A/N: Oh wow, just wow you guys. I am touched…. Touched beyond belief by all of the reviews and support. I just… wow. You guys are amazing and you have made me insanely happy. I hadn't thought that I would get so many reviews and you people… you INSPIRED me. This one is long just for all of your who read this! Its well over three thousand words without the authors note…. I just… I love all of your guy's support and I thank you for reading this story. I know my grammar isn't the best and the story lacks in certain areas but you guys have pulled through and understand where I am going. It is my PLEASURE to update this for all of you. If you want the full effect of the middle part of this chapter, I would honestly recommend listening to the song What I've Done by Linkinpark. It fits Spock well. Anyway, please ENJOY!
It wasn't a long walk, not near long enough for Jim to think, but still Jim found himself regretting his actions. He had just hurt Spock and even though he felt the man deserved the pain that he had just caused him he still felt terrible for causing it. The Vulcan escorting Jim stopped, jarring Jim from the barely there thoughts, he would have to think about it later. For now he was going to get Soval checked over.
The blond gave the Vulcan a nod of thanks and then walked into the moderately sized building. He was a little concerned by the fact that no one was in the building and then an older woman shuffled out of a door Jim hadn't yet had time to notice. She looked up at Jim and gave a simple nod.
"You must be James and that is Soval I assume? Come with me." The older Vulcan woman waved Jim through to a back room. The blond glanced back at the entrance and then fallowed the old woman into the room. She closed the door behind him and Jim started freeing Soval from the baby sling. Jim chuckled slightly as the child kicked around and gripped his shirt.
"Shh, Soval don't worry I am not going to leave you, just need to take you out of the sling." After the child was free Jim held him close to his chest, the baby's head on his shoulder, and he heard an almost hum come from the Vulcan healer. Sovals eyes were trained on the new thing he had spotted, they were sharp and inquisitive just like Spocks but every bit the blue that Jims were. The woman sat on the chair in the examination room and Jim simply leaned against the bio bed that was there.
"Are there any specific problems you have witnessed with Soval?" Jim simply shook his head at this. Everything had seemed normal and bones had said that the child was fine.
"From what I can tell? Nothing is wrong with him. We have a doctor on board the starship and due to the circumstances in which Soval came onto the ship he is very healthy." The woman raised a single slender eyebrow and Jim knew he had to elaborate.
"I hadn't known I was pregnant not until the moment I went into labor in the middle of my shift. Our CMO was surprised when it happened, he had every right to be, as was I. I was under the Impression that my 'partner' and I were both infertile. I went on away missions, drank, and just generally abused my body. I didn't gain any weight or loose any weight it was like… nothing. Like one day I wasn't pregnant and the next I was going into labor and being carried through the halls of my ship in fear that I was going to die." The woman, even though she was Vulcan, seemed slightly astounded.
"What gave you the impression that your sexual partner was indeed infertile?" Jim shifted from foot to foot.
"Well… He told me before we had our little encounter. Look long story short, my CMO said that Soval was healthy but he is slightly more human than Vulcan and I want to make sure that it doesn't mess with his development. The only concern I have is that he is small. I should expect it seeing as I didn't even know I was pregnant but I am worried that something may be wrong." The elderly woman nodded and motioned for Jim to position the child so she could see him better.
The exam was long, the woman was thorough as any other Vulcan and she took sever scans and blood samples before finally Soval said enough was enough and started outright wailing. Jim was slightly shocked because the child had not once wailed since Jim had left the hospital, the blond just seemed to know what his son needed something, and now the baby was making his displeasure loudly known.
Jim was quick to pull the child back to his chest and gently pat the infants back. Soval instantly buried his face in the soft command gold shirt, the wails cutting off instantly. The healer seemed unaffected and just went back to what she was doing with the scanner.
"I do not find anything that ails the child. He is indeed more human than Vulcan but for now I cannot ascertain what that will mean to the child when he is older but for now it means nothing. He is a very healthy child." Jim felt a weight he didn't know was there lift off his shoulders and he grinned widely.
"Thank you so much for this. I know it is your job… but… still I just.." Jim sighed in relief and the woman simply nodded.
"I understand James, I have had to deal with many humans before you, one being the grandmother of this child, and while I do find your thanks illogical I shall accept it." Jim almost laughed, he really almost laughed, but the fact that this woman knew Spock was the other father when Jim had not said so disturbed him.
Yes Jim knew that there were not many options to who the child's father was but Jim knew the woman was not making an assumption, she knew, and that meant that she had been told unnecessary information.
"Who told you the other father was Spock" The woman raised an eyebrow and Jim honestly wondered if that was a nervous twitch Vulcan's had.
"The same man who set up the appointment. Sarek wanted to make sure that everything was accounted for." Jim nodded but his stomach dropped a littler. He needed to just get out of there, he started putting Soval back into the sling and once the child was situated Jim headed for the door.
"It would be wise to give the child up James. If anything should arise and Soval is not close to a Vulcan healer, or a family member that could help heal him mentally, it may cause permanent damage. You must understand James T. Kirk, that child is part of an endangered race, it would benefit him and our people if he was to stay here." Jim stood partially frozen, his heart caught in his throat and dropped into his stomach all at the same time.
"While I thank you for examining my son, I do not believe it is in your place to know such information or judge on it, now if you shall excuse me I need to go get some rest." With that Jim all but fled the small building, his feet carrying him past the waiting escort and anywhere but with that woman.
Spock stood, hands clasped behind his back, as he waited for his father to exit the council room. He needed to speak to the man and query if he had done the right thing. Spock knew, somewhere deep in the irrational and human side of his mind that he had been wrong, that he should never have agreed to let his child be raised on Vulcan by a family that would only ever find the flaws in his human genetics but, Spock needed to ask, he needed to find out if, maybe just MAYBE, he had been right. Sarek exited the council room and started down the hall, Spock easily fell into step beside him.
"You have questions." Sarek didn't even spare his son a glance, there was shame hidden there behind that mask of control and Spock knew that.
"I need to know, father, if what I did was right." Spock was not going to be subtle about this. Sarek slowed to a stop and turned to face his son.
"What makes you believe that you have not done the right thing Spock? You thought of what would be best for Soval and for our people. I believe you were correct to have want Soval to go to a Vulcan family." Spock stood straight, shoulders squared and gaze trained on his father.
"That is where I wonder if I have done the right thing father. Many say that Vulcan's do not have emotions or prejudice but you know just as well as I that this is not in fact true. Our race may be endangered but that does not stop even Vulcan's from being cruel. My son, Soval, is more than half human. You know all to well how I was treated and I am more Vulcan than he is. I have come to wonder if the Vulcan parents he shall be given to will be able to focus only on the Vulcan part of Soval or will they only find fault in him because he is human. He shall not be there blood father, they will have no familial bond to him, I wonder if that is a conducive home to place him in." Sarek listened placidly as his son spoke and then he turned and started walking again.
"Spock, what is done is done, you have decided and now it is only up to Jim. The council has come to an agreement though that if he does not willingly give the child up we shall contact Starfleet." Spock seized up at this, his steps faltered but soon he was catching back up.
"Father, that is highly illogical, if Starfleet was to find out then-" Spock was interrupted.
"Then the child would be handed over to the Vulcan council to be raised in a proper home. Soval will have only one parent if he were to stay with James, a parent that is psi-null to a child that is a touch telepath, he will not receive the proper education or help and should any medical issues arise while he is on the enterprise then the child would be in danger. The child would be taken away because James could not properly care for him. Nothing more. James will eventually see that this is the logical conclusion." Spock stopped and stared as his fathers figure retreated around a corner. This was not right, Spock knew that this was not something that should be aloud and he found his feet carrying him in the opposite direction before he could even consciously form his next thought.
Spock needed to speak with himself. He needed help, he was not going to allow his child to live on New Vulcan, not when the council would so willingly rip a child away from it's parent just so that they could further there race. It was unorthodox and illogical, what his father was suggesting would do nothing more than hurt their people and Soval.
Spock stopped before the doors where he knew Selek –his alternate self- was staying. The Young Vulcan did not know how to approach this situation and he suddenly found doubt in his actions. He had not thought of what he was going to say before he reached Seleks quarters. Spock decided that he would approach the subject as it was and knocked on the door. Selek was rather quick to answer and Spocks older self raised an eyebrow at his appearance at his home.
Selek stepped aside and waved the younger Vulcan in, Spocks shoulders stiffening as he stepped over the threshold.
"What brings you here Spock. I did not think I would be coming in contact with you while you and the captain were visiting." Spocks nod was curt at Seleks assumption and the Vulcan turned sharply to face the older Vulcan.
"I had not assumed that I would be meeting you here either, but I have found myself needing guidance on a certain subject. You know of the reason the enterprise has come to Vulcan yes?" Selek gave a simple nod.
"I do not know of anyone on the council that does not know" Spock nodded to this.
"Then you know of the fact that James and I have a son. I had thought that it would be wise to have James give up the child-" Spock didn't flinch at the very unvulcan like snort his older self gave "But… I feel I have done the wrong thing. I told my father as such and he told me that if Jim did not give up our son willingly that the council would find a way to take him." Selek blinked in surprise that he could not hide.
"I was not informed of this. It is unethical for them to do as such and I doubt they shall succeed." Spock nodded, knowing that it would be difficult for the council to take Soval away from Jim.
"But tell me Spock, why did you wish for the child to be raised here when you know how he would be treated by the few other children left on new Vulcan?" Spock could not find an answer for this and as he looked himself in the eye he knew that no answer would be good enough to plactate the Vulcan before him.
"I… do not know. I had assumed that it was for Sovals own good, as well as Jims, but I realize there was fault in my logic. I over looked important aspects and I cannot figure out why or how." Selek nodded, face blank and then he rested a hand on his young selfs shoulder.
"I believe your decision was cloudy by an emotion you refuse to see. I was much like you when faced with my first child. You are afraid, more so because this child was unexpected, but that child is a creation between you and your T'hy'la. Should you not cherish him" Spock raised an eyebrow at the others words and pulled away.
"I am not afraid, I am Vulcan, I do not let petty emotions such as fear cloud my judgment-" Selek shook his head.
"You are afraid. From what I can see in your eyes and what I know about you, us, you are afraid. Even the strongest Vulcan can feel fear and we are part human. You are afraid to face this child because of what he is, that he is like you, if you do not face this emotion Spock it will compromise you. You must see the logic in why you feel this emotion so as to purge it." Selek could see the almost imperceptible flinch.
"I… Do not understand. The purpose of the Vulcan teachings is so that we can suppress our emotions. You are asking me to face them." Selek nodded.
"Face them, and suppress them. You are not fully Vulcan, and in this situation you do not, had not, known the emotion plaguing you. You must find logic in your fear, must find the reason you feel it, and then push it down so that you can do what is right for your son, For Jim, and stop this disaster before your ruin your T'hy'la and hurt your own child." Spock listened and he could not help but feel that Selek was correct. For now he had to look past his fears –he still didn't believe that was it- and think about his son, think about the emotional –human- side of this situation.
"I.. I feel I have a large situation to diffuse. I must leave." Spock headed for the door and halfway through he stopped.
"Thank you" and without even a glance over his shoulder he retreated. He needed to speak with Ja- Jim. He needed to fix this and he had to get his son off planet. Spock could not allow the council to have his son. He could not allow his people to fall like that, to take a child away from its parent, no, parents just to better their species.
Jim sighed as he laid his son down in his crib. It was the one things Jim was thankful for since he had gotten down to new Vulcan. It seemed that everywhere he turned someone had ulterior motives and it hurt. Jim had not been expecting this, he had never thought that Spock could be partner to this, and as he stared down at his now sleeping son Jim felt a pain start low in his chest.
Jim hadn't felt this pain in a long time, not since he had been shipped off and abandoned on Tarsus, not since he had taken care of those children on that plant. Not since he had watched as the youngest died, a small child who had barely lived, Jim was feeling loss. He knew this feeling, had felt it many times, but on this level it felt like it was ripping out his heart.
Jim was betrayed, he was stabbed in the back and then the knife was twisted. Soval, his son, was everything to him. The child was the only family he had and jim had thought, had hoped, Spock understood this. Jim had hoped that his first officer, his FRIEND, would support him. Jim realized now that he was a fool.
Spock had not wanted a child; he had slept with Jim thinking there was no possibility. Spock just wanted Soval off the ship, out of his sight. Spock wanted to erase the evidence of his mistake and hope that in time everyone would forget that James T. Kirk had ever had a son with him. Jim couldn't let that happen, he couldn't let Spock dismiss the situation like that and he wouldn't, COUDLNT, give up his son.
Jim was drawn from his thoughts as his door opened without his acceptance and Spock stepped through. Jim stood straight and glared at his first officer; Spock turned to the door and locked it before checking the room. Jim stared, he had told the man he didn't want to see him, he opened his mouth to speak and Spock cut him off.
"It is prudent that you listen to me before you start yelling Jim. I have made a mistake and I have realized that now. I however did not realize how grievous of a mistake until I spoke to my father. The council does not intend to let us leave with Soval. I had renounced my decision soon after you left and since then I have spoken with myself and have looked at this situation as I should have in the first place, unclouded by emotions, I took into account and element I had not before… the human element and I cannot allow the council to take Soval away from you… from us." Jim was astounded.
The blond captain stood there, mouth hanging open slightly and staring at the honesty in Spocks eyes. They had to leave, Jim needed to get off new Vulcan, he was not forgiving Spock, not yet, but he knew Spock would not lie about something like this. Not an accusation as large as this. Suddenly Jim's comm. buzzed and a panicked voice rang over the small device.
"Captain! I need to beam you back to the ship! We are under attack-….ship…. interference… CARDASSIANS… neutral zone…. Declaring war….." Jim paled and him and Spock's gazes met. Those human eyes Jim knew so well showed almost nothing to him but somehow Jim knew that Spock was afraid. Not of the Cardasians but for Jim and Soval.
Just as Jim was about to speak the building shook and Jim was grabbing his now crying son and holding him to his chest. The building shook again and then he was falling to the ground as the building shook and Spock was over him and Soval and protecting them from the falling debris. A loud thunk as ruble hit Spock and the Vulcan grunted. A tingle started in Jims body and then things faded from view. Suddenly his was in the transporter bay and Spock was still above him.
The ship was shaking and Scotty was yelling but Jim didn't know what as horror filled him. The coppery smell, the warmth starting to drip onto his hip and the fact that Spock was not looking at him, his head hanging and arms shaking, had all of Jim's anger at this man leaving him in an instant.
"Spock…" Soval continued to wail on but Jim blocked it out. Spock glanced at him, his eyes glazed in pain and green blood dripping down his chin. Jims heart dropped as those infinitely brown eyes faded and then Spock was falling sideways and landing with a dull thud on the Transporter bad.
"SPOCK!"
A/N: Now I know all of you think that Spock is forgiven… he isn't… that will come later in the story, and he also hasn't fully come to realize what is going on. There is also insight in this chapter as to HOW Jim knows how to take care of children. I also had great inspiration thanks to a review who took the time to actually message me and tell me they loved the story and give me ideas. Thank you and while I have not implemented your ideas in this chapter I think I shall later. The Vulcan's have not given up on taking Soval but the thought is just added stress to Jim as he is under attack. Please review! I would LOVE to hear more ideas and anything else. I would also like to thank LunaEclipse18 who corrected my spelling of Sarek. ANYWAY again, REAVIEW PLEASE!