Chapter 21

Did he leave you all alone in the middle of the night?

Thunderclan camp was in disarray.

It looked like the end of the world.

Loneheart had returned early in the morning to find bitter celebration, almost artificial.

They seemed to all be waiting for Barkstar to make an address about the night, but the mysterious and malicious leader remained in his den, Thunderclaw the only cat to know the words spoken in there.

His clanmates seemed to ignore Loneheart as he walked in, too busy discussing the battle and staring anxiously at the Highrock.

Loneheart wasn't even sure if they had won, he had run away too quickly into the action.

He kept trying to justify it in his mind, why he had been in the right, or why he could be excused, or that he had given it his best try, but by the fact that it kept cropping up, he knew he hadn't a good response to the accusations he threw at himself.

His self-pitying was stopped for a moment by the sight of Yarrowleaf. She didn't notice him at first.

The yellow she-cat was sitting outside the mouth of the Medicine Cat Den, watching her clanmates going in and out, cuts and bruises and bites and bloodshot eyes.

Loneheart stepped up behind her, and he realized that he had no injuries.

He hadn't really fought in the battle, and he knew with horror instantly that this fact would be turned against him by the rest of the clan.

Once they had a moment to spare, they would pile onto him about it.

Loneheart was sure he wasn't going to get away with just hateful glances and soft gossip, "Hey," Yarrowleaf broke through his clouded mind with the word.

Loneheart stared back a moment before recognizing the situation, to which he then responded simply,

"Hi," Yarrowleaf obviously hadn't slept that night, though it could have been Loneheart's equally foggy eyes which misted his sight. Yellowsky marched out of the Medicine Cat Den with an herb wrap around his head, "What happened?" Loneheart asked, shock at the sight,

"Some Shadowclan cat thought my head was my flank and dug in," Yarrowleaf looked away, she seemed to have already seen it and was not happy to again, "It's not deep though, and I think I deserve it-"

"Don't say that!" Yarrowleaf almost shouted, still turned away. Yellowsky hushed up immediately, and then signaled with his tail at Loneheart.

He knew the siblings needed some time to themselves, so he slowly backed up, almost bumping into Firepelt on her way inside.

Yellowsky lifted his tail to rest it on Yarrowleaf's back and then the two of them together padded out of camp speaking too quiet to be heard by anybody but themselves.

Loneheart watched them go with desperation in his eyes, "And where were you last night?" Loneheart heard a voice behind him and turned with horror.

Coldstone stood there, the one who had spoken, Scornheart, Dewstorm, and Snowflight all packed around beside her in the line to the Medicine Cat Den, "I don't think I caught a hint of you after we crossed the border," She implored, implying that Loneheart had snuck off,

"I-I was there," Loneheart muttered,

"Well then," Coldstone started ironically, "Maybe it was just my mistake. Did any of you see the rogue there last night?" Loneheart flinched at her words and looked to Scornheart in hopes that he would back him up here.

But his hope was misguided, and Scornheart stayed entirely silent, not even a slight movement of his head or eyes to show what he was feeling, as similarly did the rest of the group, "So where were you then, that none of us saw even a claw of yours throughout the battle?" Loneheart knew the answer.

He had been there, he had an alibi, but he couldn't move his mouth to speak it, he was too paralyzed with fear.

Coldstone's river-blue eyes burned instead like fire, and Loneheart started to stutter out random sounds, trying to make them form words.

Dewstorm, like a savior, came to Loneheart's rescue and interjected, "Yellowsky said that he was with the running group," His voice was small and nervous, and for good reason around the wrath of Coldstone,

"Where is that friend of yours?" She jested, ignoring what the small tom had said, "I didn't think you were capable of going a moment without him cradling you like a kit," Dewstorm looked down in shame, dejected.

Loneheart wanted to stand up for him like he had tried to do before, but his throat was still clenched, and his mouth was still frozen.

Coldstone turned back on him, but before she could muster up another question, Snowflight chimed in with one of her own, "If you were with the runners, what happened to you when they grouped back up with us?"

Her question was laced with a subtle accusation, but Coldstone took it further and said, "I've seen you all the time at gatherings with those Shadowclan maggots," Her voice grew deeper the more she went on, lowering into a growl, "Can't hurt your friends, can you? Or maybe you're on their side? What are you plotting sitting so far away from all the normal cats, rogue? You don't have an inkling of loyalty in you, rogue! Just trying to take advantage of all of us wherever and whenever you can!" Coldstone was shouting now, right in Loneheart's face.

She was much bigger than him and he felt like a kit again, shrunk down against the ground.

He was really afraid that she was actually going to attack him,

"I won't have my warriors turning on one another with unfounded attacks," Barkstar's loud voice rang out, having been summoned from the noise outside,

"Barkstar! This rogue is a traitor against Starclan, and a traitor against Thunderclan! I don't care what your insane son thinks about i-"

"That's enough, Coldstone!" Barkstar's voice immediately shut the entire camp up. There was a real anger deep in the words that Loneheart found utterly terrifying, even more so than Coldstone,

"I'm sorry, sir," The deep gray warrior whispered, though she didn't truly sound sorry.

The only time that Loneheart had heard Coldstone express her feelings in a genuine way had been at Gorsewhisker's mourning.

Loneheart had hardly known the warrior before he died, but his and Coldstone's personalities always seemed to conflict with each other, and he wondered why, of all cats, it was her who felt the most pain when he died.

The camp stayed hushed as Barkstar walked forward.

The leader radiated intimidation, not only because of the power over the clan that he had, but even just himself as a cat was terrifying, "I will be making an announcement soon addressing the current war and what shall be done of it. Until then, I expect not a single word of it to be spoken in my camp," Scornheart and Coldstone nodded, while Dewstorm looked on with awe and Loneheart stayed frozen in fear.

Barkstar turned to Loneheart and commanded in a suggestion, "Go see if Berryflight needs any help, and I'll hear no more of any of this," His voice was like ice.

The leader padded away then, Thunderclaw waiting outside his den, his eyes blind to everything except for the leader.

It was embarrassing, even more for Loneheart than for Coldstone.

He was just getting sent off to the Medicine Cat Den again, as if he had been the one in the wrong.

He could feel the sly grin of Coldstone against the back of his neck as he turned away, she must've been happy that she had won there.

Loneheart didn't want to go into the Medicine Cat Den anymore, but he was far more afraid of staying out where he was than going in, so he swallowed his pride and his anxiety, and greeted the darkness of the well-protected den.

On her way out was Firepelt, a wrap around her limping leg and smears of various herbs over the rest of her body.

She didn't say a word, but the expression on her face told him that she had heard everything that happened outside, "Come in, come in, stop stalling about!" Berryflight chirped from one of the few breaks of light that shone from the cracked ceiling.

Loneheart did as he was told and rushed over to meet her and Fawnpaw, "Where have you got hurt?" Berryflight asked, starting to check him over,

"U-Uh, Ba-Barkstar told me to come help you,"

"What'd you do this time?" She chuckled to herself before racing over to the entrance, announcing for the next cat to come in for treatment, Dewstorm.

Loneheart was relieved that he wouldn't have to treat Coldstone, or at least not yet.

He sat next to Fawnpaw, and felt a radiance of caution and maybe even fear running through the young apprentice.

Loneheart wanted to assure him that there was nothing wrong with him, but he wasn't sure how to.

Dewstorm came in wearing a snick across his left flank, stretching down a bit onto his back leg, causing him to give a small limb when he walked.

Other than that, there was a small nick on his tail and he had broken off a claw stepping over a fallen branch.

Berryflight sent Fawnpaw to gather the herbs that he thought they would need, while to Loneheart she said slyly, "You know, I think Cranepaw needs to have a drink; why don't you go fetch her some water? I hear the water at Sunningrocks tastes very good around this season,"

Loneheart nodded, more than willing to let her send him away.

As he stood up to leave and get some more time to himself, he bumped into Fawnpaw, coming back with several varieties of herbs, almost making the apprentice drop them.

Muttering, "Sorry," quietly, Loneheart burst out from the Medicine Cat Den, though he tried not to make a scene, not wishing to be condescended by Coldstone again.

Nobody seemed to spot him leaving, and if they did, he paid no mind to it, slipping out and up the ravine as fast as he could.

He started running quickly through the forest, not really stopping to take a gaze at the beauty of the unsprouted buds and the returning vibrancy of the grass and flowers.

The birds were starting to return in bulk.

Loneheart heard a crow call out above him, a lonesome wile.

As he stopped to admire the creature as it soared far above where he could ever find himself, he heard another voice in the distance, immediately discernible to Loneheart as coming from Yellowsky.

Yellowsky had a deep, distinguishable voice, made unique because of the way he spoke, always trying to pitch up the noises of his throat to better express his words.

As much as Loneheart felt like he was pushing into their space, his paws began dragging him along to where he and Yarrowleaf were sat against a great tree.

As he pulled back the brambles, Yellowsky grew silent, and two faces were turned to meet their intruder, "Hi," Loneheart spoke awkwardly, "I was just, going to Sunningrocks, and I-I wanted to know if you, wanted to come too,"

For a few moments, no response was given, and Loneheart suggested to himself that he should just back away into the undergrowth and disappear, but before he could do so, Yarrowleaf spoke up, saying, "Yeah, yeah, that'd be nice,"

As she stood up, Loneheart saw that her eyes were filled with the remnants of tears, shed for lifeblood under the roots of the oak.

Yellowsky watched her walk for a second, before coming to join her stroll up where Loneheart stood.

She was unsteady on her paws, and had to lean on Yellowsky for a moment just to make it over to him, "Did you get hurt last night?" Yarrowleaf asked just when Loneheart was turning away,

"N-No," Loneheart responded, "I-I didn't do any-any fighting,"

"Good," Yarrowleaf sounded relieved through her delirium, a small smile resting on her face that told him that she really cared about whether he got hurt or not.

It made him feel really comfortable knowing she cared for him.

Yellowsky didn't acknowledge Loneheart all that much right now, he was too busy making sure Yarrowleaf would be okay.

The trio walked for a while, sparing in speech.

Yarrowleaf was back on her paws without support, and Yellowsky was walking a couple steps off from the other two, seeming to be deep in thought.

Out of the air the voice of that crow cried out above, and Yarrowleaf stopped in her tracks to get a look at it as it circled in the sky, "What do you think they think of all this," She asked, but there was no answer to give from either of the other cats present, "I guess they're above it all, huh? Must be nice to be that close to the stars. But I suppose they'll all fade away eventually,"

"Then what of us?" Yellowsky spoke up,

"We'll live on, somewhere,"

"What happens when the earth cracks and shatters?" Loneheart asked, and silence followed, and his compatriots looked to him with concern and thought in their eyes,

"Well," Yarrowleaf answered, "We'll always have our minds," It was a reassuring thought, that after all of this there would still be some sort of them left, some remnant to wander whatever world there would be.

They were almost to the border by now, and Loneheart allowed the thoughts to linger in his head just a bit longer before they got there.

The rushing water was audible now, pounding in his ears like the sweet serenade of a tempting ghost.

The final trees protecting the undergrowth before the open land were visible, and through them, he saw those rocks that grouped along the shore, and he wondered just how they got there.

Yarrowleaf and Yellowsky moved ahead in front of him as he stood back to take in the scene.

It was like no place else in the forest, so neatly placed, one after another, as if purposeful in its design.

It reminded Loneheart sharply of the city; the symmetrical, unnatural buildings, the smoothed-out ground, the fervor over just a couple trees.

He stepped forward.

Yellowsky had found his spot on the bottom-most stone while Yarrowleaf was sitting only a couple steps away from the water, staring out beyond into Riverclan territory, though something told him that she was looking far past that.

As he padded up behind her, she began speaking, words rehearsed in her mind like a muse to their audience, "I woke up in a mess today," She started, "The dust flung around like wind, the nest like young, broken lovers. Ripped to shreds in my heart, and there was no miracle to save the dead, the dying, the living, and all those others, much less was there one for me. My flesh felt like it could tear off on any edge or corner, any sharp word or harsh glance," Loneheart found himself mouthing along with her speech, as if it were his own thoughts, "I know they'll bury us, deep beneath the soggy earth, in sweet smelling herbs and slicked-back fur. I know it's not some sort of mistake that we're here, and that we die, and I know it won't be a mistake when we do. Experience won't sprout from our roses; our orchids will grow blackened and infested soon enough if we won't tend to them like we should. We won't listen to their cries, but we'll listen to our own,"

She took a sharp breath, like the things she was saying were causing her pain, "I don't want to be overdramatic or cryptic, or try to seem like I know more than you, however it may seem like that, but I just don't know any way other than what I've said to express how I feel now,"

"I understand," Yellowsky said, and Loneheart thought he did too.

He padded up beside her, and watched her stare down into the water, her face distorted with the ripples, "Sometimes I wonder," She thought aloud, "If I hadn't the eyes to see it, would my face still be reflected in the waters?"

Loneheart had no answer to the question, and for a moment he forced himself to look at himself in the waves.

Scared eyes stared him back, paranoid and disturbed.

He had to break himself away, not wanting to see it anymore, never realizing before just what he really looked like.

A new voice rang out along the riverside, "What are you all doing here?"

It was Dewstorm, who had seemingly followed them after being treated by Berryflight.

Yellowsky leaped off his rock and bounded over, embracing the other warrior for a moment and whispering something in his ear that Loneheart couldn't pick up.

The whole scene almost reminded him of the story that Rustheart had told him about Acornpaw, how the group of friends had come to gather around the river.

It seemed almost a reflection now, like if Loneheart swam deep enough under the waves he would surface in the past, making joyful memories and relations.

But now, it just seemed stiff, like even as the water ran, it was still as frozen as it had been on the coldest nights of the season.

Yarrowleaf finally turned around and greeted Dewstorm, who was being led over to the Sunningrocks by Yellowsky, "Hey. Loneheart was coming here, and he invited us to come too," Dewstorm just nodded.

Loneheart felt a spark of joy at the use of his name.

A crack in the forest brought a tree branch down to the ground, only serving to remind them of the danger that lay back there.

Loneheart suddenly remembered why he was here when he spotted a piece of moss on a nearby rock.

He ran over and raked it off before bringing it back over to his spot beside Yarrowleaf, "What do you need that for?" She asked,

"Berryflight told me to uh, to bring some water back for Cranepaw," Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a solemn look form on Yellowsky's face, and he remembered with a flash that he was Cranepaw's mentor, though she was in barely the state to train much.

Berryflight still didn't seem to completely understand why she was sick, and it seemed to cause her constant stress all the time.

Loneheart felt bad for the young apprentice, who was barely able to leave the Medicine Cat Den ever, and certainly not without guidance, "Is she ever going to get better?" Yellowsky asked, seemingly thinking that Loneheart would know the answer, but he could only reply with,

"I don't know," Yellowsky looked down like it was what he expected to hear.

For a while the four cats were silent, a tension like a splintering branch forming between them.

The waters tempted Loneheart, though they may be cold.

With a spin and a spiral, Loneheart threw himself to the wind and plunged into the depth.

The shock almost froze his body instantly, but he resurfaced and took a frantic look around, seeing Yarrowleaf standing at the shore, looking a bit amused, "What are you doing?" She asked, almost good natured.

Before he could answer, Yellowsky crept up behind her and pushed her into the freezing water before jumping in after her.

Dewstorm stayed on land, laughing at the situation while Yarrowleaf jokingly cursed out her brother. In response, Yellowsky just splashed more water on her, getting some on Loneheart as well.

It felt good to be able to have fun for a few moments, even if he was mainly just watching it, not really knowing how to interact.

Yarrowleaf swam to land, quickly followed by Yellowsky.

As they both dragged their paws onto the grass and sand, they shook out their pelt directly next to Dewstorm, getting him wet as well.

Loneheart wanted to stay in the water, but the nipping of the cold drove him away and back to shore.

The rest of the group were sitting around, laughing with each other and talking like how they all used to.

Loneheart sat with them a couple minutes before reluctantly deciding that he had to deliver the moss back to the Medicine Cat Den.

He didn't want to go, but he felt like he was ruining the mood, that he was just making everything more awkward by being there.

He said his goodbyes and had them given back to him formally, and then set off with the newly wetted moss in his jaws, his body still freezing from the river.

The effects of the humor and good moods were already starting to wear off as he crossed into the deep of the forest.

Loneheart exited the Medicine Cat Den, having just delivered on his job and not wishing to stick around much longer.

The day was growing old, afternoon coming and soon to be going.

As he was staring at the clouds and admiring their dulled colors, he bumped into Thunderclaw.

He quickly said, "Sorry," under his breath, but the deputy didn't seem to care.

Rather, he gave Loneheart an order, "You are to, in the morning, travel to Windclan and inform Dawnstar that Barkstar has called an emergency gathering addressing the current wars. You are also to tell him that he must send a messenger to Shadowclan to give Greenstar the same information. Make sure to get plenty of sleep tonight and to visit Berryflight before you are off. That is all,"

He padded off then, leaving Loneheart in a state of confusion and irritation.

He was always the messenger of the clan, the cat most expendable at any given time.

He wondered what it was that Barkstar could want, though he knew it must have something to do with the attack they had recently conducted on Shadowclan.

Perhaps Thunderclan would try to make amends and strive for a peace treaty to be drafted between the two clans.

He would have the rest of the day and all of the night to think it over, but he knew that he wouldn't know anything until the coming of the time was here.

Loneheart barely slept a wink that night.

Until I write again,

-Gojira