FACADE STAGEPLAY Fri Mar 01 15 58 34 2013
GRACE Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?
TRIP What, Grace... this?
GRACE Yes, you know how I feel about it -
TRIP I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!
GRACE You know I've had to ask you about this several -
TRIP Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
TRIP Uhp, she's here!
(Lisa knocks on the front door.)
GRACE What?! You said she's coming an hour from now!
TRIP No, she's supposed to be here now!
GRACE Trip...!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP Lisa!
TRIP Ah I'm so happy you could make it! We haven't seen you in so long, how's it going?
LISA Yo
TRIP Yeah, hi!
TRIP Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.
(LISA hugs trip.)
TRIP Come on in!
TRIP Uh, it'll be just a sec while I go get Grace...
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
(LISA picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
TRIP (unintelligable arguing)
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Never")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
GRACE No, no, here we are!
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")
GRACE Lisa,
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
GRACE Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Yeah, yeah, how are you doing? - (interrupted)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
GRACE Uh, I just asked her that...
TRIP Well, I can ask her too!
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA You scared me dammit!
GRACE (frustrated sigh) - (interrupted)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
GRACE Uh...
GRACE Well, anyway... make yourself at home...
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Whoops, I need to go close the door. - (interrupted)
LISA I will.
GRACE Uh...
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
(Trip closes the front door.)
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA Ahh, my face!
(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "No")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")
LISA So how are you?
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
LISA Please speak to me.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")
LISA ... Why do you hate me?
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "No")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA STOP SMILING!
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Never")
LISA You have a fat ass.
LISA WHY ARE YOU SITTING THERE?!
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
LISA JUST SAY SOMETHING.
LISA Fine.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(LISA puts down the advice ball.)
TRIP Oh that - that's just a little joke advice giver toy thing that I like to consult now and then... - (interrupted)
(LISA kisses grace.)
GRACE Oh, yes, mm-wah! (kiss on cheek) You're so sweet.
(LISA picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
PHONE ** RING **
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(LISA puts down the advice ball.)
LISA My hands are all buttery.
TRIP Oh, I'll get it -
PHONE ** RING **
GRACE No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.
GRACE What? Wait, wait, let's just wait for the answering machine...
PHONE ** RING **
(LISA picks up the phone.)
PHONE Grace? Hello?
GRACE Lisa, no! Please don't do that.
LISA Herro?
PHONE Who is this? Grace is that you?
GRACE Uhh, it's my dad, I can hear his voice.
PHONE I don't recognize your voice...
LISA How are you?
TRIP Oh!
PHONE Excuse me, I must have the wrong number... ** click **
GRACE Okay, he's being annoying, as usual... just - just hang it up.
LISA I don't want to.
TRIP I wanted to say hello -
GRACE No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...
GRACE the last thing I want to do is talk to my - (interrupted)
LISA Well, he sounds nice to me.
TRIP Huh? No, we're good, I'm good, everything's good...
TRIP (clears throat)
TRIP Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people -
(LISA puts down the phone.)
GRACE Uhh, no, they're impossible, they're always expecting me to act like the dutiful daughter, it's so annoying. - (interrupted)
LISA I flung it! D:
GRACE No no, you've, you've done quite enough with my parents tonight, let's not talk about them anymore... (clears - (interrupted)
(LISA hugs grace.)
(LISA kisses grace.)
TRIP uh... ha heh heh...
GRACE (nervous coughing)
TRIP what...
TRIP you, uh...
GRACE (nervous coughing)
LISA I'm sorry, my friend made me!
TRIP ha ha, heh...
GRACE ha ha...
TRIP heh, ha ha ha!
(LISA points to the wedding photo.)
GRACE ha ha ha ha ha!
TRIP Ha ha ha, Lisa,
TRIP you're, heh, something else... heh... never afraid to...
GRACE heh heh...
(LISA sits on the couch.)
TRIP put us on the spot...
TRIP heh heh, you're crazy, you know that?
TRIP ha ha...
TRIP (big sigh)
LISA This is why I can't have friends...
TRIP Anyway... what were we talking about, heh?
TRIP I'm gonna fix us some drinks.
TRIP Ah, you'll be the first to sample from my new set of imported - (interrupted)
LISA Hell no.
TRIP W - wait, uh, uh - we need drinks.
TRIP What would you like?
TRIP How about something fun,
TRIP like a cosmopolitan?
TRIP I'm a real expert at fixing these, at least that's what everybody tells me.
GRACE We don't need to make a - (interrupted)
LISA I'm only four. D:
TRIP Uh, well, you know what, I'm just going to make you a cosmopolitan.
GRACE No no,
GRACE Lisa, maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?
TRIP Oh come on...
LISA You need to go to prison...
TRIP You know what why I don't I just open a bottle of merlot and make it easy.
LISA Juice please! I wanst mah juice!
GRACE Yes, - (interrupted)
TRIP Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix you a real drink in not too long...
TRIP In terms of drinks...
TRIP Grace, I know what you want, but I'll ask anyway... what would you like to drink?
LISA JUUUUUIIIIIIICE.
GRACE Um, Just a glass of Chardonnay for me, please. - (interrupted)
TRIP Well, I, uh - I know what you want, Grace.
TRIP Oh, Lisa, - (interrupted)
LISA Okay, how about some water?
(LISA gets up from the couch.)
TRIP Lisa, Come take look at this!
TRIP Your Chardonnay is ready, dear.
GRACE (little sigh)
LISA I want a glass of water.
TRIP Oh! Ha ha ha, yeah -
GRACE Lisa, careful, too many compliments can go to Trip's head...
(LISA kisses trip.)
TRIP uh...
LISA It wasn't me!
TRIP You...
GRACE She just...
TRIP We need to um... uh...
TRIP We need to send a letter to the...
TRIP the shoe repair guy...
GRACE Yeah...
LISA You guys okay? You nervous?
TRIP Ah, yes, right! Yeah...
GRACE be sure they know that everything's okay...
TRIP (long release sigh)
TRIP yeah...
LISA You are? What did I do?
TRIP Heh heh, Lisa, seeing you again makes me remember the good times we all used to have.
GRACE Yes...
(Trip sips his player's drink.)
(Trip sips his Trip's drink.)
(LISA hugs trip.)
TRIP Oh, ha ha, well...
(Grace sips her Grace's drink.)
GRACE Well you're really affectionate tonight, aren't you.
LISA That time in like... High school?
TRIP Whoa I just realized something!
GRACE What...
(LISA picks up the advice ball.)
TRIP We have to celebrate! Tonight's a special night!
(The advice ball reads, "No")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
GRACE What do you mean?
(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")
LISA What happened? Who died?
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP Uh, well, remember how you introduced us almost exactly ten years ago tonight?
(The advice ball reads, "Never")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA No. I was drunk.
(The advice ball reads, "No")
TRIP So yeah, remember how you introduced us almost exactly ten - (interrupted)
LISA What? Too awkward?
TRIP Uh, well, all I can say is, tonight means a lot to me, and Grace.
TRIP (frustrated sigh) - (interrupted)
TRIP Uh, I mean, uh, it's, uh - it's good to see you again.
LISA I'm sorry for being strange.
LISA I didn't take my medicine.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")
LISA Perhaps soon.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")
LISA Speak to me.
LISA Why are you staring?
LISA SPEAK TO ME.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA ... No love.
(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Maybe Later")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")
LISA STOP STARING.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA Did I break you?
(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")
LISA ... Your drinks suck ass.
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Yes")
LISA There is a line between your boobs
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "I Doubt It")
LISA It looks really nasty.
LISA FAT. ASS.
LISA WHY THE FUCK YOU STARING?!
LISA ...
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
LISA ... I quit.
(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(LISA puts down the advice ball.)
(LISA knocks on the front door.)
(LISA opens the front door.)
TRIP You know what, Lisa, that's it, you need to leave.
(LISA picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP We'll be fine - you just have to go.
(Trip closes the front door.)
LISA ASSHOLE!
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Perhaps Soon")
(LISA shakes the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")