Chapter 15

Olivia tilted her head at Huang as they excited the precinct, "Fin and I drove in together so unless you drove we're on the bus, or subway." She told him dryly.

"I drove," George Huang was always so calm; it was soothing, Liv thought as he indicated where he'd parked. "So I'll be chauffeuring you around."

"I got the feeling you have ulterior motives for wanting to partner with me George," Olivia smiled as he unlocked his little SUV and opened the door for her.

"I do, yes," Huang admitted with a smile. "It's been a while since we've talked."

Liv tilted her head as he got in the drivers seat, "So what did you want to talk about?"

"How are you doing?" George Huang was nothing if not circumspect. Liv smiled and had to restrain herself from petting her belly happily.

"Well except for Elliot acting like an ass yesterday and last night, I'm pretty good," She said finally. "How are you George?"

"I'm good," He chuckled. "So in what way was Elliot being an ass more of a bother this time? You two have clashed before. You even said you wanted a new partner more than once if I recall correctly."

"Before...we'd clash but it was always about the job," Olivia said slowly. "When Fin got here...it was obvious Elliot didn't like him much. I never understood why."

"Fin is a man who thrives when he's improvising, his undercover work and history as a Ranger bear that out," Huang said slowly as he drove through traffic. "Elliot's background is such that he requires structure and rules even as he ignores both at times. They're two radically different men," He smiled slightly. "And Elliot may have been able to sense the attraction between you and Fin. Maybe he felt your partnership was threatened by it."

"Fin never..." Liv frowned. "He never acted inappropriately while we were on or off duty," She looked at Huang. "I was always attracted to him but we never..."

"I know," The psychiatrist smiled at her reassuringly. "It was obvious to me that there was an attraction between the two of you, and equally obvious that neither of you were acting on it." He shrugged, "Elliot isn't stupid, and he knows you Olivia. And it's not hard for a man to tell if another man finds a woman attractive."

"So Elliot was jealous because I was paying attention to someone other than him so he acts like an ass," Olivia knew her voice was incredulous. She really couldn't see how her partnership with Elliot would be threatened by her finding Fin attractive. "He didn't act like this about any of the other guys I dated."

"Maybe because the other men weren't cops," George smiled. "They couldn't fill the role in your life that he does. Fin can."

"That doesn't excuse his behavior though," She shook her head. "You know about everything I've been through. You and Fin were the only ones who knew the whole story for the longest time. I was only able to tell John and Fin's son less than two months ago." Olivia took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I'm finally getting to the point where I'm all right with other men touching me. John and the captain and you," She looked out into traffic, not seeing it, for a moment only seeing Harris in front of her again. She shuddered slightly and looked at Huang again, "But when Elliot touches me...it feels... it feels like..."

"Like what?" Huang's voice was gentle.

"Like he thinks he has the right," Liv murmured. "He touches me like he has every right to grab me. Like I belong to him, like I'm his."

"That's why you still can't stand to have him touch you," He said quietly. "Every other man in your life sees you as an individual. Sees you as someone strong and capable, someone who has surmounted her upbringing and the trauma you've suffered."

"I never told Elliot what happened to me at Sealview," Olivia looked at Huang. "I couldn't. I just...he'd already been so... judgmental about so much. Accusing me of waiting to be rescued. How could I tell him that I'd nearly been raped when I was undercover? How could I tell him that Fin had to save me?"

"You thought it would validate his remarks," Huang nodded his understanding as they made the turn. "And your growing friendship with Tutuola simply reinforced his own beliefs that you're replacing him. He's no longer your confidante."

"He wasn't ever much of one when it came to my personal life," Liv shrugged that off. "If I had trouble with a date or had to cancel he always had a story to top it. I stopped talking about my social life or lack thereof because he would happily talk about Kathy and the kids. And that just reminded me of everything I didn't have. Might never have had," She smiled slightly, "Munch had been married and divorced four times I think and he still managed to encourage me to be optimistic. And Fin was divorced, hardly ever got to see his son, but he still made time to talk to me. We started to hang out more. Not romantically, just the three of us, drinks or pizza, with Alex sometimes or Casey, even Cragen now and then."

"Your partner is married with a family and a life at home and you have friends who are single and so are you," He smiled. "It sounds healthy to have friendships with people besides your partner."

"It felt good to have someone to gripe to about a bad date," Liv laughed. "I mean I could complain to Alex or Casey but Fin and John would give me the guys' perspective, often hilariously."

"The old, 'when you said that this was what he must have been thinking' routine," George laughed along with her. "Invaluable for making a bad date a funny memory," His lips were still curved in a smile as he stopped at a light. "So other than Elliot, how are you? I've seen a few things that lead me to theorize."

"May as well tell you," Liv sighed and this time she knew she sounded happy. "I've never been so happy George. I mean really, honest to goodness happy," She looked at him. "I feel so good when I'm with him. I feel safe. But not like he's going to...stand in front of me and take a bullet..." She shook her head. "I know he would, he'd do it without thinking. But that's not..." A frustrated sound boiled up in her throat and she rolled her eyes, "I feel with him, like he counts on me to stand up for myself. To protect myself. That I'm strong enough to stand without him. That he...he loves that I'm strong. That I don't quit. I fight. And he...he just wants to help. Stand beside me, not in front of me."

"A partnership," Huang summarized. "A true partnership, where you count on each other, believe and trust in each other." He looked at her sternly, "Do you love him?"

"When I first saw him," Liv began, "He was wearing this awful track suit. His hair was in that ponytail and he had a gold chain around his neck. He looked like a pimp, or a drug dealer." She shook her head, "And I still...God he was attractive. I just wanted to...hmm...touch, you know?" She smiled. "When he started to wear suits I almost swallowed my tongue. But he just looked at me... He always just looked and appreciated but he never did anything. And then...Elliot said something that upset me... and Fin flirted with me to cheer me up. At least that's what I thought."

"You actually thought Odafin Tutuola flirting with you was a gimmick to make you smile," The psychiatrist laughed aloud, "Seriously Olivia? Maybe I ought to have you retake the psych eval."

"He never made a move," Liv protested, laughing herself as she remembered. "I don't know. We were both such good friends, neither of us wanted to lose that. But then..."

"What happened?" Huang asked gently. "Something triggered you?"

"No, nothing like that," Olivia shook her head. "No, Elliot said something and I blew up at him. Fin talked to me, it was after Sealview, and I told him how badly I'd wanted a family, wanted children but dating anybody meant all this...disclosure you know?"

"Terrifying when you could hardly stand to have me touch you," George remarked compassionately. "It must have seemed like one more thing added to the weight of all those things you were carrying."

"Exactly," She nodded. "We got interrupted but Fin started to say something. It was months later before we got any time to really finish the conversation. Between the cases, exploding pizza boxes and then Lake's case and the stunt Elliot pulled with Fin's phone."

"I heard Fin put in for a transfer but it got bogged down," Huang pulled up in front of a shop and parked. "I take it that eventually the two of you finished the conversation."

"We did, and it ended up with us..." Liv smiled. "Well let's just say that Fin and I are becoming a family." She put a hand on her stomach, "I'm almost three months now."

"You're pregnant," He looked delighted. "Congratulations," Huang smiled. "And my sharp profiler eyes have not missed the rock on your left hand. When is the happy day?"

"We're moving into a new place in almost two months," Her smile spread to a grin. "So we're thinking a couple of weeks after that." She smiled, "I asked Captain Cragen to give me away. And I know that Fin will ask John to be his witness. You and Fin are the ones most instrumental in helping me heal... would... would you be my witness?"

"I'd be honored," He smiled. "Do you two know the gender of the baby yet?"

"Picture day, as Fin calls it, isn't for another few days," Liv shook her head. "We'll find out then. But so far my obstetrician says everything looks good."

"Well let's go look at into expensive children's shoes and see if we can make progress on this case before picture day," Huang smiled. Liv took a deep breath and nodded, time to go to work.

Olivia was shaking her head as they left the shop, "Well that was, if not a complete dead end, at least a waste of time," She muttered in annoyance.

"It's not a waste of time, it's one more shop crossed off the list," Huang corrected her with a smile. "I'm curious, exactly how did that talk go, if it led to pregnancy?"

Liv nearly laughed, "It was really sweet actually." She shook her head as she climbed in the SUV, "Next shop is in Chelsea," She read from her notes, "Specializes in fine bespoke shoes."

"Headed to Chelsea," He pulled out into traffic and looked over at her for a moment. "So on a scale of one to cotton candy with caramel syrup, how sweet was what Fin said?"

Now she did laugh and shake her head, "It was more…what he was saying than how he said it. He didn't drench me in sugar, you know him." When George nodded she shrugged, "He told me that I had options. I didn't get it, you know?"

"It is rather vague, for Fin especially," Huang observed. "He must have been nervous."

"Oh yeah," Liv nodded. "He kept saying how if I threw him out at least I was safe at home." She rolled her eyes, "We're both trained detectives and somehow we both missed the fact that we were each in love with the other. I think John figured it out before we did."

"I know he did," The profiler chuckled. "John and I have had a bet going. We had to agree we both lost when you two lasted past the five year mark."

"Great," Olivia groaned mockingly. "And none of you said anything."

"We'll get to that in a minute," Huang prompted. "What did he say? When you told him you didn't get it," He added the clarification.

"Well you know I got turned down by the adoption agency and I didn't think I could afford a fertility clinic," Olivia was talking as she flipped through her notes for anything helpful on this next shop. "And Fin just…" She looked at Huang. "It's a little embarrassing to admit but I've never had a man get me so…interested with so little effort. He kissed my forehead once, after Sealview when I thought my sex drive was dead. I almost went up in flames."

"Trust can go a long way," George smiled at her. "I take it he kissed your forehead again?"

"Uh no," Liv shook her head feeling a blush heat her cheeks as she thought of her reaction to what Fin had done. "He…took my hand, sort of traced the lines on my palm, picked my hand up and put it against his cheek, and he kissed the base of my palm…" She shivered, remembering. "And he said I had options."

"Oh my," Huang blinked at her before he gave his attention to traffic again. "That is…startlingly romantic for such a pragmatist like Fin."

"It gets better," She told him dryly. "I really wasn't thinking clearly but eventually was trying to figure out if he was saying if he'd give me a baby. And he just… he told me he'd be whatever I needed. He wanted to be my partner, in my life, not the job, give me children, live with me and…" Liv took a deep breath, "And every time I think about this I tear up almost. He said he wants to love me the way I deserve." She shook her head, "I didn't get it at the time that he was in love with me. I mean how dense am I? The man told me he'd be my one night stand if that's all I wanted."

"He must love you very much," George smiled at her. "Fin hates being vulnerable, its part of why he doesn't talk about his life outside the job. You are a huge chink in his armor Olivia. But he's smart enough to realize that if he tries to stifle you, protect you too much, he'll lose you."

"Oh yeah," Liv sighed, "Yeah we've had some 'discussions' about how to deal with Elliot among other things. We always manage to get to a compromise but it's interesting along the way."

"I imagine you being in the field right now terrifies him," The FBI agent smiled slightly. "How does he want to deal with Elliot?" He changed the subject slightly and Liv appreciated it. No matter how open she could be with George, there were some things that were private and only for she and Fin.

"Well when El came to my place last night, demanding to know who'd 'gotten me' pregnant, who I was dating, and acting as if I was one of his kids, he put his hands on me again," Olivia shuddered. "I'm not sure what he would have done, I really don't want to know," She looked at Huang. "Fin was in the bedroom, heard the yelling. He grabbed my clutch piece and held it on Elliot until Elliot let go of me." She shuddered, "I almost had a panic attack in front of my partner because of what Elliot did. He was so angry…"

"Fin held a gun on Stabler," George's eyes were on the road as he thought that one over, "Didn't shoot him. Just let him know he would if Elliot didn't let go of you?"

"Yeah," Liv nodded. "Cap'n doesn't know yet. I'm not sure how to tell him," She admitted. "But Fin…put the gun down, got me to the couch and just held me for a minute, calmed me right down. So I got Elliot to sit, otherwise he'd have been standing right in front of me and I just couldn't…"

"With his crotch at eye level, it would have been a very uncomfortable reminder," Huang nodded his understanding. "How did the conversation go after he sat down?"

"Not good is the simplest way to put it," Olivia took a deep breath. "He accused us of, among other things like lying to him and me hiding Fin, of breaking regs. And he said things…about Fin, about the baby. That Fin was just like the scum we arrest, that I was wearing a ring hoping Fin would marry me when Fin never would, that our baby was an accident."

"Well he really dug himself a nice hole didn't he," Huang's voice was disgusted in a way that Olivia rarely heard.

"It was…like listening to my mother all over again," Liv said in a low voice. "I told Fin I should just transfer out of the squad, otherwise the minute Elliot shows up its going to be a mess. Cragen said he would trust us to keep our private business out of the precinct. This is kind of the opposite of that."

"I'm sorry Liv," George shook his head. "But I don't think you need to transfer out of SVU. It sounds like Elliot does though." He pulled onto a cross street and into a parking space several stores away from the shop they wanted. "I am going to insist that you and Fin tell Cragen what happened last night though. It is the sort of thing he needs to know."

"I feel like this is all my fault," Olivia shook her head. "If I hadn't…"

"If you hadn't what Olivia? Fallen in love? Fin has loved you… ever since I've known him he's been watching you," Huang touched a finger to her hand and Olivia latched onto it, turning her hand and curling it around his like a lifeline. "If you have one flaw Olivia it's your willingness to assume responsibility for things that other people do. You've apologized to me for things Elliot has done, and I know you've apologized to Fin and John, also for things Elliot has done or said. You aren't responsible for his actions, only your own."

"Not how I was raised," Liv admitted with a sigh. "I'm working on it though. And Fin just looks at me with that thousand yard stare of his whenever I try to apologize for my partner."

"Good for him," Huang nodded. "Now let's hear what we have on this shop and see if we get lucky."

"All right," She began to run through her notes and hoped she wouldn't raise her child to be as screwed up as she was.

Author's Note: So I know this may seem like a rehash of what we've seen before but there's a reason. Olivia genuinely needs to talk about these things and hear objectively that she isn't doing anything wrong, that the problem is with Stabler, not her. If you're raised by an abusive parent the instinct is to either never apologize for anything or apologize and take responsibility for everything. I think we know which way Olivia goes in that scenario. She's finally in a healthy relationship that is lasting and its good for her. She just needs to know that she does actually deserve something for herself, that it isn't required of her to sacrifice everything she needs for the happiness of others. Her need to keep Stabler and Cragen and everyone around her happy stems from a childhood of her mother never being happy with anything.

And this also led us to the shop in Chelsea which will help with the case. I hope you guys liked this...I didn't want to use a case from SVU but I wanted something creepy without being specific. Fairy tales were originally horror stories of a sort so they seemed like an appropriate theme.

Once again thanks for the reviews and feedback. It's major encouragement.