After dinner, they went into the living room, small, comfortably furnished, and without a clown in sight, which unnerved Batman slightly. But then so did everything about this experience. It was unnerving to watch Harley pour a glass of scotch and bring it over to the Joker, and yet not the Joker, and watch as the Joker, and yet not the Joker, took it from her and then murmured, "C'mere, kid," pulling Harley down onto his lap and kissing her passionately.
"Puddin'…we got a guest to see to," she whispered, reluctantly drawing away from him.
"Sorry, sweets, just seeing you drives me crazy," he murmured, grinning at her.
She beamed, kissed him again, and then turned to Batman. "Would you like a drink, Bruce?"
"Yeah…might help," said Batman slowly. It couldn't hurt the state of his mind anyway. She brought a glass over to him. "Thanks," he said, still looking around the room. His eyes fell upon a picture. "This your wedding photo?" he asked, picking it up.
"Yeah, and that's Red there," said Harley, pointing to the figure standing next to her. "She was my maid of honor."
Batman tried not to laugh as he imagined Poison Ivy as he knew her ever agreeing to be Harley's maid of honor at her wedding to the Joker. But those weren't the people in the photo. They were all smiling, but that was the only resemblance he could see. Jack's smile wasn't the Joker's smile – it wasn't terrifying or mocking, it was just blissfully happy as he embraced Harley, looking perfectly normal and beautiful in a lovely white dress, gazing at him with the same blissful adoration. Batman recognized Pamela Isley – she was dressed in green, but that was the only similarity she shared with Poison Ivy. She looked geniunely happy for the two of them, and Poison Ivy would never be happy for them.
"She's single," continued Harley. "If you are too…y'know. I can give you her number. Though I always thought you and Selina Kyle were kinda an item…"
"Told ya, Bruce!" chuckled Jack. "You gotta forgive the kid – she just devours those trashy celebrity gossip magazines."
"Well, I've always had an attraction for extreme personalities, puddin'," retorted Harley, smiling at him. "And celebrities are pretty extreme personalities."
"Oooh, should I be jealous of Bruce?" asked Jack, playfully.
"Aw, puddin', you're such a kidder!" sighed Harley, adoringly, curling up in his lap and kissing him again.
"You two seem…very happy," stammered Batman. They really did. And for the first time in his life, he began to really regret what had happened to the Joker. Not just for the sake of the people of Gotham, but for his own sake. Jack Napier seemed like a genuinely nice and good man, a man who had made mistakes, granted, but who had learned from them. A man who had redeemed himself. He was everything Batman fought for, and Batman had been the one who destroyed him. It may have been an accident, but he had…killed him, in a way. The one thing he had vowed never to do. He had killed Jack Napier.
He was suddenly consumed by guilt, and put down the wedding photo, turning away from the two of them. "Phone's just there, if you wanna use it," said Jack, nodding at the table next to him.
"Thanks," said Batman. He paused. "Um…do you have a phonebook anywhere? My dad will probably still be at the office. I think I remember the number, but I'm still feeling a bit uncertain of things…"
"Sure, Bruce, just here," said Harley, reaching under the table and handing it to him.
"Thanks," he said again.
"We'll give you a little privacy," said Jack, standing up and taking Harley's hand. "We'll be in the kitchen doing the dishes if you need us. Wanna wash or dry this time, baby?"
"I don't mind, puddin', whatever you'd rather do," she said, kissing him.
"Well, I do love it when my Harley girl gets a little wet," he chuckled.
"Oooh, puddin', you naughty boy!" giggled Harley as they left the room, shutting the door behind them.
Batman flicked through the phonebook, stopping under W. He found the number of Wayne Industries and dialled it. "Hello, Wayne Industries, you're speaking to Marlene, how can I help?" said a female voice on the other end.
"Hi, I was wondering if Jervis Tetch is available, please," said Batman.
"I'll just check with his secretary. Hold please."
Several minutes later, the voice returned. "Mr. Tetch cannot be disturbed at the present time. Can I take a message?"
"No, thanks, I'll just call back later," said Batman. "Thanks for your help."
He hung up the phone. He now had confirmation that Tetch existed, worked for Wayne Industries, and was working right now. He had to get over there immediately.
He entered the kitchen to see Jack and Harley washing the dishes. It was incredibly odd to see them doing such a mundane task, and Batman's guilt suddenly shot through him again. This could have been their life if he hadn't interfered. A quiet, peaceful, law-abiding life that anyone could be proud of.
"Um…my butler's coming to pick me up – he's meeting me at the movie theater," Batman said.
"Want me to walk you back, so you ain't attacked again?" asked Jack.
"No, I should be fine, thanks," replied Batman. "Um…thanks for all your help, and dinner, and letting me use your phone…"
"No problem, Bruce," said Harley, beaming. "Come back and see us sometime, won't you? Maybe when Red's here? Nice guy like you might be just what she needs."
"Oh yeah…maybe," stammered Batman. "Yeah….I'm sure we'll see each other again, anyway."
"I'll show you out," said Jack, leading him toward the door.
"It was…very nice meeting you, J, really," said Batman. "I wish there was something more I could say or do to make up for…"
"Hey, like Harley said, no problem," said Jack, shrugging. "Every man's duty to help people in need, or so I've always thought. What kinda world would it be if we let people suffer and turned a blind eye to it? Well, I hardly gotta tell a billionaire philanthropist that, do I?" he chuckled. "Granted your millions to charity are probably a lot more effective, but you gotta do good where you can, right?"
"Right," agreed Batman, slowly. "That's what you believe, is it?"
"Well yeah," replied Jack. "Not so unusual, is it?"
"No," said Batman. "No…I guess it isn't." He stared at him. "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"What for?" Jack asked, puzzled.
"It doesn't matter," said Batman quickly, shaking his head. "Sorry, J, I'm still a little confused."
"You sure you don't want me to walk with you?"
"No, I'll be fine."
"But you will come back and see us sometime? Or Harley will nag me like crazy."
"Yes," said Batman sincerely, turning away. "Yes, I have no doubt I'll be seeing you again very soon."