FACADE STAGEPLAY Tue Feb 19 20 07 19 2013
GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
TRIP What, Grace... this?
GRACE Yes, you know how I feel about it -
TRIP I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
GRACE You know I've had to ask you about this several -
TRIP Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
ERIC MELON
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
GRACE Fine, Trip... fine... - (interrupted)
TRIP Uhp, he's here!
GRACE What?! You told me it'd be an hour from now!
TRIP No, he's supposed to be here now!
GRACE God... Trip!
ERIC HELLO?
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP Eric!
TRIP Hey! It's been too long, man! How are you doing, you look great!
(ERIC hugs trip.)
TRIP Ha ha, hi!
TRIP Wow, it's really really great to see you.
TRIP Come on in!
TRIP Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
ERIC I can?
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
GRACE No, no, here we are!
ERIC CHEESE
GRACE Eric,
GRACE Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! - (interrupted)
GRACE Uh...
GRACE Well, come in, make yourself at home...
GRACE So, Eric, I was - (interrupted)
ERIC HOW ARE YOU GRACE?
PHONE ** RING **
GRACE Oh, I'll get it -
TRIP No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it. - (interrupted)
PHONE ** RING **
ERIC I WILL
TRIP What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...
PHONE ** RING **
PHONE ** RING **
ANSWERING MACHINE ** click **
ANSWERING MACHINE You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!
(ERIC picks up the phone.)
PHONE Hello? Hello?
TRIP Eric, no! Don't do that.
PHONE Who is this? Travis, is that you? This is your mother.
ERIC hi
TRIP Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.
ERIC yes
PHONE I don't recognize your voice...
GRACE Oh!
ERIC HELLO
PHONE I - I think I have the wrong number... ** click **
TRIP Okay, she's confused, as usual... just - just hang it up.
ERIC NUUUU
(ERIC puts down the phone.)
GRACE Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth -
TRIP Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they don't know 'black tie only' from... black bean chili.
ERIC THE PHONE WENT THROUGH YO
GRACE (frustrated sigh)
TRIP Well... you two are all chummy already... that's, that's good...
TRIP Oh, Eric, you've got to take a look at this amazing photo from our recent trip to Italy... - (interrupted)
ERIC grace did you draw the dress?
TRIP Well - um, you'll love this incredible Italy photo!
TRIP So, uh, come here, look at this, it's, it - it's great, take a look! - (interrupted)
ERIC it's lovely
TRIP Oh, uh...
GRACE How nice of you to say that. Isn't it good to see our friend after so long?
ERIC your a wonderful artist
GRACE Um, wait...
GRACE You think we should...
GRACE make art...
ERIC yes
TRIP Ha ha, ha, oh, you're - you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...
ERIC I'LL GET THE PAINT
GRACE Ha, yeah, ha ha...
TRIP Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha heh heh... - (interrupted)
GRACE Oh, yeah, that new painting, I just put it up this week... It's... - (interrupted)
ERIC I'm serious
GRACE uh...
TRIP Eric, come on, come on, take a look at this picture!
GRACE Why did I let you put that up...
ERIC is the painting handmade?
GRACE Oh god, let's not talk about this painting.
TRIP That's an odd thing to say for someone who claims to like art.
GRACE Eric, it's amazing how two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
GRACE Trip, see, your weird obsession for Italy is making our friend uncomfortable.
ERIC there's moar then one painting?
GRACE Okay, you know what, I really don't want to talk about this anymore.
GRACE I'll be right back.
TRIP Grace, what are you -
GRACE No you two keep talking about our amazing apartment and redecorating and furniture all night long, that's fine...
TRIP What? Where are you going?
ERIC umm...this painting is...
GRACE I'll just be in the kitchen.
ERIC asstastic
TRIP (frustrated sigh)
TRIP Um, Grace, uh, my love, could you, uh -
TRIP could you bring out some of that prosciutto, you know, that we served at our last party?
ERIC the door is open...
TRIP Well, I'm sorry that we're all having this... misunderstanding... tonight.
ERIC the door is open.
TRIP Heh... this is nothing... we - we - we're just... she's... - (interrupted)
ERIC can I close the door?
TRIP Oh, uh, Grace has been kind of stressed out lately, with work, and, and, and I try to give - (interrupted)
GRACE Trip?
TRIP Yes?
GRACE Trip?
ERIC GRACE ISN'T A DOOR!
TRIP What?
TRIP Hey - hey, uh... Eric,
TRIP I meant to tell you, we're going to have this big, big party next weekend.
ERIC RAAAAAAAAAA
TRIP Do you - do you think you can make it?
ERIC NO
GRACE So, what have you two been talking about in here?!
TRIP Oh! uh, heh heh, hey... um...
ERIC ga!
GRACE Yeah...
GRACE You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and - (interrupted)
TRIP Well, yeah, it's - (interrupted)
TRIP Eric, what are you doing? Are you leaving?
(ERIC knocks on the front door.)
(ERIC closes the front door.)
TRIP (little sigh) Anyway... I can't remember what we were talking about...
ERIC THE DOOR WAS OPEN
TRIP You know what? It's about time... - (interrupted)
ERIC sorry
TRIP Uh, well, um, we need drinks!
TRIP This is great... For us I'm going to open an amazing, I mean, exquisite Bordeaux.
ERIC grace. how are you?
GRACE What? No, I, I'm - I'm fine, we're fine, everything's fine...
GRACE (clears throat)
TRIP So... how does a Bordeaux sound? - (interrupted)
ERIC do you need a hug?
GRACE What? Hey, no, there's nothing...
GRACE you keep...
ERIC sorry.
GRACE no, everything's fine, okay? - (interrupted)
TRIP So... how does a Bordeaux sound?
ERIC I'm sorry...
TRIP No no I really think we should have this wine, trust me, trust me!
TRIP Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special -
ERIC I don't drink...
GRACE God Trip, you're just like my dad with the whole wine snob thing.
TRIP I'll take that as a compliment. Eric, what do you say?
GRACE Eric, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?
TRIP Yeah, no, we need to open this wine! Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!
GRACE (frustrated sigh)
TRIP I've been dying to try this Bordeaux for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity -
ERIC yes! juice would be lovely
GRACE That's not our anniversary wine is it?
GRACE That's not the Bordeaux we saved from our wedding, that we were going to drink on our tenth wedding anniversary, RIGHT?!
ERIC can I has juice?
TRIP Whoops.
ERIC juice?
TRIP Eric, no, I'm not fixing you a drink right now!
GRACE Our anniversary wine!
GRACE Sometimes I feel like our whole marriage is just for show! I don't know what you really feel!
ERIC I DON'T DRINK
GRACE Are - what, what are you saying?
TRIP Goddamn more real...
TRIP I like my fancy drinks, okay? I like the good things in life, does that make me a bad person? Their just drinks!
GRACE Oh, my God...!
GRACE Alright, you know what, Eric,
ERIC HE'S FORCING ALCHOL ON ME
GRACE I'm going to ask you something.
TRIP Grace -
GRACE Trip, let me ask our guest a question.
ERIC ok
GRACE Eric, yes or no...
GRACE If there was a thing about yourself you didn't like, but your husband or wife likes it, is it still okay to hide it?
ERIC no
TRIP What...?!
TRIP Oh, okay... sure...
TRIP Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be! Who - who I am! This is who I am now! Goddammit!
GRACE Oh, that's great Trip!
ERIC can I please have juice?
GRACE Uhh! Yeah, good, get away from me!
GRACE I don't want to look at you!
GRACE Dammit, Trip!
ERIC I'LL GET IT MYSELF!
GRACE What? What are you saying?
TRIP What? Are you talking about me in there?
GRACE I wasn't talking about you!
GRACE Eric, I - I'm sorry... this - (interrupted)
ERIC wanna sit down with me?
TRIP Eric, in what you said before, about marriage... I think that tells us something about Grace.
GRACE Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
ERIC what?
TRIP What?
TRIP Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist. - (interrupted)
ERIC GET AWAY FROM ME!
TRIP Alright, Eric, that's it, you've got to leave.
ERIC NONOOOOOO
ERIC NONONONon
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP We'll be fine - you should just go.
ERIC GRACE!
(Trip closes the front door.)
ERIC NO!