Facade Playthroughs Chapter 4, a façade fanfic

FACADE STAGEPLAY Tue Feb 19 20 53 34 2013

TRIP Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE What for?

TRIP That should be obvious!

GRACE Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

TRIP Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

ESPEN LET ME IN BITCHES

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

TRIP Uhp, he's here!

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

GRACE What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

TRIP No, he's supposed to be here now!

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

GRACE Trip...!

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

ESPEN hi?

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP Espen!

TRIP Hi! It's so great to see you! It's been a while how's it going?

ESPEN good

TRIP Yeah!

TRIP Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.

TRIP Come on in!

(ESPEN hugs trip.)

TRIP Uh, I'll - I'll go get Grace...

TRIP (unintelligable arguing)

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

(ESPEN closes the front door.)

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

(ESPEN closes the front door.)

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

(ESPEN closes the front door.)

(ESPEN knocks on the front door.)

(ESPEN closes the front door.)

TRIP (unintelligable arguing)

ESPEN PENIS'

ESPEN GRACE?

GRACE Espen,

ESPEN HI

GRACE Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! - (interrupted)

GRACE H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE By the way, you look fabulous!

GRACE Well, come on in, make yourself at home!

ESPEN oh thanks

GRACE Oh, ha ha ha!

GRACE Espen, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful - (interrupted)

PHONE ** RING **

(ESPEN sits on the couch.)

GRACE Oh, I'll get it -

TRIP No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

PHONE ** RING **

ESPEN I can get it

PHONE ** RING **

TRIP What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...

ESPEN why?

PHONE ** RING **

(ESPEN gets up from the couch.)

TRIP Well, h - hold on, hold on... (clears throat)

ANSWERING MACHINE ** click **

GRACE Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth -

ANSWERING MACHINE You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a message!

TRIP Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they wouldn't know what a cumberbund from a cucumber.

ANSWERING MACHINE ** beep **

ANSWERING MACHINE Travis, are you there, it's your mother, I haven't heard from you and Grace in a while,

GRACE (frustrated sigh)

ANSWERING MACHINE I'm just calling to find out if you've settled in to your new apartment, that's all...

ESPEN can I have some juice please?

TRIP Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!

TRIP Oh and I've got these fancy new cocktail shakers I'm itching to try out.

ANSWERING MACHINE Give me a call if you're not travelling, I know you're travelling a lot these days.

ANSWERING MACHINE Okay, that's all, bye Travis.

TRIP Espen, come on, take a look at this picture!

ESPEN I can't have alchohol...

TRIP N - no, no, come take a look!

GRACE Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

TRIP (little sigh) Well this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.

GRACE Trip, don't exaggerate... it was just a weekend getaway.

TRIP uhh...

TRIP So! Drinks!

TRIP I've got the perfect bottle of cabernet I've been saving for just such an occasion.

TRIP We went wine tasting last year in the Napa with Grace's parents and discovered this stuff, it's exquisite.

GRACE uhh... you and your high class drinks...

ESPEN I can't have alchohol trip

TRIP Oh, but everybody loves that!

GRACE Trip don't pressure our friend, okay?

GRACE Espen, maybe you'd like just a simple glass of white wine?

TRIP uhh...

ESPEN I can I have some jucie?

TRIP You know I'm just going to open a bottle of merlot or something,

GRACE Yes, sometimes a simple glass of wine is better than those fancy drinks you always insist on making.

ESPEN water?

TRIP Grace, I assume you want your usual... 'a lovely, very cold - (interrupted)

TRIP Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix you a real drink in not too long...

GRACE As for my drink...

GRACE Well, actually, I would like a glass of Chardonnay.

TRIP Of course.

ESPEN but. I can't have alchohol!

TRIP Heh heh, Espen, seeing you brings back good memories, you know?

GRACE Yes, it does. H-mmm (happy smile sound)

ESPEN lemonade?

TRIP Chardonnay, come and get it.

GRACE (little sigh)

TRIP So, yeah, I just realized!

TRIP Espen, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us.

TRIP Senior year of college!

GRACE Oh... geez...

TRIP Remember that?

ESPEN grape juice?

TRIP Here you go.

(ESPEN picks up a player's drink.)

TRIP So, ten years ago... that's when you introduced us, right?

ESPEN I think...

TRIP We really want to thank you for years and years of...

GRACE Pain.

TRIP Heh heh heh... Agony. - (interrupted)

ESPEN pain?

TRIP Uh - I - I mean, uh, it's, uh - it's great you could be here tonight.

GRACE Well, we're all friends here...

TRIP (little sigh) - (interrupted)

ESPEN I'm not thirsty anymore...

(ESPEN puts down a player's drink.)

GRACE Anyway...

GRACE Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend - - (interrupted)

GRACE You know, ever since we got married, Trip is forever trying to get me to buy new furniture, and redecorate,

GRACE and - and it's true, I kind of enjoy it but...

TRIP Well, yeah, it's great, everybody loves it when they come in and see our latest decoration scheme!

(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)

(Trip sips his Trip's drink.)

ESPEN hey grace did you draw those?

GRACE But, - (interrupted)

TRIP Well, you have to appreciate how after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace can find the time to redecorate -

GRACE I want to throw it all out, get rid of everything, and throw paint all over the walls...

TRIP (annoyed sigh) - (interrupted)

ESPEN cool

TRIP Ah, yeah, Espen, I knew you'd like it.

TRIP See Grace you don't realize how good this all looks - and, and how good you look!

GRACE (annoyed sigh)

ESPEN I likke her paint idea better

TRIP No no, no no, see, Grace loves expensive furniture, she...

TRIP grew up in this really nice house, with really nice couches and fancy dishes, and, and she can't live without this stuff.

ESPEN ummmm...

GRACE Uh, well, it just doesn't go in this room, right?

ESPEN yea

GRACE Ah, what a nice surprise, an honest answer!

TRIP Espen, Wait! Grace, I don't know where you're getting this -

GRACE You know, Trip, do you realize that if you hadn't convinced me to go into advertising, I could have painted that painting on the wall instead of buying it!

TRIP (short petulant sigh)

TRIP Oh, yeah, we've seen how your artist friends live, as if you could survive that kind of lifestyle! Give me a break!

TRIP Ahh, this is bullshit!

GRACE Ahh, no, you're full of shit!

GRACE As if you could survive...

GRACE You keep trying to make our lives so shallow and fake! I don't want to live a fake life, Trip!

ESPEN you are a very good artist grace.

TRIP (little impatient sigh) - (interrupted)

GRACE Look, you're going to really make it bad if you keep criticizing me!

TRIP Goddamn more real...

TRIP I like my fancy drinks, okay? I like the good things in life, does that make me a bad person? Their just drinks! - (interrupted)

GRACE Oh, God...!

ESPEN I'm not though!

GRACE Are - what, what are you saying?

ESPEN you pretty

GRACE Okay, you know what, Espen,

GRACE I'm going to ask you something.

TRIP Grace -

GRACE Trip, let me ask our guest a question.

GRACE Espen, yes or no...

(ESPEN sits on the couch.)

GRACE Do you think it's _wrong_ for one person in a marriage to listen _too much_ to the other?

TRIP What?

GRACE To trust your husband or wife too much, to rely on them too much? Is that wrong?

GRACE Yes or no.

ESPEN ummmm...is this a trick question?

GRACE What...?!

GRACE Oh, yes, that's fine... that's fine...

GRACE Goddammit! How can I be happy when you act this way, Trip? Huh? I'm miserable!

TRIP Oh, god...!

ESPEN no...I mean...I DON'T KNOW!

TRIP Yeah, go on, get out of my face!

ESPEN WAIT!

TRIP I can't frigging take this!

TRIP Goddammit, Grace!

ESPEN COME BACK! DUN LEAVE ME!

TRIP What are you saying? What?

GRACE What, Trip? Are you trying to talk to me?

TRIP What's it to you?

ESPEN I'm sleepy...

TRIP Espen, this has never ever happened before...!

TRIP uhh... - (interrupted)

ESPEN really?

GRACE Espen, (annoyed sigh) Trip is just so...

TRIP Oh, we're talking about me, are we?

GRACE What?

ESPEN no

GRACE Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..

TRIP They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!

GRACE Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

ESPEN that's...

TRIP Oh, now it's all my fault. Just because your parents and I get along, now it's some big conspiracy.

ESPEN yea

GRACE God...

TRIP No we need - we need to talk about us both, not just one.

ESPEN it is trip

GRACE I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.

(ESPEN gets up from the couch.)

TRIP Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.

GRACE No, it's true...

ESPEN yes he does.

GRACE Yes?

GRACE Ah, that helps him.

TRIP What!? That's ridiculous. Why would I - why would I be afraid of their stupid meatloafs and their tacky house and their crappy wine...?

ESPEN they're poor?

TRIP Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

TRIP It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do something nice for you, you resist it?

GRACE Trip...

TRIP Like I always have to convince you?

GRACE Espen, you know, we... uhh...

(ESPEN picks up a trinket 6.)

TRIP Grace, we don't - we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just - - (interrupted)

GRACE All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy. We're so happy, aren't we Trip?

(ESPEN puts down a trinket 6.)

TRIP Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well off? - (interrupted)

(ESPEN points to the wedding photo.)

GRACE God, that wedding picture... I hate it.

(ESPEN points to the wedding photo.)

TRIP Grace, how can you say -

GRACE You and my parents had so much fun planning everything. Trip, the bride normally plans the wedding.

TRIP Jesus, Grace, most women would consider themselves lucky.

ESPEN the bride plans. always

GRACE Look, if we're going to talk about marriage, all I can say is, it doesn't turn out the way you expect it to.

TRIP Grace...

GRACE I'm not saying marriage is a bad idea or something, I'm just... saying I think it's hard to predict what it will actually be like...

(ESPEN hugs grace.)

TRIP Grace, - (interrupted)

GRACE Oh, Espen, thanks, but, what we need right now is to just get all this out in the open...

(ESPEN comforts grace.)

TRIP Christ, Espen, - (interrupted)

ESPEN it's ok

TRIP No, uhh... Espen, what I need is to figure out what hell is going here...

TRIP Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.

ESPEN shit's happening that's what!

TRIP You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP Espen, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good in front of the guests!

(ESPEN picks up a Trip's drink.)

(ESPEN puts down a Trip's drink.)

TRIP Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

TRIP You know what makes me so angry?

GRACE What?

TRIP How you've so conveniently forgotten how much you used to actually hate painting!

(ESPEN picks up the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")

(ESPEN shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE Espen, I - I - uhh...!

(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")

(ESPEN shakes the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")

ESPEN who knows

(ESPEN shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist.

(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")

GRACE Uhh...!

TRIP I'm sorry, you're not.

GRACE Espen, uhh...

ESPEN HOW DARE YOU TRIP!

TRIP No?

GRACE Ah, thank you, you disagree, that might just help him! See, Trip, you have no idea what an artist is.

(ESPEN shakes the advice ball.)

(ESPEN puts down the advice ball.)

TRIP No, let's switch to talking about Grace.

TRIP Espen, you think this is all my fault, don't you?

GRACE See, you lied to me when you said I'd be able to take time off from work at some point, to start painting again.

TRIP I never said such a thing, you're completely making that up!

TRIP Espen, do you agree with that?

ESPEN yes

GRACE Yes?

TRIP Espen, you - you think I'm lying?

ESPEN yes

TRIP Uhh...

TRIP Uhh, you... uhh... does anyone... uhh - uhh... - (interrupted)

GRACE Yes?

TRIP Uhh...

ESPEN heeeey sexy grapey

TRIP Look, quit the flirting already, I'm not going to put up with that at this point!

ESPEN flirting?

TRIP No we need - we need to talk about us both, not just one.

GRACE Espen, you - you blame me for all this, don't you?

TRIP See, I don't think you really want to be an artist. This is all just something for you to blame me for.

GRACE What? Oh my God.

GRACE Espen, do you agree with that lie?

ESPEN no

TRIP No?

GRACE Oh, thank God you disagree, that really helps us! Uhh! Trip, how dare you say that to me! Uhh...

ESPEN trip...your being a real asshole'

GRACE Okay, stop, I - I can't do this anymore, goddammit!

GRACE Espen, I know what you're hinting at...

GRACE about us...

GRACE about art...

GRACE Do you really want the honest truth? Huh?

ESPEN yes

GRACE Trip, huh?

TRIP Yes...!

GRACE See, Espen, I've been listening carefully to what you've been saying tonight.

GRACE You've really been pushing me.

GRACE And I wonder, are - are you really my friend...?

TRIP Grace!

GRACE Espen, I've got to ask you - yes or no...

GRACE Do you really think that...

ESPEN I am your friend grace

GRACE flirting with Trip...

GRACE Wait, Espen, let me finish!

GRACE and what you said about listening too much to your spouse...

GRACE that we're supposed to now understand something about ourselves from all that?

GRACE Is all of that arguing intended to mean something, or...

GRACE Is it? I just want - (interrupted)

ESPEN yes

GRACE Okay.

GRACE Trip, I -

GRACE I let you stop me from being an artist.

TRIP You let me -

GRACE I was afraid, Trip okay?

ESPEN WHAT'S HAPPENING?

GRACE I - I admit it.

GRACE I didn't know if - if I could do it, be a real artist...

ESPEN BABIES

ESPEN ASS

GRACE And I've been using you as an excuse for why I didn't do it.

ESPEN ANUS

GRACE uhh...

TRIP uhh...

ESPEN GULDIUOS MAXIMUS

TRIP Jesus...!

GRACE Espen, I -

TRIP I'm going to give you the truth too, Grace.

GRACE What?!

ESPEN YOU HAVE A TIGHT ASS

TRIP Grace, I know you want to be an artist.

TRIP But I could never be married to you if you were.

GRACE What?

TRIP I can't... I - I just can't...

GRACE But Trip -

TRIP When I married you, see, I was sure I could convince you to give it up, to - to go into advertising.

GRACE Uhh...

ESPEN TRIP YOU ASSHOLE

TRIP And - and I did it, and it worked.

TRIP But now... I - I don't know, Grace...

ESPEN ASSHOLE!

TRIP (big sigh) I don't know...

GRACE uhh...

ESPEN PEPSUSHI

GRACE Oh my God...!

GRACE Espen, I, uhh...

GRACE This changes everything...

TRIP Yes, it does change everything.

ESPEN it's pepsi and sushi combined...

ESPEN IDIOTS

TRIP I think it's over.

ESPEN NO.

GRACE Trip, what -

TRIP No!

TRIP It's over, Grace, can't you see that?

GRACE Wha... I just told you -

TRIP You just told me something about us you should have said a long time ago:

ESPEN STAY. DRINK. ASS.

TRIP You've been using me as an excuse to not be an artist...

ESPEN NO

TRIP And no, Espen, please...

TRIP And about me...

ESPEN KILL ME

TRIP I can't be married to an artist.

ESPEN DO IT!

TRIP And no, Espen, enough!

GRACE Trip, I -

ESPEN EAT ME"

TRIP No, Grace, this about me, and it's about us, but it's not about you...

GRACE Not about me...? Hey, no, wait!

ESPEN EAT ME DAMN IT'

TRIP Espen, I'm sorry. Thank you, though, you really helped me.

ESPEN I'LL STOP HIM!

GRACE Trip!

(Trip opens the front door.)

GRACE Trip!

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE Oh my God...