Catch 22: Chapter 3 – Are We Sitting Comfortably?
"Right, everyone, tuck in," smiles Janet warmly. You feel your mouth salivating at just the sight of food. It's like a real-life M&S ad.
"Janet, this all looks amazing. Thank you so much for this," gushes Isabel. You mumble an incoherent agreement as you fill your mouth with too much food, much to Nikki's chagrin who is sitting opposite you and having to watch you speed shovel roast potatoes into your mouth. You receive a kick on the shin as punishment.
You notice Ben taking his napkin off his lap momentarily to wipe away the tiny blob of gravy from the corner of Nikki's mouth. You wait for her to push him off gently, or mutter that she's not a baby, but to your horror, does nothing of the kind. Why should she? They're dating.
"Well, would you look at that, chivalry isn't dead," giggles Nikki, leaning into Ben to rest her head on his shoulder. You envy Ben's shoulder. You see her smiling at Ben. You can't take your eyes off her smiling.
And then you see it. Almost non-existent. A glint in her eye. An inkling. She pulls away from him ever so slightly as he puts his arm on the back of her chair. To the naked eye, you wouldn't even notice. But you do. Because you're staring at her. Actually, no, make that gazing. And then she does something you don't expect.
He's noticed. He's noticed the flinch. The smallest hint that you're not entirely satisfied. You wonder how he even noticed. But then you feel his gaze. Burning into you. Of course he'd notice. It's Harry. You drag your eyes up from your food slowly. You painstakingly turn your eyes to look at him. He looks almost surprised, but he holds your gaze. You feel like you're frozen in time. You can't seem to pull your eyes away – it's too difficult. You wonder who will break it first.
"Nikki?" you hear Isabel's voice ground you, and suddenly you're dragged back into the conversation. Regrettably, you can't keep staring at Harry, staring at you. You look up at Leo with a blank face to find everyone else at the table staring at you.
"Sorry?" you ask, feeling slightly guilty that Isabel has presumably been talking to you for a while, but instead of listening, you are watching her boyfriend. Hang on, why are you in the wrong here? He's her boyfriend. So why was he watching you? His eyes should be on Isabel. Mind you, with that said, your eyes should be on Ben.
"Are you with us? I said, what's the worst thing about Harry? You've known him for a long time," laughed Isabel, rather bemused by your lack of focus. You really hope that she didn't notice you watching Harry watching you.
"Just one thing?" you ask, pretending to look confused by the question. Everyone at the table begins to laugh; you feel safe. The conversation is no longer awkward and Isabel seems satisfied by your answer. You glance briefly at Harry, who avoids your eyes, taking his fork and trying to feed Isabel a morsel of potato. You feel almost nauseous, until you feel Ben's arm around the back of your chair again. Instead of shifting in your seat again uncomfortably, you snuggle into his touch, determined to not let Harry ruin your evening. The second you look away from Harry, you feel his eyes slowly begin to burn into you again.
You ponder the worst thing about Harry. You can see the answer swimming around in your brain. It's always going to be the same answer. He's not with you. That's the worst thing about him. You see Leo watching you. He knows the answer too. He's known for a long time. But of course, you can't say that. So you lie.
"He can't cook," you laugh, "I don't think he's ever cooked us a meal, has he, Leo?" You desperately bring Leo into the conversation, in the hope that he sees your subtle aversion to the question, and deftly changes the subject.
"Hey! I will have you know, that I helped with the Belgium sauce. And it tastes pretty good," Harry states arrogantly.
"The what sauce?" Isabel asks, puzzled as everyone else.
"He means béchamel," answers Nikki, smirking.
"No, actually, I think you're right, Nikki. Harry doesn't ever cook. Turkish food doesn't count, Harry," says Leo, condescendingly.
"Turkish food? You like baklava?" asks Ben. You almost sense a hint of scorn in his voice.
"He means a kebab," replies Harry, coolly. This is the only interaction they have this evening. They don't speak to each other again. You're not sure whether to be relieved or to be irritated. They are both important to you. You want them to get along, don't you?
But then again, if they don't get along, you have an escape clause.
You suddenly have an overwhelming feeling of guilt. Here you are, your boyfriend is sitting next to you, with him arm around you, having finished eating, and you are thinking up reasons to break up with him.
You stand up, as Janet begins to clear away the empty plates. You need some space from this table. You begin to help clearing up the plates, and you take a small stack into the kitchen. You begin to start washing them up, ignoring the dishwasher for want of being away from the table for longer.
Janet puts the remainder of the plates in the sink for you to wash up. You have an unspoken understanding that you always do the dishes, and she then starts to plate up the pudding. Janet starts humming a hymn at this point, as she attempts to do a swirly pattern with the raspberry coulis. You find it comforting, like a lullaby.
"Do you have a cloth or something? I spilt some of the béchamel on my top," you hear Isabel say. You hear laughter resonating in your head, as her black silk blouse now has a large stain on it. Janet inspects the stain, before deciding it needs a bit more work than a J-cloth. She takes Isabel from the room, presumably in the direction of the bathroom.
No sooner has Isabel left the room, when Harry pokes his head around the door, with another plate in his hand. He grins lopsidedly, before handing you the plate. You roll your eyes at him, having just taken off the rubber gloves. He grabs a tea towel, before taking a plate and beginning to dry it, right next to you, his shoulder gently bumping yours. He's so close to you that you can smell the woody scent that is so distinctly Harry. As you finish washing the plate, you hand it back to him, so that he can dry it.
It seems such a domestic situation, so natural. You lean your head against his shoulder. He drops the tea towel, finishing the plate drying. He gently turns to look at you, careful not to jolt his shoulder in case it's the only thing supporting your head. He lightly presses a kiss to your forehead, leaving his lips against your temple for slightly longer than necessary.
"She's pretty," you murmur, so softly that you're not sure if he even hears you.
"So are you," he whispers back. You're not entirely sure why he felt the need to say that. You're not entirely sure for what purpose that was warranted. You're not sure what point he's trying to make. You're just not sure of anything right now. He's too close to you to actually think anything remotely coherent. All you know is that you need to stay near him right now.
When he turns to face you, and strokes a hand across your temple, coming to rest on your cheek, you can't pull away. You don't flinch like you did with Ben earlier. You close your eyes, sighing contentedly. Because no matter what you feel for Ben, when you're with Harry, it just feels…right.
As his hand leave your face, you open your eyes, unsure of what he's going to do next. You know what you'd like to happen, but for all you know, Harry could still pull away, break the moment. You might just be reading too much into this. He stroked your face; it's hardly a declaration of love.
But when he tugs your arm gently, but hard enough so that you are pulled flush against him, you realise that it is just that. A declaration of love. Implicit because neither of you actually have the courage to say it.
You look at each other momentarily. Pouring emotion into each other's eyes. But then it gets too much. You're both too intoxicated by the other to pull away. You're magnetic together. So you attract.
He kisses you. Or you kiss him. Either way, you're kissing each other.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: charli-girl, tigpop, Beth, Izzy, pinkswallowsun, dinabar, whitenessie, Baibe, Lizziginne, greyslostwho, Cariad1987 and OmNomNom :)
The response to this has been totally overwhelming! I am so thrilled, so thank you to my glorious Witness Army...you are my second family!
And only 2 more exams to go (finally), so should be able to update more often :)
Em xxx
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