Epilogue: 10 Years later
We're back in Jackson Hole. I haven't been back for more than funerals since Jeffrey graduated High School almost 9 years ago. As much as I love it, it hurts to be back. A small part of me still aches slightly for Tucker, and being here the memories are stronger. It only makes it worse. But the time has come…Mr. Phibbs. It's his funeral today. The service was lovely. I think about all of the funerals I'll be going to in my life. The thought makes me a little queasy so I push it out of my mind.
Christian is there he grabs my hand as we walk down the hill He, you ok? He asks. I nod. I am ok. I know that I'll see everyone again and that makes it bearable. You wanna go? We've never stayed and mingled with all of the funerals we've been to the past years. He knows how hard it is for me to be in this part of the country.
"No." I say. " I think I'm ready. I need to know."
A look of understanding passes over his features. "Ok" he whispers in my hair. We walk to the car. I don't really want to get to our destination quickly so we drive. Soon we are pulling up the drive at the Lazy Dog Ranch. I see the pasture in the distance. Midas is trotting through the dirt with a little blonde haired boy, probably about three years old trying to mask a scared look with one of bravery. It's not working so well. And holding onto the bridal is a handsome cowboy, his Stetson covering what I know is a thick head of sandy blonde hair. He looks up at the little boy, pure joy and pride showing on his face. He grins up widely at him and gives a whoop of encouragement which makes the little boys smile become real and he relaxes a little. On the porch is a cute petite woman with wide bright blue eyes. Dark flowing hair reaches the middle of her back as she sits on a front porch rocking chair with some knitting project in her lap, completely forgotten, as she grins at the boys. Tucker looks at her with adoration in his eyes. His eyes shift at the sound of the car door shutting and they land on me. His face goes slack with a look of surprise. He quickly recovers. He stops Midas and pulls the boy off and makes his way over to the porch. He puts the boy down with the woman and says something to her. She puts her hand on his cheek, a look of complete love in her eyes and nods to him. He turns and comes towards me.
"Clara?" He says. I feel Christian's hand squeeze mine, giving me strength. Tuckers eyes meet Christians in a silent hello.
"Tucker." I say. He is the same handsome boy from high school, but different. A little older. Very faint lines fan out from the corners of his eyes, like he is grinning, but he isn't.
Tucker takes in our black attire. "Who is it?" he asks.
"Mr. Phibbs." I say.
He nods "I heard about that. I'm sorry." He says and rubs the back of his neck. He must be so uncomfortable. This was a mistake. We should leave. Just as I'm about to say so he says, "Why don't you come on over here. I want you to meet someone."
He leads us over to the porch where, what I assume is his family are. The little boy sits by his the woman clinging to her, unsure how to act around these new people. Tucker clears his throat and the woman smiles tentatively up at us.
Tucker gestures to the boy. "Come here son. Clara, Christian, I'd like you to meet my boy TJ." Then he looks at TJ and ruffles his hair "These are some friends of mine." TJ smiles up at us as if any friend of his dad's is a friend of his. "and this," He says moving behind the woman still sitting and placing his hands on her shoulders, "this is my wife, Lorene." I suck in a breath. I have never forgotten that vision I had all those years ago. I always wondered what became of "Francis, Lorene". Is this the same one? Or a weird coincidence? "Lorene, this is Clara." He takes in a breath like he can't believe he's introducing the two of us, "Oh and her..uh…Christian." I feel Christian chuckle silently next to me.
"Clara." She says knowingly, then smiles. "well it's good to meet you two," She reaches out her hand to shake ours and knocks her knitting off of her lap which exposes her very swollen, very pregnant belly. "Oh my," She says. "Clumsy pregnant lady coming through!" Tucker jumps to pick up the little pink hat she has been working on.
"Oh wow." I say before my internal filter can stop it. I blush. "Congratulations you guys. A girl?" I ask eyeing the hat. Tucker, still kneeling by her, puts his hand lovingly on her belly.
Lorene nods. "less than 2 months left…thankfully!" she smiles back at Tucker who seems to be at a loss of what to say. We all just stand (or sit, in Lorene's case) for a few moments before Lorene says. "Well you two must be hungry." She turns to Tucker, "Why don't I take TJ in with me and make some sandwiches while you take care of Midas, hon." It's not a question.
"Do you need any help?" Christian asks. "I pour a mean glass of lemonade."
"Sure" she says smiling as she shimmies out of the the chair, using the arms to push herself up. "the kitchen's this way." And she waddles into the house and everyone follows. Everyone but me and Tucker. He stands for a second then turns to the barn. I follow him silently. Midas has made his way back to the barn and is eating some hay waiting to be brushed. Tucker unsaddles him then gets the brush and starts to run it along his mane. So much has taken place in this barn. And I can't help but let the memories flood me.
"So," I start, "Lorene seems…amazing." And I mean it.
Tucker falters in his brushing then continues. "She is." he says. He continues to brush Midas, both of us silent, not knowing what to say. "Clara what are you doing here?" he finally asks.
Leave it to Tucker to be blunt. He turns to look at me so many emotions written on his face. "I don't know." I say. I feel so stupid being here now, "I guess I just needed to know that you were…ok. I guess." I say again lamely.
Tucker relaxes a bit and smiles, like he's thinking of his family. "I'm doing amazing. That's how I am." He turns to continue brushing Midas and there's another awkward pause.
"This was a mistake." I say "I should go." I start to leave then turn, "But for what it's worth, I'm glad you're happy. I really am."
He stops brushing and just before I'm out of the barn he says, "I was in a really bad place after you left." I turn back to look at him. He's stopped his brushing and is staring down fingering the bristles. "I didn't' know what to do. It seems so dramatic now but…I thought about what I should do with my life, what to do next and I decided to go to UC Santa Clara. I couldn't stay here. Everything reminded me of you. And I was already all set up to go to school. I even thought maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't work out between you and Christian and then I'd be a close shoulder to cry on."
"Tuck." I whisper for lack of anything else to say.
He continues. "I moved into my dorm and I was fighting with myself whether or not to drive to Stanford campus, just to maybe get a glimpse of you, make sure you were happy, ya know, when this cute brown haired girl burst open the door with two huge boxes in her arms. Her schedule said that she lived in my apartment. Talk about co-ed!" he laughs, his eyes gazing far off seeing the memory. "obviously there was a mix up and I went with her to the office to get it all straightened out. " He looked at me. "She's the one who helped me move on. Helped me get over you. She always said that you must be quiet a girl to have captured my heart so completely. Never had a mean thing to say about the girl who made broke me so bad."
"Tucker," I say feeling sick. "I'm so sorry I did that to you. I…"
"Don't be sorry." He says quickly. He turns his eye on me and they are light. "It was the best thing you could ever do, letting me go that is. You were right. I belong here. I would have followed you anywhere, you know that. But you knew I belong here. I couldn't even imagine it then, but I wouldn't trade any part of my life now for anything." He pauses then smiles jokingly. "Not even you" But jokes aside I know he's serious. And I'm glad.
I smile, truly happy for him. "So," I say changing the subject as he finishes up Midas and leads him to a stall. "You're a dad!"
"I know crazy huh?" He replies, the old Tucker I remember now that all the serious awkward stuff is out of the way.
We start walking back to the house. "He looks like you." I say. "How old is he?"
"Just turned three. I can't believe it!"
"Wow." I reply. "and another on the way! You dog you!" I joke nudging him playfully in the arm. He laughs.
"Yup, just call me stud." He says proudly.
I shake my head and laugh. I'm so light knowing that Tucker is so happy. A slight pang knowing that this could be my life if I would have made a different choice washes over me. But then I think of Christian and the amazing life we've had so far and realize, like Tucker, I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even him.
"What about you and Chris?" he asks. "What's the status of you guys."
I hold up my left hand to show a glittering ring. "Last May," I say.
"Congrats." He says taking my hand to examine the ring. It feels warm and comfortable to have him hold my hand, but not the same. We've both moved on. And that makes me smile.
"So," He says, "Kids? Let me tell ya they're pretty awesome."
I stop and go silent.
"No!" he says, his eyes lighting up. "When?"
"I'm not sure," I say. "I just found out. I haven't even told Christian yet." Tucker let out a whistle. "I can feel them though. With my weird feeling thing. That's how I knew."
"Wait..." Tucker says, "'them'?"
"I think it's twins."
Tucker lets out a whoop. "oh man. Now who's the stud?" he laughs.
"Shhhhh." I say laughing.
As we near the house Lorene steps out, looking happy as she sees the smiles on our faces "There you guys are! Better hurry or the preggo's gonna eat all the food!"
"Oh no!" Tucker jokes. " Run!" and he does run. He runs up the steps and barrels into her (gently of course) and plants a big kiss on her cheek. I walk inside and it looks the same as so long ago. Christian is on the floor with TJ engrossed it what appears to be a very complicated game of cowboys and Indians with TJ little plastic figurines. He looks up at me and grins.
We have lunch and stay and talk for hours. It's like old times, only Christian and Tucker can be in the same room without wanting to hit each other. I find out that Tucker and his family live here with Tucker's parents, who are at an animal auction in Denver right now, while they build their home on the Palisades land. The sun starts to set and that's our cue to leave. They have to get little TJ (Tucker Jr) to bed.
As we shuffle out the door and say our good byes Lorene grabs me in for a hug. "It was so great to finally meet you." She whispers. Then louder to both of us "Now you two don't be strangers. Come visit this baby when she's born. I'll be offended if you don't."
"Yes ma'am!" Says Christian.
Tucker laughs "She means it. She's may be little but she's mean." Then he looks at me and brings me in for a hug. "Take care Carrots." He says. Then more quietly "and tell him soon. He'll want to know." Chrstians eye's flicker over to us confused but then looks away as he give Lorene a hug.
We wander out to the car and he opens the door for me. He gets in his side and we drive off. He lets me bask in my new lightness that comes with the knowledge that Tucker is happy before he asks. "So what did you need to tell me?"
"Oh," I reply, "Dang super angel hearing!" I say jokingly.
He laughs. Seriously, is everything ok?
I push out a breath. "You might want to pull over."
The End