Adrian stared down at the woman resting against his shoulder. He examined Trudy's long dark eyelashes that lay against her cheeks. Her breathing was soft and deep. The fact that she felt comfortable enough with him to fall asleep on him, using his shoulder as a pillow, was incredible to Adrian. In her sleep, she looked so vulnerable, almost childlike. The bow of her mouth, her lips slightly parted.

The tv lit the otherwise dark room, the quiet buzz of static the only sound beside their breathing. The movie had ended hours before, and even the late-night sales programs had fizzled out after a while, but Adrian hadn't felt able to remove himself from under Trudy's cheek. His body was beginning to ache from the effort of staying so completely still, but he would rather break every bone in his body than wake this slumbering angel.

They had talked for hours that first Saturday, walking around and around the quad, circling like the arms of a clock. Then they had studied together in the library all evening. That had set the pattern for their days for the following weeks. Between classes and meetings, in the evenings, on weekends, they found each other. It was almost as if they had been magnetized, drawn to one another by an unseen and undeniable force.

This evening, Trudy had invited Adrian back to her apartment to watch a movie. Her roommate had gone home for the weekend. So considerate of her, to invite him over when her apartment would be quiet. She had noticed how sensitive he was to sound, confusion, crowds, strangers… As soon as the movie on the tv had begun, she'd curled up, pressed into his side. Adrian had to admit, he'd found her proximity a distraction from the movie she'd wanted to show him. He felt obligated to see the movie through, even though tv wasn't really his thing. Adrian had done his absolute best to pay attention to the film, despite the thrills running through his body and the chills racing across his skin as Trudy nuzzled her face into his neck.

After a while, she'd eventually settled down into the position she sat in now, her cheek on his shoulder, and fallen asleep. How had he managed to convince this woman he was worth her time? Why was he the one privileged with her trust?

Adrian glanced down at her again, his eyes skimming over the golden curve of her cheek, the line of her collarbone disappearing under the scoop neck of her flowery blouse. His cheeks warmed and he dragged his eyes back to the tv when his sightline accidentally fell down the line of her collar to where the front of her blouse gapped slightly.

Adrian stared into the static, trying to scrub his memory of the glimpse of Trudy's chest. He couldn't believe he'd allowed himself to invade her bodily privacy like that. He'd have to apologize to her later, after she woke up, and once he'd gathered enough courage to admit what he'd done. He tried to think of something else to forget the soft pale curves in the shadow of the gauzy material of her shirt. The sight had sent a rush of blood through his body, making him feel feverish.

Mother would be ashamed of his behavior.

He hadn't been back home to visit Mother and Ambrose since the night after he and Trudy had met in the library. He'd intended to stay at home for the weekend before he'd met Trudy. But then once he'd driven home to San Francisco, he'd spent that whole night figuring out her phone number, deciding to call and coming up with conversation options. And then she'd invited him to talk on the quad and he'd had to hurry back up the interstate to Berkley to see her with barely time to say goodbye to Mother and Ambrose before he'd left.

Mother had called him several times since then; they'd talked about Trudy. He'd only told Mother that he'd made a friend. He hadn't explained how he felt about Trudy, about the strange, exhilarating sensations he felt in his heart and in his body when they were together. Mother had asked if he was certain he wasn't misunderstanding someone "being friendly" for "being a friend" again. He'd told her how Trudy listened to him and how he made her laugh. He told Mother that Trudy was kind and smart and thoughtful, and how she was often the one to call him or invite him to spend time with her. "Sounds too good for you," Mother had said.

And she was right.

Any day now, Trudy would realize it too and tell him to stop coming around, he was certain. He had seen how other men around campus watched her, how their eyes raked over her. The confusion on the faces of both men and women when they saw him with her. Trudy was incredible, in all the good ways. And he was… just Adrian. "Captain Cool." The guy who cleaned out his freezer on the weekends when other people had fun. The oddball who'd ran track and who didn't understand people and said things that made everyone else uncomfortable. The twenty-six-year-old who'd only just got a driver's license last year. The guy who couldn't stop organizing everything around him and who saw things that were inconvenient.

He could feel tears forming in his eyes as he considered losing her. She'd only been in his life a few weeks now, but already he considered her his best friend, maybe even more than a best friend. Not that he really had other friends. What would he do when she left him?

Adrian tried not to move, not to disturb Trudy's rest, but the pain was building in his chest as he held in his tears. He couldn't breathe around the jagged sadness in his chest.

Trudy was drowsing, comfortable, tucked under Adrian's arm, her head on his shoulder. She'd been waiting for Adrian to try something—anything—for hours now, and nothing. She wouldn't have been offended, she'd been signaling her interest all evening, and yet still not a twitch. He hadn't lifted one finger or even shifted an inch. Either he was interested but was also the most trustworthy guy she'd ever met or would ever meet, or he was completely uninterested in her physically. And she was pretty sure that wasn't the case, with the intense way he looked at her whenever she wore one of her more appealing outfits.

She shifted a little under his arm. She'd pulled the arm over her when she'd settled in to cuddle. His arm was warm and surprisingly well-muscled for how thin he was.

Maybe she'd been expecting too much of this night. She'd thought perhaps Adrian was just extremely opposed to PDA. He was so tentative with physical touch. She had been the one to initiate any kind of friendly touch: brushing hands, locking arms, hugging. He seemed to enjoy it when she touched him, though he'd never touched her first. They hadn't even held hands; how could she have expected him to jump right into necking during a movie?

His shoulder lurched a little under her cheek. His breath hitched and the shoulder lurched again. Trudy opened her eyes and looked up at Adrian. His eyes were shining, and tears were tracing paths down his cheeks that shone in the light from the tv.

"Adrian?" Trudy asked, sitting up, concerned. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Adrian nodded. "I'm okay," he whimpered, and his voice broke.

"Adrian, that doesn't sound okay."

Adrian closed his eyes, sending another tear rushing down his face. His mouth clamped shut. He appeared to be in extreme pain.

"Adrian, tell me what's going on! Do I need to take you to the hospital?" Trudy asked, sitting up on the couch.

"I'm pathetic," he whispered.

"What? No, you're not!"

"I am," Adrian said, more forcefully. "I'm crying over something that hasn't even happened."

"What hasn't happened?"

"You, leaving me. I'm weird, you can admit it. I know you'll tell me to leave you alone soon."

"Adrian, what? I… Maybe you are a bit different from other people but," she said, thinking of the last few hours where she'd been sleeping in his arms, left entirely unmolested, "different isn't necessarily a bad thing. Different can be good. I like your type of different."

Adrian opened his eyes and fresh tears welled up in them as he looked into her face. "You won't like it when you hear what I'm about to say." He let out a sob. "I have to confess something."

Trudy's stomach sank. She thought of the secrets in her past. Could Adrian have found out about the affair with her old professor? The baby she'd lost? Or was Adrian about to confess to similar secrets in his own past?

"What is it, Adrian?"

Adrian grimaced. "I… While you were sleeping, I… I saw down your blouse." He flinched, closing his eyes again. "Just for a moment, and I didn't mean to, and I'm so very sorry. You were sleeping and I invaded your privacy. Can you ever forgive me?"

Trudy stared at him. She'd brought him to her dorm, when her roommate was away, in a dark room, and practically thrown herself into his lap, and he was weeping about the thought of losing her and begging forgiveness for having caught a glimpse down her shirt? What had she ever done to deserve this incredible man? She almost laughed out loud in relief, but she could see from the earnest look on his face how he'd take her laughter at this moment. This was serious to him.

"Adrian," she said, moving to sit on his lap, straddling him. He froze, his tears shocked into stopping, staring up at her. "You don't have to apologize. And I'm not going anywhere."

Adrian seemed to have stopped breathing.

"Is this okay?" Trudy breathed, cupping his face in her hand.

Adrian blinked, seemingly unable to answer.

Trudy grimaced. "Bit much?"

Adrian gave the slightest of nods.

Trudy moved to get up and then stopped. "I'll get off of you, but will answer one question?"

Adrian nodded again.

"Adrian Monk, do you like me?"

Adrian nodded more vigorously. "Yes. Absolutely. You're my best friend."

Trudy managed not to roll her eyes. Oh, this beautiful man and his all-too-literal mind.

"I mean, do you like me as more than friends, Adrian? You told me when we first met that you… well, you said you thought I'm beautiful—which I'd say is inaccurate, I'm barely a six out of ten, you should see some of my friends back home—but… Adrian, I want to ask, do you find me attractive? In a… physical sense?"

Adrian swallowed hard. His eyes glided over her face, down her neck, to her collar, then jumped back to her eyes. He nodded. "I… yes, I do."

Trudy smiled. "Adrian Monk, you find me sexually attractive, and you had me all to yourself for hours and all you did was glance at my breasts?"

Adrian hesitated and then nodded.

"You really are incredible."

Adrian shrugged. "I'm nothing special."

Trudy's eyes filled with tears. "Oh Adrian. You are to me. Can I… can I kiss you?"

Adrian's eyes widened then flickered from side to side. Trudy could see that he was considering her question. With any other man, she'd have been insulted. But to this man, with his neuroses and phobias, she could tell this was a major decision. She realized she'd underestimated how much of a decision it would be.

Finally, Adrian's eyes met hers. Trembling, he nodded. "Okay."

Trudy leaned forward to brush her lips over Adrian's ear. She knew at this angle, her collar would be gaping again, exposing a modest amount of cleavage. "Are you sure?"

Adrian let out a soft sound, somewhere between a sob and a groan of pleasure. "I think so."

Trudy arched her back, pulling back so her blonde hair fell out of her face, then she looked at him. Adrian's eyes burned once again with that dark fire she'd seen on occasion, including in the library the night they first met. She'd never known brown eyes to be so captivating.

"Okay, Adrian. Let me know if this gets to be too much. I don't want to overwhelm you," Trudy whispered.

She started to lean in, but Adrian held up a finger and Trudy stopped, arching one eyebrow. "Yes?

"Two things. First. You… Well, you said you'd… you'd move off of..." Adrian blushed. "Never mind."

Trudy had to hold in a laugh at the conflicted look on Adrian's face. Maybe her sitting on his lap wasn't too much after all? "Okay," she said. "Never minding that one. What was the second thing?"

Adrian took a deep breath. "If… if you're kissing me… on the mouth, how am I supposed to tell you… if it's too much? Without my mouth?"

Trudy sat back and tapped her chin in thought. A mischievous thought occurred to her. "I guess you'll have to touch me to signal me."

Adrian's eyebrows went up. "Touch you where?" His voice cracked on the last word.

"Oh, anywhere. But maybe, to start with, you could tap me on the arm. Does that sound okay?"

He shivered. "I think I can do that."

Trudy smiled. "Hmm, okay."

She moved in before he could prepare for it. Their lips met. Her lips were incredibly soft and warm… and active. Adrian had pictured kissing before, usually with some fear and trepidation mixed with longing, but he hadn't imagined so much motion to be part of it. Her mouth moved against his, pressing and pulling his lips one way and then another with her own.

And her hands! While his own hands seemed frozen beside his sides, her hands trailed over his chest, raising goosebumps that spread over his whole body. Then her hands moved up his shoulders, her fingers tracing unfamiliar patterns over the nape of his neck, then wound themselves in the tight brown curls of his hair.

Meanwhile, he couldn't even begin to think about the feel of her legs clamped on either side of his, her backside pressed against his lap. To even begin to consider it made his head swim. Maybe he wasn't getting enough air—his mouth was occupied after all. Which brought him back to the soft, urgent pressure of her lips…

Then, startlingly, he felt teeth.

Adrian raised a hand to tap her arm, but he hesitated. Trudy's teeth had gently captured his lower lip and now she was tugging softly at it, pulling him in closer. A small sound like a whimper escaped him and his hands moved to press themselves against her back, almost as if they had a life of their own.

Adrian's brain seemed to have stopped functioning. Sensations were running through him. Heat filled his body as his heart rate doubled, then tripled, his blood racing in his veins. And something else. Like hunger, but stronger. Startling.

His right hand was tapping her arm before he could think about it any further. She broke away immediately and Adrian found himself leaning forward, trailing after her. She smelled like strawberries and lilacs. He wanted more. And at the same time, he was terrified of the feelings inside him. He felt so… animalistic. So… out of control.

"You okay?" Trudy asked, a little out of breath.

Adrian's own breathing was ragged. He sucked in air like a man saved from drowning. "Bit much," he mumbled, not meeting her eyes. "Little bit much."

Trudy's cheeks flared with heat. She hadn't meant to go so far. She'd only intended to give him just a little kiss. More than a peck, but… far less than what she'd done. Poor Adrian, with his fear of germs, of course that was too much. She'd be amazed if he ever wanted to kiss her again. "I'm so sorry, Adrian. I didn't mean to go so far," Trudy said, looking at him with concern.

Adrian shook his head. "No, no, no, you didn't do anything wrong, it's me. It's all me. I'm a freak, I can't even… kiss a girl like a normal person."

Trudy smiled. "Was that your first kiss?" she asked.

Adrian covered his eyes with his hand and nodded. "You could probably tell because of how terrible I am at it."

Trudy laughed. "Nobody knows what they're doing their first time, darling. I didn't think you were terrible." She leaned in. "In fact, I'd love to kiss you another time."

Adrian stared at her. He licked his lips. Then he tapped her arm. Tapped it again.

"Too much?" she asked dryly.

He nodded. Trudy sighed and slipped sideways onto the couch. They both turned to face forward and stared at the static on the tv for a minute.

Then, Adrian spoke quietly. "I might be ready to try again tomorrow, though."

Trudy grinned and rested her cheek on his shoulder again. "Well, it's almost midnight. I can wait a few minutes."

Adrian chuckled. "I could probably handle that."

…

Author's Note: Is it just me or is it a bit warm in here? I haven't written kissing scenes since I was a lonely teenager. I think I know what I'm doing a bit better these days, lol.