Chapter Eleven.
"Peeta! Peeta, oh my god, Peeta. Open your eyes." a soft voice is pleading with him, sounding strained and concerned. Slowly, his eyes flutter open, wanting to know the owner of this voice. As his blue eyes come into focus, he's staring into tearful, grey eyes, brown, curly bangs hanging around her face, a braid hanging from her shoulder. "Peeta!" she cries and lays on him, hugging him around the neck. Peeta blinks, trying to catch up with what was happening. The pain in his leg is still there but it's mainly numb, not the best sign. He feels like he's still heavy, drifting between wakefulness and sleep. But Katniss' voice brings him back to wakefulness and at her next words, he's wide awake. "Peeta, I'm so happy I found you. When I heard the rule change, I knew, we could win this." she pulls back to stare down at him, her eyes still glassy, a smile on her face.
He blinks up at her, not sure what to do or say. He was relieved. That's all he felt; relief. He was relieved she was alive, he was relieved she was going to help, he was relieved they were a team. Together, they could take down Cato. Thresh. Foxface. The only remaining tributes, as far as he knows. He wasn't awake for the anthem and the blaring music hadn't awoken him so he isn't sure.
She decides to check his leg but can't see it well under the rock. "Do you need help moving?" she asks, looking at him.
He shakes his head and pushes himself onto his elbows. With a pained grunt, he pulls himself from under the rock. He has to bite back more noises when the pain flares with his movement. Katniss gasps and Peeta barely catches it because it's so low. He watches her as she bends over his leg, staring at it, her mouth in an 'O'. She looks almost sick. She's sick? Peeta thinks and rolls his eyes. Now that he thinks about it, he feels very warm in his jacket, too warm.
"Did Cato do this to you?" she asks softly, glancing up at him.
The question catches him off guard and he blinks at her, tilting his head to the side. He feels a stab of anger in his gut. Why did she assume Cato did this? Cato... he scowls. "No. Clove did. I killed her," he says matter-of-factually, looking away when she looks at him with wide, grey eyes. She wasn't expecting that. She wasn't expecting the sweet, baker's son to actually be capable of man-slaughter, to be capable of fighting and killing somebody.
"Oh... I saw her face in the sky. I wasn't sure who did... I thought maybe Cato-"
"Cato didn't kill her or hurt me," Peeta snaps and he regrets it. Katniss looks at him, hurt in her eyes, but she covers it up quite quickly, recovering from his blow. He takes a deep breath, trying to reason with himself. He shouldn't be standing up for Cato, not like this. No, it was wrong. God, it was wrong to be that defensive over a killer. The Capitol must be eating this up, enjoying the confusing love triangle and the conflicting feelings Peeta is having. He suddenly hates them so much, it burns worse than the pain in his leg.
"Okay," Katniss finally says, locking eyes with him. "At least you've cleaned it. And at least I found you. The blood was easy to follow and so anybody could have..." she trails off, dropping her eyes. She's really worried about Peeta's well being, isn't she. He feels a swell in his chest and he reaches out, tucking some of her curled bangs behind her ear.
"But you found me," he says softly, not sure what was overcoming him. The urge to grab her and hug her to him was strong. He just wants someone there for him, to stay near him and not leave. Not betray him, play him, hurt him. Katniss wouldn't play that game. No, he hopes she wouldn't.
"I did." she whispers and begins to rummage through the backpack she has with her. She pulls out some pills and Peeta blinks as she shoves them at him. "Take these," she demands, "I can feel the heat rolling off you from here."
He slowly takes them, eyeing the two small, white pills. "What are they?" he asks, glancing at her. He realizes not just taking them shows he hasn't fully invested his trust into her. But in this arena, where everyone wants to win, it was hard. Even with the rule change. After all, that's the only reason she came, isn't it? If the rule hadn't changed, Peeta would have probably died. Or worse, been found.
"They'll reduce your temperature," she says, digging through that bag. It looks like she's inquired a lot of supplies over the duration of the Games. He feels that stir of envy, detest, anger. She was so much better at this than he was. He takes the pills, swallowing them and realizing how hot he was. He wants to just lay back and close his eyes but he knows Katniss isn't done with him. And besides, they're out in the open. "You must be hungry," she says, looking at him.
Peeta pauses, thinking about it. Actually, no, he hadn't even thought of hunger. Thirst, yes, but no hunger. "Actually, I'm not... I haven't been since yesterday." he says, the words dawning on him. That wasn't good. He was hot and not hungry. He swallows. He doesn't want to die, no, he wants to win. Needs too.
"Peeta, you have to eat," she says but his nose wrinkles up when she offers him gosling. She tries to coax it into him but the smell is making him want to barf. She manages to get a few bites of dried apple in him but he refuses anymore.
"I'm not hungry," he finally snaps, turning away from her probing fingers with food between them. She's obviously irritated now. She huffs and puts the food back up, shaking her head, her braid swinging on her shoulder. "I just want to sleep." he mutters, beginning to lay back but her hands catch him, forcing him back up.
"Soon," she promises and he's going to hold her to that promise. "We need to get somewhere safer, not as opened..." she's looking around and Peeta sees the lost look in her eye, the confusion. Her eyes linger on the tree but then they shoot down to his leg. No way he was getting in a tree, she must be thinking. She looks at his leg again and dives back into her pack. "Let's first make it down to the river... I want to try something," she says, eyeing something in her pack. Great, Peeta thinks with a face. Using his stick and help he doesn't want but accepts from Katniss, he gets up. Katniss moves the branch out of his way and helps him down to the stream. He plops down beside the water, his breathing ragged, his head spinning. He feels like he might vomit all over the place and he hasn't eaten anything so it would be water and then dry-heaving. He blinks some as she pulls out mint leaves.
"Those help with tracker jacker stings," he observes.
She looks impressed and he wishes he can smack the look from her face. He wasn't stupid. "Yeah... maybe it'll help with getting some of this stuff out of your leg," she says and pops a handful in her mouth.
As she chews, she slowly reaches forward, undoing his pants. He swallows as he lays back and lifts his hips up, as she pulls them down. He grits his teeth as she brushes against the wound and then spits out the green mesh. He leans up on his elbows, feeling faint and tired and sick. He can get through it, he can do it. He just doesn't need to think about it. He tries to not flinch as she presses them to his wound. He does let out a hiss of pain though and she glances at him with a look of worry and disgust. And he sees why disgust; pus is beginning to run down the side of his leg and he feels his stomach turn. He looks up at the sky, taking a deep breath.
"You're good," he winces as she applies another spit mesh to his wound and presses, "at this. Like your mother."
Katniss gives a small laugh, even if it's strained. "I'm not good at this. I'm not my mother. I have no idea what I'm doing and I hate pus." she says and makes a disgusted sound as she keeps chewing leaves, rinsing off the wound, and applying them again.
"You seem to be doing a good job to me." he says honestly, looking at her. She looks up, her lips pressed together, her eyes wide, and her face a near green. "How do you gut animals?" he asks then, the idea humorous. Katniss, the almighty huntress, gagging at the sight of blood and guts.
"That's much, much different, Peeta." she says, a smile twitching her tight lips, before she drops her eyes. He looks down and bites his tongue. After three applications and what feels like a bucket full of pus leaving his leg, the swelling is down and the wound doesn't look as angry. But with the pus gone and the swelling down some, it shows how deep Clove cut and he sees that glimpse of bone. He looks away quickly, trying to swallow down a gag.
"Oh." she breathes out, seeing the glimpse of bone. She clears her throat and looks at him. "We'll come back to this..." she scoots forward, leaning toward his face. He blinks at her, leaning back some. She frowns. "I'm trying to look at the cuts on your face and neck," she says and he feels stupid. He thought she was going in for a kiss. He rolls his eyes at himself and tilts his head up, as she looks over the cut on his neck and the scratch marks on his jaw line. "She has nails," Katniss concludes, tracing one of the fresh scratch marks and making Peeta wince.
"You don't say," he deadpans, looking at her.
She frowns some. "How did you kill her?"
"Huh?" he's taken back by her sudden question. Why does she want to know? She shakes her head as she picks up his arm, looking at the cut on his wrist. Nothing compared to the cut on his leg and even, the other ones littering his body weren't nearly as deep and just need a good cleaning or else they'd get infected.
"How did you kill her?" she repeats, pouring some water onto the cut on his wrist from a skin and then doing the same to his neck and jaw line, soaking the front of his shirt. She begins to take off his jacket and, with a grunt, he leans up and helps her, removing his shirt as well. She takes off his shoes and socks, while he stays quiet, wondering why she would ask such a question. Why should he care why she asked it though? He wonders as she begins to soak his clothes in the water and beat them against some rocks. She fishes off his pants the rest of the way and he's left only in his undershorts, open, exposed. But Katniss has her bow and arrows near and so he could relax back against the grass and pebbles beneath his back and stare up at the sky.
"She attacked me." he says, talking over her splashing, the sound of fabric against rocks. "I tried to choke her but she managed to get out of my grip. So, after I wrestled the knife away from her, I stabbed her in the eye." he looks up, to see Katniss' reaction. Her back is to him, as she scrubs at his clothes in the water. He lays his head back and stares at the fake blue. "Why did you want to know?"
"I've killed someone." she says, laying his wet clothes out, her back still to him. "The boy from District 1... I don't even know his name."
"Marvel," Peeta breathes, a stab of pain going through him. Why? He didn't talk to Marvel and Marvel didn't seem to like him. But the way he would sit at the lake and stare at it... his hands lifting to his face... his shoulders hunching after Glimmer's passing. It reminded Peeta they're all humans, all have feelings and emotions, and even the Careers have hearts. Even Cato has one, no matter how small it is or how disconnected he is from it.
"Marvel," Katniss repeats, turning to him. Her face is grim. "I shot him with an arrow because he killed Rue... I made an alliance with her."
"District 11." Peeta mumbles, not wanting to talk now. He's filling with grief. Grief for Glimmer, for Marvel, for Rue, for every last person here. Even the girl he killed on his first night out with the Careers and even Clove. But, that doesn't mean he won't kill again. Even though he's feeling grief and sadness, he doesn't feel regret, he doesn't want it to be changed. Because he wants to win and to do that, he must fight and kill and let deaths be a forgotten thing.
"Yeah." Katniss whispers, looking down at him, staring at the wound. She slowly kneels down, her hands hovering above it, but then she slowly places them on her knees. "Maybe I'll put some... burn ointment on it. I think it helps with infection and..." she trails off, her brows furrowing.
"Wrap it up?" he says softly, glancing at her, seeing how lost she looked. She was scared, just as he was scared. But neither would never show it.
"Yeah." she says and gets to work. Peeta tries to ignore the little stabs of pain but they weren't as bad. Which worried him. Either Katniss was helping or it was beginning to go numb, which wasn't a good sign. She makes a face at his undershorts and he catches it.
"Do you want to wash those too?" he asks, looking down at the filthy things next to the clean, white cotton of the sterile bandage. She nods and he lifts his hips to get out of them but her mouth drops and she shakes her head.
"Wait, wait," she pulls out another backpack and Peeta hides his shock.
Where is she getting all this stuff? Has Haymitch been sending her things? Oh no, the negative feelings, they're swirling. Does she have sponsors? Damnit, he needs gifts and help! He has Katniss' help now, though. That's better than anything. And maybe now, Haymitch will send him gifts, since Haymitch is obviously so in-love with Katniss. Childish, Peeta, he scolds himself as she puts the backpack on his chest and stands up, turning away. He rolls his eyes. This was the arena, there's been plenty of nakedness here before. Though, Peeta isn't sure if he wants to get naked in front of Katniss or he wants all of Panem to see his goods. He manages to get the boxer shorts off, covering himself with the pack, and throws them at Katniss. She flinches like they're going to bite before glaring at him and picking them up, kneeling in the water and cleaning them. He grins a little at her reaction and looks back up towards the sky. The grin doesn't manage to reach his eyes.
"So, what has Haymitch sent you?" she asks curiously as she lays his underwear on a rock. Peeta frowns, rolling his head to the side to look at her.
"Nothing... you got something, didn't you?" he feels those negative feelings swirl and he turns his head away, so she can't see his scowl. She's busying herself with flipping his clothes over, the fake sun taking its time to dry them.
"Burn medicine... oh, and some bread." she sounds sheepish. She should sound ashamed, Peeta's bitter mind conjures up as he closes his eyes.
He remembers her using the medicine on his wound. He tries to not snap at her, yell and throw a fit, like a child. If Haymitch was choosing favorites, so be it. He didn't need any stupid gifts to win these Games. He just needed strength, sheath, and coldness. "Good for you," of course he can't help but make a bitter, sarcastic remark. "I always knew you were his favorite."
Katniss actually sounds a bit offended. "Please, he can't stand being in the same room with me." she says, turning to him and looking him over.
Peeta opens his eyes, the anger flaring, and turns his glaring eyes towards her. "Oh, yes, and that's why he sent you things while I lay here, dying, Katniss. Because he can't stand you." he snaps and scoffs, looking up into the sky. He can't stand another second looking into those beautiful, grey eyes. He wants to rip them out. Whoa, where did that come from... he's had bitter thoughts towards Katniss but violent thoughts? No. He shakes his head and looks at her. Her cheeks are a color darker and she's glaring at him, her jaw clenched. Katniss was helping him, risking herself by being out in the open and trying to save his life. She didn't ask Haymitch for those things. It was Haymitch's choice. And he certainly didn't want any more violent thoughts about her. He had to keep these feelings away or they would blossom into something much worse. "You're both a lot alike, you know," he says finally, their eyes locked.
Hers flare in annoyance. "How?" she demands, obviously offended. He knows she wants to make a off-hand comment about the drunk but that drunk was listening and she wants more gifts, Peeta knows that.
"Strong-headed... stubborn... so sure of yourself... just... strong." he says and sighs, closing his eyes. "Katniss, I'm in no mood for talking about yours and Haymitch's a likenesses."
"You brought it up," she points out dryly, sitting beside him.
"You brought him up," he counters back and feels himself growing heavier.
"Peeta, we need to move soon," Katniss grabs his shoulder but he shakes her hand off. She frowns as blue clashes with grey.
"Katniss, I can't... I'm so tired... just for a few minutes, at least." he says and closes his eyes again, turning his head away. Before he can hear Katniss protest, if she did, he's drifting off into the blackness, the pain and numbness in his leg drifting the opposite way.
...
"Don't you die on me, 12." Cato's voice swirls in his head, taking over his mind and leaving little room to think of anything else. His blue eyes, that softness he yearns for, takes over his vision and he sees nothing else but it. "Don't you die on me." he repeats more harshly, sternly, and Peeta feels the touch of his hands on his body. He feels Cato grabbing his shoulder, shaking it softly at first but then slowly getting harder. And then he hears it, his name falling from his tongue, in that sweet, slow way only Cato could pull off. "Peeta," he whispers, his voice warm and cold in one, "Peeta." the way he says his name makes the warmth pool in the pit of his belly and slowly spread throughout his body. And then, he suddenly yells it, scaring him. "Peeta!"
Peeta gasps, his eyes snapping open. "Ca-" he stops the name trying to leave his lips just in time, biting down on his tongue as he looks into the eyes of one Katniss Everdeen. Not Cato. Just Katniss. He was dreaming... but Cato's voice sounded so real, his eyes were so bright, and the touch... it was all Katniss, besides the eyes. The touch, the voice. He takes a deep breath as Katniss stares down at him, confused. At least she didn't catch the word he was about to utter. He frowns at himself. Now he's dreaming about Cato. He remembers the nightmare about Cato killing him, a simple thing that fueled his will of wanting to kill Cato until he became emotional with him, but this dream was soft and sweet, the Cato he yearns for. Yearns for? He mentally makes a face. No, Peeta didn't yearn for Cato. A killer. A bad, bad person. A heartless person... The Careers aren't heartless, his mind whispers and he tries to ignore it as Katniss begins to speak.
"We have to go." she says, gathering his dry clothes.
He realizes the sun was lower, very close to setting. He blinks a few times and pushes himself up onto his elbows. He feels very sore and still tired. "Go where?" he asks, wondering where the hell they could go.
"Away from here," she tells him, giving him his boxer shorts and turning away. He throws the backpack aside and begins to work them on as she continues talking, "Downstream, maybe. Somewhere we can hide you until you're stronger."
He nods, adjusting his boxer shorts and then slipping on his shirt. It's nice, to have cleaner clothes. He slips on his jacket and zips it up, before reaching his hand out for his pants. "Let me help," she says, kneeling beside him.
"No," he takes the pants away, more like snatches them, and he sees the brief flash of hurt. "I can do it," he says more softly and she nods, standing up. He's beginning to hate his mood swings; one minute, he doesn't like her and is having violent thoughts about her, the next, he doesn't like seeing her hurt or wounded. He shakes his head as he works his pants on. It takes a lot more out of him than he expected and part of him wishes he had accepted Katniss' offer on help but he's glad he hadn't. He's strong, he can do this. He needs to prove that to the world, especially his mother, but most of all, himself. He does his pants up once they're on his hips and grabs his stick.
With Katniss' help that he allows, he's back up on his feet. Well, foot. His leg still jolts in pain but over all, it's numb. He tries to put weight on it and he feels his face drain of color the instant he does, the pain doubling, tripling. He nearly drops the stick and falls. What he does do is bends over, using the stick as support, and throws up what little food he had in him. Katniss hops back and behind him, beginning to awkwardly pat his back as he dry-heaves for a few seconds. He finally gets a hold of himself and straightens up, shaking her hand away, sucking in mouthfuls of air. She gives him a slightly annoyed look but right now, he doesn't care. He feels horrible, the disgusting pile of watery pale stuff at his feet making him want to throw up again but he has nothing to throw up.
"Peeta, are you okay?" Katniss asks, her hand returning to his back. This time, he doesn't shake it off. He nods, steadying himself on his stick. "Here," she grabs his arm and puts it on her shoulders.
Even though he doesn't want too, he puts some of his weight on her. He isn't sure how's she's carrying anything. Wait, her backpack seemed to be endless so she probably has his shoes and socks in there. Slowly, they enter the water and begin to go downstream. He's pushing himself, that much is obvious. He keeps grinding his teeth, letting out small grunts, and as they go on, more of his weight is pushed onto Katniss, until the stick is forgotten and left in the water. His breathing is rough, ragged and heavy, and he can barely stand on his own. Katniss is having trouble holding up his weight but she manages, finally forcing him down onto the bank, ignoring his weak protests. She forces his head between his legs and Peeta knows he needs this. He feels like he might pass out any second.
After some deep breathing and brushing Katniss' awkward hand-patting away, he feels his head clearing. But he isn't sure if he can walk again. Just the thought makes his head fuzzy. He leans up and regrets it; the world tilts dangerously to the left and he realizes he's tilting with it.
"Peeta!" Katniss gasps, catching him and holding him up right. Even though the sun was beginning to set and the air was cooling, he feels like he's burning up. "Crap," she whispers and throws his arm over her shoulder, heaving him up. He groans, everything spinning, becoming a blur of colors. She forces him forward and he feels like he's going to be sick again, slumping against Katniss heavily.
Finally, they get to where they want to be. She sets him down at the mouth of the cave and puts the back of her hand to his forehead. She lets out a small curse he barely catches as he slumps back against the rock. She gets to work and he watches through heavy eyes. She brings pine needles into the cave and then he hears shuffling before she's back and whisking him up and helping him into the cave. He grunts as he slides in and she helps him over to the sleeping bag. He's in a half daze, details not coming to him, and he barely takes notice as she tucks him in. She places something in his mouth, his mind too muddled to realize what it is, and then she's forcing water into his mouth, and so he drinks. She holds fruit up to his mouth but he weakly turns his head, sinking farther into the sleeping bag. All he wants to do is sleep, sleep this off and get up and win. He hears her shuffling away but doesn't feel like seeing what she was doing. With a deep breath, he allows himself to begin to drift off, since she wasn't bothering him.
He thought too soon. "Peeta?" she says softly. He forces his eyes open and looks at her. She's kneeling beside him, worry etched into her face. She reaches forward, pushing the mess of hair off his forehead. Her fingers linger on his forehead as his eyes drift close again. "Don't fall asleep yet," she demands softly.
"I'm tired," he says in a small, whiny voice. He doesn't care how weak he looks right now; he was tired and wants sleep.
"Peeta." she says sternly, frowning at him.
He groans, turning his head away. "Just a few minutes." he whispers, glancing at her. "Sleeping will help."
She sighs, settling in beside him and pulling her bow closer. "Okay, go to sleep," she whispers, reaching out again and brushing his forehead. He nods, his eyes already closing. "Don't die on me, Peeta."
"Don't die on me, 12." instead of hearing Katniss' voice last, he hears Cato's, strong, loud, and clear, and he dreams about soft blue eyes, sweet friction, and pleading words to stay with him, to not go, and to not die.
...
There's that! Question of the Chapter is!
Would you accept Katniss' help as easily as Peeta did?
Two more chapters till I start going back to regular updating! Much love, LW.