Bella wandered down the stairs to get some cereal.
"Hey Bella." Jasper greeted her with a mouthful of cereal.
"Jasper what are you doing?!"
"I don't know?!" He jumped up, knocking the bowl onto the floor.
"YOU CAN'T EAT! YOU'RE A VAMPIRE!" She yelled.
Jasper was about to speak, but he threw up all his breakfast onto the table.
"Oh my gosh!" Bella screamed. Edward came running.
"What? What's going on?" Edward yelled.
"Jasper threw up everywhere!" Bella shouted.
"I also finished the cereal." Jasper said.
"All of it?" Bella asked.
"All of it." He confirmed.
"What am I going to eat for breakfast?"
Jasper shrugged.
Bella sighed in frustration.
"Well, you can go to Wallmart after school, then."
"No mommy! Me don't want to go to Wallmart!" Jasper sobbed into Bella.
"Mommy!? What the fu-"
Jasper's crying drowned her out.
"I'm going to get ready for school." Bella sighed, walking back up to her bedroom. She opened the door, to find Emmett, bouncing on her bed.
"Emmett, get out. I'm going to get changed." Bella said, picking out clothes from her wardrobe. Alice had eventually compromised about the wardrobe, after 45 packets of Sour Patch Kids.
"'Changed' as in vampire?" He asked.
"No!" Bella screamed. Arg. Living with these douche bag nut jobs? Please, I'd rather get a medical exam by a leprous prostatute who walks away with 7 fingers. She thought.
"Emmett, I'm getting ready for school." She answered, more calmly.
Emmett squealed childishly and hopped away, like the bunny costume his was wearing.
Bella took a light blue shirt and some white jeans out of her chest of draws, and put them on.
Rosalie burst in, without knocking.
"Oh, hey Rose." Bella said.
"I am not Rosalie." She replied.
"Oh?"
"I am a duck." She looked at Bella for the first time that day. She had painted her face as a duck, with a yellow elastic beak over her nose.
"Well… Isn't that…. Well…" Bella stammered. "Anyway, could you knock before you come in next time?"
"Why? It's my room. Who knocks on the door of their own room?"
"Um, it's my room…"
"Oh, Bella. Don't be so selfish." Rosalie said. "Honestly, what dose Edward see in you?"
"ANYWAY!" Bella yelled, "I had just finished changing when you came in, so, to avoid any awkward situ-"
"Excuse me?!" Rose screeched.
"Yes?" Bella asked.
"You're hitting on me!?" Rose screeched again.
"What?! Wh-"
"Oh my god Bella!"
"Rosal-"
"That explains everything… You dating Edward to just be near me… The way you never s*h*ag Edward… You are always such a bitch to Emmett, out of jealousy… It's always been me… All along…" She thought out loud.
"NO! It-" Bella began.
"Bella, I can't believe you!" Rosalie yelled dramatically, storming out of the room.
Bella sighed. Good Lord.
She followed Rose down the stairs.
"Bella, WHERE ARE YOU!?" Bella could hear Alice yelling downstairs. Then… sobbing?
"OH MY GOD BELLA'S DEAD!" Alice cried, curling up into a ball on the floor.
"WE NEVER EVEN HAD SEX!" Edward also curled up on the floor, next to her.
"Guys, I'm right here." Bella said, putting a hand on each of their backs.
"Bella!" Alice screamed, hugging her.
They heard a bang, bang, bang behind them. It was Jasper, running into the door, over and over.
"Jasper, what are you doing?" Bella yelled.
"BELLA YOU'RE DOOR IS BROKEN!" Jasper sobbed. "HOW CAN WE GO OUTSIDE NOW!?"
"OH MY GOD BELLA'S DEAD!" Alice sobbed into Edward's shoulder.
Bella Swan put her head in her hands. Why her?