Apologies for the late update, I have been neglecting my account lately.

I've had some complaints that Harry is using British slang. I'm British myself, and am unfamiliar with American slang.

I do not own Harry Potter, or Men in Black.

Chapter 5

Dumbledore handed Snape a moneybag.

"You can use this to get his supplies," said Dumbledore. "There is no need to overwhelm him with his own vault just yet. There's a bit extra to get him some proper clothes… I don't know what they did with the kids in that place."

"The orphanage is perfectly respectable, of that I am sure," said Snape. "But the fact remains that he was not in it."

"Now, my boy, we've had this conversation…"

Snape cursed Dumbledore again as he forced Harry to hand over the money bag he'd lifted from some unsuspecting wizard.

"Here," he hissed, "There shall be no stealing. Thievery is not tolerated at Hogwarts."

Harry scowled, tugging irritably at his new clothes. They had been shopping in the strange alley for hours, and the sun was beginning to sink in the sky. He was tired, and still didn't trust these new surroundings. They had bought 'muggle' clothes, strange wizard clothes, a cauldron, potion ingredients, lots of books… and a strange twig.

Snape had called them wands, and Harry must have tried hundreds before the weird guy was satisfied. Admittedly, he had felt fantastic when he finally found his wand. It made him all warm inside. But he wasn't about to admit that to Snape.

"Time to head back now," said Snape. "In a few hours it will be time for the opening feast. You can sleep for a bit, if you like."

XXX

Harry knew he was dreaming, because he'd been here before.

The street was burning, a metal… thing buried in the concrete road. He hid in the shadows, watching as men in black suits swarmed onto the scene. Eventually a black guy stepped forwards, holding up some kind of metal rod, and Harry found himself pushed into the crowd of people.

"Could I have your attention please!"

There was a flash, and everyone around Harry gained a dumbstruck expression. The man told them some cock-and-bull story, before sauntering off. Harry frowned. What was going on?

"Harry?"

He jumped awake. Snape was standing next to the hospital bed, holding a pile of clothes.

"You need to change," he said. "You've got ten minutes."

Harry pulled on the trousers, shirt and jumper. Snape showed him how to do the knot for his tie. Then before Snape could stop him he kicked the shoes aside, and threw the socks (with remarkable accuracy) into the fire.

"Harry…"

"I told you before," he said stubbornly. "I'm not wearing them!"

Snape shrugged. It wasn't really his problem. It's not like he was his head of house.

Yet, said a small voice in the back of his head.

"Well at least put the robe on."

"Another layer? It's too bloody hot as it is."

"Then you must take it with you."

"I can do that."

He was remarkably compliant, for a street kid. Snape had questioned him a little and, by reading between the lines, deduced that someone had taken care of him. At least for a while.

The tiny boy followed him through the corridors to the entrance hall. They stood at the top of the marble staircase, waiting for the older students to file in first. At last the doors to the great hall were closed, and just Professor McGonagall was left. She eyed Harry as they came down the steps, noting the robe slung over one shoulder, and the missing shoes. Harry just stared at her, and Snape gave a discreet shake of his head.

"And how are you now, Mr Potter," said McGonagall. Harry gave no answer, but jumped behind Snape when there was a big, booming knock on the great oak doors.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall."

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take it from here."

Harry's eyes widened as a giant man shuffled past them. Snape pushed him towards the large group of children.

"Will you be alright on your own?"

"'Course," scoffed Harry. "I'm not a baby."

The others stared at him as he joined the edge of their group, watching Snape slip into the hall.

Harry didn't bother to listen to McGonagall's speech. He snapped back into action when they were told to form a line, standing at the very back.

The hall was enormous, bigger than any room he'd ever seen before. He looked upwards and gasped. He could only guess magic was at work, as it seemed as if the place simply opened up to the heavens. It was comforting, almost like being back in Manhattan.

Everyone was looking intently at a hat on a stool. He joined them. To his great surprise, it began to sing.

A singing hat, he thought. I wonder if we have to get a rabbit out of it.

Everyone applauded as the song came to an end. What followed next was a long, long list of names.

"Potter, Harry!"

Snape looked at the boy, it was quite obvious he wasn't listening.

"Harry!" he hissed. The boy started, and McGonagall beckoned him forwards, placing the hat on top of his head.

Harry shivered as it covered his eyes.

"Well well well," whispered a voice in his ear. "What have we here?"

Harry hissed, the thing was in his mind! He wrestled with the alien presence.

"I mean you no harm," said the hat. "I am bound to keep your secrets."

Harry relaxed a little, but sat tensely as he listened to the hat mutter to himself. The words were inaudible.

"SLYTHERIN!"

The last word was shouted to the hall. There was muted clapping as McGonagall pointed to the green and silver table. He eyed the other students distrustfully, sitting as far away as possible. A number of them stared back at him, apparently surprised by his hostility.

He had landed in hell.