Chapter Eleven:
Closing the Distance
Please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand
And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up?
And I keep waiting for you to take me
You keep waiting to save what we have
So I'll make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long till we call this love?
Distance, Christina Perri
April 7, A.C. 201
It was a balmy evening considering that it was still early spring, but warm mistral winds often swept into the Sanc Kingdom this time of year, rendering the area temperate as the South of France. The capital city of the small sovereignty was in celebratory mode that night, as the nation's former queen was celebrating a milestone birthday: her 21st.
Relena had become known over the years for throwing lavish parties, as the Peacecraft family had done for centuries past (although busy with work, she left the party-planning duties to her somewhat less industrious friends: Quatre, who had a knack for decorating and eye for detail; Trowa, who knew how to entertain a crowd; Dorothy Catalonia, who liked attracting attention; and Duo, who simply liked to have a good time). But this year's party was going to top them all. Even Heero Yuy couldn't stay away.
Heero knew that of all of Relena's parties, this was the one he could not miss. Not that he especially wanted to be there. But he had missed her birthday last year, and the year before, claiming to be tied up with schoolwork but also not wanting to endure the awkwardness of an inevitable slow dance with his ex-girlfriend. He still cared for Relena, and missed her, but hadn't wanted to get her hopes up for reconciliation just by showing up.
Then, a few months ago, everything changed. Heero completed his degree in computer science and engineering over a year ahead of schedule. He started working full-time as a systems engineer while working on retainer for the Preventers. Then he noticed that the Sanc Kingdom government was hiring.
It got him thinking. Ever since he'd left Relena's side, having spent a few years tagging along as her bodyguard when they were both still teenagers, he'd wondered what it would be like if he went back. Now they were both adults. A lot had changed in the past few years, politically and economically. The world was different; they were different. Four years ago, terrorists crashed Relena's 17th birthday, but there had been few dangerous threats since then, and nothing of that caliber. Things were quiet; Relena seemed safe. Heero thought, sometimes, that she was probably better off without him, although he knew that he was the best possible bodyguard for her, truly believing that no one could keep her safer. He didn't know if she needed him; perhaps not in that sense, not anymore. Regardless, he submitted his application. He had to find out.
And so he found himself driving a rental car to the stately house – palace, really – that Relena called home. It had been in her family for years, and although it functioned as a school and an orphanage, Relena still slept in the master bedroom there, not wanting to get a smaller house or apartment and live completely on her own. Heero, not to mention Zechs, wouldn't have liked that; both of them would rather Relena live with a number of people, including her staff and bodyguards, than all alone. It was one thing the two former rivals had in common— extreme protectiveness over Relena.
Heero had come back to Sanc that night equipped with nothing more than a duffel bag, in which he carried his life's belongings, including his computer, and an electronic invitation from Relena, which was still stored on his vid-phone. That, along with his Preventers uniform, helped him gain clearance to the soiree. The former soldier had to admit that he was impressed with the high level of surveillance— he had to show three forms of I.D. before he was allowed entrance beyond the front gates. Although if he were head of security, he would have also required retina scans.
A valet parked his vehicle while Heero made his way inside. The evening sun hung low in the sky, which was streaked with shades of orange, pink and purple, like one of those girlie cocktails Relena occasionally liked to sip. The bright colors carried over to the palace's grand hall, which was decorated with more pink than most people – even Relena – probably cared to look at. Heero suspected that Dorothy – or Quatre – had something to do with that. As he entered the hall, Heero knew it was only a matter of seconds before his eyes would settle on Relena; she was likely in the very center of the room, welcoming guests with her warm smile and tinkling laugh.
He spotted her in seconds. One side was turned to Heero as she stood with Quatre and Trowa, leaning casually on Trowa's arm while laughing at something their blond friend was saying. Her honey-colored tresses cascaded over one shoulder in mesmerizing waves, her schoolgirl bangs either grown out or pinned to the side of her face. Either way, she looked more grown-up than Heero had ever seen her before, even when she wore business attire. Her summery cocktail dress was also shorter in hemline and lower-cut than other dresses he remembered; it also clung more closely to her figure. This one looked slightly off-white, but glimmered with gold in places where the soft glow of candles and glittering chandeliers shone upon her. Heero found her plunging neckline – revealing a more ample chest than he remembered his teenage girlfriend possessing – especially distracting, as were the long, toned legs she displayed, accented by gold high-heeled sandals. Trying not to gape at her, Heero concentrated on steeling his gaze as he ambled toward her.
Relena obviously saw him out of the corner of her eye but took a swig from her champagne flute before turning toward him. As their eyes met from across the room, she broke into a wide smile. Heero saw her lips form his name.
Conversations halted around them as the two stood about a foot apart, taking one another in. He couldn't believe it had been three years. Three years since their last kiss, last embrace, last… everything. Three long years he'd managed to stay away. Now, it would take only three steps forward to make all of the distance disappear.
They stood looking at one another for a beat before Relena stumbled forward. She seemed to be leaning on Trowa for support, but he gave her a gentle shove in the back. Perhaps it was the champagne or the high heels, or the clumsiness the royal always seemed to possess, but the tiny push was enough to send the princess tumbling. Heero caught her in a quick second. She blinked her bright blue eyes up at him as he steadied her in his arms.
"Heero?" She obviously wasn't expecting him.
He smirked down at the beautiful creature in his arms. "I got your invitation," he murmured.
She arched one eyebrow at him, amused. "Really," she said as a statement, not a question. She jabbed a pointed finger in his chest. "You didn't RSVP."
He pretended to look annoyed while a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Fine. Surprise."
Relena laughed, and Heero could feel himself warming at the familiar sound. He tried to quell the sudden surge of emotions he felt stirring within him; he was not supposed to feel this way around her. Wasn't he over her, after all? He'd imagined seeing her again would be awkward, not so comfortable. So… Easy.
"So, is this my present?" Relena's voice cut into his trailing thoughts.
"Uh, no." Heero raked a hand through the back of his hair nervously. "Can we… talk in private?"
Relena looked back to her group of friends. Heero acknowledged Quatre and Trowa with a nod; the two former pilots both responded with a wave. Neither seemed to want to disrupt the long-overdue reunion happening before their eyes.
Relena nodded shyly at Heero and laced her arm through his, leading him up the grand hall's staircase, away from her guests. Heero could feel countless pairs of eyes boring into his back as he headed upstairs with her, arm and arm, but he didn't care. Neither did she, apparently. Years ago, she might have worried about slipping away with him in front of a large group of people; they were discreet about their relationship then. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd even been in her bedroom, but Zechs had something to do with that. At the time, it had frustrated the teenaged Heero, but looking back he knew it was probably for the best. He and Relena were very young when they were together, and there was enough pressure on their adolescent relationship without factoring in physical intimacy. For someone like Heero, a child soldier who grew up without any affection or human contact whatsoever, being close to someone as warm and affectionate as Relena took a lot of getting used to; for the longest time, kissing and hand-holding was more than enough for both the stoic bodyguard and the bashful princess.
He could have been imagining it, but Heero thought Relena seemed significantly less bashful and much more brazen as she led him into her bedroom now, casting sidelong glances at him through her dark eyelashes.
"Here we are," she murmured, opening the door.
"You mean I'm allowed to enter the inner sanctum?" Heero teased in his monotone.
Relena shrugged. "Well, Zechs isn't here to stop you."
Zechs was missing his own sister's 21st birthday? That was unlike the overprotective – and that was putting it mildly – big brother. "Where's Zechs?"
"Where else? In space. With Noin." Relena waved her free hand dismissively. "It's not important." Relena sauntered over to her bed, Heero in tow. The massive bed was covered with a white, fluffy duvet that resembled a giant cream puff. Relena sat down and patted the space next to her. Heero tugged at his shirt collar.
"It's kind of warm in here," he feigned. "Can we… talk outside?"
Relena blinked up at him in apparent confusion, then smiled. "Sure," she said, getting back on her feet and leading the way to her balcony.
Somehow it was even steamier outside, and it was all too tempting to get swept up in the sunset view over the palace garden, along with the beautiful girl staring at him expectantly. Heero cleared his throat while Relena seemed to await some kind of explanation.
His voice seemed stuck in his throat. "Well, uh," he began. "Happy birthday." He stuffed his hands in his pants pockets and leaned in the open doorway.
Relena smiled, resting against the balcony's marble columns, facing him. "Thank you. I wasn't expecting to see you."
"You did invite me." Heero stiffened.
"And I invited you last year. And the year before. But then maybe your invitations got lost in space." She winked at him, which coaxed a laugh out of Heero. She laughed, too, but then tilted her head and peered at him curiously. "So why now?"
Why, indeed? The answer was complicated, to say the least. Heero still wasn't sure what he was doing there; only knew that he felt like he had to see her. For now, he answered, simply, "It was time."
"Ah." This answer seemed to pacify her, for now. "Well, it's been a while. You look different." Her eyes slowly scanned him head to toe; Heero took the opportunity to do the same to her.
"So do you," he responded. "I've never seen you in a dress like that." He hadn't meant to say that aloud, but it slipped out.
Relena blushed. "My friends picked this out. Is it too much?" She tugged at the gauzy fabric.
"No." Heero quickly shook his head. "Just not your usual style. It doesn't cover your ankles or have any big, poufy sleeves." Relena laughed her elegant, tinkling laugh once more.
"Well, things change."
"Yeah, they do."
The two stood staring at one another for a beat before Relena finally broke away, turning to look down at the blooming roses in her yard. Heero recalled an incident years ago when Relena, newly appointed Vice Foreign Minister, worked herself into a feverish frenzy and wound up toppling over that very balcony. Heero found her splayed in the garden with a twisted ankle. He ended up tending to her injury, putting her to bed on her sofa, and correcting piles of paperwork for her, leaving a single rose on top. It was one of the earliest indications he ever gave that he was interested in becoming more than friends.
He wondered if Relena was sharing in the same memory as she stared below. "Heero," she whispered without looking up at him. "I've had dreams where you just showed up like this. I'm not even sure this is real. I… I missed you."
Ignoring the voice in his head that told him not to, Heero moved closer to her and pushed a golden tendril of hair off her bare shoulder. "Relena…" He couldn't think of a more impressive thing to say, something that could sum up all of the conflicting feelings racing through his head. He wished that he could. "I'm here now," was all he managed.
She raised tearful eyes to his. "For how long?"
He didn't have an answer for that. Yet. Heero reached into his bag, retrieved a large manila envelope and held it out to Relena. "Open it," he instructed.
Relena's hands shook slightly as she accepted the envelope. "What is this?" she murmured. But she didn't wait for Heero to respond as she opened it, pulling out a few sheets of paper. As her eyes scanned the documents, she laughed in disbelief. "Heero, this is a resume and cover letter."
His dark blue eyes twinkled at her. "Uh-huh."
She shook her head, still smiling. "Why are you giving me a job application? Am I hiring?"
"You are." Heero took a step closer. Relena just gaped at him.
"And you decided to just… show up, and apply in person?"
"Yeah."
Relena rolled her eyes. "Why didn't you apply online?"
"I did. Two weeks ago. HR never got back to me." He leveled his gaze at Relena. "I'm here to follow up."
She took in a sharp breath. "Heero, this is crazy."
"Why? You don't want to work with me?"
"Not really, no." She pressed her lips together, almost frowning. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"
Now it was Heero's turn to frown. "Why not?"
"Why not." Relena laughed drily. "Perhaps because we used to be together. And you've been gone for three years." Her voice turned to a whisper. "And I thought you might never come back."
"Did you really think that?"
"You were pretty convincing." Relena lowered her head. Heero reached for her, tilting her chin up with his thumb.
"You'd never believe that. You knew I'd come back in some capacity. And you knew I'd always watch over you."
"I admit that I felt that, Heero. But that was years ago. After a while I stopped looking around for you, thinking you were still there in the shadows. And then I stopped feeling you there."
Heero lowered his hand from her face. She was right. After a while, he did stop coming around. He had told himself that if he was going to leave, he needed to stay gone. He didn't want to lead her on or waste his time pining over her. He thought moving on was the mature thing to do.
Too bad he'd found it categorically impossible.
Her voice was cutting through his thoughts again. "So why did you come back?" she whispered. "Really?"
He felt caught in a trap of his own making. He wasn't expecting Relena to be so upset with him over leaving. Their breakup, though difficult, had been mutual and amicable. They had parted on good terms. And he had vowed to always be there for her. The hurt and heartache she was revealing now both confused and overwhelmed him. Heero couldn't bear the thought of disappointing her once more.
"I came," he answered slowly, "to make sure you were safe. When I saw the position open up, it seemed like a good chance to keep an eye on you again. In a much more official sense," he added, since he'd acted as her unofficial bodyguard for years.
"Oh." Relena frowned. "But what about school?"
Heero gestured to his resume. "I finished in January. I've been working as a systems engineer since then. I can use that experience to revamp your security system; I'm more than competent with technology, as you know."
"Right." Relena cleared her throat and rifled through the documents again. "You do have a stellar resume, Heero. But I think you're a bit overqualified." He noticed that her cheeks were burning red.
"Relena." He waited for her to look at him again before continuing. "I want to be here."
"As my employee."
Heero nodded.
Relena sighed. "Won't that be… awkward?"
"It doesn't have to be."
"But we have a history, Heero."
"Yeah. A good one." He was growing more perplexed with her reasoning by the minute. Why was she making this so hard?
"Don't you see?" She gave another exasperated sigh. "Do you remember why we broke up?"
"Yeah. Of course." Did she think he would forget?
"Distance," she said anyway. "You had school; I had work and traveling; you had the occasional Preventers assignment that would have you gone for months. We couldn't sustain the relationship the way it was going."
"I know," said Heero, still puzzled. He wondered why Relena was summing up their entire history now.
"So…" Relena looked at him, as if waiting for him to catch up to her train of thought. "You come here, you start working for me, and then what?" She paused, but Heero said nothing. "No more distance. So if we can finally come together in the same place and time, for once, what's the point in being apart?"
They wouldn't be apart, Heero thought. That was the point. "Relena, I…"
She put both hands up. "But if you're my employee, we can't be together. So you get to look after me – in an official capacity – and no longer from a distance. But you can't hold me close, either. Do you see the problem with this?"
He saw a big problem with that. But what was he supposed to do now? He had come all the way there, thinking that she would be happy to see him, overjoyed knowing that in the end, he had chosen to be by her side. Because for him, it was the end. He was young, sure; not certain of his exact age because he never knew his birthday, but he knew they were roughly the same age. And he knew that after traveling the world and the colonies, there was no other place he wanted to be. He was done. He had a compulsive need to safeguard Relena, to keep her close. For Heero, in a new era that no longer needed Gundam pilots or perfect soldiers, it was the only thing that seemed to make sense.
They needed each other, he thought. But maybe he'd thought wrong.
Heero tried to speak again. "Relena…"
"It's fine if you want to be on the payroll, Heero. I know you'd do a more-than-efficient job." Her shoulders sagged. "It's just… I don't know if I can do it. Be so close to you again, I mean. It's going to be hard." She peered up at him through her long lashes again. "What will it mean… for us?"
In that moment, he didn't know. He just knew his feet were moving him forward, not that they had any place else to go. At that point he was standing so close to Relena, she was practically pressed up against him. If he moved any closer, they would both tumble off the balcony.
Not knowing how to answer her, he just took her back into his arms. She settled against his chest comfortably. It felt good. He felt like she belonged there; she was the only girl who'd ever fit. Heero had tried, in an attempt to get over Relena, participating in the occasional casual fling. While other, attractive girls were appealing, there was simply no one like Relena. Other guys could cast their feelings aside for a one night stand, he knew, but Heero's dark past rendered him much different; he had obvious intimacy issues, and Relena was the only one he felt enough at ease around. No one else even came close.
"Heero," she was murmuring his name in his ear. He almost shivered as her breath tickled his neck. "You never answered my question. What does this all mean?"
Relena never could let a question go unanswered. Heero pulled away from her briefly.
"Do we have to figure it out right now?"
His vague response seemed to calm her, somehow. Relena broke into a smile. She shook her head "no."
"Not tonight," she whispered. "You're here. You're back. And it's my birthday. For now, I just want to enjoy my present." She giggled.
"Your present, huh?" Heero smiled down at her. "You think this is it?"
"Isn't it?" She tapped his chest.
It wasn't. He had a gift for her, in his pocket. A diamond in a small, velvet box. Not a ring, but a pendant on a delicate gold chain. Diamond was her birthstone; fitting for a princess.
But after such an emotional discussion, Heero wasn't sure now was the time to give Relena a diamond of any kind. Confusion, hurt and frustration still hung heavy in the air between them, despite the adoring way she was gazing up at him. And he knew despite her eloquence, Relena was still champagne-tipsy. If he slipped the pendant around her neck that night, she would awaken with nothing but more uncertainty in the morning.
If he were going to start working for her soon, it would behoove him to avoid further complications.
Heero wondered how much of their conversation Relena would even remember the next day, but then he didn't know how much she'd had to drink. She was still smiling up at him, swaying slightly in his arms.
"What is it, then?" she teased.
What the hell, he thought.
Still holding her in his arms, Heero tipped Relena further back with one hand wrapped around her waist, the other caressing her neck. He gently covered her mouth with his.
Heero gave her as slow and sensuous a kiss as he could muster, although he was out of practice. While he had tried letting others into his personal space over the past few years, he never could bring himself to kiss anyone else. Relena still tasted exactly the way he remembered, with the different but not unpleasant addition of champagne and strawberries.
After several minutes, Relena finally broke away, breathless. Heero could feel her shaking.
"Heero," she gasped. She touched her lips where he'd smeared her rose-colored lip gloss, looking shocked by their sudden, dramatic collision. "So… what happens now?"
"You tell me," Heero smirked, tugging on a lock of her hair. "You're the birthday girl."
Relena blushed, lowering her eyes. "I know what I'd like to happen next… but. I might not remember it. And I'd like to." She slowly brought her eyes back up to his.
The way she'd said those words stirred something deep within him. He pulled her back into her arms; he couldn't help himself. The way she looked, felt, smelled and tasted was intoxicating. He felt a rush of blood to his head and tried to focus on not taking that aforementioned tumble off the veranda.
"Then you tell me when to stop," he whispered huskily.
She traced a finger over the stubble growing along his jaw line. Her sky blue eyes met the depths of his dark ones, earth colliding with deep space.
Her pink lips parted as she whispered her response.
"Never."
It took everything in Heero's diminishing willpower not to carry Relena from the balcony to her bed, and finally close the remaining distance between them. But the gentleman in Heero prevented him from ravishing her while knowing she was even a little inebriated. It did not, however, stop him from kissing her again.
He had no idea if she would remember that moment, but he knew it would stay with him forever.
Eventually, the reunited pair tore themselves apart and joined the rest of the party. Heero danced to a few songs with the birthday girl at her request, then made sure she got to bed at the relatively sane hour of 2 a.m. A few more glasses of champagne later, she was asleep in his arms before he even had a chance to tuck her in. He deposited her on the bed and covered the princess, still clad in her party dress, with the fluffy duvet.
He kissed Relena's forehead, turned off her light, and took one last glance over his shoulder before turning down the hall to the bedroom he used to occupy whenever he stayed in Sanc.
Heero started working as Relena's head of security – and personal bodyguard – later that week. While cheerful and friendly as ever, she maintained a somewhat detached demeanor around him; and never brought up his sudden reappearance, or the kiss on her balcony, again. It was as if their single most passionate moment had never happened, but was mere reverie in Heero's mind.
He kept the little velvet box holding Relena's birthday diamond in a lockbox under his bed. Although, sometimes, he would take it with him when they traveled, in case there were ever an appropriate occasion to present it. And later that year, as Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's and Relena's 22nd birthday came and went, Heero thought about giving her the gift, but the perfect moment never seemed to arise. There always seemed to be something in the way.
Over a year after that balmy April night, memories of the past collided violently with images of the possible future, a storm raging through Heero's mind.
The year was After Colony 202. The date was May 20. And once again, a wayward soldier was making his way back to his princess.
Heero would return to Relena. And this time, there would be no holding back. No mistakes. He wasn't going to risk ever letting her go— not again. Not ever.
He was almost back on the L1 colony and would soon be back at the hotel. Back to her.
And the velvet box was in his pocket.
A/N: The last chapter was sadly devoid of any 1xR sappiness; I hope this one made up for that in spades. Buckle up, dear readers— we're hurtling toward the finish line. Thanks for sticking with me.