CHAPTER 3

Since I wasn't getting anywhere with all of these thoughts swirling around in my head I decided that a little retail therapy was in order, and I headed straight for the mall. After all, shopping cures everything, right?

After about 2 hours of setting my credit cards buck wild in the mall like a raging bull, I felt a little better. Sure, I felt great now, look at all the great stuff I bought! But talk to me next month when the bills start coming in! 'Oh, but I am marrying a doctor, remember?' I said to myself sarcastically but with a smile. After all, Alex was half the reason I was upset in the first place, so it was only fair, I reasoned.

Before heading home I grabbed a little comfort food and once I got home I parked myself in sofa-city for the night. This was definitely a greasy cheeseburger and fries kind of a night. Maybe a glass of wine too. Ah hell, maybe a bottle. God knows I needed it! The 2 most important men in my life were driving me absolutely nuts. They were seemingly at odds with each other and I was somehow caught in the middle. I couldn't understand how or why the 2 men I loved most had such an utter disdain for each other. Couldn't they see the same great things about each other that I saw?

I decided that I wasn't going to think about it anymore. I had spent enough time analyzing this situation, and I was getting nowhere. I need a mental break, so I popped "Casablanca" into the VCR and tried to zone out for a while.

About halfway through the movie, my mind started to drift. Despite my best efforts to not think about what happened with Rick earlier, I couldn't help but wander back to the conversation he and I had at the pier. The detective in me was working over-time, trying to look for clues as to what the hell the big mystery was. And by that mystery, I meant, 'why are they both so disapproving of each other's place in my life?' It wasn't before long when I realized that I never did ask Rick – point blank – what he had meant when he told Alex that he loved me. Maybe it meant more than I realized. I had always assumed that he loved me like in a "I love you like a sister" kind of way, but Alex seemed to fly off the handle blowing it up into something more than that...was he right? Was Hunter trying to tell me something?

Now my head was spinning. I played the "Should I? Shouldn't I?" game with myself for about 15 minutes, picking up and hanging up the phone 3 times, further dialing Hunter's number each time, but never completing it. I didn't know what I wanted to say. Finally, I decided that maybe the wine had gotten the best of me and I should just probably call it a night. In this state of mind, I was probably going to make a fool of myself anyway, so thought I better just sleep on it first. Also, I needed some time to figure out exactly what I wanted to say to Hunter.

I tossed and turned for the better part of 3 hours, before resounding to the fact that the only way I was going to get some sleep was to talk to Hunter, right now. Not tomorrow, right now.

It was almost 1:30 in the morning and while I had lost my wine buzz, I somehow found my courage. So, I got out of bed and freshened myself up. I put on my favorite jeans and a cute top, grabbed my keys and my purse and headed out the door. For some reason, I did always put in that 'extra effort' in my appearance whenever I was going to around Hunter, and why should tonight be any different? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I guess thought I was torturing him in a "see what you're missing" kind of way. For all he knew, I could have been out on the town tonight. He didn't need to know that I was home sulking in my cheeseburger, alone, on a Saturday night.

I didn't even bat an eye when I got in my car and looked at the time and saw that it was 1:42am. Besides, Hunter was used to me barging in at all hours of the night whenever I had the urge to talk. And, right now, I needed to talk.

I made the 10 minute drive to Hunter's beach house and pulled up at a few minutes before 2. His green Dodge Monaco was in the driveway, so at least I knew he was home. That was a start. The house was dark, so I assumed that he was sleeping. I sat in my car for a few minutes collecting my thoughts before I got out. I walked up to his house and knocked on the door. I didn't feel the least bit guilty for waking him up.

After about 2 minutes of incessant banging, I saw a light come on and heard Hunter coming down the stairs.

"Who is it?" he yelled out, seemingly annoyed.

"It's McCall! Open up!" He opened the door, bare-chested with only a pair of Levi's on. Oh damn, he looked good. Oh God, that's the second time I said that today...

"Do you know what time it is?" he asked me sarcastically while opening the door.

"I know what time it is! I've been up half the night thinking and I need to talk to you!" I said as I barged into his living room, but not before hitting him in the bicep with my purse.

"Right now? You need to talk 'right now'? Do you ever need to talk during the day? Or just during the middle of the night?" He rubbed his sleepy eyes with one hand and closed the door with the other.

I walked across his living room and hurled my purse on to his couch at warp speed. I was on a roll today; first the rock and now the purse. I meant business and I wanted him to know it.

"I tried to talk to you earlier today, but you walked away from me, remember? So now, I've got you cornered. You can't leave me now!"

He plopped himself down on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. "Ok, Sgt. What's on your mind?" he asked.

"I figured it out!"

"You figured 'what' out?"

I lightened up a little, and flashed him my trademark look and smile that basically said, 'nice try, but I'm on to you, buddy' and continued, "... why you don't like Alex, and why you're upset over me marrying him!"

"And detective, what did you come up with?" he said as he folded his arms across his chest, bracing himself for this one. "This ought to be good."

"You're upset because you think he's taking me away from you, and you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous." He replied, notably dodging the first part of my opening statement.

"Yeah, you are."

I must have struck a nerve, because the expression on his face changed instantly and it let me know that he was hurt by my accusations. Was I off base with the jealousy part? I thought to myself.

I softened my tone, sat down next to him and carried on. "Look, I'm sorry. I know that you are always looking out for me and you stopped by to see Alex and you told him that you loved me only because you were concerned and just want the best for me, and..."

"Stop right there."

He cut me off before I could say another word and sprung himself off the couch. I looked up at him shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders, confused as to why he cut me off and got up so abruptly.

"I can't have this conversation with you right now. I can't do this. It's late and I need to get some sleep." He said in an attempt to avoid what he felt was the inevitable.

He moved towards the base of the stair case and I got up and grabbed his wrist with a death grip and pulled him around to face me. He was so good at walking when the situation got too heavy, and I wasn't going to let him get away with that. Not this time. He was going to talk to me about this right now, 2am or not.

He looked me dead in the eyes and I could see it all over his face that there was something he wasn't telling me. I was determined to get it out of him, right here, right now.

"Hunter! Don't walk away from me! I want to know what's going on! Talk to me!"

"You really want to do this right now? You really want to know what's going on?" His voice had elevated to just below a yell.

"Yes, Hunter, I do. I wouldn't have come all the way over here if I didn't!"

He realized where this conversation was about to go and part of him wished that he didn't say a word, but it was too late in the game now. Besides, there was the other part of him that figured he was going to lose her one way or the other, so he might as well at least go down with a fight.

"Fine, McCall. You want to know what's going on, well, here it is: I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm hurt, and you're right, I AM jealous. I'm about to watch the best thing to ever to happen to me walk out of my life and there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it! I'm losing my partner, my best friend, AND the woman I love, all in one week! How's that for a shitty week?"

I just stood there in shock. 'What did he just say?' I thought to myself.

He paused for a moment before continuing, "What do you want me to tell you Dee Dee? Don't marry the guy? Stay here? Stay here with me? Is that what you want to hear?"

I stood there with my mouth open, speechless. There was so much that I wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't come out. I didn't expect to hear what I just heard.

Silence fell over us for a moment, while my head was spinning.

He broke the silence and continued, "oh, and my little 'talk' with Alex... the part about me telling him that I love you... well, now you know what I meant. It's true, I do love you. But, I guess that doesn't matter now..."

I felt my heart begin to race even faster. Did I just hear what I think I just heard?

Finally, I was able to speak. "Do you mean... what I think you mean?" I nervously asked as my nose began to get tingly and I could feel tears creeping in. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious, Dee Dee!" he exclaimed. "I love you. And not in a 'how a brother loves a sister' kind of way, either, just to be clear."

He paused for a minute, took a deep breath, and then he took my hands in his. He looked at me with those loving blue eyes of his that could melt even the iciest of hearts.

He softened his voice. "Dee Dee...this isn't exactly how I envisioned telling you this...". I've been wanting to tell you for a while now... I just haven't found the right time. Devane has kept us so busy with work and we've hardly had any down time, and now with Peterson's death… I just never found the time. I thought that I would finally make that dinner I promised you, next weekend, and well... I'm sure you can figure out the rest." He paused for a moment. "I love you, Dee Dee. I'm in love with you, and I always have been. You're all I think about from the time I get up until the time I go to sleep. You're the reason I get up in the morning, because I know when I get to work I will get to see your beautiful face...but, it seems as though I am too late." He paused again for a moment. "There, I said it."

"I don't believe what I am hearing? Are you joking? 'Cause if you're joking, this isn't funny at all!" I nervously blurted out as I felt all of my blood rushing to my face.

I really didn't 'think' he was joking, I just never thought I was going to hear those words come from his mouth and I didn't know what else to say. I felt like I was in some alternate universe. Was this really happening? Deep down I knew I loved him too, but couldn't help but wonder, where was all of this 3 years ago, or even 3 months ago?

"No, I am not joking, Dee Dee, and I'll prove it," and in an instant, his body was up against mine, pinned up against the wall. He started kissing me, passionately. I hesitated for a brief second, but as a surge of electricity ran through my body, I threw caution to the wind and kissed him back, feverishly, just like I had 3 years ago. I felt weak in the knees and I was losing myself in his kiss. It was every bit as good as I remembered it. After several minutes, we broke. "Still think I'm joking?" he murmured, with his lips about an inch away from mine.

He backed away from me and I stood there still leaning up against the wall trying to catch my breath. He had literally taken my breath away. I quickly realized that I never did quite feel that way when Alex kissed me. And then it hit me; ALEX!

"I don't believe this!" I covered my forehead with my left hand, turned and walked a few steps away from Rick. I needed a second to process this. 'Were we…just…kissing?' I thought to myself as I felt my stomach tense up. Did he just tell me that he loves me, loves me?

I knew that in the depths of my heart, I loved him too; madly. But I had worked so hard to squash those feelings - once again - when he turned me down 3 months ago after the Stryber case. And not to mention, the little detail of me being engaged to someone else.

I turned around and walked back over to Hunter. "You tell me this NOW? AND you kiss me LIKE THAT? You do all of this NOW, as I am about to marry someone else?"

"Well, in my defense, up until today I had no idea that you were planning to marry the guy. I didn't realize how serious it had gotten between you two so fast. So, forgive me. Besides, you were pretty into it too just then." He said, unnecessarily stating the obvious. He was right; I was into it, and I felt really guilty for it.

I started walking in circles. "Rick, I just don't understand! Three months ago, after all we talked about in Tate's office... We finally talk about that night and I hear for the first time how you really felt about it. I thought that maybe - just maybe - there was something between us. I invited you in for coffee that night... and you said no! I thought you were feeling what I was feeling, but you quickly put a stop to that and in typical Hunter fashion, you ran the other way when things got too emotional! And AGAIN, I had to bury my feelings deep in the back of the closet, just like I did 3 years ago. I can't go through this again, Rick. Make up your mind! What are we doing here?"

"What do you mean, 'again'?" he asked, seemingly surprised at my admission.

"Oh, c'mon! Were you that oblivious, Detective? I don't exactly go around sleeping with just anyone, ya' know! Because we never talked about it, it left me feeling like I was just another one of your one night stands. So, I had to bury those feelings, and focus on keeping our relationship strictly professional after that. Or, hadn't you noticed?"

"You weren't a one-night stand. It meant way more than that for me and you know it." He shook his head and turned in the other direction and then turned back around to face me. "This is not exactly an easy situation here, Dee Dee."

"Oh, you're telling me? You're not the one who's engaged to someone else here!" I snapped.

"Aside from that! I'm talking about us! We're partners, we're friends! This is a very big decision here. It's a very big deal. And for years I fought with myself over my feelings for you, because I was afraid to jeopardize what we had because I couldn't imagine my life without you in it. But you know what, I have made up my mind. I know what I want. I want you, all of you. I want to love you, and I'm willing to risk it all here. I realize that my timing sucks, but I had to tell you." He paused for a moment before continuing, "But, since you're leaving now anyway, what does it even matter anymore? I can see that it's too late. You have made it pretty clear that you do not feel the same way, so do me a favor... forget I said anything, okay? Go and marry Alex. He can give you the life that you want. I'm a cop, remember? I gotta go to bed; I have an early morning tomorrow."

"You can't just go to bed? What am I supposed to do now?"

"Dee Dee, I can't tell you what to do. Just follow your heart. Good night. I'll see ya Monday at the station. Lock up behind you."

And just like that, he headed upstairs, leaving me alone - for the second time today. I was suddenly alone, in the dark, in his living room, trying to come to grips with what just happened.

I pulled up in my driveway somewhere around 3:15am. I don't even remember the drive home. I felt like a zombie. I went inside and threw my bag and keys down on the table and headed straight upstairs. After a quick change back into my pajamas, I threw myself face down on my bed and screamed "HUNTER KISSED ME!" into my pillow.

The next morning, I woke up wondering if last night really happened, or if I had dreamt it. The pile of clothes on my bedroom floor - which were in fact the ones that I wore to Hunter's last night - told me that it wasn't a dream; it really happened.

"OH MY GOD! HUNTER KISSED ME" I screamed again. 'Now what?' I thought.

(continued...)