Jack took a long swig straight from the bottle of Captain Morga's rum. He parried a look next to him at the stricken man, and took another long swig. "That." he said, pointing the bottle at Johnn for clarity. "Is a blast from the past."
"Is it?" John asked, taking the bottle from Jack and similarly foregoing the red solo cup at his feet. "Is it the past, Jack? Cause, I gotta tell you, my wife seems to be angry at me about something, and that name and face keep popping up at the end of each of my questions."
Jack nodded. "I still recall when I met her." Jack nodded.
"Was she dating a bouncer?"John asked with a questioning tilt of his head.
Jack nearly spit out his mouthful of rum at that question. "No, no." he took a long low sigh and ran his hands through his hair. "Listen, Doc." he began."Rose was someone you met at a time in your life where things were...not so great."
"I know that," John nodded. "And I know that this Rose," John said her name as if it left a sour taste in his mouth. "Is what sits between us."
"Maybe," Jack drawled, "you should talk to Martha about it. She is a smart rational woman, I am sure that she would have a better handle on things like that than me." Jack smiled.
"I don;t know." John looked at his watch, took one last long pull from the rum bnpttle and stood up shakily. "S'pose I should go to bed, I told her I wasn;t going to be too late."
Jack tipped the bottle toward his friend in a gesture of good night, he watched the taller man tip out of the room with the aid of his hands on the walls of the small bedroom. Once he was certain that John was out of earshot, he shook his head and blew a breath. "Geez, I gotta stop this train before it reaches the station."
XXXXXXXXXX
Martha was making pancakes when Jack climbed out of his hole the next morning, beautiful." he smiled.
"You are in much better shape than your com padre." Martha accused. "You know he hasn;t drank before like this." she waved the spatula in her hand.
Jack sat at the small round table in the kitchen. "When you get a chance, Martha..." he started carefully. Jack had decided during the night, that he would stem the flow of this before it went bad. They had been here on Earth for two weeks, and if the Doctor could tell something was wrong in that amount of time, then something was definitely going to bubble over and surface within Eighteen Months. He was sure he could take John in, or even Sarah. But, in what shape would the non human human be in? Did the Doctor harbour a suicidal tendency in this human shape? He didn't want to find out the hard way.
Martha turned to face her one time boss. "What? What is it?" she asked. Martha had angled her body away from the cast iron griddle. "What did he say to you last night?"
Jack wondered how much of her reaction was guilt, she seemed in flight or flight mode. He started to doubt there was much he could do at this point. "I think you need to have a talk with your husband." Jack insisted.
"He's not my..." Martha's words fell into silence. Something seemed to catch, she turned slowly back to the action of flipping silver dollar pancakes. Jack could have sworn he co\aught something in her eyes, before she turned around, there was a moment of understanding.
"Martha, it's not going to work," Jack shook his head. "There is no way you can keep this up for a year and a half. " he shook his head. Again.
"This is a mess."she announced without turning back around.
"What's a mess?" John entered holding Adric. Martha had noticed in the last week how much more time he spends with the infant than he did as himself. He seemed almost proprietary of the baby.
Martha turned and found herself folding him into a hug. "We were discussing your memories, John. " She answered proud of herself for only half lying to him.
He nodded and allowed her to hold him. Adric fussed and drew them apart to stare at the infant. "He's hungry." Martha announced with a nod.
"I'll finish breakfast." John offered taking the proffered spatula.
XXXXXXXXXX
He was starting to feel like he was in an episode of wild kingdom. Jack kept watching to \\he couple wondering where the lie began and the truth ended. On the surface, and even sub subcutaneously, they seemed loving, nearly ideal. But, the causal observer, after five minutes, would have to concede a sense of oddness in their movements. Martha fed Adric, and John made breakfast. They were together and separate, as if two objects occupying the same space at different times; grudgingly admitting that each holds a right to exist, but not giving any inclination of coexistence.
After breakfast, John grabbed the car keys and left to run errands, promising to pick up movies for later. Jack helped Martha move the stroller out onto the front and the two of them took a walk in the chilly early November air. "Even when you try, Martha," Jack began unable to look at her as he spoke. "Its still so forced. "
Martha nodded, there was nothing else for it, no way to admit that this was a complete failure. She did not do failure well, even when it took her three times to pass Greek in her senior year of high school.
"He knows it's wrong, even asked about Rose last night." he watched the woman at his side go rigid with the mention of the name. "I would have thought that you two worked out your differences by now. I don't get it, Nightingale, when you left a few weeks ago, I thought for sure that the two of you were on your way to something great."
"Well, it must be wonderful to be able to put together great romances for everyone else." Martha spat bitterly.
Jack stopped walking and placed his hand on her arm. "What is it? I mean really, Martha? Have you ever, in all this time figured that part out?" he asked. When Martha shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, he pressed on. "You used to be so in awe of him. That first time I met you, I could tell. Even in the face of the end of the Universe, I could see it. " It was as if a light came on above his head. The colors ran from Martha's face, and he finally understood it. "It really is still Rose, isn't it?"
Martha spoke this time, and for the first time, she gave her friend an honest and true answer. "I have met that girl, she is nothing to get anyone's hopes up on." Martha shook her head again. "No, it isn't about Rose, it never was."
"Then what is it?" jack asked, he believed her, believed that she had worked through at least the Rose part of her insecurities. But, there was something there, and Jack doubted she would give it a name until she was ready to. She wasn't. Martha shook her head and continued to walk along side the immortal man. "All I'm saying, Martha." he began again, reluctant to dig too deep. "Is that if this isn't what you want, and you know you can't fake it, then its better to get out as soon as possible." He could not believe he was saying these words, giving his friend the advice. But, she was one to leave the Doctor before. He wondered if she would be able to do it again, and Jack also wondered if Martha realized how hard it would be.
Martha sighed. "You have to understand, Jack. I spent a year living with him, completely in awe of him, but he seemed to not even know I existed."
"He does now." Jack tried.
"That is circumstantial, isn't it?" Martha answered. "Had it not been for Adric, l do you really think any of this would have gone any further?"
"Yes," Jack answered truthfully. "Yes I do."
"No, sorry don't buy it, Jack'" she fired back. "you wouldn't understand it. No one has ever made you feel like their mistress."
Jack laughed. "I don't think you have the proper definition of that word. See, a mistress gives a married man sexual-"
"I know what it is!" Martha snarled. "It's the unnecessary part of the feeling I don't like." She shook her head at Jack's confused grin. "A mistress, a man can do without. Don;t look at me like that, Jack, you forget my father was infatuated with a blond. "
"You know, I forgot about that. It all sort of makes chaotic sense." he nodded to himself.
"It's funny, a man does not need a mistress. Oh, he likes to have one strangely enough, loves to have her around mostly for his own ego. But, he does not need her. And, however she may feel about him, however much she may love him, he will never love her the same way he loves the idea of her."
Jack shook his head. "That is not true, Martha. I know what you are implying, and its not true."
"Doesn't have to be," Martha shrugged her shoulders, but stood up a little taller nonetheless. "It's how I feel. And, as long as the Doctor is someone I do not know, that is never going to get settled. We gave ourselves one year to try...it wasn't bad for that first few weeks..." Martha's voice seemed to fade out, then it came stronger. "Then, this happened. Right when things were actually getting better. There was a trust that we were starting to come to. I could rely on him, and he knew I was at least trying. We had a deal, and this feels like."
"Like he took the easy way out of it." Jack finished. "But you know that is not true, right?"
"Doesn't matter what is true or not, Jack." Martha repeated. "It's what I feel that is messing with my head. Its not like I cannot think rationally about all of this. I do nothing but work and think rationally about this. But, thinking rationally is different than trying to control emotions, isn't it?
"Which is why you need to hag it up,Martha. You're miserable, he's miserable. It can't be good." He stopped again and took Martha's hand in his. "Why don't you come back to Cardiff." he asked.
"You were the one that chased me out a few weeks ago!" Martha insisted. "You made me leave."
Jack threw his head back and laughed. "No one makes you do anything, Martha. I just made it easier for you to go with a clear conscience." Jack shrugged. "But, if it makes you feel better this time, I can even put you back into the field."
She seemed to honestly be considering her options silently.. Martha's face became unreadable as they made their way to the busy center of their suburb. "I don't think I can." Martha nodded finally.
"Really?" Jack asked, "Are you sure?"
She sighed then. "I can't because I can't leave Adric. A job like that, I would need a lot of sitters, not to mention my mother being so far away, and we barely on speaking terms as it is..."
Jack watched his friend grasp her hands on the stroller tighter and hunch her shoulders until they were a solid quadrilateral. "I neer thought it would be like this for me. I love him, Jack. Addy, I can;t leave him, and I can;t take him away from the Doctor. Have you seen him with Addy?"
Jack nodded.
"Martha," he shook his head. "Just let me know if you ever need the out, all right?"
Martha nodded distractedly, a plan already taking shape in her mind.
XXXXXXXXXX
The rest of the weekend wet by quickly as the three friends spent hours talking and doing their best to avoid the five hundred pound baby elephant in the room. John still sat next to Martha, though the distance between them could have rivaled the Grand Canyon. Jack felt powerles sto help an already untenable situation. He wanted to smack both of his friends and lock them in a room together, preferably naked. Something about nature taking its course, and the two of them would feel a lot better with a good healthy shag between them.
But, real life did not work that way, and two people hurting on opposite end s of the couch were never going to see anything eye to eye long enough to shag.
Sunday found Jack standing in the rain outside of departures, John sat in the car with the Honda idling while Martha gave her friend one last hug. "Think about what I said, Martha." he tried again. "Either talk to him, or get out. You can't go on like this, neither of you." Martha nodded and watched him disappear into security.
John smiled as she eased into the passenger seat of the car, he always seemed so happy to see her; it was the thing that struck her every time. Not the happy to see her, the Doctor was capable of that, but the other emotions, the other oh so human and categorical emotions that were so starkly contrasted against John Smith, and against the Doctor. "Everything all right?" he asked. Martha noted he asked that a lot. She nodded all the same and settled into her seat, with a quick glance back at Addy, they pulled into Manchester traffic and pointed home.
"It's not about Rose, you know." she said low as they drove the rain soaked streets.
John nodded without turning to look at her. "I know."
Martha sighed. "It's in the past, I would rather not dredge up all of that, right?" she asked. "I mean, it was a long time ago, and..." Martha shook her head.
"I don't remember." he announced. John slammed his hand on the steering wheel as they idled at the red light. "I don't remember! I mean, I feel as if I am being punished for something I didin't do!" His voice was angry, but not loud. Martha noted his face bore the cadence of confusion, in that moment she felt sorry for him. She wondered if this was also a carry over from his real persona. Did he feel punished?
John gripped the steering wheel with both hands until his knuckles were white. "Rose wasn't who I married." he insisted fervently. "Why is this still hovering over our heads after three years of marriage and a baby?" He looked at her them, as if she had an answer. She didin;t
"I don't know." she shrugged, then turned to look out of the window. "It still feels raw and open like a scab that was ripped open."
he turned at the raw emotion in her voice. "What happened?" he asked quietly as they pulled onto their street. Martha shook her head, but neither of them made a move to get out of the car after John threw the trans into park and sat back. "I have a right to know why my wife hates me." he sighed.
"I don;t hate you," she whispered. "I just don't trust you."
He shook his head this time. "No, I don't suppose you do, do you.' he sighed with resignation. "Can you at least tell me what happened?" He turned to face her, his face drawn in a mask of self disgust. "Did I cheat?"
Martha shook her head faintly. "No, you have never cheated on me." she smiled. "It's not like that. Rose was something special to you. Someone special to you." She took a deep breath before going on. "You and she were intensely close. She was everything to you. And, she left. "
"Did she die?" He asked, wondering why he would have felt for someone he remembers nothing of, but the feelings for the woman next to him...oh the feelings. Apple flavored kisses, a first kiss in the halls of a hospital amid the smell of camphor and disinfectant. A shared love for Shakespeare, a long traffic jam where they had a fight and she ran off in anger. He followed her for an hour. He remembered so much. Of Rose...
"She died. But, that came later. "Martha felt suffocatingly close in the luxury car. Every cell in her screamed to open the car door and run for the house, pack a bag and run. She was a good runner, had been since she could remember. Running was better than fighting, that she did not have in her. At least, not for this. "You never let me forget her. We met, not long after she left you. I don;t know the ins and outs of your relationship, and its too late to ask her." Martha let her hands rub over her eyes before turning to make sure that the infant in the back seat was still sleeping. "You were still hurting when we met that day at Royal Hope. It was love at first sight for me, but I think you were just looking for a lie vest to keep from drowning. I suppose I threw myself at you a bit." she smiled sadly.
John shook his head. "That, is not what I recall." he reached his hand to her, considered touching her cheek,, but took her hand instead. "I may still be under the influence of the Encephalitis, but I know I wasn't thinking of anyone else." He settled back into the car seat, "when I think of Rose," he began, but halted at Martha's visible discomfort. "When I think of Rose, all I get is pink and yellow and sweet, like a mixed drink at a resort. I don;t understand how a good time could mean anything."
"You were always comparing us." Martha fired with a defiant shake of her head. "I don;t know why I stuck around so long...You were always going on about how much she meant to you, how perfect she was. I hated her for a long time. Still do, but for different reasons now." Martha smiled ruefully. "When she came back to you, you were such a fool for her. Didn't matter what she did, or, who she did it to, she was all you could see. All you wanted to see."
He sat in silent shame. While he was not certain of the validity of his wife's accusations, he could not den the probable truth.
"Fact is," she surmised with a sad smile.. "I always felt, unnecessary. You were already in love, I was the consolation prize.'
It was the first time he ever really showed real anger toward her in the three weeks they had been 'undercover.' Martha had never feared the Doctor, and she had only feared for John Smith, but in the instant after her accusation, she actually feared John Bowman. "How can you say that?" he asked bitterly.
She shrugged sadly, "I just think I need some time away, John. I don;t think this is a good situation for either of us. Some time apart might be good. I was thinking of taking another job, in London. Give you and Addy some time..."
"But," he began in a small voice, the smallest voice that Martha had ever heard come from anyone "You said a year, you promised."