FACADE STAGEPLAY Wed Feb 20 19 11 26 2013
TRIP Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE What for?
TRIP That should be obvious!
GRACE Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!
TRIP Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!
GRACE What - Trip, don't give me that look!
GRACE You're going to drive me crazy!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP Chris!
TRIP Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been a while, how's it going?
CHRIS GOOD
TRIP Great!
TRIP Ha ha ha!
TRIP Wow, it's really really great to see you.
TRIP Come on in!
CHRIS my name is angel!
TRIP Uh, let me go get Grace...
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
CHRIS ass
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
(CHRIS knocks on the front door.)
(CHRIS closes the front door.)
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)
(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)
(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)
(CHRIS points to the italy picture.)
GRACE Chris,
GRACE Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! - (interrupted)
CHRIS HEROW
GRACE Uh...
GRACE Well, come in, make yourself at home...
CHRIS I missed you grace
GRACE Oh, Chris, you've always got such nice things to say.
GRACE H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE By the way, you look fabulous!
CHRIS so glad to see you again.
GRACE So, - (interrupted)
GRACE Oh, yeah, well - I want to ask you...
GRACE (little sigh) You know, when I look at this wedding picture, hanging here in this room...
TRIP Yeah everyone notices it when they come in.
GRACE it obviously just does not go anymore... I mean, with my new decorating and all.
TRIP Oh, Grace... (little impatient sigh)
CHRIS babies!
TRIP See, Grace, no one has a problem with your decorating, it's fine!
GRACE Well, I plan to return most of this anyhow. This room needs to be redone.
TRIP (little sigh)
CHRIS why?
GRACE Oh I didn't want my decorating to become a major topic of conversation tonight... I'm going to get it redone this week, so...
TRIP Heh heh, Chris, seeing you brings back good memories, you know?
GRACE Yes, it does. H-mmm (happy smile - (interrupted)
CHRIS memories?
TRIP Oh, well, uh, we've, uh... we've missed you.
TRIP Whoa I just realized something!
GRACE What...
TRIP We have to celebrate! Tonight's a special night!
GRACE It is?
CHRIS I missed you guys too!
TRIP Oh, ha ha, thanks -
GRACE Chris, you're always so sweet to us. Isn't she sweet.
TRIP (clears throat) - (interrupted)
CHRIS ...
TRIP So, ten years ago... that's when you introduced us, right?
CHRIS yea
TRIP We really want to thank you for years and years of...
GRACE Pain.
TRIP Heh heh heh... Agony. - (interrupted)
CHRIS PAIN?
TRIP Uh, n - n - no, heh, it's, uh - it's great you could be here tonight.
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Sounds good.
CHRIS I'm sorry I caused pain.
TRIP N - no, no...
TRIP (little sigh) - (interrupted)
CHRIS goodbye
GRACE W - wait, wait, what's wrong, Trip?
(CHRIS knocks on the front door.)
(CHRIS opens the front door.)
GRACE Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front - (interrupted)
TRIP Chris, what's going on, are you thinking of leaving?
CHRIS MY NAME IS ANGEL!
TRIP Just come back in, you're making us think you want to leave.
CHRIS ...fine
TRIP Okay, anyway... I forget what we were talking about...
(CHRIS knocks on the front door.)
(CHRIS closes the front door.)
CHRIS babies
GRACE Oh, well, please, go look at Trip's Italy photo...
TRIP Oh, Chris, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
GRACE Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course she'll like it!
TRIP Grace, I know you don't like it, but our friend might.
GRACE (short petulant sigh)
CHRIS I don't like country sides...
GRACE By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
TRIP Um... uhh, Now, - (interrupted)
CHRIS ok
GRACE Chris, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane picture?
(CHRIS sits on the couch.)
GRACE (little sigh) I'll take the picture down later tonight before I go to bed.
TRIP Grace...!
TRIP (short petulant sigh)
TRIP Chris, - (interrupted)
CHRIS ok
TRIP Y - yeah, uh - no, n - no - I just - I just wanted us to spend time together!
GRACE Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me out a little bit?
TRIP uhh...
TRIP Huh, y - you two are really getting along well tonight...
TRIP Oh no, Chris, I just realized... I'm sorry!
GRACE What?!
TRIP I haven't gotten us drinks!
GRACE tuhh...
TRIP Oh this is good because I just bought these classy new cocktail shakers I need us to try - (interrupted)
CHRIS I don't drink
TRIP N - n - no, no, heh, we need drinks!
GRACE Trip thinks he's at his classiest when he's on the serving end of a swizzle stick.
TRIP Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,
TRIP I call it Grace's Inner Soul.
TRIP It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.
CHRIS I DON'T DRINK! PEER PREASURE
TRIP No?
GRACE Trip, darling, that's not what she wants.
GRACE It's a secret - Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.
(CHRIS gets up from the couch.)
TRIP What?! So, uhh,
TRIP Chris, how - how does that sound?
GRACE Chris, Trip's getting a little carried away... maybe you just want some juice, or a mineral water?
CHRIS may I have some juice?
TRIP (exhale very - (interrupted)
TRIP Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!
TRIP Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there is to it!
GRACE (frustrated sigh)
TRIP Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you? Everybody!
CHRIS juice please.
GRACE Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were a real bartender.
TRIP What?
GRACE In college, you were a bartender.
TRIP How do you know about that?
GRACE Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the sticks, and we saw you there.
TRIP Oh, that's great.
TRIP Uhh, you're driving me insane!
TRIP Goddamn slumming it off campus...
TRIP You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...
TRIP You do, you hide things from me!
GRACE (impatient sigh) Chris, I...
GRACE (frustrated sigh)
CHRIS YOU HIDE STUFF TO TRIP!
GRACE What? What are you saying to me?
GRACE Thaw me out...
GRACE Trip, you think you're so romantic... but no you're trying to manipulate me!
TRIP Oh, god...!
(CHRIS hugs grace.)
TRIP Alright, you know what, Chris,
TRIP I'm going to ask you something.
GRACE Trip -
TRIP Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
TRIP Chris, yes or no...
TRIP Marriage is about saying yes to the other person, even if you're not sure about it, right?
CHRIS NO
GRACE What? - (interrupted)
TRIP What...?!
TRIP Oh, alright... yeah...
TRIP Uhh, I try so hard to reach out to you, Grace, and you reject me! You're cold! You're distant! I can't keep going this way, it's killing me!
GRACE Oh, that's great Trip!
GRACE Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!
CHRIS are you blonde?
GRACE I can't stand you!
GRACE Oh, God!
(CHRIS comforts grace.)
GRACE No, wait, please...
TRIP Grace, are you talking about me?
GRACE What do you care?
CHRIS it's ok grace
GRACE Chris, - (interrupted)
(CHRIS comforts grace.)
GRACE Chris, (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...
TRIP Oh, we're talking about me, are we?
GRACE What?
TRIP Grace, we don't - we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just -
GRACE Chris, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!
CHRIS is there a door there?
TRIP Look around here. We're doing well, really well.
GRACE God, Trip, I can't believe even now you're still...
TRIP Oh yeah, you'd never admit that I've created a good life for us.
GRACE Dammit Trip!
TRIP Chris, where are you going? Don't leave the room, we need your help out here!
GRACE Let's continue focusing on Trip.
GRACE Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid trips I have to go on..
TRIP They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!
GRACE Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.
CHRIS can I have my juice
TRIP Chris, does it look like I want to fix you drinks right now?
GRACE No let's - let's focus on us, our relationship.
GRACE I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.
TRIP Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.
GRACE No, it's true...
(CHRIS picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
CHRIS yes
GRACE Yes?
GRACE Ah, that helps him.
TRIP What!? That's ridiculous. Why would I - why would I be afraid of their stupid meatloafs and their tacky house and their crappy wine...?
CHRIS rape?
TRIP Okay, Chris, you know what? I think you should leave.
TRIP Chris, Jesus, we've had enough, you've got to go.
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP We'll be fine - you just have to go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
CHRIS but I never got my juice...
(CHRIS shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(CHRIS shakes the advice ball.)