The Almighty Disclaimer

Oh Moffat, Gatiss, and Thompson

Oh Henson and Doyle,

And Pika-la Cynique the generous,

To you belongs all the characters

And none so for me!

A/N: This story was inspired by "The Thin White Sleuth..." by Pika-la-Cynique of Girls Next Door fame.

&%&%&%

Jareth sat at his piano but did not open the cover for the keys. Sherlock was pretending to mope on the couch while sneaking a peak at the crap telly that John was watching (though John was only paying half attention to it and half to a medical journal). Sarah was sitting by the bookcase, looking over books on abnormal psychology.

They sat like this, barely moving, hardly daring to breathe for over an hour. Sherlock and Jareth were both thinking about the case and trying to guess who the bomber was. Sarah was trying to understand the bomber and get around his games. John was ready to go into soldier mode at any moment.

That is until Mrs. Hudson came up the stairs carrying a tray of biscuits and tea.

Sherlock jumped up into action, took the tray from Mrs. Hudson, and elegantly shoved it onto John's lap. "Mrs. Hudson, how wonderful to see you."

"Oh, Sherlock, good to see you too," Mrs. Hudson said, hugging the former consulting detective. She went over and ruffled John's hair. "Still using a buzz cut I see. I think it would be nice to let it grow out."

"It is a lot easier to deal with, unlike Sir Mop over there," John said, tilting his head towards Sherlock.

"Oh dear, it is quite a mess, isn't it?" Mrs. Hudson said, "I'll just go get the scissors and a towel. You sit down young man and I'll take care of you. No arguing."

"Yes, Mrs. Hudson," Sherlock said with a sigh.

When Mrs. Hudson had made her way down the stairs, Sherlock leapt into Jareth's chair. "Mrs. Hudson loves me more," he said with a smile.

"No one, not even Mrs. Hudson, will touch my hair," Jareth said.

Sarah chuckled and did not look as pale as she had been since the bomber had called. This pleased Jareth and he wanted to make her laugh again, even if it was at his own expense.

Mrs. Hudson bustled up the stairs with the scissors and a soft, gray-blue towel. "Sit up, Sherlock. There you go. Now, I'll just clean it up and then you will look less like a tragic opera character. Oh, is that the Connie Prince news? Sad, isn't it? Put on something a little brighter. I know the lot of you have been dealing with this awful bomber. A little break between the waves is a good thing."

As Mrs. Hudson cut Sherlock's hair, she hummed peppy jazz songs that made Sherlock smirk. John had turned down the TV and was reading his magazine. Sarah had stopped reading her books and watched with a content smile the domestic scene before her. Jareth hazard to sit next to Sarah, and was rewarded with her resting her head on his shoulder.

"Was it always like this? Between cases?" Sarah asked.

"No. It was much more chaotic. However, particularly after John, Sherlock took more care with Mrs. Hudson," Jareth said. He could catch the scent of her hair, even without burying his face in it like he wanted to do.

"Sherlock let his hair grow out so Mrs. Hudson could cut it," Sarah said.

"Of course," Jareth said.

They were quiet for a long time. As Mrs. Hudson was finishing the last bits of Sherlock's hair, she spoke. "You really ought to come by more. Bees shouldn't take up that much time."

"No, they shouldn't," Sherlock said, "Annoying little buggers."

"Is he treating you right, John?" Mrs. Hudson asked.

"He treats me like he always does. We are fine, Mrs. Hudson," John said.

"Good," Mrs. Hudson said firmly. She began cleaning up the hair on the floor with a hand broom and dust pan. "You know, these boys kept me from losing my mind, Sarah. Their antics kept me busy."

"Yes, and you kept us clean," Jareth said.

"Not your housekeeper," Mrs. Hudson said, purposefully ignoring the real meaning, "Off to bed for me. Not as young as I used to be, you know."

John gave Mrs. Hudson a hug before she went down the stairs. Sarah turned towards Jareth and touched his arm gently before speaking. "I had an... odd thought come through my head. Not an odd thought, a terrible thought. Did Mr. Hudson kill Mrs. Hudson child or children?"

Jareth nodded.

"And that's why you made sure he got the death penalty in Florida," Sarah said.

Jareth nodded again.

Sherlock spoke. "No one wanted to believe a man could do that to his children. He did it while Mrs. Hudson was out shopping. Just did it, for fun, a little game. Not here, mind you. Mrs. Hudson had enough sanity left to know that it would kill her to stay in that house. Mr. Hudson did it again, about ten years ago. Mrs. Hudson came to us in tears, begging us to prove whether he did it or not. She couldn't bear the thought of justice not being given to another mother so... here we are."

Jareth took Sarah's hand and said quietly, "We did everything as properly as possible. There was no flaw in our case. We did not condemn an innocent man to die."

Sarah nodded and rested her head against Jareth's shoulder again. "Thank you, for telling me."

Jareth felt (what he very rarely felt which was) uncomfortable with the praise. "Go to bed, Sarah. We have a long day tomorrow," Jareth said.

"You are not going to sleep though."

"I do not have the same need for sleep as you, precious. Go. I will be fine."

Sarah squeezed Jareth's hand and left the room. Sherlock gave a lopsided grin. "She likes you, you know. Just not in a 'Oh, let me have your goblin babies' type of way."

"Sherlock, if you ever talk about my relationship to Sarah ever again, I have no problem letting the goblins into your beehives."

John laughed. "Have you met those little buggers? I think they can take care of themselves."

&%&%&%

As the four walked into Scotland Yard, Sally Donovan saw them, looked down at her coffee, and then looked back up again. "Bloody hell. What did I drink this morning?"

"Well, if it wasn't brewed by Sherlock, I think you'll survive," John said.

"My coffee is edible," Sherlock said.

"It's used as an acid by the army," John said. He shook Sally's hand. "Good to see you again Donovan."

"Watson," Sally said, regaining her sense of place, "Oye, freak, what's junior freak doing here?"

"I am in no way Jareth's junior. Why does everyone think that?" Sherlock asked.

"Maybe it's the cheekbones," Sarah said.

"What about my cheekbones?" Jareth and Sherlock said defensively.

"What's with all this lolling about?" Lestrade said.

"Nothing. We are coming Inspector," Jareth said.

Lestrade held up a file as he led the group to his office. "The woman in the car lives in Cornwall. Two men broke in wearing masks forced her to drive to the car park and decked her out in enough explosives to take down a house. Told her to phone you. Check the read out from this pager." Lestrade handed the file to Jareth.

"If she deviated by one word, the sniper would have set her off," Jareth said.

"Or if you hadn't solved the case," Sarah added.

"Elegant," Sherlock said.

"Elegant?" John said, making one of his extreme facial expressions.

"Oh, I can't be the only person in the world that gets bored," Jareth said.

The pink phone buzzed. Jareth opened the message.

"Four pips," John said.

"I passed the first test. This is the second," Jareth said as he looked at the photo, "It is abandoned, wouldn't you say?"

"I'll see if it's been reported," Lestrade said.

Sally popped her head in and held out her phone. "Freak, it's for you."

Jareth took the phone without question. "Hello."

"It's okay that you've gone to the police," the male voice said.

"Is this you again? You have quite the vocal range," Jareth said.

"But don't rely on them. Clever you. Guessing about Carl Powers. I never liked him. Carl laughed at me. So I stopped him laughing."

"You are starting to remind me of that sea witch in that incredibly inaccurate movie about a certain mermaid. This is truly unnecessary for someone of your talents, surely."

"This is about you and me," the man said.

Jareth had been trying to analyze everything he could hear over the phone. He wished that he was wrong about his guess of where the new bomb victim was. "What's that noise?"

"It's the sounds of life. Jareth. But don't worry, I can soon fix that. You solved my last puzzle in nine hours. This time you have eight. It's not nice to have the hours taken from you, is it?" The call ended.

Lestrade came back into his office. "Great. We've found it."

"He's chosen a crowded area this time. He is upping the stakes," Jareth said. He slipped his phone in his pocket. "Really quite unnecessary. I would play just to hear his real voice."

&%&%&%

Sarah said as they walked away from the bloody car, "Is that why you kept Sherlock around? To have someone act for you, to lie for you. It's just like when we were trying to get into that apartment the other day."

"I have never said humanity did not have its strengths, Sarah. I cannot lie but Sherlock can. That, along with him being somewhat clever, make him a useful ally," Jareth said.

"But you're not his friend," Sarah said.

"He has not said such to me," Jareth said.

"By the powers that be, you're still sulking over his wish for John Watson, aren't you?"

"Sarah, I really hate it when you can read me so well."

&%&%&%

"The clue's in the name: Janus Cars," the man on the phone said.

"Why would you be giving me a clue?" Jareth said

"Why does anyone do anything? Because I'm bored. We were made for each other, Goblin King," the voice said.

Jareth flinched at his old title. "Then talk to me in your own voice. I would so love to know if we could do a little duet."

"Patience." The call ended.

"I am not a patient man," Jareth said to himself.

&%&%&%

"Well, if it isn't a vampire's favorite summer treat: frozen blood," Jareth said.

"Jareth... are you serious?" Sarah asked

Jareth was nearly skipping out of the laboratory.

"Jareth! Don't you dare just walk off like that!"

&%&%&%

A/N: I found out that the reason why Mrs. Hudson and Sherlock have such a close relationship in the series is because Benedict Cumberbatch grew up with Una Stubbs as a family friend and it would have been too awkward for Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson's relationship to be otherwise.

Yes, Jareth and Sherlock have had unofficial sulking matches. They had one that lasted for an hour or so when they first met. (Yes, I will be writing something on the Holmes brothers and their relationship with Jareth at some point in the future. BUT IT IS NOT THIS DAY!)