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Chapter 22 - Time and Time Again
The Daily Prophet of the 24th of December 1995 greeted the wizarding world with ill news.
THE DARK LORD HAS RETURNED: MINISTER CORNELIUS FUDGE ARRESTED FOR DERELICTION OF DUTY!
The resurrection of the Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was confirmed during Minister Cornelius Fudge's trial last night on the 23rd of December, The Minister was convicted for his kidnapping of Harry J. Potter from Hogwarts School in an illegal arrest.
The two arresting Aurors, Barcus Foothworth and Alan Arcan were convicted for undue force and torture of a minor while performing an illegal interrogation without due process, representative, or guardian. They have been charged with five years of imprisonment in Azkaban.
Although, due to the fact that the Aurors were under orders from Minister Fudge and Dolores Umbridge, it is the Minister and self-appointed High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, that have been charged with kidnapping.
Additionally, Fudge's desperate campaign to keep the public ignorant of the Dark Lord's return has earned him, not only the disgraceful loss of his position but a lifetime imprisonment. The court had been more lenient until it was learned that last year, convicted and escaped Death Eater, Barty Crouch Jr. was not given the Dementor's Kiss, but escaped. The escape happened not only while Fudge was present, but it was the Minister who covered up the imminent danger this criminal posed to the students of Hogwarts but the wider public.
Dolores Umbridge has also received a life imprisonment for the kidnapping of a minor and using a blood quill, a type of dark magic that scars and bleeds the writer, during detention on school-children. The majority of whom, it may be noted, were muggleborn.
Harry J Potter's testimony was given through memory, memories that revealed startling truths about a number of topics, primary among them was the resurrection ritual he was unwilling a part of.
The Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, is back as witnessed by Harry J. Potter and James H. Potter, the latter of which had been struck with a sleeping curse, not the Killing Curse on 31st of October 1981.
Read on to Page 5 for details of the trial, the innocence of Sirius Black, the death of Cedric Diggory, and the approaching arrests of several prominent Death Eaters who escaped justice.
oOo
Harry held out his hand for Pen as Newt Scamander passed the Bowtruckle over.
Luna was practically glowing beside him as she met her hero in the flesh. Unlike most heroes, Newt Scamander was everything one could possibly hope him to be, and where he fell short, felt more like quirks of humanity than disappointments.
"Pen is quite fond of you both," Newt remarked. "That is an honour grander than any title."
Harry smiled, holding Pen close, the bowtruckle climbing into his shoulder to wind his twig-like hands in Harry's wild hair, "I feel the same."
The old man, who was still tangibly younger than Dumbledore smiled at him, "You two are going to have promising careers." Newt reached into his satchel and removed three books.
Two went to Harry, one to Luna.
The top book was Harry's sketch pad that Newt had borrowed for Harry's defence in court and the second was—
"I heard you were working on a new book, I didn't know it was finished," Luna said, touching the cover, a beautiful embossed thunderbird, with reverence.
"Yes, well, these are the extended and unedited additions," Newt said with a half smile. "I'm not actually allowed to sell them. There's some dubious legality about the way I acquired some of my research, and my lawyers have assured me that I might be in a fair bit of legal trouble if I publish this edition. I think it's hogwash and that this would put creature traffickers and certain practices by government bodies into public scrutiny. Alas, I've just become a grandfather and I promised my daughter I wouldn't stir up any trouble until after her wedding."
"Thank you," Luna said, hugging the book to herself.
"And congratulations," Harry added.
Newt smiled at them both, "I shall let you see your own families, but I shall endeavour to return. I would very much like to meet your herds."
"Of course," Harry and Luna said in unison.
Newt threw his head back and laughed.
Dumbledore stepped forward, "They are two of my finest students, just as you were."
Newt smiled at the Headmaster, "I'm glad the future is in good hands." He looked back at Harry and Luna. "It was truly a pleasure to meet you both."
"It was for us too," Luna enthused, her cheeks slightly flushed.
Dumbledore held out his hands to Luna and Harry, "Now I think it is time for you both to return home."
Home.
Harry took Dumbledore's hand, still amazed that the word held any meaning for him now.
Fawkes sang as the three of them were engulfed in flame.
They arrived in front of the Weasleys.
Harry was immediately engulfed in a hug by Mrs. Weasley.
"Oh, Harry," she said tearfully before pulling back, looking down at him with so much emotion. "I'm— I'm—"
Harry knew what she was trying to say, why she was trying to apologise. For believing any portion of what the news had said about him and for telling her children to stay away from the danger they offered. But she had lost a son, and there was a certain amount of irrationality that Harry could understand.
He pulled her in for another hug, "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Weasley."
Mrs. Weasley choked on a sob, and for a time, Harry took a break from breathing as she hugged the stuffing out of him.
Mr. Weasley had to pull her off. "He's had a rough night, Molly."
The twins looked tired, but they managed a somewhat chipper inquiry of, "You're alright, Harry?"
He gave them crooked smile, "Umbridge is in Azkaban, and if anyone deserves it, she does."
"Too true," Fred said.
Xenophilius Lovegood stepped forward, wrapping his daughter in a hug.
He was a tall man with white hair, not blonde, not silver or grey, just white. He had a certain ageless quality to him that made it impossible to guess his age.
Harry kind of froze up, he didn't know what to do when meeting the parent of the girl he was dating.
He hadn't really thought about it, but he was suddenly paralysed with worry that Mr. Lovegood wouldn't like him.
The man held out his long fingered hand and Harry took it on autopilot.
His grip was firm but not threatening.
"Wonderful to meet you, Harry. My Luna has told me so much about you," the man said.
"It's great to meet you too—" Then Harry found himself being pulled into a hug.
This hug was not particularly warm, more of an excuse for the man to lower his lips to Harry's ear to whisper, "If you harm my daughter, you will no longer be the Boy-Who-Lived."
Again, Harry was frozen and Mr. Lovegood pulled back as if nothing had happened.
Harry wasn't particularly worried about the death threat. Hell, if Harry did bring harm to Luna—more than he had at the Department of Mysteries that is—his death would be well deserved. No, what bothered him was the idea that Mr. Lovegood would automatically dislike him just because he was dating his daughter.
Luna punched the air from his lungs with another hug, a warm and completing sort of hug.
"We'll see you tomorrow afternoon for boxing day, right?" he asked, a bit winded.
She nodded against his chest, then pulled back to see his face, "I told my father about everything that happened last year."
"You did?" he squeaked.
Luna's eyes were serious as she looked into him, "You should tell your father too, he will understand."
Would his father understand time travel?
Well, considering his father was still twenty-one years old, yeah, Harry supposed he might.
Luna stood on tip-toe (he really had gotten taller), giving both his cheeks a chaste kiss.
For which he was glad. He loved Luna but he had absolutely zero desire to snog her in front of other people, especially her father who had just threatened to murder him.
"See you tomorrow, Pen," Luna said with a wave, as Mr. Lovegood began turning to make the walk back to their house.
Pen peeked out from Harry's collar to wave at her.
"Are you ready, my boy?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry nodded, waving to the Weasleys, "Happy Holidays."
They, Mr. and Mrs. Weasleys, Bill, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny, waved back as Harry was once more pulled through space, this time, back toward the Scottish countryside.
oOo
Once they were over the hill, her father dropped his glamour.
The willowy, airheaded man he pretended to be, fell away like the mist blown off the surface of a once still lake.
Luna loved her father's eyes, they were amber-yellow like a wolf but slitted like cat-eyes. His large arms strained beneath the loose fabric of his shirt as he scooped her up into a hug.
She laughed as her father effortlessly spun her through the meadow.
Her father wasn't precisely human, she didn't precisely know what her father was, but it didn't truly matter.
All she knew, all she needed to know, was that her father loved her, accepted her, and would burn down worlds to see her safe.
oOo
Dinner was a bit subdued, but was happy to be home regardless.
Home. Like an actual home.
He had Sirius and his dad.
He had Remus, who despite everything had been one of his favourite professors.
Professor McGonagall who let down her hair, and Malcolm who just radiated this calm steadiness that was refreshing to the chaos of everyone else.
Remus asked, "How have your classes been going?"
Harry winced, "Good, I guess. Had to take a break from TAing. But the last club meeting went really well."
McGonagall, or Minerva as she had told him he should call her, arched a brow, "Oh?"
Harry met her gaze, "It was Luna, the Patil twins, myself, and most of Slytherin House, usually we have to tread carefully with house tensions, but I had everyone versus everyone else for jelly legs, tickle hexes, and shield charms. It was great. The room of requirement had everything padded and made obstacles."
Minerva cocked her head, "Rather difficult to orchestrate safely but if you can then it is great practice for real life."
Harry nodded, "Sometimes, it takes a bit of the jitters out, if your life is on the line and the only time you've performed a spell is sitting or standing still."
Minerva smiled at him and he couldn't stop the flush at her apparent pride in him.
"You'll start teaching again in the new semester," Minerva promised.
Harry was unreasonably pleased at this, "I think I'm having more fun teaching than taking classes."
Minerva laughed, "Ah, you wouldn't have made a bad Hufflepuff. But I'm glad I got you and not Pomona, she would have had you running all of Hufflepuff House by the second year."
James smiled, "I'm just glad it wasn't Slytherin. Voldemort told me you were his protege, such rubbish."
Harry's gut twisted, he'd never told any of them that's where the Hat wanted to put him originally.
Sirius winked at him, "Nah, our boy would never serve a monster like that. He's too much Lily in him."
Harry's smile caught on his lips as James continued.
"Voldemort spun a whole pile of hogwash. Said you hated muggles and that you were a parselmouth, of all things."
Harry's spoon fell from his hand making a startling loud sound as it hit the bowl and sloshed the soup.
He was a parselmouth and he had almost been sorted into Slytherin.
He also had a connection to Voldemort. What would his dad say when he admitted that he, Harry, had been there to torture James.
That he had enjoyed his own father's pain and suffering.
"Harry?" Sirius coaxed.
Harry looked at him, and suddenly feared that they would all think him a monster, that Sirius would think poorly of him for being a Slytherin just as James did.
Harry realized he was barely breathing and when he felt the first prick of tears, he stumbled to his feet, making a hasty retreat to his bedroom.
He wanted to be alone.
To not see the disappointment, or fear as so many of his classmates had throughout his years at school.
oOo
James sat frozen, what had just happened?
He spun on Sirius, "What did I do? Why is he so upset? He's a Griffindor, but I wouldn't actually think less of him if he wasn't, I just—"
"He is a parselmouth, James," Sirius said. "And he does have an unfortunate connection to the Dark Lord's mind. It's why Snape went to the Malfoy Manor the night you escaped."
James stood, "I have to apologise."
Sirius pulled him back down, "No, let me go talk to him. The last thing he needs right now is to talk about Voldemort."
James felt two inches tall. "I didn't mean to. I shouldn't have brought it up—"
"James, Harry has duelled Voldemort. He's been crucioed by him and imperioed. He's faced Voldemort's shade more than once. It is an experience the two of you share. And that is a rare thing as most people don't survive it. But tonight let me talk to him and you can apologise in the morning."
Remus began to rise but James snapped, "Sit down, Moony. While Sirius takes care of Harry, you can tell me everything I've missed."
"I don't know—"
"You know more than me," James said. "And clearly, my not knowing is hurting him."
Remus sighed but nodded his assent.
His reluctance did not speak well of the things he was to learn that night.
Minerva and Malcolm excused themselves shortly after Sirius left to talk to Harry.
Apparently, everything that he needed to know wasn't anything someone wanted to endure hearing again.
oOo
Harry sighed when he heard the knock on his door. Still, he called, "Come in."
He stroked Hedwig's feathers, guilt itching his throat at the thought that his father was going to have to apologise for Harry's overreaction.
But it wasn't James, it was Sirius who slid down to the floor with him, their backs against the bed where they could see the light of the moon out the window.
"James put his foot in his mouth, and he's sorry," Sirius said. "He's not as bad as me, but there was a reason we were best mates."
Harry huffed, his shoulders dropping as he continued to stroke Hedwig's chest feathers. "It's my fault."
"It truly isn't," Sirius countered.
"The Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin," Harry said, not quite meeting Sirius's gaze.
"I've known good people in Slytherin," Sirius said.
Harry scoffed, "Oh, really?"
Sirius smirked, "Well, not everyone in my family was an actual nutter. My uncle was half bad, and my cousin, Andromeda Tonks, she married a muggle-born. She's Nymphadora's mother. One of my favourite people. And then there's your great aunt, she was also a Black, but she married a Potter. Never met her, but one would think it is safe to assume she was the good sort. Besides, don't you have friends in the Slytherin House?"
Harry's shoulders rounded, "Yeah, but… But it matters what he thinks. What you think…"
"Harry," Sirius said gently. "James and I would be proud of you, no matter what. Hell, I think you could have gotten both of us to wear green and silver and in the Slytherin stands cheering on the Snake-team. We would have been ridiculous, of course. I imagine we would do something undignified to possibly piss Snape off. Like maybe a giant hat with an animated snake coiled around the points."
"Luna has a raven hat and a lion hat that roars," Harry said with a half-smile.
"Every time I think I can't like her more, I do."
"Voldemort doesn't own me."
"I know that."
"But you don't understand."
"What don't I understand? Just because the bastard has been trying to possess you, doesn't mean—"
"I saw," Harry interrupted, the words bursting out of him. "I saw James through Voldemort's eyes. I know what my father sounds like when his arm is being yanked out of its socket. I know what it feels like to use curses on him, to split his skin, and heal him so I can do it again."
His voice rose with each word. Pen hugged Harry's neck and Hedwig rested her chin on his hand, nipping him softly.
Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "But that wasn't your choice, Harry. And I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It was a type of torture for you too."
"But it felt good, Sirius," he said, desperately needing his godfather to understand even if he shunned him. "It was fun."
Sirius held him tighter, "Was it fun when you woke up? Was it fun not knowing who or where you were?"
Harry shuddered, "No."
Sirius rubbed his back, "I cannot imagine the violation of sharing parts of your head with an enemy. Not knowing whether to believe your own senses and emotions. Snape told the Order what you said about James's imprisonment. In most cases, I believe you were right to think it was a trick."
Harry shook his head, "How am I going to tell Dad?"
"Look at me, Harry. James is young, but still your father, even if you both grow up being more like brothers. But young or no, traumatised or no, he is an adult. And he's tough, he can handle anything you throw at him."
Harry gave him a disbelieving look. "You really think he's going to be okay with Voldemort potentially taking over my body or driving me insane without needing to lift a wand against me?"
"Okay, maybe he won't handle everything well. If it was your mother, I would be a lot more worried in that regard. James and you are both more even-keeled than your mother, despite everything."
Harry gave him a look, "I'm even-keeled? I've had a dozen breakdowns this year that have resulted in several rooms nearly exploding."
Sirius shrugged, "From what I've heard, Lily had more than her fair share of accidental magic events in her youth as well."
"You've never really talked about her."
His godfather sighed, "Recovery from imprisonment has been slow going. And I didn't want to use the wrong words to describe your mother."
"What do you mean?"
"Your mother was unerringly kind and caring. She embodied the statement of treating others as you would want to be treated. However, this didn't mean that she was particularly good at understanding others."
Harry frowned, "I'm not following."
"Your mother was rather particular about things, she liked everything to be in order and she was a bit of a control freak. Mostly though, I don't think she appreciated loud sounds or surprises. I think the prophecy drove her a bit—" He seemed to stop himself before changing whatever he meant to say, "When she found out, and she was told that you were fated to face the Dark Lord, she went straight to the forbidden section of the library. She found a way to fight fate itself."
She sounded a lot like Hermione. Aloud he said, "She protected me from the Killing Curse, with blood magic."
"Yes," Sirius agreed. "Like I said, she had some control issues. But you really do take after James, both of you handle things with more grace than I ever could, and better than your mother did."
"But the blood magic worked, technically."
"Yes, and I'm not saying you aren't worth her sacrifice, but Lily and James also could have fled the country; they chose not to."
Harry bit his lip, "I would rather have my mother than live in this country. But that is kind of hypocritical of me, because I don't plan on running either."
Sirius nodded, "The worst could still have happened, he might have caught you and Lily might not have had the time to research or the ability to perform the ritual that saved your life. With her choice and actions delivered the most devastating blow to Voldemort than anyone has ever managed. She saved not only your life but many hundreds of lives. She possibly kept him from winning the war."
"So she wasn't someone to mess with," Harry jested.
"Not hardly. I think James won her over by just— well, he did a lot things to prove himself. But when it came down to it, he was consistent and reliable. He also respected her and always gave her time to process and understand."
"Did you get along with her at all?"
"Of course. Your mother was a flame, it was impossible to know her and not know her for her brilliance and deep caring."
"But?" he asked.
Sirius smiled, "But, I am a pest. And I tended to push her too far, and once you crossed a line with her, you knew, immediately, that you had crossed a line. Which is more than fair for what my behaviour was, but James has always been able to draw that line without biting my head off."
Harry smiled too before remembering some of Aunt Petunia and Dudley's oddities. Aunt Petunia was obsessive-compulsive in the extreme.
And Dudley's emotions could certainly be described as explosive.
"She had autism, didn't she?"
Sirius tilted his head, "I don't know what that is."
"Oh, um, I guess it's hard to explain, mostly because people don't really explain it. My cousin Dudley was diagnosed with it. But my Aunt and Uncle freaked out, they tried to get the school psychologist fired because, naturally, there couldn't be anything wrong with their 'little Dudikins.'"
Sirius frowned at him, "Harry, there was nothing wrong with your mother. She just had personality quirks, as we all do."
"I mean yeah, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with her. And there's no way to say whether she had it or not, but autism can make life harder to… um, assimilate, I guess. It makes it harder to blend in and fit in with everyone else."
"Blending in maybe wasn't your mother's strongest ability," Sirius admitted with a fond smile.
Harry rubbed his thumb over Hedwig's cheek, "Having grown up without any friends to speak of before coming to Hogwarts, I can tell you it isn't always fun to be different. Anyway, it doesn't matter if she had it or not. It just would make sense, you know, especially since she was a genius and all. That seems to be a thing with autism, or at least the way the psychologist tried to explain it to my Aunt. People with autism can develop strong skills above what is common."
"I thought you said your cousin was an idiot."
Harry snorted, "He is an idiot. But that might not have been his fault. His parents never made him try at anything. The problem with being 'perfect as you are' means you never have to improve."
Sirius chuckled, "Your muggle grandparents were not like that. Lily was the apple of her parents' eyes, but your grandfather was a military man. He was kind, quiet, and gave the sense that he was a no-nonsense, sort of person. And your grandmother ran her own bakery, I don't think I ever saw that woman sit down. They may not have understood the wizarding world, but they expected nothing less than the best from their daughters."
"That," Harry said. "Explains a lot, actually."
Shame Aunt Petunia had learned all the worst lessons from her parents.
"Why haven't you told me any of this before?" he asked Sirius.
"I didn't feel it was my place. You can ask James the deeper questions now. He was pretty close with his in-laws, they adored him."
Harry raised a brow, "That's not typical."
Sirius smirked, "James's parents were business people, but they were also wizarding nobility, and unlike the Malfoys, they wore that title with grace and honour. Add in James being both an athlete and a high marks student, with a charming demeanour and a penchant for poetry, well, how could you not love James?"
"I really don't get how everyone thinks I'm like him," Harry said resting his chin on his knees.
"Don't sell yourself short, kid," he said, squeezing his arm. "You are no noble, but you are the stuff of legends. You are brave and kind, the latter being the sort of charm that someone like Luna would value above all others."
Harry relaxed into his godfather's embrace. He was so happy neither of them were dead this time around.
Which reminded him of his promise to Luna.
Sirius must have felt him stiffen because he pulled back, demanding, "What's wrong?"
Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration, "I have to tell you something, and Dad too, but it might be more relevant to you since he wasn't here at the time or before."
Sirius's gaze narrowed, "Relevant how?"
"Remember how I woke up the first day of term thinking you and I were dead?"
"Yes," Sirius said, sounding not at all happy about it.
"Well, um, there was a reason for that, and we didn't do it on purpose. See, you really were dead and Dad coming back and Voldemort trying to possess me didn't happen last time. I mean he did, but I wasn't as worn down then and Dumbledore was there so Voldemort tucked tail and ran—"
Sirius held up a hand and asked, "What happened?"
"Luna and I time travelled, only it was the full school year not just a couple hours like with the time turner in third year when Hermione and I helped you."
Sirius's eyes widened, yet he seemed to immediately believe him, "But how?"
"Luna rescued a wingless fairy from the Department of Ministry, she granted our wishes that we didn't realise we were making."
Sirius paled, "Wishes are dangerous things, Harry."
He rolled his eyes, "I know, but we didn't do it on purpose. I wished that I knew what I knew then now, and Luna wished she could have helped me. Then the fairy became this blinding blue light and I was waking up in Grimmauld Place at the beginning of the school year."
Sirius stared at him, then after a long moment, fully accepting the time travel, he asked what he had months ago, "Why did you think we were dead and why did you think it was your fault?"
Harry told him, he told him everything.
"It was my fault!" Harry finished, near yelling.
Sirius shushed him, "It wasn't, Harry. It wasn't at all your fault. Look at me." He touched a hand to Harry's cheek.
Harry looked at him, shaking with the release, with the fear, with stupid freaking fear that Sirius would blame him.
That Sirius would forgive him.
He hadn't trusted Sirius last time, because he feared losing him.
Actually losing him once, just made him more scared.
"You didn't listen to Dumbledore. That is a mistake we have all made. It is hard to trust someone who doesn't seem to trust you in turn. But not listening to authority when a grown Dark Lord is poking around in your head? If it had been me in your place, I would have run off the Ministry the first chance I got."
"I endangered my friends."
"Harry," Sirius said. "Your friends are involved regardless. War touches everyone, as much as we wish it wouldn't. I know how much guilt can eat at you, but you are older now, you are both wiser and more hurt. Some things we don't learn from until we experience them. It says more about the adults in your life that you didn't feel you could trust us."
Harry shook his head, "But you did come for me Sirius. You and Remus and Dumbledore. You came, but it's my fault—"
Sirius spoke over him, "And we will always come for you. Do you hear me, Harry? We will always come to save you. And though you might be young, I do see you as capable. More capable than anyone your age ought to be. I'm not going to hold you back. I'm not going to keep you from the fight, but son, you have to trust me to fight at your side. Losing you, losing you would be the absolute worst thing. I couldn't have survived Azkaban if I hadn't known you survived. If I hadn't held you in my arms and given you to someone I trusted."
"Not even with James here?"
"Oh, Harry. There is no James without you. Your father would have remained in that grave if he had lost you too. Maybe we could go on but it wouldn't be us, it could never be a full life without you. Not when we knew that we failed to save you."
"That's how I feel," Harry said. "Life isn't worth living if all the people I love are taken from me."
Sirius pulled him into a hug, "I'm so sorry, Harry. I know it's hard to look forward when the world is falling down around you, but you do have to look forward. In a few years, you might be starting a family of your own. We will fight this fight, unlike my parents' generation that didn't solve this, as my generation should have solved this for you. The longer we try to outrun war, the longer it will last."
Harry buried his face in Sirius's chest, "I just want a chance to be happy before I lose you again. We didn't— we didn't have time."
Again, Sirius pulled him into an even tighter hug, "We are going to have a good holiday, and we are going to enjoy whatever time we have."
Whatever time we have, it wasn't comforting, but it wasn't a lie.
So at least he had that to cling to.
oOo
Sirius came back the stairs after Harry had fallen asleep. Sirius had laid on the bed in his dog form back to back. He knew Harry had fallen asleep when he had unceremoniously shoved Sirius of the twin.
James had his head in his hands. It was late but James didn't sleep at night anyway so that was no surprise.
The glass of whiskey before him was more unusual, but given the guilty and sorrowful face Remus was making, he supposed that was also to do with the topic.
Malcolm had gone to bed. The man would get up at insanely early hours of the morning. But past midnight he treated everyone he had adopted as adults capable of making it to sunrise, last night having been an exception.
Sirius sat beside James, snagging the glass and downing half of it in moments.
He had a fast metabolism, he would be very tipsy, very soon, and sober enough by morning if he stopped here.
James looked at him with fury and his own guilt, "How upset is he—"
"He's afraid of losing us, James. He's afraid we will all die before we get a chance to be a proper family," Sirius said, clicking the glass down on the table. "And before I reveal what I've learned, do you have any questions about what Remus has told you?"
"Yes," James answered, voice hostile. "How is he still sane?"
Sirius smiled, "Because, he's Lily's son. We all knew you were marrying up."
James let out a harsh breath, "Harry has been through more than most veterans from the war."
"Yes, he has, and apparently we all missed a year of hell," Sirius said with false cheer.
James practically snarled, "If you tell me the magical world put him through more on top of the Dursleys, before going to Hogwarts—"
"No," Sirius interrupted. He levelled a look at Remus, "Remember on the first day of the school year, he thought we were all dead?"
Remus winced, "Yes, Harry asked when we would let him see James and Lily, he was quite convinced on the matter."
James just waited for the guillotine blade to fall.
Sirius sighed, "Well, apparently, I did die. Harry knew about the prophecy, and Voldemort's plans, because Voldemort spent the entirety of his fifth year tormenting him with it and my torture. He set a trap for him at the Department of Mysteries and Harry went there to save me. Only it being a trap, he almost died. The Order of the Phoenix arrived to help him. I died, Harry duelled with Bellatrix who did—and might still escape prison—and Harry was told he would be returning to the Dursleys after being given the stupid bloody prophecy."
Silence.
Remus frowned at him, "But that didn't happen."
Sirius hmmed, "Did you ever wonder where time turner dust comes from?"
Remus shook his head, "No, I mean—"
"Time turner dust comes from a very specific type of Fairies, specifically, it comes from harvesting their wings from a living fairy, a process that kills most of them."
"What?" James asked, disgusted.
Sirius smiled, "That was Minerva's response when she found out. She confided in me because it was the power of a time turner that Harry and his friend Hermione used to save me a few years ago. Well, long story short, Ms. Luna Lovegood saved a fairy who survived her wings being taken from her and granted the unwitting wishes of Luna and Harry wish that brought them back to the beginning of the year."
James stared at him for a long moment before asking, "So he is sixteen?"
"Yep."
"Why didn't he know it was James? Remus asked.
"Harry and Voldemort have gone toe to toe before, only this time around, Harry's mental reserves were weaker and when he fought back… Well, Harry scared the ruddy bastard."
James frowned too, tapping fingers on the table and said slowly, "Harry loves you more than he loves me."
Sirius flinched, "James, I—"
James held up his hand, "I'm not saying he doesn't care, that's not at all what I'm saying. Harry's patronus is a stag, I know he cares about me but he knows you, Sirius. When he thinks of a guardian, family, he thinks of you. That's why Voldemort was using me to get at you. Because he couldn't have used me, Harry wouldn't have fallen for it. But Voldemort knows he would do just about anything for you."
Sirius didn't want to think that anyone would be willing to sacrifice anything for him, much less his godson. He tried to deflect James's statement. "But why go at it sideways like that? Voldemort doesn't know he's time travelled, that he's lived this year before."
James rubbed his head, "Doesn't anything normal happen to my son?"
"No," Sirius said. "He exists in two states in this life: extraordinary or extraordinarily unlucky."
James who had only graduated a little under four years ago—sunk into his chair as if he were a pouting teenager again. "I am not prepared for this."
Sirius patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. None of us are." There was an uncomfortable pause, before he added, "Harry doesn't love me more."
"Sirius," Remus sighed. "You are the first person to ever offer him a home and a real family. Just because it hasn't been a reality for over three years now has not made that dream lessen. In a draught, one's desire for water is not lessened by the winter's cold."
Sirius didn't argue. He had run away from home at sixteen, the Potters taking him in had been everything.
Everything.
He knew how it was. But Sirius was no Fleumont or Euphemia Potter.
They had been great people.
Sirius was just… a mangy mutt with dubious sanity.
James took his hand, "Sirius, I didn't make you Harry's godfather just because you were my friend. Lily and I made you his godfather because we knew you would love him as much as we did; love him with all that you are, with all that you had to give him. Regardless of how the cards fell, you did not fail on that front. We all see that, and obviously, Harry knows that too."
Sirius bit his tongue, because Harry being willing to risk his life for his that felt… felt like too much.
And yet, Sirius would have willingly given his life for Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, he'd loved them more than he'd ever loved his own parents.
James squeezed his hand again, "We're not the sanest, or the most conventional, but we are still a family."
Sirius pulled his brother into an embrace, his tears expressing what his words never could.
He allowed himself to be grateful, so grateful, that somehow, they still all had each other.
Even if they were broken reflections of who they ought to have been, of the people their son deserved to have.
But life wasn't what it ought to be, it just was, and one way or another, Sirius needed to make peace with that.
For Harry.
Always, for Harry.
oOo
Please join us on the 30th of April at 12pm for a live recording of The Delicate Art of Raising Thestrals at discord dot gg / BNMEXM9RBB
oOo
AN: Discord, jinn, or feedback, pretty please?