Chapter 4

Finn watched Olivia surreptitiously, not wanting Elliot to notice. She was doing better, not wound quite so tight these days and he could tell she was healing. She'd come into the squadroom looking a little shell-shocked and when Elliot had asked her what was wrong she'd said someone had just asked her out.

"So what did you say?" Munch asked, ever willing to act the nosy fool since Fin plain old wouldn't.

"I told him I'd think about it," Olivia shook her head. "I'm not sure I want to-"

"It'd be good for you Liv," Elliot interrupted. "You hardly ever go out anymore. There's more to life than work. You need to have some fun."

Olivia blinked for a moment, Fin could tell she was trying to control her urge to smack her partner physically or verbally, "I don't think he's looking for anything serious El." She evaded the issue.

"So?" Stabler wasn't getting the hint and Fin was ready to pound the hint into him if he didn't shut up, "It doesn't have to be serious. Just go out and blow off some steam."

"This from the Catholic boy?" Fin couldn't keep himself from making that comment, "Isn't that just a touch hypocritical?"

"Liv's not Catholic," Elliot shrugged as if his point was made.

"Also besides the point," Olivia frowned at her partner. "What if I'm looking for serious? What if I want to have a family? Kids, and if not a husband than at least someone to be my partner."

"I thought I was your partner," Elliot aimed that charming grin at her and Fin wanted to punch out his teeth.

"So its all right for you to have a wife, a family but what? I'm just tainted goods so I shouldn't be thinking about that?" Olivia was getting well and truly pissed now, "Because I've got 'bad blood' I should give up reproducing altogether? I should just accept that because I'm the daughter of some scum bag that I'll be alone for the rest of my life?"

"That isn't what I'm saying-" Stabler was clearly not equipped to deal with Olivia on a rant and Fin would have found the entire thing hilarious if Liv hadn't been so obviously hurt.

"Well maybe you ought to think about that brain to mouth problem you've got going on because that's how it sounded," Olivia grabbed her coat and purse and stormed out of the squadroom.

Cragen came out of his office and looked after her before he saw Fin stand up, "Fin go get her back here. We just caught a case, a ten year old victim, left for dead by the Hudson."

Fin nodded and hurried after Liv, taking the stairs down and beating the elevator so he was there when the doors opened, "You really let him have it Babygirl." He couldn't help smiling, "Brain to mouth problem? That's classic Liv."

She smiled weakly, "He hit a nerve." She admitted and sank down on the bench near the elevator. "I just... I don't want to date some random guy. I'd have to...God, explain everything. I'm so tired of justifying myself, my job, my...quirks."

"Like your forty minute showers that are practically decontamination routines," Fin smiled. He'd been in her apartment during one of her showers. It had been very tempting to just walk in and join her and show her that she wasn't dirty, that she was beautiful.

"Yeah, or that I sleep with a loaded gun in my bedside drawer. Or that I have five locks on my doors or I haven't visited the storage space in my building because its in the basement," Olivia sighed. "But if I don't go through all that... I'll never get to have...anything else than what I've got now."

"That isn't true Liv," Fin shook his head. "Cragen wants us back, we caught a case. Lemme talk to him, partner up with me so you don't have to deal with Stabler for a bit. He's a good cop but he's a lousy human being sometimes."

"What do you mean it isn't true," Olivia was looking at him with those gorgeous brown eyes of hers and he would have done anything to make her smile again. That smile that had sunk its hooks deep into him from practically the first time he'd met her.

"If I promise that we will continue this conversation later will you come back upstairs now," Fin asked hopefully.

"Yes." She nodded, "But I'm holding you to that."

"I expect no less of Detective Olivia Benson," Fin chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he steered them both towards the elevator.

The work had seemed to go non stop but Fin and Olivia were finally off shift at the same time. Unfortunately one of the several new cases had involved Chester being investigated for murder and in the process of investigating him, Elliot had dumped Fin's phone as if he was a thug on the street. Fin couldn't remember the last time he'd been so pissed off. Olivia had been blowing up his phone the entire time he'd been out of touch and when he'd called her back she'd been upset and apologizing until he'd asked what the hell was going on.

First she'd berated him and said she'd been worried sick and that in the future would he at least text her that he was alive or drunk or whatever so she at least knew he wasn't dead in a ditch. She'd actually said 'dead in a ditch' just like his aunt used to. Then she'd told him what Elliot had done, Olivia had tears in her voice as she explained the whole thing. The worst thing was how she kept apologizing for her partner, as if she was the one who was responsible for controlling him. He'd waited until she was out of the room before he gave Stabler a piece of his mind.

Now though, finally able to talk to her, Fin was more nervous than he'd been when Kenneth was born. It had been months since their conversation, months since they'd even had more than five minutes to check in with each other in person, they were either on different shifts or running around on a case. Emails and phone calls kept them talking and he was running out of minutes he spent so much time talking to Olivia. But she was a lifeline, a sane voice and she was his best friend. He had to be sure she was all right before he said anything more about what he wanted. He'd even talked with George Huang confidentially, asking the man if he might be pushing Olivia too much. The FBI doctor had been surprisingly supportive, Fin almost wondered if he and Munch were conspiring. Then he started to think he'd been hanging out with his partner too long, the conspiracy theories were contagious or something.

"Liv, you got a few minutes," He forced himself to approach her desk in full view of Stabler.

"Sure Fin, what's up," Olivia, sweetheart that she was, for once wasn't quick on the uptake and Fin took a deep breath. He was not going to do this in front of the entire squadroom, he didn't care if John and George had a bet riding on it or not, unproven that though might be. So here went the lie he'd prepared.

"I was wonderin' if I could talk to you for a bit, kinda on the down low," Fin shrugged. "It's about Kenneth."

"Absolutely," Olivia nodded and began to grab her coat and purse, "You wanna get a drink or I could make dinner."

"If you're making dinner I'm in," John called hopefully before Fin turned and glared at the man. John was a good friend and any other time, yeah he'd happily share Liv's company if it meant she was happy, but not now.

Olivia, thankfully, once he made it understood he wanted to talk to her alone, did not let herself get talked into inviting John. Fin found it interesting that despite the fact that she was offshift, Elliot still managed to take fifteen minutes of her time until Cragen came out of his office and asked flat out why she and Fin were still there.

That gave Stabler the anvil shaped like a hint and Liv was finally able to get away, "So you never answered me, if you wanted a drink or dinner," She reminded him.

"Why don't we go to your place, and if you don't like what I've got to say at least I know you're safe at home when you throw me out," Fin offered with a half smile.

"God Fin what could you say about Kenneth that would have me wanting to kick you out," Olivia shook her head in amazed confusion, a smile playing about her lips.

"Well, its not strictly about Kenneth. I just didn't want the entire squad in my business. We'll talk at your place," He was determined that he would not do this in the car. Liv was doing so much better. She hadn't even been freaked out about the idea of dating, just all of the explanations that went along with dating. He really couldn't blame her there, they all had a lot of baggage.

"There was something I wanted to ask you about," Olivia sounded uncharacteristically subdued and he cast a worried look at her.

"Shoot Liv," He looked at her with a frown.

"Cragen said that after the stunt Elliot pulled...that you put in your transfer papers," Her voice sounded thick and pained.

"I did," Fin nodded. "If the people I work with can't trust me..." He looked at her, "It's not you Liv. Stabler's just out of control and Cragen isn't reining him in anymore. I love working with you and John, crazy son of a bitch that he is, but I can't work with Stabler."

"So you're leaving," He looked over and saw that she had tears welling up in her eyes. "Fin what'll I do if I don't see you everyday? I've finally gotten...well I don't know if I'll ever be normal but I'm getting close...and you won't be around to see it when I can finally give John the hug he deserves or grab Elliot's arm to keep him from going off half cocked."

"I haven't been transferred yet," Fin reminded her. "It might not go through. And even if it does, what makes you think I'm going to just drop you like yesterday's news? You're...shit Liv you're my best friend."

"Why do you think I was so upset when you wouldn't call me," Olivia frowned at him. "You're the most important person in my life."

"That makes me feel good to hear," Fin smiled his pleasure at hearing that. Maybe if she was this attached to him, his idea wouldn't get him thrown out of her place. "So do you want to talk over dinner or afterward?"

"I know I said I'd cook, but would you mind if we ordered pizza? Or picked it up?" Liv sighed, "I like cooking for you but I'm just so tired." She frowned, "And now I'm whining."

"You're not whiny," He laughed and stopped near her neighborhood pizza joint. "We'll get a pie and bring it back to your place. You're exhausted. You really think I'd insist on a home cooked meal?"

"I said I would," Olivia looked stubborn.

"Liv, as tired as you are, you'll burn yourself on the stove, or chop off a finger, and I've got plans that don't include emergency room visits," Fin told her adamantly.

"That sounds kind of intriguing," She smiled with a hint of the old teasing Liv she'd been with him after he'd said she had a great ass. "Should I be worried?"

"I'm the one should be worried," He shook his head as they got out of the car and headed into the pizza place. "You're one of the few people who could kick my ass."

"Damn right," Olivia laughed up at him as they placed their order. Her arm slid around his waist and Fin let himself drape an arm over her shoulders as they waited for their pie to be ready. It felt incredibly good, just to touch her, to be allowed and trusted to touch her when she was still so nervous around other men. She just leaned into him and sighed when the pie was ready and they had to part and walk back to the car.

It was only a few blocks to her place, parking wasn't ever easy to find but after a block of circling a space opened up and Fin made straight for it. "Victory," He chuckled.

Olivia rolled her eyes expressively, "Men and their mortal combat driving techniques." She teased, "I think all of you are the same when it comes to your cars and parking spots."

"Oh we're not all the same Liv," Fin couldn't help teasing back. "Some of us are better than others," He let his eyes move over her body the way he had before Sealview, playful and appreciative and was rewarded with a warm husky laugh.

"I think you've said something like that before," She shook her head as she got out her keys. "C'mon, we can eat and finally sit on something that doesn't have wheels under it and you can tell me what it was you wanted to talk about."

Olivia was still trying to breathe normally after Fin put his arm around her in the pizza place, it had been all she could do to not shiver and burrow into his side. Every time, every single time he called her Babygirl she wanted to just melt into him. And then he gave her one of his old looks, those heated teasing glances that seemed to just sear into her bones and she nearly jumped him.

She unlocked her door and forced herself to act normally, turning on the lights, taking out the guncase she kept on the bureau in the entry way and putting her weapon and badge inside it, silently offering him the box as well. Fin grinned at her and put the pizza down in her kitchen before doing the same and Olivia took a minute to collect herself as she got plates, glasses and napkins.

"So, uh, dining area or couch?" She looked at him, he was still wearing his coat and she could have kicked herself. "Let me take your coat too," Part of her just wanted to hold the jacket up to her nose and breathe in his scent, that spicy cologne of his and the hints of his sweat, everything she could smell when he held her, pure Fin.

"Liv, I'm your friend, I'm not a guest," He just smiled at her, that sweet smile he only gave she and John, and rarely did she seem him give it to John at work. Fin was such an incredibly private man, it had been years of working with him before she'd even learned he'd been in the Rangers, that he'd been stationed in Mogadishu, that he had a son who was gay. Olivia forced herself to smile back as he took off his coat and hung it up, "I know you've got to be dyin' to get out of those clothes. Put something comfortable on and I'll get us set up with the food. You mind if I open a bottle of your wine?"

"No, go ahead," Olivia tilted her head curiously and offered him a grin. "Need the liquid courage?"

"Well lets just say I'm not gonna turn it down," Fin's smile was a little tighter than before, his tension had come back and Olivia regretted saying anything. She loved when he was relaxed around her, when his barriers came down.

"Sorry," She gave him a half smile, "Didn't mean to strike a nerve, or anything."

"Not your fault Babygirl," Fin's eyes were so warm. "Go on get comfortable. I'm just a little nervous is all."

"What could you possibly be nervous about Fin, we're both unarmed," Olivia called as she walked into her bedroom and began to pull off her work clothes in exchange for some yoga pants and teeshirt. She refused to put on socks, wearing shoes and stockings all day was bad enough. Rubbing lotion onto her feet had become normal when she was still a uniform or she'd have feet worse than a dancers. Washing her hands and emerging into the living room she ran a hand through her hair.

"You never answered me," She said as she took in the sight of Fin sitting on her couch with the box of pizza on the coffee table and two glasses of wine poured and sitting on her coasters. "Why are you nervous?"

"You remember, before everything hit the fan with Chester and that ten year old victim before that..." Fin began slowly opening up the pizza box and putting slices on their plates. "How you blew up at Stabler?"

"Yeah when he made that crack about me having fun," Olivia nodded and bit into her pizza. For a few minutes they concentrated on eating, fuel for their bodies extremely welcome after the day they'd had. "You headed me off and partnered with me so we could work the case."

"Yeah," Fin wiped his mouth and took a sip of wine before he spoke again. "I told you that if you wanted something long term, if you wanted a baby, that you didn't have to go through all that disclosure about your issues to some new guy."

"And then we had to go work the case and we never got to finish the conversation," Liv frowned. She'd never been able to figure out what he meant, what he'd intended to say. She'd thought about it more times than she could count before trying to sleep at night and even her detective's mind couldn't unravel the riddle of Odafin Tutuola. In the months since that conversation had started and through her therapy she'd wondered and never been able to solve the puzzle.

"Well this is me, finishing the conversation," Fin said quietly before taking another couple bites of his slice.

"But you're worried I'll throw you out," Olivia really couldn't see where he was going with this.

"I'm saying if you want a partner, for life, not just the job, if you want a baby," Fin took a deep breath and looked her in the eye. "I'm telling you that you've got options."

"Options," Olivia repeated the word faintly. "Fin I can't afford to go a fertility clinic or something, and I got turned down by the adoption agency," She told him gently, "And maybe they were right. I don't think I can be a good mom and a good cop if I'm doing the mom thing by myself."

"That wasn't what I meant," He shook his head and took her hand. Turning it in his, he studied her palm, tracing the lines with his blunt forefinger, sending a shiver over her skin before he lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the base of her palm, almost on her pulse-point. "I meant you have options Babygirl."

Olivia couldn't help it, she felt like she was trembling, vibrating with heat and lust and love, she cupped his jaw with her hand, keeping it on his skin where he'd placed her palm, "Fin, please." She whispered, "I don't want to misunderstand. Are you offering...to give me a baby?"

"Not just that, not unless that's all you want from me Liv," Fin was quiet, his rich low voice almost a whisper as he stared at her. "I want to date you. I want to be your lover. I want to be the father of your children. Live with you; love you the way you deserve." He kissed her palm again sending shivers down her spine, "I can wait for you to be ready. Don't gotta rush anything."

"Is this why you put in for a transfer?" Olivia whispered, not moving her hand, not wanting to break this spell he'd put her under with movement or noise or anything. "So you could talk with me about this?"

"That's part of it," Fin nodded. "I love seein' you every day but I wanted Cragen to know that if I had to transfer out of SVU so I could be with you I would."

"I hope you don't get the transfer," Liv saw his eyes go bleak and he began to release her hand until she protested. "No, that's not what I-" She slid closer to him so their knees were touching and looked up into those gorgeous dark eyes. "I want to work with you, I want to watch your back. I want you to always be there with me, because I'm selfish and I need you Fin."

"How do you need me Olivia," Fin's voice was still gentle, but wary now. "I just gotta know what you want. Told you, I'll be what you need. Your one night stand when you want a warm body to hold onto. I'll be your lover. I'll live with you. I'll give you babies, but I gotta know what you want."

"I just want you," Olivia wasn't sure how much more plainly she could put it. "I want my best friend to have what he wants though. And if you're doing this...because its what you think I need...it's the most selfless thing anyone has ever done for me. But you're...you're a brilliant, wonderful, handsome, charming man and I...can't do this if it isn't what you want."

"You want to know what I want," Fin repeated, his voice dark and wickedly rich with repressed emotion. "This is what I want Liv, this." He kissed her palm and leaned forward to press his lips to hers and she couldn't help it. Olivia surrendered.

Author's Note: So we're getting to the meat of the story, sorry if the set up has seemed to go on for too long. I wanted these two to know each other for a while, be good friends before anything else happened.

Continuity wise I know it seems as if I'm jumping all over the place but I don't want this to go strictly canon, episode for episode, it doesn't leave a lot of room to work the relationship in.

Next chapter we should have some lemons, so I hope you all will hang around for them.

BTW I really can emphasize enough how much I value feedback. Presumably if you read fan fics of this genre you are fans of the show. I would really love to know if I'm portraying these characters well or if I should just give it up as a bad job. Seriously, please let me know if I should stop because I have no clue if this is decently written or not at this point. I'm a little freaked as I'm more than 60K in wordcount now and if I need to edit I have to start now.