Hey all. Thank you again for your patience if you are sticking with me. I know it's been a very long time. This chapter is VERY STRONGLY TRIGGERING, especially in the second half. Please, I know that it's probably just flat out a bad idea to put this out there, but since I am I'm asking you to be a responsible reader. I want you to feel for the characters, but not go copy them. It's not fun.

Also, I know that it seems pretty unlikely that Cuddy would put the hospital before Rachel, but that's how this had to work so that's how it is.

Cuddy was with her patient when her phone beeped for the third time letting her know there was yet another message waiting for her. Finally giving in to the device, she excused herself to find out what was going on.

Rachel's school called me again to come pick her up. Apparently she gave them my number since you are incommunicado. There is no way I can get out of here before 2:00 today. I'm sorry. -E

Alarmed, she looked back to see what she had missed. Two calls from the school nurse, a message from them indicating that Rachel was sick and needed to go home, and three texts from Emily. "Are you ok?" came from a few feet away, jolting her out of her worries.

Cameron was standing next to her, concerned. "Rachel isn't feeling well and needs to go home. I can't... I can't leave my patient. Emily can't get there either. This is a mess." Cuddy was starting to pace in small stressed out circles. She could feel herself beginning to get dizzy and struggled to keep her breath even.

"Do you want me to pick her up for you and take her home? I know your patient is important and refuses to be treated by anyone else. I really don't mind," Cameron offered.

Cuddy hesitated for just a second before making her decision. "I guess so. Yes. I can let the school know you are coming and Emily will come over as soon as she's able to. Thank you. I owe you for this."

"It'll be my pleasure". Cameron was always in much too cheerful a mood, Cuddy thought.

A short while later Cameron arrived at Rachel's school and found her curled up on a cot in the nurse's office. She was informed that Rachel had a fever and was feeling sick. A quick once over of her own confirmed that the girl wasn't faking. She thanked the school nurse before scooping Rachel up into her arms and carrying her to the car to go home.

When they got back home, Cameron tucked a sleepy Rachel into bed. "I think I just don't feel good like Mommy. She throws up all the time. Can I have juice please?"

Cameron was pondering Rachel's comment about her mother as she went to get juice. A short search through the kitchen for juice led her to fear that she understood Rachel's comment, perhaps more than Rachel herself did. The cabinets were fully stocked with packages of cookies and potato chips, pasta, candies, anything that you could imagine from a store. The refrigerator was similarly well stocked as was the freezer that she checked simply out of curiosity. She returned to Rachel with the juice and tried to get just a little information about her boss out of her before she took a nap.

"Here's some juice," she said handing over a small juice box. Deciding on how to ask a young child about something she probably doesn't even understand was pretty difficult. "Do you know why your mom gets sick?" The direct approach it is.

Rachel shrugged. "She gets really, really hungry and eats lots of stuff and then her tummy doesn't feel good. Emily sometimes tries to tell her that will happen but she doesn't really listen".

"How often does this happen?" she asked.

Rachel handed back the juice minus a few sips and cuddled down into the bed. "I think lots of days".

Cameron really didn't have much to say at that point with all of the information going on in her mind, so she finished tucking Rachel in and let her take a nap and hopefully wake up feeling better. Working for House she had learned many skills, one of which was how to search a patient's house to find key information that would otherwise remain hidden. She was torn on exactly whether or not she really wanted to go through Cuddy's home but ultimately decided to indulge her curiosity while she was babysitting.

She carefully started looking at some of the things in the common areas of the house. There were lots of pictures of Cuddy and Rachel in the living room but there were two photos that were different. One was a picture of a dancer on a stage. She was wearing a tutu and a pair of wings and was posed in an attitude balance. There was another picture of Cuddy with a blonde woman that was clearly taken by Rachel as it was from a low angle and the tops of their heads were cut off. They were standing together right outside the house on the lawn and the blonde was kissing Cuddy's cheek. As she looked at the two pictures she saw that they were of the same person, most likely Emily. The kiss was a little surprising but then she thought maybe there really was something to all of House's "Cuddy is a lesbian" jokes. She looked back at the dance picture again and noticed how underweight she appeared to be. Ideas were now forming in her mind that she didn't like at all.

Cameron then decided to become bolder and move on to search the bedroom. Looking at the closet and through drawers she was able to conclude that Emily probably stayed over enough to leave some stuff here but she didn't actually live here. She again hesitated before looking in the night table next to the bed, not wanting to see something that she really didn't want to see with regards to Cuddy's personal/sexual relationship, but again plowed right through her hesitation. There was a small notebook with entries that started "Dear Diary". It seemed almost too adorable for Cuddy to do, but she read anyway. The last entry was from a few days before. In Cuddy's handwriting were a few sentences, crossed out and followed by writing by who she assumed was Emily.

I am a bad mother. You are a great mother. You love Rachel, she knows it, and loves you back.
I am a bad doctor. You save lives every day even if it isn't at your immediate hand.
I am a bad girlfriend. I wouldn't stick around if you were.
I am an ungrateful daughter. Having heard stories about your mother I doubt that.
I am a terrible sister. Call Julia. I bet she would disagree.
I am huge and unworthy of the space I take up. You most certainly are not on both counts.

The following written argument started to make Cameron chuckle.

Stop being an ass and get your pen out of my diary.
You stop being an ass to yourself and maybe I will.
I know my ass is huge. You don't have to rub it in.
I didn't say anything about your ass, you did. I love your ass and oh the things I'd like to do with it...
Really? In my diary? Puh-leez.

Cameron closed the small notebook and placed it back into the drawer carefully before slipping into the bathroom. There were enough toiletries, hair products, and makeup, for a small army including plenty of mouthwash and a box of baking soda, both helpful to someone trying to cover the aftermath of purging. She also found two different scales and a small chart tucked away with meticulous weight records with numbers that made her sensitive self almost cry. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed any of this going on. She continued to pull open drawers and found one to have a child proofing latch on it. Inside she found various things like ibuprofen, allergy medicine, eye drops, and other such items. Behind those was a box that she pulled out and looked in. This time she did let a tear go. It contained a secret stash of prescription diet pills (made out to Emily by Cuddy), laxatives, diuretics, and a thankfully unopened bottle of ipecac syrup. She took that box with her before closing the drawer and walking back to the living room. She would take that box with her today even if it would get her fired. She knew everything in that box was easily replaceable but it would at the very least be that much more trouble to go through to use it again.

Cameron spend the rest of the time until Emily came to relieve her thinking about the situation. She knew from experience that confrontation is not often the best way to deal with this kind of problem and often leads to more problems than it solves. Finally she heard the front door open and saw the blonde from the photographs walk in carrying an enormous cup of coffee. "Hi," Cameron said. Great job on talking about the problem, she thought to herself. One thing Emily did have going for her was that she appeared at first glance to be at a somewhat healthier weight than she did in the photo of her dancing.

"Hi. Thank you so much for helping. How is Rachel"?

"She's taking a nap. She was still warm when she went to sleep". She turned towards the door and picked up her bag. "Can I ask you something?" Emily nodded. "Is Cuddy as sick as I think she is? I mean... that didn't come out right. I just..."

Emily had a moment of definite sadness and then worry pass over her features before they went back to neutral. "I don't know what you mean. She's fine as far as I know".

"You and I both know you're lying, but if you really want to continue the charade I should let you know that forging prescriptions on your girlfriend's pad is illegal and she can lose her license and even go to jail".

It was clear that Emily had no clue what she was referring to so she took out the box she had stashed in her bag containing the medications. Emily opened it and quickly saw the contents. She pulled out the bottle of pills with her name on it with a slightly shaky hand. She was visibly upset about the situation but tried to recover for Lisa's sake. "I didn't know that. I won't do it again. You can just get rid of it." She handed the box back and walked over to the sofa to sit.

Cameron followed her and sat down as well. "I can help you. Both of you. This is really serious but it can end in a positive way".

Emily wanted that more than anything, but she just couldn't open Lisa's life up to her employee like that. Especially one who seemed to care just a little too much about everything. "I think you need to leave. Thank you for helping with Rachel but please leave Lisa alone".

Cameron didn't want to let it be the way it was but it didn't seem as though she had much choice as she was being escorted to the door. "Look, if you change your mind, I'll be here".

"Please just go," Emily said with a tear in her eye. Cameron did.

During her drive back to the hospital she told herself she would try to talk to Cuddy in a non-confrontational way and see if she could make any headway. "Dr. Cuddy," she said almost running down the halls to catch up with her. Sliding into a slower pace she began to talk in a lower voice next to the woman. "Look, I know about, um," she suddenly lost her nerve. Cuddy was looking at her with one eyebrow raised waiting impatiently for the rest of the sentence. "Um, Emily. You and Emily. You seeing Emily. All of Emily". Wow, she thought, what a choice of words.

Cuddy, however, mistook her discomfort as it seemed and assumed it was about finding out the details of her relationship. Before she could respond, Cameron continued. "I just want to let you know I won't gossip. I promise," and disappeared almost as quickly as she had appeared beside her.

It was after dark by the time Lisa got home. Emily was sitting out on the front porch sipping a Diet Coke and smoking. She looked up as Lisa sat down next to her.

"How's Rachel doing?"

"She's feeling better I think. She woke up for a while and we colored and I made her some Spagettio's for dinner. She wants you to come say goodnight".

Lisa stood up. "Ok, I'll go and make sure she knows I got home," she said and left Emily alone with her thoughts about this afternoon again. A short while later she reappeared and sat back down, now clothed in sweat pants and a t-shirt.

Emily pulled out her pack of cigarettes to get another and Lisa beat her to them and helped herself to one, lighting it. "I don't know why I ever gave these up," she said, exhaling.

"Probably because, as you like to remind me often, these think will kill you," Emily retorted.

"Hm. I'm good at killing people," Lisa finished flatly.

Emily snaked her arm around Lisa's waste as they sat, knowing something was bothering her. "What's going on, babe. Talk to me".

"Oh, nothing, really. I just dumped my daughter on two other people long enough to kill my patient and lose the million dollar donation she gives to the hospital every year". She shrugged away Emily's arm and started to pick at the seams of her sneakers.

"I'm sorry". Emily made a move to reach out towards her again but Lisa got up and walked back into the house. She followed her in and found her eyeing the contents of the freezer.

"Did you eat today?" came slightly muffled through the sound of the air blower. She wasn't met with an answer so she figured it was probably negative. She began to pull items out from all over the kitchen and jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Lisa, stop. I know you are upset, but this isn't how you want to deal with it".

"Go home if you don't like it. At least go into the other room and leave me alone for a while," she said.

There was a solid break of silence as Emily stayed seated at the table and watched Lisa cook. Items were heated and cooked and laid out along the table and she still refused to move. She knew Lisa was very self conscious about her binges and she hoped that staying in the kitchen would maybe stop what deep down she knew was inevitable. Her thoughts were halted when a plate was shoved under her nose. She looked at it. "Rachel's plate?" she asked.

"Yeah," Lisa remarked, dumping some cheese sauce onto a potato. "See, I noticed that if those scrambled eggs touch a piece of that potato, you'll cut the bits that touched off and not eat them. Now they are separated. Problem solved. Eat." Emily stared at the plate Lisa was gesturing to. "It's just eggs and a potato. No butter, no cheese, no contamination, nothing. You're safe".

"Geez, you don't have to mock me".

"Leave the room and you won't be mocked".

Emily stayed where she was and Lisa started eating. She could not manage to touch her food while watching the other woman eat. It was completely disgusting to her and was something she would never be able to understand. "You may want to slow down because I'm not letting you purge".

Lisa stopped just long enough to glare at her and speak. "You really have no say in what I do or don't do, especially in my own home". Emily had never behaved this way before and she didn't know what to make of it or what had even triggered it.

Even if the amount of food left was ignored, Emily could tell that Lisa was nearing the end by the amount of seltzer that was being consumed so she got up and stood behind her in an attempt to block her in to where she was. This had very little effect so she moved to the doorway. The one other time she had seen Lisa between having binged and purging she was like a scared animal. Emily reached her hand out to her shoulder to halt her and Lisa pulled away as if burned. "Don't touch me," she screamed. Tears were in her eyes and Emily felt bad but didn't move from the doorway. "Please," Lisa pleaded, clearly in both emotional and physical distress. "Let me go". Emily remained where she stood.

Lisa didn't care anymore about privacy. She made her way over to the kitchen trash can and knelt down. Emily was stunned as she watched. She knew this happened but she had never actually seen it. Lisa's first two tries hardly produced anything but the third try was much more effective. Emily stopped watching, marched over, and grabbed both of Lisa's wrists and held them behind her, getting some of the undigested food on her in the process. She grimaced, wiped her and on her pants, and stood up taller to look at Lisa from over her head. "This stops. Tonight". She got no response but continued to hold on tightly.

Lisa relaxed for a few breaths to steady her mind. When she was younger she had gotten herself to be able to throw up by simply willing it to happen. She would do it again. It was the only thing that mattered right now. She pictured it happening and felt it happening and finally it did. It was messy rather than the marginally neater way she was accustomed to. She had a horrible burning in her nose from it now and her head was pounding. It was a skill she decided she would have to work on.

Emily let go of her hands and stepped back. "You need help," she said simply and walked to the doorway again. "By the way, you need to restock your pills," she said before leaving. Both the impact of Emily's parting words, her knowing about the pills, and the sound of the front door slamming hit her at the same time cumulating into another wave of worthlessness. She finished emptying her stomach into the trash before the full onslaught of tears started.

She got up on shaky legs and rinsed her mouth out in the sink and took out the trash. Hopefully the kitchen wouldn't stink like vomit in the morning, she thought as she cleaned up the table as well. In the shower she figured it was a good thing she knew where she kept her items because the dark spots kept making it hard for her to see. Her hands were going numb as she ran the brush through her hair. She knew she wasn't far from passing out when her feet became icy cold and numb as well, the tears falling still. Knowing she wouldn't make it to her bed, she curled up on the carpeting just outside the bathroom.

Lisa wasn't sure what time it was when she felt a cool hand on her cheek. She opened her eyes to see Emily's face near her own. "I'm sorry I did that to you," she heard.

"I'm sorry," she responded. "It won't happen again".

Emily's eyes got closer. "Yes it will, if you don't get help. Maybe that nice doctor that helped with Rachel today can help you," Emily suggested. She knew Lisa wouldn't go for that and had her thoughts confirmed by the squinting of eyes. "Or we could find someone else". Lisa shrugged, not committing to anything. "Can you get up?"

"Of course I can," she bit back.

"You're laying on the floor. It's not something people generally do when everything is just fine".

Lisa took a mental look at how she was feeling and sat up slowly. "I'm ok, I think". The two made their way over to the bed and Emily tucked Lisa into the covers then disappeared for a few minutes. When she came back she had a glass of juice with her. "Drink this then we can get some rest". For the first time that night Lisa did as Emily asked.

"Thank you for coming back to me," she said.

"I never intended to leave you. I just needed to clear my head. You're stuck with me," she reminded her as Lisa curled up next to her, ready to sleep.

Thanks for reading. Please leave a review on your way out. I don't mind criticism. I write for me, so that is what is most important. Hopefully the next installment won't be too many months out.