Rating: M

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight - I just like to get weird with her characters.

A/N…Much love and thanks to my beta LovinRob for all of her encouragement and hard work on this story! Without her OCD and her cock/pussy thesaurus, this fic would be a hot mess of past and present tense and the word erection used repeatedly…

Many thanks to AmandaC3 for creating the marvelous banner for this story and the Togaward bonus banner. I wouldn't believe it was possible – but she made Rob hotter by wrapping him in pink bed sheets…

Let's meet Tanya and Rose…

Chapter 3 – Bump and Grind

Unable to resist, I slip the ear-buds in and take my time walking back to my dorm room. With Paula Cole crooning beautiful overtly sexual lyrics in my ears, I desperately try to process whatever the fuck just happened. Edward and I have run in the same circles for the past year or so, however, I can't seem to recall any conversation other than general pleasantries or a head nod in recognition. Surely he wasn't suggesting that I actually… I needed to talk this out with a third party who isn't afraid to call me on my crazy. I need to talk to Tanya.

Tanya and I have been roommates since freshman year. Admittedly, I didn't know how to take Tanya at first. Physically, she is a knock-out. Strawberry blonde hair that looks messy in the freshly fucked sense with piercing hazel eyes that perfectly compliment her flawless facial features. All topped off with a body made for sin. But for as beautiful as she was on the outside, she was far more gorgeous on the inside.

Every girl should have a friend like Tanya. She was the kind of friend who could listen to someone spew crazy for hours and not pass a lick of judgment. She would pick you up if you were down, celebrate your highs, and cry with you during your lows. She'd also cut a bitch for messing with those she loved – I'd only seen her get Springer guest one time and that was enough for me to know to never get on her bad side.

I call Tanya the chameleon – she fits in anywhere with anyone. In the year and a half that I have known her, she has lived dozens of lives and had countless experiences. She is literally interested in seeing everything in life from a different perspective. Anyone she meets she views as an opportunity to learn something new. She has this way about her that when she speaks to you, it seems like everything out of your mouth is the most interesting thing in the world.

As a result of her ability to make powerful, immediate connections, she has been in several relationships with men (and one woman) from all walks of life. She is a down for whatever, whenever type of gal. Currently she was dating Tyler Crowley, the 6'5", 290 lb. offensive lineman. Much like Emmett, he was physically intimidating, but underneath he was a big old teddy bear.

As I walk up to our door, I hear LSG's My Body, and I laugh because clearly this playlist we created was the shit. I throw open the door prepared to rehash my entire morning when I am shocked into stillness by the sight before me. My best-friend, roommate and overall conscience these days is on her bed, on all fours, being impaled by the most massive black cock I have ever seen. I swear I willed my body to move and my hands to shield my eyes, but I could not physically turn away from the spectacle before me. And then… Tanya started talking.

"Mmmm, go 'head daddy" she moaned.

His immediate response was an ass slap and a slow grind. "Yeah… You like that, baby?" he asked in a low, Barry White baritone.

I finally get my wits about me, and am able to turn to exit just as the door I had previously thrown open slammed closed on the side of my head.

"Son of a bitch!" I scream in pain as I try to open the door enough to make a hasty more stealth exit.

As I made it out to the hall, I hear Tanya screech, "Oh my God, Bella!"

Thankfully I am alone when I plop down on the couch in the common room. I cannot get the image out of my head. Right now I wish more than anything that those Men in Black memory flashers were real or that I could go all Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in this bitch. Ugh, I just want to bleach my brain and simultaneously gouge my eyes out.

While assessing my physical injuries, I couldn't help but be disgusted by the crazy things I was thinking. First and foremost, Tyler Crowley would not be using his God-given name any longer. Henceforth, he shall be known as Chocolate Thunder. Yes, you're quite welcome Tyler.

Secondly, I was incredibly impressed and slightly mortified for Tanya's vagina. Did she ice it afterwards? Was she still able to wear tampons or did she just stick a roll of Bounty paper towels up there? Inquiring minds want to know.

And finally and perhaps most shamefully, I couldn't contain the immense jealousy that raged through me. After a mere six months, their connection was so powerful that they could express their love with such intense and wild abandon. But after a couple of years, Mike and I couldn't even do oral because it wasn't "necessary". I went from zero to furious in about 30 seconds. My head was a mess.

"Bella?" whispered Tanya as she came around the corner. Her arms were wrapped around her torso and her body was swimming in Tyler's huge sweatshirt that came down to her knees.

"Dear God, Tanya, tell me you are wearing shorts under that" I joke, hoping to ease the tension of the situation.

She laughs and pulls up the sweatshirt to reveal a hot-pink pair of Hello Kitty boy-shorts. I let out a huge guffaw and then turn uber-serious on her.

"Speaking of kitties, doll, how is yours holding up?" I ask in my most serious Barbara Walters voice and we both break out into hysterical laughter. Just then Tyler comes around the corner, strutting I daresay.

"You okay, Baby B?" he asks with a shit eating smirk on his face.

I was about to inform him of his new nickname when Tanya cuts in, "She'll be fine, Ty" she reassures him. Hmm, perhaps Mr. Crowley wasn't the proud peacock I originally pegged him for.

"Good deal. I'm meeting Em at the Union. See you in class, baby girl" he coos at Tanya, placing a loud smacking kiss on the top of her head. "Later, Bells!"

"Bye baby!" Tanya replies.

"Be easy, Chocolate Thunder!" I yell down the hall causing the giant to stop and turn in his tracks.

He turns around and smiles at us nodding his head. "Yeah, I like that" he slowly drawls.

Then, much like his brother from another mother, Emmett, he starts provocatively grinding his hips and smacking an imaginary ass in front of him. The expression on my face must have been priceless because he immediately stops gyrating.

"What? Too soon for the bump and grind dance?" He questions.

Definitely, too soon.

~~ IYR~~

Tanya fired off a quick text as she and I made our way back to our room. She slinked onto the bed and assumed the diligent friend listening position, otherwise known as criss-cross applesauce. She rested her chin on her hands to let me know that I had her undivided attention. She then gave me her signature Cheshire smirk and began.

"So… What had you so distracted that you didn't give pause to the Freak Nasty playlist?"

I raise an eyebrow at her playlist title, but decide against asking if that was her Sexy Times slow or fast. Given the HBO Real Sex worthy performance I saw today, I don't think I could handle anymore of her particular brand of kink.

"Well," I begin, "I had an interesting encounter in the quad this afternoon".

Tanya's eyes light up. "Ooh, I love doing it in public places, but that's shockingly bold for you and Mikey, don't you think? Hell, I don't think I would even do it there in the daylight. But, what a rush, right? It's so hard to stay quiet. Oh, I am so proud of you Bells!" she squeals.

Before I can correct her insane assumption, the door to our room is ripped open. There in all of her blonde, glam-a-zon glory stands Rosalie Hale. Rose and I have known each other since the third grade when her family moved to Forks from Texas. I suppose intimidating was a word that could somewhat accurately describe Rose, however I think most people usually settled on "fucking frightening". She pulled no punches in her assessment of people and situations. Where Tanya was Miss "Free to Be You and Me", Rose was Miss "You're an Asshole and here's why". I will admit my girl has softened quite a bit since hooking up with Emmett last year.

"Boo! You whores started without me!" Rose shouts taking in the intensity of Tanya's position and the clearly flummoxed expression on my face.

Before I can get a word in edgewise, Tanya decides to give Rose the down and dirty summary of my morning. "Bella boned Newt on the quad this morning".

Rose immediately starts jumping up and down and clasps her hands together all the while shrieking like a Justin Bieber fan girl. In my peripheral I may have caught Tanya throwing up some spirit fingers as well. Dear God, I must put a stop to this.

As I begin to protest, Rose starts pumping me for details "You are my new whore hero, sorry T! Where did you guys do it? Behind that stairwell by the library? Or in the bushes by the science building community gardens? Alice is so not going to believe this shit" she muses as she starts firing off a text.

Faster than I ever knew I was capable of, I snatch her iPhone from her hands before she could divulge the dirty deets to our Alice, Sweet Alice. I am pleasantly surprised that I'm not immediately thrown into a headlock; instead I just receive a Rosalie Hale bitch-brow special.

"Mike and I didn't have sex on the quad" I inform my oversexed counterparts.

"But you said" Tanya begins.

"No, my exact words were that I had a strange encounter on the quad – you took it to Mike and me taking the bologna bus to tuna town in a public place." I counter.

Tanya had the decency to look sheepish. Clearly disappointed in my quad fucking fail, Rose starts picking her nails. "So what was this strange encounter then Bells?" she inquires in a bored tone.

I recount the incident in great detail, only editing out all parts concerning my inner whore. Tanya listened with rapt fascination, while Rose seemed equally as puzzled.

"And then he said "you really should", gave a pregnant pause and finished with "come". Like the general sentence structure, I totally get, but the way he said it and the sound of his voice and look in his eyes seemed to be saying something else. What the fuck does that mean? Am I like a big bag of crazy?" I question in this high pitched squeaky voice that I only use when I think I am a hop, skip and a jump from Crazy-town or I have worked myself into a total frenzy. Unable to contain my crazy, I continue, "Like seriously, did he tell me to come or to cuuuummm?" I stretch the last word out and subtly point to my lady-parts as if they needed further clarification on what I was asking.

With her brow furrowed, Tanya speaks first, very slowly inquiring, "Edward Cullen? Edward Cullen said you should… come?"

"Yes, however the first time he added it would be fun, the second time I think he had fun ruining my panties." I hedge.

The girls then look at each other having some silent conversation as if they too were trying to piece together the cryptic subtext of his comment. Tanya recovers first.

"Here's the thing, Bells. Edward typically doesn't come out of his room at the parties."

Rose concurs, "Yeah, as a matter of fact Emmett is usually all over his nuts to come out of his room and stop being all emo and stuff."

Tanya nods and turns back to Rose, "But what about Heidi? Are they still…" she trails off.

Rose dramatically rolls her eyes at the thought of her sorority sister. "The jury is still out on that one, it depends on who you ask. Last I heard she and her bitch brigade were all banging members of Royce King's crew. I think Heidi likes to keep Edward on the side basically making him off limits to the female population, but mostly just her nearest and dearest." she reasons.

Instantly deflated, I try to compose myself before they notice my disappointment. I start packing my book bag with my Human Sexuality textbook and triple checking that I have enough pens, pencils, protractors – basically anything to avoid making direct eye contact with my friends. Girls like Heidi Hunter were put on this earth to make other girls feel bad about themselves as she was nearly impossible to cut up. Not that I was in direct competition with her or anything. The fact of the matter was that I had a boyfriend. I was happily attached to a wonderful guy. I don't even know why I gave a second thought to this encounter. I chuckled awkwardly, feeling somewhat sheepish for making a big deal out of nothing.

"I mean, obviously I wasn't interested, but I just thought the whole thing was weird you know?" I try to reason.

As we walk to class, Tanya informed Rosalie of my unwilling participation in her afternoon delight. Rosalie was howling with laughter as we approached Emmett and Tyler near the classroom door. Tanya immediately jumped into Chocolate Thunder's arms, kissing him all over as if it had been years since she'd seen him last. The bitter, jealous hag in me wanted to yell "Seriously… He was balls deep in you an hour ago". I manage to stomp her down by focusing on Rose and Em who have a whole different level of affection. Rose sauntered up to him as his eyes raked up and down her body. Totally prepared to divert my eyes for the overt public display of affection I know will make me want to vomit, I am pleasantly surprised when she smirks in return and gives him a playful slap on the face. What I'm not prepared for is the fact that this is clearly foreplay for them. I cast my eyes down trying to rein in the jealousy again when I feel someone lightly brush past me to open the classroom door.

I look up to be met by the same green eyes and haughty smirk that had set my disastrous afternoon in motion. As he opens the door he drops his head close to my ear and in that same tone that nearly set my panties on fire this morning, he says, "After you… Bella."

It could be my imagination but I swear he is trying to elicit a reaction from my lady-parts by drawing my name out more than necessary with his tongue. I can feel the blush creeping up my cheeks so I immediately cast my eyes down and proceed through the door praying that I will be able walk across the flat surface and that there isn't a visible wet spot on my yoga pants. I'd like to believe I muttered a "thank you", but I can't be sure.

I take my regular seat at the front of the classroom and do everything I can to avoid looking over at Edward. Thankfully, class begins and I am able to focus somewhat on the lecture. That is until Tanya begins tapping on her notebook, clearly trying to get my attention as subtlety is not her strong suit. Slightly annoyed, I look over wondering what could possibly be so important. She nods her head, directing me to look at her cell phone. Cautiously, I incline my head so I can get a better look at what she is so desperate for me to see, all the while praying it wasn't a picture of Tyler's giant cock. It appears to be a text from Rose. I furrow my brow and lower my head to get a better look. The text reads Edward Cullen is looking at you again. Another text follows that reads He's been watching you the entire time. I place my fingers over my mouth to muffle a gasp. Apparently subtlety isn't my strong suit either.

I grab Tanya's phone and type out Doesn't matter -I have a boyfriend. I smile smugly to myself, proud that on the outside I appear to be the dutiful girlfriend. But on the inside, a quiet fire is lit. And God help me, I love how it burns.

A/N… True story - in college my sister walked in on her roomie getting boned by her own version of Chocolate Thunder. From the way my sister described it, I'd always imagined her petite little roomie was being impaled by a tree trunk - couldn't resist adding it to the story.

So it seems our Bella has a bit of an admirer... Perhaps it is time to take care of that pesky boyfriend situation, yes? Who's with me?

Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed, followed or favorited this fic. I will post the next chapter on Sunday night. If you haven't already, please be sure to put this story on alert.

Reviews are like an ass slap from Chocolate Thunder – they hurt so good… Thanks for reading!