Chapter 25

Fin scooped Liv up into his arms and couldn't help grinning at her very young sounding giggle as he carried her over the threshold of their hotel. Part of him still couldn't believe it was happening, kept seeing Olivia walking towards him in her gown, ready to make him promises. Setting Liv on her feet again and letting go of her was one of the harder things he'd done, but she didn't go far, and her hand clung to his.

"You feelin' like I am Babygirl? Like this ain't quite real yet?" Fin gave her fingers a squeeze and was rewarded with a warm smile.

"Partially," Olivia nestled against his side and he could feel her lips press to the underside of his jaw. "I'm so glad that we decided to do this, get married, I mean." She looked up at him and Fin knew just what she meant, "Part of me was convinced I'd never find anyone who would…well want me around forever I mean."

"And I thought there wasn't anyone in the world who'd give me another chance at this," Fin nodded. "First time around…the way it ended wasn't exactly a ringing endorsement for another woman to make me promises."

"Guess it's a good thing you got involved with a cop this time around," She grinned up at him and Fin couldn't resist her anymore. Her mouth was soft, sweet and hot under his lips, he wanted to sink into her and stay for ages.

Soft hands cupping his face, soft lips and skin under his mouth, sweet moans and breathless little cries, Olivia was a symphony of sound, taste and sensation. Her dress was soft under his hands, not as silky as her skin but soft and he felt the round firmness of her belly with their twins inside, perfect and beautiful against his palms. "So beautiful baby," He muttered against her mouth. "Gotta see you Livia."

"Hmm…just help me take off this…dress," Liv's hands were already working on his tie and shirt, unknotting one and unbuttoning the other. Fin chuckled and pulled her closer so he could look down her back to find the hooks and zipper to her gown. It took a little work that felt way too good with her body wiggling against his but he managed to ease the zipper down so she could step out of the dress.

"Just throw it over a chair," Her voice was husky with desire as the gown pooled at her feet and Fin was too busy staring at her to disobey. His new wife was in a lacey strapless thing that hugged her upper ribs and breasts with the tiniest pair of panties and shimmery silk stockings ending in a really naughty pair of bright blue heels.

"Baby if I'd known that was all you were wearing under that dress…" Fin was pretty sure he hadn't blinked he was so busy staring at her. "How the fuck do you keep getting prettier and prettier?"

Her laugh was wicked as she continued to unbutton his shirt and vest. It went a lot faster now that Fin wasn't working on her gown but she stalled when she got him down to his pants because he couldn't stand not holding her another moment. "Fin, how am I going to get you undressed if I can't reach your zipper?" She was nibbling the skin under his ear and he groaned as every bit of blood he had left in his brain dropped straight to his dick.

"All I know is if I don't get you flat on your back soon, there's gonna be shootin'," Fin was backing her up towards the bed until she couldn't help but fall back onto the mattress. "And I can't wait anymore to get my mouth on you Babygirl."

He managed to pull the panties off her and Liv lost her shoes somewhere along the way to the bed. Her bra/corset thing unhooked like normal lingerie and Fin had a 'thank god' moment as he finally fixed his lips to her breasts and got to hear that gorgeous moaning shriek Liv made whenever he began to suck on her sensitive flesh. Her entire body shuddered under his and Fin groaned his satisfaction at the feel and sound of her.

He kissed his way over her belly and down to her thighs, drawn to the sweetness there, kneeling on the floor and tugging her towards the edge of the bed so he could feast on her. He'd never get enough of Olivia, never tire of how she tasted under his tongue. Her hips were moving in time with his tongue as he sucked hard on her clit and she was moaning her need for him, he loved how she'd beg him to fuck her. His strong, brave, beautiful woman would beg for him, and later she'd make him beg. If he lived a thousand years he'd never find another woman like her. He slid a couple fingers gently inside her and felt her body react, his name a scream on her lips as she came violently around his fingers and under his mouth.

Fin shuddered as she trembled under his lips and stood, shucking his pants and shorts as quickly as he could before positioning himself over her. She was panting, her pretty breasts flushed with passion as she watched him, "God, Fin, yes…please yes." Olivia moaned as he pushed the head of his cock into her slowly.

She was still so damn tight, sweet and silky wet and so hot around his cock. He wanted to slam his hips home, shove himself inside her to spend immediately but he couldn't. He would only get to fuck his wife for the first time once, and god, no matter how good she felt he was going to fucking savor the feel of her pussy clinging to his dick. "Babygirl, so good," He groaned. "Gotta feel you…soft and so fucking wet for me baby… come for me Liv. Lemme feel you Livia." Fin withdrew slightly and pressed further inside and was rewarded with a flood of Olivia's juices and the rhythmic flexing of her pussy as she came again. And he had to, had to fill her up, push so deep inside her he could feel every bit of her body wrapped around his.

"God baby, God damn, you're so fucking tight baby," Fin groaned as his hands gripped her hips, holding her tight onto his body even as she wailed her pleasure and entreated him to 'please fucking move babe'. She was wild with need and finally he couldn't take anymore, she felt too good, needed too much, and he wanted her so bad he had to move.

"Oh, oh god…Fin… God!" Olivia's hands had fisted in the bedspread as she tried to push her body further onto his, and Fin moaned as her legs wrapped around his waist, her heels over his ass. "Babe, oh babe you feel soooo…"

Fin shuddered as Liv lost her words to another scream of pleasure and that was his final straw, he'd tried to hold back, to move slowly, but now he had to pound into her, his hips twitching like a jackhammer as he felt her body wrapping tighter and tighter around him. It felt like his skin was on fire, gathering at the base of his spine, his balls drawing up tighter until he was shouting her name, like Olivia was the only person in the world that would ever matter. His orgasm hit him like a freight train, bowing his body over Olivia and pouring his cum into her hot sweet body even as she trembled and came apart around him again. He was panting and shaking in its aftermath, trying to breathe and stand and not managing much of either one.

He'd managed to brace himself on his hands to keep from collapsing on top of his new wife, but all it took was one move from her, pulling him forward and he was slumping onto the bed next to her. "Damn Babygirl," Fin groaned. "If this is what being married to you is like…I better take more vitamins."

Her laugh was exhausted but sweet even as she kissed his cheek, "I think you manage fine babe."

She was sleeping, her head on his shoulder when Fin woke up, light barely creeping in between the curtains of the room. Fin smiled and tugged her closer, drawing the sheet and blanket up over her shoulders. Before she'd gotten pregnant, she'd tossed and turned at night before sleep finally claimed her. Now Liv could nap at the drop of a hat and slept like stone. The doctor had said it was important to keep her neck and back warm so her muscles wouldn't stiffen up due to the lack of movement. Sometimes he still couldn't believe she was with him, had to think back through every memory to convince himself it was real.

"Hmm...babe?" Liv was waking up, her bewildered sleepy voice clearly not remembering where they were right away.

"Right here Babygirl," Fin rubbed his palm over her back. "Sleep all right?"

"Hmm..." Her noise of assent was lazily pleased as she stretched against his body. "You?"

"Best I've slept in my life," Fin told her truthfully. "Was just watchin' you sleep an' thinking of the first time I saw you. All the little moments we've had over the years. Gettin' to know each other."

"I remember all the times you've had my back," Olivia murmured. "Sealview wasn't the first time."

"You've done the same for me," Fin smiled. "I like remembering you going undercover as a Madam, all furs and glamour. Looked gorgeous...and all I wanted to do was get you in the back seat of a car and see what was under that dress."

"Black lace," Liv had a smirk in her voice. "I've still got it," She shifted so she could look up at him. "It was a black dress so I wore black lace lingerie underneath it."

Fin groaned and bent down to kiss her, "You keep talking like that and you'll be flat on your back in no time little wife of mine."

"Hmm...maybe that's what I'm after," Olivia teased. "I expect my husband to exercise his rights often."

Fin slid his hand between her thighs and found her clit, dipping his head to her breasts, "I am going to love listening to you scream my name." He told her with a smirk of his own. "And afterwards, there's a huge tub in that bathroom, gonna see how you like water sports."

Her pleased husky laugh was the sweetest sound, especially followed by her pleasured moan of delight.

Olivia sighed as she grabbed the mail from their box, the building manager had taken it out of the mailbox each day for the week but knowing they'd be back had put it all back in that morning. Fin had their bags and she was carrying the bag of groceries, the mail and her purse while he held the elevator for her. It was good to be home, but it was so strange to have been away. She'd never just taken a week in a hotel and played tourist before.

It had been fun, seeing New York with Fin, all the places they'd made mental notes to check out when they had time. But after a week, they'd both been ready to come home, be in their own place for a couple of days before going back to work on Monday.

"It'll be good to be in our own bed," Fin said what she was thinking as the elevator doors opened onto their floor. "Eat something not from a menu."

"Hmm...do laundry and sit in front of our TV," Liv added with a grin as she unlocked the apartment door.

"Make lists of what we need for the twins," Fin put the suitcases down in the bedroom and followed her into the kitchen to begin going through the mail while she put away the groceries.

In the fridge was a casserole dish with a note attached to it from Kathy telling them to put it in the oven for two hours and they wouldn't have to cook some night that weekend. The freezer held the sealed box with the top layer of their wedding cake that tradition held should be eaten on their one year anniversary.

Liv couldn't help laughing as she lifted the top off the casserole dish, "So how do you feel about short cut chicken cacciatore?"

"Never had regular chicken cacciatore let alone short cut stuff, what is it?" Fin asked curiously.

"Oh its chicken breast cut up, colored rotini noodles, marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese sprinkled over the top," She explained. "The real deal involves chicken breasts and thighs, a lot of pans and spaghetti noodles."

"Sounds like the shortcut version is somethin' I'd like better anyway," Fin was laughing as he pulled glasses down from the shelves and filled them with water and ice. "Like to have that for dinner tonight so you don't have to cook? Or save it for tomorrow?"

"Lets have it tonight, that way I can wash the dish and give it back to Elliot at work," Liv turned the oven on. Her new husband just grinned at her and drew her into a hug.

"Can't believe I got this lucky," He told her, his lips rubbing wonderfully over her ear. "Love you so much Babygirl."

"I love you too Odafin Tutuola," Liv kissed his throat. "This has to cook at least a couple of hours...why don't we continue our honeymoon at home?" His pulse jumped and hammered under her lips as she made the suggestion.

"Love the way you think," Fin groaned.

Monday came all too soon, and desk duty wasn't her favorite thing in the world but it was better than bed rest and Olivia found herself extremely occupied with keeping the guys organized and Cragen updated on all the cases they acquired. Some of them had come in while she and Fin had been on vacation and some were new, but all of them had deskwork that needed doing so she threw herself into it.

Before she realized it two weeks had passed, she and Fin had settled into a routine that was blissfully comfortable, and she was alone in the squadroom with Elliot.

"Liv you ever gonna tell me what's goin' on with you?" Her partner asked with a slight frown. "I know there's something, an' that Fin knows what it is. That irks the hell out of me but I get he's gonna know things I don't. But you've been...off for a while now and it didn't start when you and he started seein' each other."

Olivia looked at him and wondered if he'd ever figure it out on his own. Probably not, she realized. He just wasn't used to thinking of these things, wasn't accustomed to it and might never be. But if she didn't tell him, Elliot wouldn't ever figure out what he did to upset her. "I can't stand it when you grab me Elliot," She began quietly. "You put hands on me as if that's your right. As if I belong to you and it... it puts me in a really bad place mentally."

"Since when," Elliot was really frowning and she could tell he was trying to track back in his mind when this had begun. "I've always been...I dunno, made physical gestures... caught your arm when I needed you to look at something, or to get your attention. When did it start bothering you?"

Olivia took a deep breath, "You can't start yelling at me Elliot," She warned him. "I'm serious, you have no idea how hard this is for me to talk about. I need you to stay calm. Go and hit something or yell but do it away from me. If you can't promise me to do that, to keep your cool around me, I can't tell you."

"All right," Her partner sounded confused and she couldn't blame him much, but Fin had reminded her that Elliot was worse than most guys when it came to figuring women out and he'd need all the cues he could get from her.

"It started when I was assaulted and nearly raped," Olivia told him quietly, keeping her tone as even and neutral as she could. "Since then... It was difficult for me to let anyone but Fin touch me. But I got therapy and I've gotten better. Strangers don't bother me, John and George and Cragen are all good, and that took work. But none of them touch me like I'm... like I belong to them. Like they have the perfect right to do whatever they want with me."

"And I do..." Elliot sounded really, really pissed behind that through clenched teeth voice. He wasn't yelling but oh she could tell he wanted to. "You think I touch you like... like I own you Liv?"

"You've always acted like you have exclusive rights over me Elliot," She reminded him flatly. "You were trying to discourage Fin from even talking to me when he first go here. You act like I'm your partner and that's all I'll ever be or ever should be. You're like a dog with a bone."

"And me touching you reminds you of him...of the guy who tried to..." Elliot stood and paced and seemed to notice her growing tension because he sat again. "That's why you couldn't stand me touching you at your apartment, why you told me to sit down. He tried to..."

"When I fought him off twice he attempted an oral assault," Liv nodded. "My backup got there before he could do anything more than unzip his pants and bring it out."

"Son of a bitch..." Elliot pushed himself up again and walked out into the hall to pace furiously up and down for several minutes before he came back in and sat again. "Did you press charges? Is the son of a bitch at least in jail?"

"I found another woman he'd actually raped and we put him away," Liv nodded. "He's not getting out for a while. Last I heard there were other victims still coming forward."

"That's something at least," Elliot was scrubbing his hands over his scalp angrily. "But why the hell did you tell me Liv? Why? I woulda helped you. I woulda..."

"Treated me like a victim," Olivia shook her head. "The way you acted when you found out about my mom? You treated me like a I was fragile for almost a year afterward. And then when I got stabbed? You accused me of waiting to be rescued Elliot. How could I tell you I was nearly raped and only my backup arriving in time kept it from actually happening? How would that have made me a worthy partner in your eyes?"

"I've never treated you like a victim," Elliot shook his head, his voice was a bit louder but he wasn't yelling yet.

"Yes you do," Olivia argued, keeping her voice low. "I see that look in your eyes now and then. Poor Liv, she'll be alone the rest of her life because she's got so many issues. She always runs when things get hard. She never sticks it out. Its how she was raised, run away, retreat, and that's just so sad." She shook her head at him, "I'm not a victim Elliot, I'm a survivor. I lived through verbal, emotional and physical abuse, I lived with being the daughter of an alcoholic and a rapist and I lived through attempted assault and rape. And I never stop fighting for my life and my rights and my need to be myself through all of it." Liv looked at her partner, he looked enraged and sad and confused and she just couldn't bring herself to offer any comfort at the moment. "And if you can't see me as something other than your partner or a victim then maybe we shouldn't be partners anymore. Because I can trust you on the job Elliot. But you don't seem to trust me."

"Who was it?" Elliot asked in a low voice.

"Who was who, what?" Liv blinked, he sounded almost too calm. That usually meant he was going to do something stupid.

"Who was your backup," Her partner met her gaze unflinchingly.

"It was when I was undercover at Sealview, Fin got there in time to keep Harris from raping me," Olivia said finally. "Why do you think that he was the only one I could stand touching me?"

"And so you went from him saving you to dating you?" Stabler sounded incredulous and a little outraged.

"No," She rolled her eyes. Only her partner could leap to that erroneous conclusion. "No, he kept my secret, talked to me, helped me stand on my own two feet and convinced me to get therapy. He got me to talk to George about it even." Olivia took a deep breath when Elliot looked almost explosive.

"And the whole time you were hiding this..." Stabler was grinding his teeth again. "You still don't think Fin was using the opportunity to get close to you?"

Olivia shook her head, "Honestly Elliot, the man loves me, married me, and you're still stuck on this theory that he's using me still. I'm having his children." She looked at her furious partner, "You told me I should go out and have fun. I was so upset...you didn't even understand what you'd said was so insulting. Fin was the one who went after me, not you, my partner. My best friend Fin was the one who brought me back to the precinct."

"I didn't understand why you were so upset," Elliot reminded her. "Because you hadn't told me about the assault or the attempted rape. You hadn't been telling me anything, remember?" His voice was hard and angry but he'd managed to keep his volume to a reasonable level.

"I was upset because you were acting like a serious relationship was something I should give up on. Like I couldn't ever have that." Olivia shook her head, "I've wanted a family, a real family, for most of my life. You never seemed to get that, never even noticed when I stopped talking about adoption." Liv pushed a hand through her hair before setting it on her swollen belly so she could feel her children breathing, it was so calming to feel the twins, moving, their hearts under her fingertips.

"So what the hell did he say to you," Stabler was doing that breathing through his nose thing, his fists were clenched.

"We'd caught a case so not much right then," Olivia shrugged. "He got me calmed down. And when I told him I wanted to date again, wanted a chance to have a family someday, but I didn't think I could stand to hash over all my baggage. I told him it felt like one more thing that Harris had taken from me. Fin said that wasn't true." She stared at her partner coldly, "A lot of crap went down after that. We didn't get to finish the conversation. After you dumped Fin's phone he put in for a transfer. I found out...I wanted to know why."

"But he didn't transfer out," Her partner pointed out. "So he changed his mind."

"It got bogged down, deliberately," Liv took a deep breath. "He didn't want to work with you, because he couldn't trust you. Since you've never trusted him I could understand that, but I told him I couldn't stand the thought of not seeing him every day." She smiled in spite of her tension. "He asked me out. Told me he'd been wanting to ask me for a while but he didn't want to risk our friendship. So we started dating. Turns out he'd been in love with me for years. About as long as I'd been crazy about him."

"But John knew, about the assault, about Fin," Elliot confirmed, his jaw tight.

"John guessed from the way I was acting, and the way Fin was behaving, as if everything was...fine. John figured out something was wrong and guessed what it was. That was something I was expecting of you Elliot, but you never noticed, never even saw that I was different." Liv shook her head at her partner. "I've been trying to hint at it for months, hell when we had the victim that escaped her attacker I told you about my nightmares, because I knew what she'd be going through. You didn't get it then either."

Elliot nodded, his face a mask of stone, "Well I'm sorry." He grabbed his coat. "Tell the Captain I'm takin' some lost time."

"Aye aye," Liv muttered as she wrote down the time. She watched him disappear into the elevator and frowned to herself. She knew Stabler and he was well and deeply pissed off. About exactly what she couldn't be sure, but he was furious. At least he'd understood that blowing up at her wouldn't do him any good but now she was worried about him blowing up at someone else. Picking up her cell she texted Fin and let him know that when he and John were on their way back to the precinct she'd need to talk to him privately. Rolling her eyes to herself she sent a second text to let him know she'd told Elliot about Sealview.

Author's Note: So a little bit of fun and then back to the serious stuff. I figured eventually Olivia would get up the nerve to tell Elliot what had happened to her. It takes time to tell people, especially the people who we love, the ones we're afraid will judge us, when something awful has happened. They're the ones who can hurt us the most if they don't understand, or blame us. So I thought Olivia would have to feel very safe, secure in the rest of her life, before she could bring herself to tell Elliot about what had happened to her.

Hope you guys like it. I know its a little bit of a cliffhanger but I'm working on writing the rest now that the two weeks of work hell are over. Getting sick and having to work through it with twelve to thirteen hour days really hasn't left me much writing time. I'm on vacation this week though so I'm hoping to have several more chapters written and posted soon.

Oh, and I know that several people can't see Alex and Munch together...I can but that's me. But this isn't their story so don't stress out about it. They're just peripheral and fun for me to do some mental speculating on. We're all entitled to our opinions after all.