Rating: M

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyers owns all things Twilight - I just like to get weird with her characters.

A/N…Much love and thanks to my beta LovinRob for all of her encouragement and hard work on this story! Without her OCD and her cock/pussy thesaurus, this fic would be a hot mess of past and present tense and the word erection used repeatedly…

Many thanks to AmandaC3 for creating the marvelous banner for this story and the Togaward bonus banner. I wouldn't believe it was possible – but she made Rob hotter by wrapping him in pink bed sheets…

It's about to go DOWN… Time for a little drama…

Chapter 54 – End of the Road

I'd managed to make it through the rest of class without arousing too much suspicion, though my hasty exit may have tipped Rose and T off that this was not up for discussion just yet. Tanya and I walked back to our room in relative silence.

I had a pretty productive hour after class. I caught up on some reading and even had the time to fire an email off to my mom in Florida that was more than a paragraph long. While I loved my flighty, hare-brained mother – it was often hard for me to relate to her. Composing an email was like walking through a mine-field. Where I was grounded and sensible in all things, she flounced through life and insisted I wasn't "really living". I gritted my teeth and took all of her jabs to my relationship and life decisions in stride. It's kind of hard for me to take her "parenting" seriously considering some of the decisions she has made over the years. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful that my dad, Charlie, took primary custody of me in the divorce.

Feeling pretty proud of myself I take a look out the window and notice that the sun has nearly set. I suppose I should run and grab a bite to eat. Other than a Nutri-Grain bar this morning, a bottle of water and a few sticks of gum, I haven't really had any sustenance today. I grab my coat intending to make my way down to the food court when I hear a quiet knock on the door. I am pleasantly surprised to find Mike with two steaming covered coffee cups and a Starbucks bag.

"Uh, I figured you probably forgot to eat today so I took a chance." He nervously mutters then tries to play it off with a sheepish smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"You always know just what I need" I acknowledge his thoughtfulness and give him what I hope is a brilliant, grateful smile as I invite him in.

I gobble the pastries down like I haven't seen food in days, totally unladylike. We exchange bits and pieces of our day in between bites, but I get the impression that he has something on his mind, like he is steeling himself to broach a subject. Something feels off, but I can't quite put my finger on it, he is fidgety and distracted. I run my fingers along his jaw, trying to encourage him to meet my eyes.

"Baby, what's the matter, you seem… uneasy." I stutter.

He quickly grabs my hand and kisses the tips of my fingers. "Everything is fine baby," he reassures me, "I just missed you and thought we could maybe talk or something."

I can see he is getting more flustered by the minute and he begins muttering something about it being too hot in here, I can barely understand him.

"You wanna get out of here? How about we, um. Let's just go for a walk or something." He stammers.

His nervousness is reaching a fever pitch and he looks like he is breaking into a sweat. I grab my coat and give him my most reassuring smile.

"Sure babe that would be great." I say with fake enthusiasm.

Once we get out of the dorm and into the breeze, Mike's anxiety seems to dissipate infinitesimally. He walks a little ahead of me in the direction of the library. He seems a bit embarrassed, and turns to me to offer a small smile. We walk in an uncomfortable silence to a bench near the small dimly lit fountain by the library entrance. Mike still seems to be gathering his thoughts, so I try to focus on the beautiful night and take in the picture perfect scenery.

Mike clears his throat and begins, "Bells, you know that I love you more than anyone or anything in this world, right?"

My throat closes up and I am instantly terrified of where he is going with this. I meet his gaze and nod my head minutely. My mind is working overtime trying to piece together where this conversation is leading. On one hand I am thinking surely this isn't what I think it is. Surely he wouldn't propose. But a quieter voice in my head alerts me to the possibility that this is going to be the conversation that I have been dreading all along.

Mike looks away and continues, "You know, it's just that you have been just really distant the past month or so. Your behavior has just been, just weird." He trails off. He licks his lips and picks up again, "Like this afternoon, it was like you were there, but wanted to be anywhere but."

I begin furiously shaking my head, but he persists, "No, seriously Bella, I think I caught you counting ceiling tiles…" So quietly, I almost don't hear him, he adds, "Again."

I continue to shake my head and scrunch my eyes shut tightly, surely this can't be happening. I open my mouth to speak, but what can I say?

"And Bells, I know you have so much going on, I mean I get that you have a lot on your plate and that you are pulled into a thousand different directions – but I need to know that you are still all in with me. I just. I just can't tell if you are happy anymore, you know. Tell me what to do, Bells. What do you need from me baby?" He begs.

He is desperately pleading with his eyes for me to tell him what to do to make this right. I have never seen Mike this distressed and it seriously breaks my heart to cause him pain. However, this is it. There will be no better opportunity, no better opening for me to tell him what I need to make this right. The despicable part of me is praying that his desperation to fix us will force his hand.

I quickly decide on the shit sandwich approach – compliment, shit on him, then back to compliment to hopefully get the bad taste out of his mouth. I clear my throat and pray that I can get through this without bawling my face off or hurting him more. I turn to face him and place my hands on either side of his face.

"Baby" I begin in what I hope is a reassuring tone, "We are fine. I love you so much – please never ever doubt my feelings for you… ever, okay."

Mike relaxes somewhat, so I continue, "You are such a good man, Michael. I know exactly how lucky I am to be with you, to be loved by you. You are… home to me, Mike. Loving you is as easy as breathing".

I bite my lip as I carefully choose my next words. "I admit that I have been somewhat distracted lately, and I think it is mainly because I am somewhat… frustrated in my inability to express… all that I am feeling for you." I stammer.

Mike lets out a barking laugh and grabs my hands to place reverent kisses on each of my palms. "You sweet girl! Thank you! Jesus, I was going crazy. Forgive me for freaking out, I know a grown man shouldn't need such assurances, but baby, everything you just said is all I need." He coos.

While the smile on his face is absolutely blinding, I can't help but notice that he completely missed the point. Time to redirect.

"Aww babe, I'm so happy to see you smiling again. You know I can't handle it when you are upset. But still, I want to be able to express my love for you. You telling me that you don't need my assurances doesn't make me any less eager to find other ways of showing you what you mean to me." Then I quietly add in a breathy moan, "ways that both you and I would find mutually… pleasurable".

I manage to get that all out while looking directly into his eyes. It takes a millisecond for it to register on his face. He can't look away from me fast enough. He drops my hands and begins rubbing his hands back and forth on his knees. His lips mold into a hard, defiant line and he begins breathing deeply through his nose in some sort of effort to suppress his heightened emotions. He chuckles humorlessly, then turns back to look at me intently, seething.

"So let me get this straight, Bella. You are talking about sex right?"He sneers. He goes from zero to positively enraged in about 30 seconds. "What the fuck, Bella? Are you kidding me right now? What are those sluts filling your head with?"

My jaw drops, Mike rarely curses and certainly never at me. Typically it is directed at the TV during a Seahawks game, but never at me and never with this intensity behind it. I need to steer this ship back on course.

"Michael!" I sharply chastise.

"No. No. Fuck that, Bella. What the fuck are you talking about with this "mutually fucking pleasurable" bullshit? Seriously, tell me, what shit are they filling your head with, huh? What more are they telling you that you need, huh?" He shouts.

I put my hands in front of me in a submissive gesture, hoping he will take it down a notch. "Mike. I am not saying I am unhappy with our sex life by any means. You're a great lover, Mike. I just, kind of want to try new things with each other, find new and exciting ways to… please each other". I quietly propose as I fight to hold the tears back.

He appears to be assessing my responses, but is still unable to reign in his hostility. "Enlighten me, Bells! What are these new fun and exciting ways that we can please each other? He mocks, "Do tell!"

Feeling less confident by the second and worried that I will set him off further. "Well," I hedge, "I was thinking maybe we could try some new positions or maybe even – ".

"Oh sure Bells! Nothing says I love you like me shoving my dick in your mouth, right? It ain't love unless I am banging you from behind and calling you degrading names, right? I hear anal is the new promise ring." He is full on screaming now.

I pray that no one is witnessing this or that we haven't drawn an audience. Mike is completely unhinged. Just when I think he is done, he rises to his feet and starts gesturing wildly.

"You cum every time, Bella, EVERY. FUCKING. TIME. What more do you need?"

I can't meet his eyes. Perhaps now is not the time for brutal honesty, but considering what an ungrateful whore I feel like, him knowing I am a liar too is just too much to bear. Unfortunately for me, Mike isn't distracted enough not to notice my reluctance to acknowledge his "cum" declaration. He squats down to eye level with me and repeats himself a lot more quietly and with a lot less confidence.

"Bella, you cum every time. You can't… I can feel it, Bella".

I am full on sobbing at this point. I can barely catch my breath. I can't bring myself to face him, but I can see his hands are trembling as he tries to rein in his anger, but more importantly his hurt. After what seems like an eternity, he stands up and comes to sit close to me on the bench. He clears his throat.

"I um… I can't believe." He stumbles, "I don't understand, Bella. Why aren't I enough for you, huh? For the past two years, Bell," he swallows thickly and continues, "I have loved you with every fiber of my being. Worshiped and adored you. Do you think you know what love is, Bella? Hmm? Do you understand that it is possible to love someone more than yourself? Hmm? I think you need to think about what is important and I mean really important."

His demeanor is calm, however I can see that he is gearing up for his finishing move, and I deserve every bit of it. "The love I have for you, Bella. You are everything to me. My love for you is about more than orgasms and sexual fulfillment. You are enough for me. Getting to just be near you, intimately and otherwise, is enough for me. I don't need more. And God forgive me for saying this, but for a little girl who resents her mother so much for running away from a really good man, you sure seem eager to follow her lead."

And with that, he stands up and hesitantly whispers, "I'm gonna go now. I uh, I can't do this anymore. I really do love you Bella, but this is just too fucked up. I don't, uh, I don't want this... Let's just take some time or something."

He turns to walk away and I rise to my feet to bring him back crying, "Wait, Mike, please…"

But he simply waves me off, not even turning to acknowledge my presence. As he walks past the nearest lamp-post, a slender figure comes out of the shadows. I drop to my knees and let the sobs take over me. With tears in her eyes, Tanya pulls me into her embrace and silently cries with me.

I can't tell you how long we sit there like that, but I have never shed more tears in my entire life. I cried for hurting the man I loved. I cried for the selfish part of me that still wanted more. I cried for the hurtful comparison to my ungrateful mother. But mostly, I cried because he was right.

A/N… So, yeah… Thoughts? Are most of you like "good riddance to bad rubbish"? Or are you in shock that Mike gave her the big boot instead? Talk about embarrassing, huh? I am pretty sure I would shit a solid gold brick if someone basically told me I sucked in bed.

On a good note - Bella is single, right? But she is still self-deprecating Bella so she needs a chapter to mourn the loss of her 2 year relationship - it's the decent thing to do... But after that - it's party time (*Layathomemom gyrating and humping the air like Emmett and Chocolate Thunder).

Since this chapter was kind of a buzzkill - how about I rec a few fics with white-hot lemons, yes?

You Own Me - a WIP by BeeCute82 - dirty lemons with a Mobward. Yes and yes, me likey!
Take Me Home or A Dry Heat - by Lovin Rob - smutty times with a heapin' helping of angst, LovinRob style. Like I always say - if LovinRob is wrong, I don't wanna be right, dolls!

Hope those take the edge off, pals! I will post the next chapter on Thursday night... Thanks so much for reading, reviewing, following and favoriting!