. "Then what made you think there is something between us?" had Sasuke not been drunk out of his mind, he would have noticed the tension. I bite my lip at my fuck-up.
"Remember the day he sent me to the storeroom? You two were acting weird. Had I not known you two, I'd have thought you were flirting with each other," he laughs.
There's a part of me that's slowly dying with everything he says. Him mocking the mere possibility of something happening between us breaks my heart. Maybe this is Sasuke's way of telling me he'll never agree to this. Defeat bitters the taste on my tongue. "Let's go," I tell him, standing up finally. I've had enough of a see-saw ride. Sasuke has made his feelings evident on the matter. But my heart that loves Itachi with the entirety of it, protests. How the fuck can I just let this go? I'd have to be the biggest fool on earth if I did.
Sasuke stands quietly, complying for once since we started having this wretched conversation. I don't want to stay here anymore. I feel like if I have to spend another minute with him, I'd die from how miserable I'd feel. Juugo words feel like a snake has coiled around my chest and it's only squeezing harder and harder. I know where I want to be, with who I want to be. I want to put my head on his lap and just let everything go. Lose myself in him like I always do. I want to see him so bad; it feels like a physical ache in my chest.
Sasuke goes to use the toilet and after ensuring Sui made it to the bed, I hurriedly grab my phone, wanting more than anything to see a notification from him. Sure enough he's sent me a couple of messages. There's a video he's sent me where Kiyoshi is demanding to see me. His face, so much like his father's, melts my heart. There's a message underneath that says, "You're being missed" and my heart bursts with the intensity of the emotions it feels. How in the fucking world am I supposed to part from this happiness?
I'm still staring transfixed at the message he sent me. I know the underlying message. The two most contradictory emotions are warring in my chest. "I thought I heard Kiyoshi's voice," Sasuke says from beside me. I didn't even notice him coming back.
I straighten and deciding it's safe, I show him the video Itachi sent me. Since the whole video focuses on Kiyoshi, I don't see the harm. Besides, the message underneath it is also safe, should Sasuke read it. The messages before shouldn't be a problem. Sasuke snorts when he sees the video. "He's completely bewitched by you, Naruto." He chuckles and nudges me playfully. "What did you do?" he asks.
I smile thinking of Kiyoshi, wanting to see him. "It's not me.' I shake my head and laugh. "It's the hair. He says it reminds him of the sun. He's obsessed with touching it." I tell him grinning, proudly.
Sasuke pauses for a second as he watches me. My skin prickles. "Do you meet him very often?" he asks.
I can't believe I slipped up. I've been so, so careful the entire night and just when I least expected it, I made a blunder. I offer him a polite smile. "Not really. I've only met him when I go for my lessons. It's impossible to not fall in love with him," I tell him, my smile turning pleasant just by thinking about him.
Sasuke just nods. "He talks about you quite often. You've had quite the effect on him," Sasuke laughs, light and carefree and for once I breathe easy.
"Does he now?" I ask, delighted with this fact. Itachi's told me plenty of times but hearing it from Sasuke feels like a good thing. "What does he say?" I ask, wanting to know what that adorable kid has told Sasuke.
Sasuke chuckles. "Do you really want to know?" he asks with a raised brow.
This, here with me, is the Sasuke who I've missed beyond thought. I have a sudden urge to hug him but I quell it down as I nod at him. Sasuke chuckles again, before he looks at me. "He says," Sasuke imitates Kiyoshi's voice. "When I grow up, I'm going to marry Naruto," he finishes with a laugh. "You have him wrapped around your little finger." he laughs again.
I shake my head at him. "It's the opposite. It's he who has me wrapped around his finger."
Sasuke laughs as we move to settle in our futons beside each other's. "He has us all wrapped around his finger. Even Father cannot say no to him." Sasuke laughs as he opens his phone to show me something.
I wait patiently, my mind on something else altogether. "What sort of people are your parents, if I may ask?" I peer at him, his head bent over his phone. He looks up at me at the question. Have I been too direct? Too personal? Should I apologize? Questions swarm my head like annoying bees with me wanting nothing more than to take back that question.
"They're…fairly ordinary I guess," Sasuke says and I recall the story Itachi told me of how their mother fell in love with their father.
"Your mother calls him cute, doesn't she?" Excitement gives way to another irreparable mistake.
Sasuke raises his brows suspiciously. "How do you know about that?" he asks.
My hackles are rising in an instant. "Itachi told me during one of our lessons," I say, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.
"Wow! Itachi doesn't talk about our parents to anyone," Sasuke murmurs more to himself and I don't reply. My heart is pounding in my chest so madly, I think it'll burst for real.
I run for cover. "I started by telling him about my parents and then he told me about yours," I shrug for effect. "That's all there is." Sasuke's eyes look at me imploringly, making me want to squirm. I feign a yawn and stretch a little. "Anyway, let's call it a night?" I ask, my hand moving to the night lamp to turn it off. Sasuke's eyes feel too intrusive.
Sasuke nods as I turn off the switch, glad for the cover of darkness. Any more of his probing gaze and he'll figure it out. We wish each other good night and I breathe easy when he doesn't strike up another conversation.
The misery sitting in my chest does not budge an inch. I should have known this from the start.
Coming here was a mistake.
Once I'm convinced Sasuke is asleep, I pull out my phone and type in a message to Itachi. "Awake?" I ask.
His reply is almost instant. I've muted my phone so as to not make a single sound. My face breaks out into a smile. "Just barely" he's sent back.
"Want to sleep?" I ask, hoping against everything that he'll deny.
My grin widens when he replies. "No. We can text. Kiyoshi's sleeping next to me."
I want to see him so bad, every inch of me aches with it. "Awesome. What were you doing?" I type back.
"At the risk of sounding cliché, I would say, thinking of you. And you?" Is his reply. I've decided I'll only talk to him about what happened once I return so I force my thoughts away from the morbidity of what awaits us.
My grin spreads. "Always. Anyway, I saw the video you sent me." I reply. I want to tell him about showing it to Sasuke but I don't want to worry him.
"Kiyoshi missed you a lot today," he types back.
"Only Kiyoshi?" I type back instantly.
"Has everyone slept?" he avoids answering the question. I snicker quietly. I know the answer.
"Yes, and don't avoid the question." I type back with an angry emoji.
"Childish antics don't work on me." He replies.
"Do puppy eyes work then?" I send him a puppy-eyed gif.
"You missed me, didn't you?" I text when he doesn't reply. "Are you too chicken to admit it?" I tease.
"Yes, I missed you like crazy! Does that answer your question?" his snappish tone makes me grin.
"Send me a picture of yours," I text back, feeling bold all of a sudden. I would never, in my right mind ask him something like this, but right now, the need to see him burns in every inch of my chest.
And bless the gods that created this man! He sends me a picture of his. He's wearing a simple white T-shirt and grey pajamas and he looks every bit as handsome as I've seen him. I trace a finger delicately over every curve when he sends me a new message. It's another picture. Blood roars in my veins when I see that he's taken off his T-shirt. He sits there with his hand across his chest, leaning back against the pillows, slightly self-conscious. His hair cascades over his shoulder, the way I like it.
"Want more?" The bolder he gets, the hotter he becomes. I move my legs when my cock swells.
"God! Yes," I reply, followed by a wink emoji.
He's moved locations as he sits shirtless in another room. His poses get daring as he ditches his pajamas and sits on the bed in just his boxers. He sits sideways, hiding his crotch. But his ass looks heavenly this way. We haven't done it sideways. Maybe next time… My cock throbs. I think I'll have to use the toilet soon. "Itachi-sama, I'm hard," I text him after that pic.
He sends me a picture of him with his boxers on the floor, in all his naked glory as he gazes intensely at the camera. As if, he's staring right at me. I get up quickly and make my way to the washroom, needing to jerk off right this instant. I don't even care if anyone hears me. My head is filled with visions of bending down and taking that cock in my mouth, sucking him till his hands have lost themselves in my hair as he moves his hips and sets the pace. My mouth waters at the sight of that cock. I latch the door of the toilet and push down my boxers. My cock is so hard it hurts. And all it has taken is a couple of picture of Itachi.
I move my hand to my cockhead and rub it as I hold the phone with his picture. I close the app as an idea hits me and open my camera. I snap a quick selfie of my cock in its full glory and send it to him. "This is what you do to me," I caption it.
Itachi sends me one of him playing with his cock. It's taken at the perfect moment as a drop of precum runs down his length. My own cock spits out a drop. I can't take it. I call him.
It rings for a couple of minutes before he picks up. "Tell me what you want me to do to you." I whisper harshly, almost urgently into the phone. My hand works on my cock, needing to hear his voice.
"I want you to fuck me like you mean it." His breathy voice reminds me of the time when we first did it. The fact that we haven't done it since Atami sets my blood on fire.
My hand works faster, my grip hard as I work myself into a frenzy of pleasure. I'm breathing so hard, I'm panting. "Ah! Your hole gets so tight around my cock, Itachi-sama. I'm going crazy just imagining it! I'm going to come," I pant harshly as my balls draw up.
"You feel so good inside me," Itachi whispers harshly as he works himself. The silence between our pants is exchanged with wet squelching sounds as we both work ourselves to an orgasm. I explode first. I bite my lip to prevent the moan from spilling as spurts of spent passion paint the toilet.
Itachi joins me just when I'm milking the last vestige of my heat. We continue to pant harshly as we come down from the high. My legs wobble when I move to wash the evidence of my desire. "I'm still hard," I tell him as I hold on to the side wall for support. My cock juts out proudly as if it wasn't going berserk a few minutes ago.
"Me too," Itachi sighs on the line. I can hear the scratchy sound of the tissue paper Itachi is using. The imagery causes blood to pulse. My cock lurches.
"When I get back, we're going to fuck sideways," I tell him as I finally flush and move to the washbasin.
I glance at my face in the mirror. Glassy eyes in bliss stare back at me. I grin stupidly at my reflection. It turns into a chuckle when Itachi says, "Is that a request or an order?" all in the politest form of Japanese. Right now it should be so bizarre but I love it.
"An order?" I tell him, smiling smugly when he chuckles. There's rustling and I think he's probably putting on his clothes. Imagining things is like a curse as my cock begins to fully rouse once again. I make my way out of the washroom and move towards my futon.
Itachi chuckles. "Happy Birthday to me, Naruto."
The line clicks shut.
Reviews would be lovely!