The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat, Gatiss, and Thompson

Oh Henson and Doyle,

And Pika-la Cynique the generous,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

The chapter title is a reference to the song "This Is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars

&%&%&%

He had lost his kingdom for her.

Twice.

And she was bleeding out.

Dying.

Again.

Her beautiful face was scratched and torn with glass embedded in her skin, making her sparkle like the glitter she so often mocked him for (not knowing that he had no control over how his magic decided to fall apart).

He crawled over the broken glass to where she had fallen.

The person most precious to him was bleeding out. With what little magic he could conjure under the restraints he was placed, he healed the more desperate wounds.

"Oh, God. What happened?" Mrs. Hudson asked as she began to make her way over to where Jareth was kneeling.

"Call Mycroft," Jareth said. He was surprised by how calm he sounded. "Get bandages. Call Lestrade. Now."

Mrs. Hudson did not argue and moved quickly downstairs. Jareth placed pressure on Sarah's other wounds. She would live until the medics arrived or anyone Mycroft decided to send showed up.

Sarah stirred and grimaced. "Ow."

"Don't move," Jareth said, "I don't want you to be more damaged."

Sarah opened her eyes, which were somehow unharmed. He had never been happier to see those green eyes, even if they were in pain. She lifted a hand and touched Jareth's shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"You were just hit by a bomb blast and you're asking if I am all right?"

"You have a cut on your face," Sarah said.

"I will heal," he said, "I need to know where you are hurt."

"Everywhere. My ears are buzzing. What happened?"

"I have absolutely no idea but I sense that there was ill intent behind it."

&%&%&%

"What is all this fuss about? Did another goblin catch some of the air from the Bog of Eternal Stench and try to set it on fire?" Mycroft asked. He had arrived a little after wooden boards had been nailed to the windows.

"Sorry, but a bomb went off that was not goblin related," Jareth said. He was at his piano, fiddling with the keys.

"It was a gas leak," Mycroft said.

"Bomb," Jareth said.

"Paranoid," Mycroft said.

"Lazy," Jareth said.

Mycroft took a seat and poured himself some tea. "And how are you Ms. Williams?"

Sarah was in Jareth's seat, her feet tucked under her. "I will heal. Your people did a good job."

"They are among the best," Mycroft said, "Your siblings are well?"

"Yeah. They freaked when they found out about the bomb," Sarah said.

"It was a gas leak," Mycroft said.

"Bomb," Sarah said.

"You're encouraging him. That never leads to good things," Mycroft said.

"You are worried about something or else you would not have shown up," Sarah said, "Really, Mr. Umbrella, what is it you really want with us?"

"Whatever it is, I can't," Jareth said, "I am far too busy to take on one of your cases."

"Can't?" Mycroft asked.

"I have too much going on around here. I cannot take it on," Jareth said.

"Never mind your usual trivia. This is of national importance," Mycroft said.

Jareth began playing the James Bond theme.

"If you are so keen, Mycroft, why don't you investigate it?" Jareth asked.

Mycroft shook his head. "No. no. no . I can't possibly be away from the office for any length of time. Not with the Korean elections so... Well, you don't need to know about that, do you? Besides, a case like this requires legwork."

Jareth switched to the Pink Panther theme.

"Jareth's business seems to be booming since you and he became pals. What's he like to live with? Hellish, I imagine," Mycroft said.

Of course he would use Sarah as an angle. Two can play that game. One little tap of his umbrella out of line and I will pull THE card.

Sarah motioned to the trashed apartment. "I'm never bored."

Mycroft said, "Good, that's good, isn't it?" Mycroft attempted to hand a file to Jareth but was ignored. Mycroft gave the file to Sarah. "Andrew West, known as Westie to his friends. Civil servant. Found dead on the tracks at Battersea station this morning with his head smashed in."

Sarah flinched. "Jumped in front of a train?"

"Seems the logical assumption," Mycroft said.

"But?" Sarah said.

Mycroft mimicked her. "But?"

"Well, you wouldn't be here if it was just an accident," Sarah said.

"The MoD is working on a new missile defense system. The Bruce-Partington Program, it's called. The plans for it were on a memory stick," Mycroft said.

"That wasn't very clever," Sarah said.

Jareth snickered.

"It's not the only copy. But it is secret and missing," Mycroft said.

"Top secret?" Sarah asked with an edge of conspiracy in her voice.

"Very. We think West must have taken the memory stick. We can't possibly risk it falling into the wrong hands," Mycroft said.

"So, an American nurse who lives with a fairytale character who dislikes proper trousers is not the wrong hands?" Sarah asked.

Jareth laughed but quickly covered his mouth, trying to regain his dignity. Mycroft walked over to Jareth and Mr. Holmes played a particularly jarring chord against what Jareth had just been playing.

"You've got to find those plans, Jareth. Don't make me order you," Mycroft said.

Jareth raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think that I would investigate some minor murder when there is a bomber trying to destroy 221b Baker Street?"

"Gas leak, Jareth," Mycroft said.

"Mycroft, if you will not let me investigate, I will get someone who will," Jareth said.

The British Government glared but took a step back from Jareth. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, I would," Jareth said.

The two men stared at each other for a solid twenty-one point three seconds before Jareth jumped from the piano bench and grabbed his phone from the side table next to Sarah. He texted quickly and Mycroft had his own phone out almost as fast.

"Victory is mine!" Jareth shouted once he had sent his text.

Mycroft's mouth twitched. "You will regret this."

Jareth sat in the chair Mycroft had previously occupied. "Doubtful."

Mycroft shook Sarah's hand before leaving. "Good bye Ms. Williams. See you very soon."

After Mycroft left, Sarah threw a pillow at Jareth. "What was that for? I doubt he would just come to you to be a nuisance."

"Actually, he would," Jareth said, "I do have important business. I am waiting for Scotland Yard to..."

The phone rang and Jareth answered. "Yes? Of course. Lestrade? Lestrade? Hello?" Jareth shook his phone and then threw it across the room.

"Gremlins," he hissed.

"They messed with your phone again?" Sarah asked.

"Yes. We need to get over to the Yard. Lestrade has something he wants us to see," Jareth said.

"We?" Sarah asked.

"I'd be lost without my blogger, Sarah. Besides, it's about the explosion," Jareth said.

&%&%&%

As they made their way through Scotland Yard, Lestrade said, "You like the funny cases, don't you? The surprising ones."

"Obviously," Jareth said.

"You'll love this. That explosion," Lestrade said.

"Bomb, yes?" Jareth asked. He enjoyed the look of surprise on Sally's face.

"Yes, made to look like a gas explosion," Lestrade said, "Hardly anything left of the place. Except a strongbox. A very strong box and inside it was this." There was a well-made envelope with the word "Jareth" written on it.

"You haven't opened it?" Jareth asked as he examined the envelope on the table.

"It's addressed to you, isn't it? We've X-rayed it. It's not booby-trapped," Lestrade said.

Jareth looked upwards in exasperation. "How reassuring. Nice stationery. Bohemian."

"What?" Sarah asked.

"It used to be called Bohemia but is now the Czech Republic. No fingerprints?" Jareth asked.

"No," Lestrade said.

"She used a fountain pen. Parker Duofold, Merdian nib," Jareth said. Why does it look familiar?

"She?" Sarah asked.

"Obviously," Jareth said.

"Obviously," Sarah said, mimicking his voice.

"I know this handwriting," Jareth said.

For a moment, he was consumed by thoughts of her. He had pushed her out for centuries. Once he had fallen for Sarah, he had honestly not thought about her. Now, faced with a new puzzle with her handwriting, he felt like she had harmed him all over again.

"Care to elaborate?" Sarah asked.

"Not particularly no. She isn't important. This is too clever for her," Jareth said.

Jareth opened the envelope and pulled out a pink phone.

&%&%&%

A/N: Why do I enjoy putting Jareth through this much angst? Honestly, there must be something wrong with me.

As for her, well, you're just going to have to wait awhile. Though I think it is rather obvious, I am the writer so I know what is going to happen. It is not the series explanation, just so you know.

Once again, Mycroft. One of my favorite characters to write.