Recap: Renji was changing who he was and he knew it, but at this moment he didn't care. All he cared about was having Renji safe in his arms.

But then suddenly Renji apologized in a barely there, painful whisper.

"Renji. You don't have to apologize to me. You did nothing wrong."

"Yes I did. I'm sorry Byakuya. It's too late now." He mumbled before being lost in sobs again as the pressure around them started building again.

XXXXX

"Too late for what Renji?" the man whispered softly, panick only slightly there in his voice but so well felt in his heart. "Renji, come on love. Don't leave me." He held the redhead even tighter, not wanting to let him go in chance of losing the man.

"I'm sorry Byakuya." Renji mumbeled again. "I killed him. I already pushed him away from me, closed off every resource he needs for way too long. I killed our son and now it's my turn because I can never make up for that."

"No Renji come on. Don't do this to me. Please stay with me. Even if we already lost our son, even if you feel that's your fault, that you killed him. I don't want you to leave me. I won't hold what happened against you. I understand why it happened and I will never hate or blame you for it so please stay with me. I won't be able to handle losing the both of you."

The pressure that had been oh so slowly building up around them starting to decrease little by little as he whispered reassurances into the younger man's ear.

He waited until the pressure had completely gone away before making Renji look into his fear- and lovefilled purple-grey eyes.

"I am going to leave our inner world now okay? I'll be waiting for you outside for as long as you need to feel ready to come out. I'll talk to Unohana-taichou and the council when you wake up so you don't have to worry about anything okay?"

The redhead nodded softly, but even with Renji's agreement he still had to wait for at least ten to fifteen minutes for the younger man in which he talked to Unohana about the situation and asking her to keep it a seret from even her own fukutaichou and the head-captain. To which she only agreed after having him explain the reaction his council and housestaff would have if they ever found out what really happened. Disgust, hate even, and maybe they'd even decide to forcibly break their link and cancel their wedding.

Killing the heir, even unborn, was –as to be expected- not very well liked and would only result in more pain and stress for his redheaded husband. They were going to have to take this secret to their graves.

XXXX

By the time Renji finally opened his eyes, Byakya was already back at his side, his hand clutching the redhead's like it was his only lifeline. With a soft, gentle whisper he welcomed his lover back into the world of the conscious.

He noticed the way Renji was looking around th room nervously and bend forward to give him a loving kiss, whispering in the same gentle tone as before that he could relax. He was safe and shouldn't worry about a single thing. He would take care of everything.

"I only told Unohana for medical reasons and I called the council but we'll not tell them anything about what really happened alright? Just let me and Unohana-taichou do the talking and we should be fine."

But before Renji could even nod in agreement the door suddenly opened to reveal the council with mixed looks of emotions visible on their normally so stern faces. But not one of them came even close to any positive emotion, the best one being the neutral look on the head-elder's face.

Byakya searched for Renji's hand and held it tightlw as the head eleder – Yuu Kuchiki- stepped forward. "We got your news." He stated silently, noting the obvious pain and distress in Renji's eyes.

"How did this happen?"

"We are guessing that the stress from suddenly being thrown into a completely different, barely known lifestyle and enviroment, as well as being forced to change who he is, are what caused this to happen. The hormonal levels caused by those amounts of stress destabilized our son's reiryoku, thus resulting in a miscarriage."

Another elder stepped forward now. "Is this your theory or that of a trained healer." The gruff voice asked him in a not particular friendly manner. The man wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he didn't really believe the theory that was thrown in their faces.

"Both myself and Unohana-taichou agree on this. But I also remember clearly asking you to leave Renji alone, to not change who he was."

"But as your husband he has to learn the rules of the clan. We cannot have the husband of our clanleaders not knowing even the most basic rules of the house."

"Being forbidden to show what you feel is not one of those rules if I remember correctly. It is written nowhere that one should hide who he is and what he feels. And just to state it in your own words Takeshsan: He's a rukongai dog and not of noble blood, only in name is he one of the noble house. And even that doesn't give you the right to do what you did."

The man huffed, once again not agreeing with a thing his clanleader was saying.

"You will leave him be. I like him just the way he is. A free, wild person that has no boundaries in his power and will to do what is right. He will learn the rules, but you will not turn him into a second me, I will personally see to that. Now please leave us alone for a while so we can mourn. We just lost our first son."

Some of the elders nodded and they started leaving, all of them except for the head-elder.

"Byakuya-sama. I can clearly see that you aren't telling us something. I am not deceived as easily as the o ther. If this wasn't an accident but a choice Renji-sama made then we have a right to know."

The clanleader stared at him before once again telling him the same thing; that it was an accident and that he should talk to Unohana-taichou about it if he didn't believe the words he was speaking.

The clanleader waited until the head-elder finally left as well before turning back towards his husband. But even when he had expected it for a little bit, the tears streaming down Renji's cheecks still shocked him and made his heart clench in his chest.

"I'm so sorry Byakuya. I'm so sorry. I can't believe what I did. I'm so sorry." The apologies and sobs just kept coming out of those –normally soft but right now- bleeding lips. Even when the clanhead wrapped his arms around his lover tightly, going back to whispering reassurances in the younger one's ear.

"It's alright Renji. I don't blame you. We'll be alright."

"But I killed our son And I know you were looking forward to having him. You can't hide what you're feeling from me when I can look directly in your eyes."

The nobleman's ewes widened before the surprise in them dissapeared and made place for a loving look once again. A look preserved only for his precious lover.

"Renji." It came out as a breathless whisper as he wrapped his arms around the fragile man's form. "We'll be alright. I won't deny that the loss hurts me a lot. Because it does. But if I ever had to decide between you or our unborn child I would choose you each and every single time. And that may seem like the wrong choice to a lot of people; but to me it's the only choice I can make because I'm not sure I'd be able to life without you any longer. My life with you means everything to me."

A moment of silence followed in which neither of them moved for even a single inch. They just stayed in each other's arms until Byakuya could feel Renji sagging against him as the lieutenant fell asleep.

Byakuya sighed deeply and layed his husband back down onto the bed before crawling in next to him. And with a silently whispered 'I love you' and a gentle kiss to the sleeping man's forehead, he fell asleep as well.

But when Byakya woke up the next morning he immediately just knew that something wasn't right. First of all, Renji was drenched in sweat, probably from having a nightmare and that –having nightmares- was something which happened so rarely by itself. Even with all the stress he'd been going through these last weeks he'd never had a nightmare. Not one single time.

And second of all, he wasn't waking up, even with Byakya shaking him by his shoulder in his –not so well hidden- panick.

It took all he had for him not to run out of the room and scream for help. But he had just enough restraint left to collect himself and walk to Unohana's office and tell her that Renji wasn't waking up.

And it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. Renji had fallen into a coma and now there was nothing thew could do but keep him stable and healty, and wait for him to wake up by himself.

As soon as he had told her thew raced back to the redhead's room to make sure he was at least the first; stable, which he thankfully was.

Now all they could do was wait and keep him that way; stable. Maybe for hours or days, or maybe even for weeks, months, or in the worst case scenario; years.

And dear Kami was he hoping for either of the first two rather than the other ones. He may be an emotionally strong person but he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle watching husband go down like his wife did.

He waited until the healers left after hooking him up to some machines before sitting down next tot the bed and grabbing his husband's hand in a near-death grip.

"Please Renji. Don't keep me waiting by your bedside for too long. Wake up as soon as you can because I'm not sure I can handle seeing you like this for even a second longer than that."

He kissed the lieutenants hand gently, like a knight kissing the hand of his fair maiden.

"Just wake up as soon as you can and I'll be waiting right here for you to do so. That's a promise, not matter how long it takes."

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AN: I am so sorry it's taking me so long to update my stories. But school is really REALLY busy and well. Except for this story I still have to finish 2 more, and I'm –not so secretly anymore- writing another story which won't even be typed untill I finished at least 2 of the 3 ongoing ones.

Well. I hope you liked, please review.