Santana was trying to be nicer to everyone, she really was, especially to the Glee club, but sometimes it was hard. Especially with her pregnancy hormones causing some major mood swings and irritability, and she tended to be a bit of a bitch to begin with. So when everyone was trying to talk Rachel out of getting nose job, she really couldn't help herself.

"Hold up, could we all just get real for a second?" She spoke up. "I hear that Rachel's got a bit of a schnoz. I mean, I wouldn't know because like Medusa, I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there aren't things we wouldn't change about ourselves? I mean, I'm sure Sam's been at the doctor's office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. I'll bet Artie's thought about getting his legs removed because he's not really using them anyways, and I'm definitely sure Tina's looked into getting an eye de-slanting."

"That's extraordinarily racist, Santana", Tina interrupted before the pregnant girl could go any further.

"I'm just keeping it real" she admitted.

"Sorry, Santana but I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I'd never change a thing." Tina replied confidently.

"Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina? The other Asian asked. "Self hatin' Asian!"

"Not many Asian sex symbols, Mike. I"m just trying to be in fashion and mirror what I see in magazines." Tina explained.

"My dancing kind of bothers me, and it almost killed Rachel, but I like the way I look." Finn admitted.

"Oh please!" Santana exclaimed. "You have weird puffy pyramid nipples. They look like they're filled with custard. I'm thinking about hiring you to feed my baby after it's born! Look, maybe Rachel's fine with having an enormous beak? Maybe she needs it to crack hard seeds? All I'm saying is that if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you should change it".

Okay, so that may have been a bit rude. She wasn't afraid to admit that being attractive was very important to her, and obviously she'd had a boob job, so she was all for doing things to make you feel better about yourself, even if that meant surgery. She was thankful she was blessed with a perfect nose, but if she had a nose like Rachel's she knew she'd change it. However, she thought Sam's mouth was very sexy, she wasn't about to admit that to the rest of the club though, so she still made jokes about it. Sam knew how she really felt though, and he actually thought it was funny but had to act hurt when she said those things.

Later in the hallway, she was drawing a mustache and man-boobs on a poster of Quinn and Finn, respectively, that urged people to vote for them for prom Queen and King when her scheming mind went to work.

I should be prom Queen at this school, she thought, I'm the hottest piece of action around. This may be my last chance to get recognized for it before I explode. Ugh, who knows what this baby will do to my body. It's never gonna happen, I'll never get the votes, she sighed, shaking her head. Unless I get the jock-block. And God knows Sam doesn't have the heat at this school yet. And he's so gullible and in lust with me he'll go along with whatever I say. Hold on, there's someone at this school who just might have the juice, she realized as she saw Dave Karofsky come around the corner and check out Sam's butt as he got a drink of water. Holy sweet hell, I'm a judgmental bitch, and pregnancy has made me hyper-aware of things and lately I have awesome gaydar.

It wasn't until that afternoon at the Lima Bean that her whole plan came together. She was sitting with Sam, Mercedes, Tina, Kurt, and Blaine and they were all talking about how much they missed having Kurt at their school, and Kurt was even admitting how much he missed it too.

"I told them I'd be all for it if it wasn't for Karofsky," Blaine explained.

That's it! Santana thought. Kurt is the trick to winning prom Queen and totally boosting our chances at Nationals. If I could get Kurt back, I'd be a hero. Even Quinn and Finn would vote for me, plus I've always had a soft spot for Kurt. And the key? Karofsky!

"I've gotta gay.. Go, I've gotta go". She announced, standing up so fast she almost got dizzy. She went home and explained her crazy plan to Sam. He wasn't in love with it, but he thought he loved her, and wanted her to be happy. Sam and Santana would still be together, secretly, but she was going to be Karofsky's beard for now. Of course, she had to tell Sam that Dave was gay, but she knew she could trust her baby-daddy, and knowing he was gay helped Sam be more okay with it. Sam was also the kind of guy that liked everyone, and was happy at the thought of having Kurt back too. So if this is what it took, he accepted it. The next day, they pretended Sam wasn't ready to be a father, and "broke-up", and shortly after, she asked Dave Karofsky out.

"I knew you'd ask me out eventually. I'm kind of Duke Stud at Mckinley" Dave smirked as he sat across from Santana at the Lima Bean.

"Oh, give it up, I know!" she said in a disgusted tone.

"know what?" he asked

"that you're gay!" She exclaimed, a little too loudly for his comfort.

"What? Who told you that?" he whispered, looking around to make sure nobody heard her.

"No one had to tell me. First of all, I saw you checking out Sam's ass the other day. You know you really need to be more careful about your leering."

"I didn't," he explained, "I was just seeing what jeans he was wearing"

"Like that's any less gay! Second of all, I know about you and Kurt. Remember last week at the benefit about you being worried about the truth getting out. Guess what? It's out!" She said bluntly.

"Whatever they told you is a lie to mess with me. I'm going to kick their asses!" He raged. His face was becoming red and he was practically shaking.

"You know what?" She said, taking his hand, "Why don't you just settle down, let mommy Tana tell you a little story. It's about you. You're what we call a late in life gay. You're going to stay in the closet, get married, have a couple of kids, get drunk to have relations with your wife, maybe become a state senator or a deacon, and then get caught in the men's room tapping your foot to some page. And you know what? I accept that about you."

"Why are you doing this?" He questioned, knowing that she was a bitch who always had ulterior motives.

"Because you need me. And because of you, everyone knows I'm knocked up. And I'm still really really pissed about it. If you go with me, and we pretend we're dating, and you're stepping up to father my baby, we'll be shoe-ins for Prom King and Queen, and we'll rule this school. We're also going to get Kurt back, and you're going to be nice to him." She explained.

"What if I say no?" he asked.

"Then I'm gonna tell everyone about you and your life will be over. I may be mostly straight, but I'm also a straight-up bitch."

On Thursday, Principal Figgins brought Karofsky to talk to the Glee club, amidst heavy protesting, but he stayed calm and recited the speech Santana wrote for him. He apologized for slushying all of them, bullying Kurt out of the school, and explained that he was changing, thanks to Santana.

"Wait, Santana?" Quinn asked, clearly confused.

Santana fought the urge to roll her eyes, and stood up to join Dave at the front of the choir room.

"This Glee Club is not complete without Kurt." She explained. "So I've taken it upon myself to try to rehabilitate Dave. To see if maybe Kurt would consider coming back and help us win Nationals. I did this for us" She smiled, and then took Karofsky's hand. "And then something funny happened, something called love."

Everyone was thoroughly disgusted, many of them making vomiting noises and gestures. Sam pretended to be hurt, Mike even patted him on the back to comfort him, but he knew better. Santana was still very much his girlfriend.

"I want Kurt to feel safe to come back which is why Santana and I started a new club," Dave continued. "The Bully Whips."

"The name was my idea," Santana said proudly, "we're gonna be like guardian angels."

"I'm planning on reaching out to Kurt personally through Principal Figgins to try to make amends. This a chance to really change this place. I hope you can support us." Karofsky explained.

Everyone still thought it was weird that Karofksy and Santana, of all people, were the ones leading the anti-bullying club, but they accepted it. They hoped that pregnancy was changing Santana and they really wanted Kurt back. And it worked! Kurt and Karofsky talked, and the next day, Kurt was officially back at McKinley. They even gave Kurt the lead in the "Born This Way" number they were performing. Kurt wanted Santana to have a big part in it too, but she had had some mild spotting the week before, so her doctor told her to take it easy until she was out of her first trimester. She was now eleven weeks pregnant, so she was hoping in another week she could take a more active role.

Brittany caught up with Santana at their lockers before their Friday afternoon performance, with a present.

"Hey, do you like my shirt for Glee Club?" the blonde asked, unbuttoning her jacket and displaying a shirt that said "I'm with stoopid" and an arrow pointing up.

"That's perfect" Santana laughed. "Check mine out" she said, unbuttoning her own jacket and revealing a shirt that read "BITCH". The look on Brittany's face made it clear that she was disappointed.

"What?" The Latina asked. "This is perfect. Legend has it, when I came out of my mother, I told the nurse she was fat. God, I hope my baby isn't a bitch!"

"Well, I made a different one for you" Brittany announced, unfolding a shirt that read "Knocked Up".

"Brittany, you realize I wasn't actually born pregnant, right?" Santana asked.

"I know that, but the assignment was to point out something about yourself that you can't change and you're not exactly proud of. I know you didn't plan on this, and I know you're young, but I don't want you to ever be ashamed or not proud of your baby. I love you, and I know you can't dance with me right now, but I want you to put this shirt on and be proud of your baby and watch me." She said, and then walked off.

The rest of the Glee club was in the auditorium, and about to perform when Artie realized someone was missing.

"Wait, where's Santana?" he asked.

"Probably making out with Karofsky" Sam replied. "Whatever," he shrugged, "He can have her". Although he obviously didn't mean it, and knew she couldn't dance right now. He just wasn't comfortable talking about his girlfriend's vaginal bleeding, and everyone needed to believe she was with Karofsky.

What they didn't know was that Santana was in the audience, sitting with Karofsky, but wearing her "Knocked Up" shirt. Though she would deny it and probably slap anyone who said it, she was definitely proud of her baby.

a/n: Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, not enough hours in the day lately! Enjoy and please review!