Kurasa no Moribito
Guardian of the Darkness
Chapter 10
Holidays in Kanbal
Balsa finally regained enough energy to be able to go outside and accompany her aunt. They were helping the villagers on the Yonsa territory to distribute and chop wood. She met Amaya and Akiro. They lured Alika away to play with a leather ball with other children, Kanbalese and Herders class mixed up.
Everything was fine, until Alika tried to catch the ball that was blown away by the wind. Being fast, she ran to catch up with. She had no hesitation. The toy got stuck between two rocks in the river. Akiro and Amaya exchanged a gaze to each other, like saying "Oops..." until Alika chose to put up a brave face; she didn't even think about how dangerous her idea was.
"Alika! Don't go there; it's dangerous!" Akiro warned her.
"Akki's right; we should ask an adult," Amaya added.
"Nah!" Alika tried to reassure them. "I'll go get the ball. The rocks seem flat enough to put a foot on… and then, what's gotten into you all of a sudden? You know very well that nothing can stop me!"
"You're crazy!" Akiro said.
"No, I'm brave as Mommy!"
"I admit that she's right." Amaya smiled lovingly.
Alika slowly descended the cliff, out of sight of the adults and her friends. Amaya and Akiro came closer to have a better look of the scene, anguish in their stomachs. Alika checked the water flow; it was very strong and no ice covered it completely. She saw a stone close to her and jumped on it, then on a second, and so on until she kneeled down to grabs the toy.
"I have it, look! Catch, Akiro-Kun!"
"Yup!"
She threw the ball in his direction with all the force she could muster before straightening up. However, she stepped on her woolen scarf. By then, she lost her balance, slipped and fell into the water before being carried away at full speed. The water was freezing; so cold that it looked like knives. The rapids were too powerful for her to hold onto any object or obstacle. Akiro and Amaya yelled at the adults that Alika was drowning in the water. All threw themselves near the river to catch up with her or to see her. Balsa immediately dropped her ax and ran at breakneck speed.
"Mommy!... Mommy, help!..." Alika screamed in a muffled way before hitting her head against a rock because of the water flow.
Balsa saw her agitated daughter somewhere in the water flow. And then, she stopped to resist and to move. The coldness of the water was numbing her; not to mention the weight of her wet clothes making her body heavier. Alika disappeared from under the surface.
Quickly, Balsa took off her coat, attached her spear to her bracelet and – just as she had done with Chagum – she threw her weapon towards a tree before jumping into the water. She completely ignored Yuka's warning and the dumbfounded gaze of the Kanbalese people. Balsa swam against the stream and saw her daughter disappear again under a rapid. She dove and came back to the surface, without her. If Alika stayed longer underwater, she could drown in no time. Balsa had too much adrenaline in her body to feel the cold.
"THERE!" a man yelled at her, pointing to a spot.
Balsa turned her head quickly and grabbed her daughter's coat before pulled her against her, despite her already frozen fingers. She took great care to get her head out of the water. She returned to the snowy bank with the help of the parents who brought her back, holding her daughter. She kept Alika against her in the hope of keeping a bit of heat; Balsa's lips were bluish, and the tips of her fingers were not in better shape.
"Take off your coats!" ordered Nahna, a Herder woman, covering Balsa with hers.
Balsa no longer heard the people around her. She was just screaming her daughter's name, crying and hugging her.
"Can you hear me Alika?! Open your eyes! Alika! Answer me, I'm begging you!... I've already lost a child; I don't want to lose another one!"
Yuka, who had run as fast as she could, quickly helped Balsa to check if Alika's lungs hadn't been waterlogged. Luckily, she hadn't swallowed anything; she was just unconscious. Yuka helped her niece and they rushed back to the house of healing to change their clothes and to rub Alika's whole body with yukkal leaves; the juice of this plant raised the body temperature when rubbed on any part of the body. They buried the child under a mountain of woolen blankets. Balsa changed her soaked and cold clothes for her red kimono before anxiously watched over her daughter.
Amaya and Akiro stared at Yuka. The fear was stamped on their faces.
"Will she survive?" Akiro asked.
"Is she all right?!" Amaya added quickly.
"She's still unconscious and her body hasn't regained its normal temperature yet," Yuka answered, trying to be as reassuring as possible. "I can't lie from you that she might get very sick during the next days..."
"Can she die?"
"I don't think."
"Can we go visit her when she'll better?" Akiro asked.
"Yes, anytime."
"Thank you, Aunt Yuka."
The children went to find their parents as Yuka gave news to the other grownups. Once well warmed up and able to move again, Balsa stood up and looked at the room filled with drawings, writings, and crafts. Her daughter's clothes were laying around here and there, upside-down as always.
She was trying to convince herself that Alika couldn't die from her fall in the water. Her daughter had always had a very strong will to live, and she had showed it many times during her life. But Balsa had to admit that she was afraid that pneumonia could follow, and take another child away from her. Her primal fear, triggered by Kasem's premature death, came back to haunt her and she could have sworn that she was having a panic attack.
That night, she couldn't sleep. She took Alika in her arms, dressed her warmly and wrapped her in the warmest blanket she had before going outside. She didn't really know where she was heading. She let her body and her instinct lead her to a vast plain. Breathless, she collapsed to her knees on the plain covered with snow, surrounded by the Yusa Mountains; a place where no Kanbalese people set a feet on. In the freezing winter weather, Balsa burst into tears again. The tears burned her cheeks, contrasting with the biting cold. She didn't believe in any god or deity, but this time, she prayed with all her soul Jiguro, Kasem, or any spirits to help her, in a way she never did before.
"Please, someone... I don't want it to end like this... I don't want to lose another child..."
There was absolutely no one around; not even a stray goat. There was only Balsa, crying heartbreakingly. However, she did feel a hand on her right shoulder. She quickly turned a wet gaze at her right, but she saw no one. She looked down at Alika and raised her blushing eyes to the field: a dazzling glow was slowly rising on the horizon, illuminating the plain. It looked like daybreak, but it wasn't. This light was comforting, warm, and soft. It lit up her daughter's face as well as hers.
At this moment, a miracle happened: Alika half opened her eyes and her gaze fell on her mother. The light faded slowly. The plain returned to its original state: a dark plain, lit by the reflection of the moon on the virgin snow.
"Mommy…" Alika whispered. "Earlier, I wanted to go get the ball... Did you see how I did it?... I'm like you... I'm not afraid of anything..."
Balsa's gaze changed. She felt her eyes tingle and the tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
"Oh sweetheart." She sniffled, hugging her tightly.
"Mommy. Jiguro came to see me, and he brought his friends... and even Kasem, my little brother... Oh? Why are you looking at me like that?... Did I do something wrong, Mommy?"
"No. I was so afraid of losing you. To lose another child…"
Alika said nothing and touched her mother's cheek before pressing herself against her.
"It's okay… Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Can we go home? I'm cold..."
"Of course! We go back. We're going home! You can sleep during that time."
"Yes..."
With her back facing the plain, Balsa glanced behind her. She couldn't know exactly what had happened and how, but, obviously, something spiritual or supernatural was behind all of this. Something or someone heard her prayer and granted it.
Alika started a high fever following her fall in the river. Yuka took great care of her; she was her privileged little patient, like she was used to say. Balsa brought down her fever by placing cold wet towels against her forehead. Her daughter had difficulty staying awake; she couldn't even stand properly on her legs. Balsa continued to pray as much as she could. Yuka entered the room with a tray of food containing a bowl of soup and a cup of lakoluka. Balsa sat up, stretched and woke her daughter by rubbing her back.
"Sweetheart. Come on, time to eat."
"I don't have the strength for..." she whispered.
"I'll still make you eat."
Alika's fever was so high that she felt dizzy and sweaty. Her eyes had dark circles. Yuka put the tray on a wooden table and brought it closer to the bed. Balsa sat down on the couch and sat her daughter down to lean her against her body. She stirred the soup with the spoon and sniffled.
"It smells good. What flavor the soup is?" she asked.
"Hmmm, meats and gasha."
"You're probably going like it, sweetheart. There's meat in."
Her daughter opened her eyes, tired and sullen again. She shrugged, looking at the bowl as she wiped her warm forehead.
"Poor little one," Yuka said sadly. "It will help you, guaranteed."
Balsa lifted the spoon, blew on it, and brought it to her daughter's lips. Very dismissively, Alika opened her mouth and let the broth flood her mouth.
"So?"
"There's no taste...," she grumbled.
"You need to regain your strength, little cub. Though, I can taste it just to check..."
She brought the spoon to her mouth before being stopped by Alika's hand.
"You'll catch my germs and you'll be sick too!" she said, remembering about her time spent with Chagum in the Hunters' hole.
"My immune system is well protected with all the travels I've done in my life. It's not my child's fever that's going to make me sick…"
She took a spoonful in her mouth.
"It tastes good!"
"No, it doesn't taste anything...," her daughter continued to repeat.
Yuka smiled and left them between mother and daughter. Balsa half emptied the bowl of soup. She was about to give her another spoonful when Alika put a hand over hers, shaking no with her head.
Understanding, Balsa put the spoon back in the bowl. She made her daughter drink a bit of lakoluka and kissed her forehead maternally. Alika closed her eyes and leaned against her, letting herself be pampered. Balsa pushed the wooden table away before getting up and going to the rocking chair in the living room; the only one in the house of healing. Yuka was spoiling her great-niece a lot. Balsa sat comfortably onto the chair and rocked quietly. Soon her daughter fell into a deep sleep and stopped moving. Balsa herself began to drowse.
She pulled herself out of her drowsiness when she had the sensation of falling. She glanced protectively at her child's face and concluded that Alika was sleeping soundly enough to be transferred from her arms to her bed; as she and Tanda was used to do when she was a toddler. Balsa laid her gently on the bed, deftly replaced the blanket and putting a wet towel on her forehead. She took the tray of food and gently left the room.
In the hallway, she passed a patient, a woman, who was coming from the opposite direction. Seeing Balsa, she changed direction and walked towards her.
"How's your daughter, Balsa-San?" she asked her.
Balsa bit her lower lip and looked a bit sorry before pull herself together.
"So far, her fever hasn't subsided. She doesn't eat a lot, and can't even stand on her feet without shaking... she sleeps a lot."
"I see... we all pray for her, you know."
Balsa seemed surprised.
"Didn't you know?" The woman asked.
"About what?" Balsa asked.
"When you left, Alika often came to see us, since she felt lonely. She gave us back the hope of regaining health... so knowing she's in such bad shape makes us worries about her."
"That's nice from her. And that's so sweet of you."
"You're a good mother; that's what she always said. Speaking of it... how are you going? I mean… how about your loss, if I may ask."
"My loss?" Balsa seemed lost for a moment.
"Yes. You've lost your baby..."
"Oh, that! Yes, I'm feeling better. I've had so much to think about since… But the pain's easier to overcome; although it never completely disappears... Thanks for worrying about it."
"Anytime."
"I also promised myself to take care better of my daughter, from now on."
"That's good. On that, I'll go to rest now. It's not good for me to be up too long."
Balsa carried the tray to the kitchen and was walking towards her daughter's bedroom when she saw a figure walking outside through the window. Intrigued, she looked outside and saw Kassa there.
"Kassa?" she asked as she opened the door. "What are you doing on Yonsa territory?"
"Balsa-San! I was out, and on the Yonsa territory. I often came here to play with Gina when I was a child. And then, I ended up hearing from the Herders the news about your daughter. We were wondering how she was going."
"Oh, she's not going very well at the moment," Balsa said quickly. "I might spend a lot of time here; she needs me."
"Understandable, I just wanted to know about both of you. I'm sorry, but I have to go! I have to help my father. Glad to see you again, Balsa-San!"
"Thanks, that's nice. Say hello to Gina for me."
"Sure!"
Balsa wondered how many people here now knew her daughter. She smiled knowing that Alika had managed to make a place for herself among the Kanbalese people, on Yonsa territory, during her absence.
In the evening, Yuka told Balsa that she'd prepared a bath of lukewarm water, to bathe her great-niece in. Luckily, Alika was half-awake, but she didn't seem to want to leave the warmth of the bed. Balsa suggested her to take off her pajamas under the blanket and put on a light kimono for the walk between her bed and the bath. She accepted the suggestion and Yuka checked if she could stand on her legs, but Alika almost fell to the ground. Balsa decided to take her in her arms.
"Name of Yoram, you're burning!" Balsa exclaimed. "I don't think I've seen you in such a state since our vacation to the Hunters' Hole."
"... I'm sorry," her daughter said.
"Hush, that's okay. You don't have to be sorry because you're sick."
Yuka opened the bathroom door and closed it. Balsa sat her daughter on a bench and took off her kimono before taking her back in her arms and approaching her near the bath. As soon as Alika felt the water touch her skin, she struggled as if she didn't know to swim and hold to Balsa.
"The water's cold! The water's cold!" she repeated panicking.
"Alika, it will do you good," tried to say her mother, half doused with water.
"It's coooooold…," moaned Alika.
"Hush, hush," Yuka intervened. "You're not a baby anymore, Alika. You're now a big girl. The water is lukewarm, but your body temperature is so high that it makes you feel it as cold. Take it easy, Balsa."
"Oh, did I go too quickly?"
"Maybe."
"Yes!" replied the sick child quickly before letting out a deep fit of coughing.
Balsa slowed her movements, and Alika let herself into the water, stopping to spray her mother.
"Cold…" she coughed, her arms wrapped around her body.
"Wait, I have an idea." Yuka smiled as she grabbed a soap made from yukkal juice. "It could probably help you."
She gave another one to Balsa. Together, they rubbed the body of the child who managed to warm up while being very clean. Once out of the water, Balsa hastened to dry off her daughter and dress her.
"So? You're not dead." She laughed.
"It's not funny."
"I know, sweetie."
"You're all soaked!
"Because of who?"
"Because of you."
"No. Because of you."
"It was you who put me too quickly into the bath."
"One point for you," she sighed. "But still, you splashed me. Can we agree on that?"
"Eh…"
Once back in bed, Alika fell into a deep sleep. It would probably last all the rest of the night and part of the next day.
As the time passed and her fever came and went, the time began to be long again. Alika fold some origami papers, talked with Yuka, with Balsa, and even the spirits. But her two usual friends, Amaya and Akiro, had stopped visiting her.
"They'll come to see you soon." Yuka tried to comfort her. "It's to prevent them from being contaminated by your fever."
As Alika was taking a nap, Balsa knocked on her door.
"Sweetie?"
"What?" she growled in her sleep.
"Sorry to wake you up. You have a guest."
Her daughter quickly raised her head and looked at her mother. Amaya appeared behind her and smiled.
"Momma has finally agreed about coming to see you!" Amaya said cheerfully, jumping on her bed. "I couldn't before because of the snow and the storms, but today the weather was nice... so... I came!"
Alika made more place for her on the bed and Balsa left them between friends.
"I'm glad you came." Alika smiled as Amaya was replacing herself on the mattress to be comfortable. "I was afraid that my friends would never come back and let me down."
"Well, no. Don't worry. Akiro would've liked to come, too, but he had to help his family for the Holidays."
"The Holidays?"
"Yes! Here in Kanbal, we celebrate the creation of Kanbal by the God Yoram. I'll tell you the mythology: at the beginning, there was only the whirling darkness. From this burst the first flash of light - Yoram, the god of thunder, or 'the backless one'. The front of his body was the Great Light, while his back was the Great Darkness. He was the god of both the blinding thunderbolt and of the darkness from which it emerged. The ancestors who founded the nine clans were born from the body of the Great Light: from his right and left ears, Musa and Yonsa; from his left and right eyes, Muro and Yonro; from his right and left hands, Muga – my clan – and Yonga; from his right and left feet, Muto and Yonto; and from his nose, Na. Kanbal, the ancestor of the royal line, was born last of all, emerging from Yoram's forehead. It was he who established the kingdom of Kanbal over the Yusa mountain range."
Amaya paused. Alika was marveled by her friend's skills to tell a story.
"Do you want me to continue?" she asked as Alika was staring at her with a great interest.
"Yes, please, I want to know more!"
"All right. So… the Great Darkness gave birth to children who founded the nine other clans, and the line of kings that rules the Mountain Kingdom beneath the Yusa range. Each of the ten clans of Kanbal received their own territory and traveled to it. From afar, they only saw rocky mountains; not a blade of grass, not a tree nor a drop of water blessed the land. But when the clan founders set foot on the territory given to them, grass and trees sprouted from the soil, springs and streams flowed forth, and little people and goats emerged from the ground. The little people were the Herders, who cared for the goats and gave their milk to the clan founders. In return, the founders vowed to protect the land and the Herder people from harm."
Alika devoured her friend's story, forgetting her cough for a moment.
"I love Kanbal, and now, even more!" She announced happily.
"I'd like to visit other countries. According to travelers, there are huge expanses of rich grass, with rice fields and fertile soil!"
"That's pretty true. I traveled with Mommy, and Kanbal is very poor. But I still love it the same! So, that's the Holidays coming from?"
"Yes. We celebrate the creation of Kanbal and the return of the longer days, until the summer solstice. We take the chance to put a tree in the house, and give gifts to all those we love. We prepare hot meals and we do activities. And, then, the Holidays Goat leaves the potatoes under the tree!"
Alika looked at her, frowning. She was definitively baffled.
"The 'what' Goat?!" she asked.
"We never told you about the Holidays Goat?!" Amaya exclaimed, putting a hand on her heart. "I need to tell you, then. That's my duty! You'll be a complete kanbalese girl with the tale! One day, a poor Kanbalese man was out, looking for food for his family in the dead of winter. He saw a goat and speared it, thinking to bring it home to his family so they wouldn't starve. But the goat was an immortal one, and asked to know why it had been so mistreated by him. The man explained that his family were starving. The goat forgave him, and didn't punish him, like it wanted to. It also said he should check under the trees by his home in the morning. The man returned home. And then, the next morning, he and his family went outside to find mounds of gasha under the trees. With the potatoes, they were able to survive the winter."
Amaya's aura was now very bright; Alika felt good with her.
"Some rude people, like Shozen-the-jealous, say there's no such thing as the Holiday Goat… That it's just the moms putting potatoes under the trees, but I know better, because I'm close with the Herders. And the Herders insist the Christmas Goat is, indeed, real."
"Woah… what an awesome tale!"
"I know, right?! Say, are you going to be there for the Holidays?"
"I don't know... How many days it will be celebrate?"
"In two weeks."
"I don't know how long I've been in bed."
"You fell in the river a week ago. I counted your days. Are you still very sick?"
Amaya was about to put her hand on her forehead when Alika backed away.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't want to infect you. Mommy always tastes the meal that I eat, and she doesn't get sick… maybe because she's my mom."
"Maybe... hey, you know what?"
"No, but I think I'll find out soon."
"Shozen wanted to come see you!" She said, horrified.
Alika coughed at the same time, for a few seconds before looking at Amaya, laughing.
"He must be bored of having no longer a rival."
"If he would come, what would you say?"
"'Do you want to catch my cold'?"
Amaya laughed. She bent down, picked up something from the foot of the bed and offered it to her friend.
"I have this. It's to help you to recover."
Balsa's daughter opened the gift package and discovered a soft pink and purple woolen blanket with candied fruits, a small pillow and a polished hakuma stone.
"Thanks! This is so soft." Alika smiled, rubbing her cheek against the blanket.
"I wove it with Momma just for you. She really likes you, you know."
"I'm happy. Our moms could be friends!"
"Oh yes! Maybe they could meet each other during the holidays?"
"Yes!… Can I give you a hug?" Alika asked with hesitation.
"Are you sure? You didn't want me to touch your forehead some minutes ago… Well, that doesn't bother me, but…"
"Eh… Another time. I need to show you something."
"Go ahead!"
"Do you remember when I won against Shozen-the-jealous?"
"Yes! We still talk about it in class, you know."
"I told him that if I had a real weapon, well… he would be injured or dead…"
She laughed wearily.
"Did you believe me?" Alika asked.
"Obviously!"
Alika turned around, bent down to pull something from under the bed.
"Don't be afraid…"
"I promise."
She drew her spear and proudly showed it to her friend.
"You have a spear?!" Amaya asked in surprise.
"Yes."
"But... your father and your mother aren't—"
"It's not true; I made-up this story with Aunt Yuka to avoid problems. Promise me you won't tell if I tell you the truth."
"You know me! I won't say anything."
"Well, Mommy is born in Kanbal, from the Yonsa clan. Daddy comes from the New Yogo Empire… he has no Kanbalese origin. He's a mixed race Yakue. Mommy is a warrior, and had been trained by a very strong and talented Kanbalese warrior. She taught me wielding a spear and martial arts. One day, I will be just like her!"
"That's why you were so good!"
"And that I still am."
"And... what's about your little brother or your little sister? You said your mom was pregnant."
"Eh... actually... he was a boy, and he's born sleeping. Well... he wasn't alive...," she said sadly. "But we gave him a name and it's Kasem."
Amaya could only sympathize and gave a hug to her friend, forgetting all their precaution earlier. She told her that she had also lost two infant sisters; one of them was like Kasem. Alika understood at this moment why she had seen the two little spirit girls at Amaya's place: they were her little sisters!
"Afterwards, Momma and Papa didn't want to have other children anymore," Amaya said. "They said one child is enough and that we're poor. Do you know that here, a mother can have ten children and be considered as a lucky one if four survive?"
"No. I didn't know."
"It's for this reason that my parents stopped trying to make babies."
"Does that mean that Mommy won't have babies anymore?!" Alika began to panic suddenly.
"I don't know... you should ask her."
There was a silence.
"Amaya?"
"Hmm?"
"I was really wanted to be a big sister… and I was ready for… but I can't be it anymore."
"Do you see that as a loss?"
"Not really… Everyone thinks because my brother was born sleeping, he wasn't alive for real. And also, that Mommy has no reason to be in pain… that she must forget."
"These people are stupid." Amaya was angry. "Even though my sisters weren't born or lived long, my family and I pray to them every day. And we talk to them."
Balsa had decided to go check on the girls and was about to knock at the door when she caught them in the middle of this conversation. She froze and listened to their exchange. Hearing the sincere words of her daughter and Amaya, she gently leaned against the wall and put her hands on her empty belly. Balsa awkwardly wiped her tears still rolling down her cheeks, despite her impassive face.
"Anyway! Amata said happily. "Are you going to stay in Kanbal?"
"Not forever… Mommy said we will go back to Daddy's house in the spring."
"But I won't be able to see you again!"
"We'll meet again!"
"It's a promise, isn't it?"
"Yes, a promise!"
Once Balsa recovered from her emotions, she took a deep breath, knocked and opened the door.
"Still having fun, girls?" she asked with a smile.
"Yes, yes!" the girls replied in unison.
"Look what Amaya crafted with her Momma for me!" Alika said cheerfully, showing her the blanket and the pillow.
"How pretty it is! You're talented, Amaya." Balsa complimented her.
"Thank you, but Momma helped me a bit."
"Do you want to eat with us?"
"Oh! Can I even if Alichoue' is sick?"
"Of course! Having visitor might even help her to heal faster."
The two friends looked at each other, their eyes sparkling with joy. Yuka finished preparing supper and helped Alika to get on her feet. She wobbled a few times, but Amaya held her up and they smiled at each other.
During the meal, Balsa got to know Amaya better and listened to her stories about her games, her hobbies and the school. Meiko went to pick up for Amaya in the evening and met Balsa for the first time.
While Yuka was in the living room reading a book, Balsa went to find her daughter in her room and sat on their bed.
"Did you have fun today, sweetie?"
"Yes a lot."
"I'm glad to hear that. You seem to be better."
She touched her forehead. Her fever had begun to subside.
"I would like to talk to you about something."
"Go ahead…"
"Your little brother... you loved him as much as I did, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"I didn't know it affected you so much. I'm sure you would've made a wonderful big sister. Just like my desire to be a mom again, and to see Kasem born alive, I'm sure your desire to be a big sister was as strong as mine."
Alika smiled.
"Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"Are you going to stop having other children?"
Balsa looked at her daughter and pulled her into her arms.
"The children I've had so far were never planned. They've always been a surprise. But if life has offered my body to bear a child, then I take them. Does that comfort you, sweetheart?"
"Yes. So, does that mean that I'll have another little brother or sister… or siblings?" Alika asked.
"Only the future will decide about it." Balsa smiled.
"But Kasem will always be part of the family, right?"
"Yes. He's a family member as important as you."
"He will always be the second oldest after me…"
There was a short pause and Balsa gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead.