Child of my Heart
By Analyn100
Chapter Three: Road to Hell
Author's Note: Please note I am now upgrading the rating to Mature. Oh and this chapter title is well earned. You will also be pleased to note that the long wait has resulted in the longest chapter by far, so enjoy. And review…please.
Harry Potter stood at the threshold of the kitchen, his blazing green eyes fixed unblinking at the impossible sight before him. He could not possibly be seeing his two-month pregnant wife with a bottle of firewhiskey in hand – an almost empty bottle of firewhiskey.
Something about the gleam in her eye snapped him back to reality. Those beautiful brown eyes, usually so bright and full of life, were clouded over and unfocused. Ginny wasn't just drinking. She was drunk.
She tipped the bottle back and then her head.
"Ginny, no!" In the blink of an eye, Harry wrenched the bottle out her hand. He was so angry, his breathing ragged and his heart pounding. He curled his hands into white knuckled fists, feeling the uncharacteristic desire to shake some sense into her.
Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he turned back to his wife. She was leaning heavily – too heavily - on the edge of the marble counter-top. "What in the name of Merlin do you think you're doing?"
"I'm havin' a drink." Her words were slurred and her head was tilted. She was blinking as though trying to keep the world in focus. "An' a baby…havin' a baby. Celebratin' the baby." She raised the bottle in a mock toast, smiling in the leering way that only drunk people could.
"Celebrating?" Harry roared. "It looks to me like you're trying to kill the kid."
Her lips curled into the ghost of a smile, the effect of which was ruined by her hiccoughing. She patted his head. "Smart lil' boy, aren't you, Harry. I knew it," she hiccoughed. "Knew you still had brains beneath that nest of hair." She was almost sneering at him, mocking him.
Unable and unwilling to look her in the eye, he walked around her towards the trash to dispose of the bottle, but a sudden sharp pain in his foot stopped him in his tracks. Harry looked down at his now bleeding feet and realized that the crunching sound was glass. He placed the nearly empty bottle in the sink, only to realize that it was not the first, but the third. A fourth bottle lay scattered in pieces on the tile floor, judging by the lack of liquid, it too had been consumed. So that was what the crashing sound was? He had been concerned about an intruder breaking past his self-designed wards. Now he wished that was the case. An intruder he could deal with…but this?
He had a thousand questions rising to the surface of his brain in quick succession, but he suppressed them all. Answers didn't matter right now – time was all that mattered. He didn't know how much of it was left before… He looked down at his bleeding feet, squeezing his eyes shut against the image that came unbidden to the forefront of his mind. Little Jaime's face, pale and blue blossomed in his mind's eye, oblivious to all else. He would not let that happen again.
He walked over to Ginny, who had collapsed in a giggling heap on the floor, thankfully several feet from the shattered glass. He reached down, gingerly pulling her to her feet. "Come on, Gin, we've got to go."
He kept a firm grip on her arm as he steered her out of the mess that had become of the kitchen. He set her down on the sitting room couch and made his way to the fireplace. Within seconds, the green flames sprang to life. Harry guided her carefully into the fireplace, mindful of her head. Hugging her close – for she showed every sign of possibly falling out onto the hearthrug – he threw down the Floo power and muttered "St. Mungos".
They disappeared in a whirlwind of colors and came to a sudden halt all too soon. He stumbled out of the fireplace and in a split second knew something was terribly wrong. The spinning had lasted for only a mere second, nor was he nauseated as was common with traveling by Floo powder. He got to his feet, reaching out to Ginny as he stood up, wiping soot from his face. His hands, met with thin air. He turned around…astonished at the sight before them. He found himself in a bare room with a small dresser and a single bed. It was their guest room, the baby's room. Something – or someone – it seemed, had cut their trip short. He looked around the room, but saw no sign of Ginny…except for one. The door was open. They had always kept the door closed, refusing to open up the door and the floodgate of memories and accompanying emotions. He raced out the door, leaning over the banister. He saw Ginny – a very tipsy Ginny – halfway down the staircase. Harry felt a chill creep up his spine. A tipsy, drunk and pregnant woman on a narrow staircase with no source of light… "Lumos maxima" he shouted, illuminating the stairwell in almost blinding light. Ginny turned around swiftly – too swiftly. She stumbled backwards.
Harry's wandless magic reflexes – honed from years of training and combat -reached out to cradle his wife catching her in mid-air, much like an invisible safety net. She stopped in mid-air, her head inches from the wooden stairs.
Harry breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that she was unharmed – and not going anywhere.
He descended the staircase none too slowly, glaring down at his floating wife. Gone was the leering, giggling drunk. Something had switched in her brain, and it was not good. She looked angry – livid in fact.
This would be so much easier if he could keep her immobilized but he knew that would be counter-productive. Immobilizing a person involved slowing down such vital functions as respirations and heart beat…to an unborn child that sudden change in oxygen and blood supply could prove fatal. With no choice, he levitated his wife back into the sitting room and deposited her onto the nearest end of the couch. He then removed the spell, quickly replacing it with a leg-locker curse. He braced himself for a second round. He would have to try an alternative tactic to get her to the hospital…as soon as he thought of one.
"Ginny, what's going on?"
"You're asking me?" She let out an undignified snort and rolled her eyes. "That's rich." Her eyes still retained that glazed and unfocused look. She was looking slightly to his left, blinking her eyes rapidly.
He reached out a hand to her, but she did not take it. "I don't know what you're playing at, Gin, but we have to get to the hospital. The baby…" He swallowed, unable to finish that thought. He grabbed his wife's hand, surprised when she pulled back so fast, it was as if his touch had burned her.
"The baby!" Ginny scoffed. "That's all you care about."
Harry shook his head at her, unable to comprehend what was going on in her head. He decided to give it up as a bad job. Drunk thoughts were rarely comprehendible by anyone who was not intoxicated.
"Ginny, we need to –"
"No!" Ginny screamed, her fists curled and her eyes blazing. "I'M NOT GOING, HARRY!"
"I don't think you have a choice in the matter," he replied coolly. "I will not sit back and watch you kill our child!" He was trying to keep his temper in check, really he was…but just the thought that Ginny would take a chance at a second miscarriage was enough send his head spinning.
"No, Harry! It's you who doesn't have a choice. It's my body, my life…and I get to choose if I want to have a baby! And I don't." Her chest was heaving, her breathing erratic. "But that didn't matter to you did it? You just wanted a baby, you wanted to be a father so bad you didn't give a damn about the child's mother now, did you? Did you?"
Harry opened his mouth to respond, but found that it had gone dry and his tongue had forgotten how to form words. For the first time in his life, he was speechless. He felt his stomach twist in knots. She knew. There was no doubt about it. She knew.
"Of course you didn't," Ginny spat at him, misinterpreting his silence. "Don't give a damn about anyone but yourself, just like your 'Father'!"
Before either of them knew what was happening, before Harry even had time to contemplate his actions, he had reached out and grabbed Ginny's small wrists in an iron grasp. "That's out of line!" He growled, loosing his fragile grip on his temper.
"No 'is not!" she slurred, looking not so much at him as she was over his shoulder. "Two peas in a pod, the two of you." She seemed entirely unaffected by his narrowed and darkening eyes. "Doesn't matter how much you hurt your 'family' as long as it doesn't ruin your precious plan! Don't you get it, Harry?! I can't take this anymore! I can't loose another child!" She was crying now, sobbing, lashing out whenever he tried to offer some form of physical hated watching women cry, he never knew how to comfort them. Never knew what to say. Normally all Ginny needed from him was a hug, but even that wasn't enough anymore.
He released his grip on her, forcing himself to calm down. There was no point in getting upset over words spoken in a drunken stupor. "If you don't want to loose this child, then we need to go to the hospital." His voice was soft and subdued, watching her body language for any clue of her next move.
"You can't always get what you want, Harry." She spoke so softly, he almost didn't hear her last words. "Maybe it's better this way."
He reached out a hand to her, but curled it into a fist at the last moment. He was just itching to give her a hug, to tell her it would be okay. But he knew any comfort he offered would be rejected. He let his had fall listlessly behind the couch, his eyes transfixed on his distraught wife. "Ginny, you don't mean that." He waited for Ginny to respond, hoping she would snap out of this delusion, but she remained silent. "Ginny?" he prodded gently. "I love you. You know that, right?" He never once thought he would be nervous about asking that question, never once thought that he would leave her in any doubt. But now? Now he knew that nothing could be taken for granted – nothing was certain any longer.
The silence and tension were palpable. There was only a few inches separating them on the couch – yet it may well have been a deep chasm.
"Just stop it, Harry!" she whispered, her eyes fixed on a stain on the carpet.
"Stop what, sweetheart?"
"Stop pretending to care!" she snarled. "You make me sick."
"I'm not pretending!"
"Are too! Don't love me! Love makes babies, not lies. Gotta get rid of the lies."
She was hugging herself, rocking herself in her seat, shaking her head emphatically.
His eyes wandered around the room, finally coming to rest on one of the many pictures scattered around the fireplace. It was the more recent of several portraits scattered throughout the house. Ever since his reunion with his family, his mother had insisted on a yearly Christmas portrait to 'make up for lost time'. It had been taken during the pregnancy with Jaime. His picture-self waved to the audience, beaming with happiness that he had never known before and had not known since.
The picture next to it was one of him and Ginny on the same day. The picture was a close-up, hiding Ginny's pregnant belly from view, but the radiant joy lit up her whole face. It was impossible to miss. He looked over at his wife hunched over in her chair, twisting her body to and fro as if she could break the leg-locker curse. She was desperate to get away from him, but not nearly as desperate as he was to hold onto his dream. He had half a mind to release her feet and apparate her out of the house, side-a-long style, but stopped himself. He did not know what she would do if the restraint was removed. He preferred to keep it that way. Not to mention the risk of Splinching the placenta during apparation, the resulting placental abruption could cause hemorrhaging and swift death to both mother and child. Nothing was worth that risk. He leaned over to give her a quick peck on the check, before she had a chance to pull away. He calmly walked out the front door and down the porch steps into the chilly morning air.
Thinking of a beautiful baby smile amidst pink blankets, he softly muttered the spell "Expecto Patronum." The great snake slithered out of his wand. He gave the patronus-Nagini the message to take to the hospital. He watched the silvery serpent disappear into the night. Once all trace of the creature was gone, he turned to go back into the house, wondering how his perfect plan had gone so horribly wrong.
James Potter ran through the doors of St. Mungo's hospital, tripping over his own feet in his haste.
"Level Four, maternity care." The young witch at the desk hadn't even needed to consult her files or ask his name.
"Maternity? Are you sure? I got a letter that my son was here."
"His wife was the one admitted. He's in the waiting room."
"But this letter… it says," James pulled it out of his bathrobe pocket. He hadn't even bothered to get dressed properly.
"At the bottom, sir."
His eyes scanned the letter yet again, this time reading it in its entirety,
To Mr. James Potter
Your presence is requested at St. Mungo's Hospital regarding your son, stat. That was all he head read before,
His wife, Ginevra, was admitted to our maternity ward's urgent care unit at 3:17 this morning. He is currently awaiting your arrival in Family's Room Number 2, which is located in the main waiting area of our ward.
Hoping to see you stat,
Matilda Hofstadter, Head Nurse Coordinator of Maternity Care
Ginny was pregnant? Growing more perplexed, wondering why the family hadn't been told, he hurried down the halls and up to the lift. The doors opened on the fourth floor, right at the waiting room. There, in the far corner, lined next to various offices was a sign on one of the doors labeled Family's Room # 2, the curtains were drawn and the sign on the door was switched to 'occupied'.
He had to get a nurse to let him in. She unlocked the door – why had it even been locked in the first place? – and walked inside. Harry was sitting with his head in his hands, staring at the floor. His head jerked up at the sound of the door, his jaw set and his eyes blackened. He was wearing his black plaid flannel pajamas and black socks. Apparently he wasn't the only one who hadn't bothered with proper attire.
"The Healer will be with you soon." Without another word, she shut the door in her hurry to get out.
"Well, welcome to the Family's Room," Harry said sarcastically, spreading his arms to indicate the rather large room. Although they were the sole occupants, the room was large enough and equipped with enough tables, sofas and chairs to make several families comfortable. It was decorated in soft colors and floral patterns, apparently in attempt to give the room a calming sort of atmosphere. "The room where families of the most critically ill patients are kept waiting on pins and needles where they won't make a scene. Or as is my case, the place where they drag your body after security nails you with an injection of…well whatever that stuff was."
"They sedated you?" He wasn't sure why he was surprised. Given that the last time Harry had been here, he had been about to kill the surgeon with his bare hands, it was a wonder they hadn't nailed him with one sooner.
"There wasn't any family here to restrain me, so they drugged me up until they could find someone. So that's where you come in." He sounded almost…perky. It had to be the drugs, Damien was the one who got all perky on people at the wrong times. Not to mention, he had never seen Harry's blackened eyes so glazed over and wide. Yes, it had to be the drugs.
"So it's bad news, then?" It couldn't be. Harry wouldn't be this calm if that was the case, drugs or no drugs.
Harry shook his head. "I don't know. No one will tell me. I'm not sure if they just don't know or if they didn't want to tell me until you came."
"How long were you out?"
"Not long, maybe half an hour."
"Why didn't you tell the family?"
Harry sighed, pacing around the room in circles. "We were going to, today actually. That's what the dinner was for. But Ginny, she backed out."
At that moment, the doors opened again and in came not one but two Healers. The second man stayed in the corner, making no move to approach the anxious husband. It was apparent to James what was going on here. One Healer would do the talking; the other would summon security if the situation called for it.
"My baby, my daughter? Is she okay?"
"They are both doing well. We've given your wife a potion so that the alcohol will be filtered through the blood not only by the liver – as is natural – but also through the kidneys…"
"Wait, wait, wait," James threw up his hands to stop them. "Alcohol? Ginny drank while pregnant? What's going on?"
"Yes," the Healer answered him, when it was clear that Harry would not. "Your son informed us on arrival that he had found his wife around three am in the kitchen with several alcohol bottles on the table. We've given her IV fluids to speed up the detox process. The human body has two kidneys so we're spreading the job between three organs instead of one, thereby eliminating the alcohol from her blood at a much faster rate, reducing the baby's exposure to the toxins. Mrs. Potter's urine tests show a large amount of alcohol, indicating that the potion is doing its job. We will continue to monitor her liver and kidney functions as well as the alcohol level over the next several hours. The fetal heart rate is steady." He turned back to Harry placing a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder. At the anxious husband's incredulous look, he immediately retracted it. "You're very lucky, Mr. Potter, that you woke up at that hour to find her. You got her to us in good time. Women often drink during pregnancy, especially in the early months when they may not know about the pregnancy. Most women drink maybe a few glasses of alcohol at a time at the most. Even that small amount is risky to the unborn child. But by your own words, she drank four entire bottles of firewhiskey in a very short amount of time."
"Maybe more," Harry interrupted, "I counted four. I didn't even look in the trash."
"At least four whole bottles, then. That indicates an attempt at unassisted abortion. You are very fortunate to have caught her at the time you did. But I must warn you. You need to keep a close eye on her. This decision it seems was unplanned and impulsive. Should she choose to attempt unassisted abortion again, I cannot guarantee that you would be as fortunate a second time. She may opt instead to seek the professional assistance of a Family Planning Service rather than risk being caught a second time."
"What difference would that make? It's not as if I would sign their consent forms," Harry scoffed. Not even the Imperius Curse could persuade him to sign those wretched documents.
"Mr. Potter, it is not your signature that would be required, only your wife's."
Harry turned an incredulous glare at the Healer, who recoiled in his seat. "Are you telling me that my wife can walk into a clinic and have my unborn child KILLED without my consent?"
"The moral ethics regarding the situation may be ambiguous at best, but the law is crystal clear. While the child shares a body with its mother, it is the mother who makes all decisions regarding the pregnancy: including the option to terminate. If she chose to seek professional assistance in ending the pregnancy prior to the third trimester, she would encounter no opposition. The mother is given information on the procedure and is required to wait at least a week from the time of the initial consultation in order to give her time to reflect on her options. If she wishes to proceed after that waiting period, then they would give it to her. No questions asked."
"And you're saying that there is nothing I can do about this?" To someone who was accustomed to giving orders and staying 10 steps ahead of the competition, this was unacceptable.
The Healer hesitated, studying his intertwined figures, appearing to choose his next words with extreme caution. "There is only one way in which an abortion clinic would be banned from performing the procedure."
Now they were getting somewhere. "Go on."
"If a patient's ability to care for themselves – either in a mental or physical capacity – were to be compromised, then a family member can be granted Power of Attorney, which means that person would have to cosign for any medical procedures – including abortion. The Ministry's Department of Health keeps a list of adults under Power of Attorney. If she registered for an abortion without the family member present, she would be turned away."
"What would I have to do to gain this…power."
The Healer hesitated, noting the over-eagerness for said 'power'. He bit his lip and paused for a moment. "We can not just assign Power of Attorney based on the family's wishes. There has to be a clinical justification for such a measure."
"Such as unassisted abortion by liquor?"
"No, that is not enough. We would need to evaluate her for signs of mental illness."
"You're saying my wife is a nutjob?" There was no argument in his voice, there was more curiosity than anything else.
"I'm saying that I don't want to see your family suffer another loss and that's a very real possibility if we don't find out why she made such a bold attempt in the first place."
Harry nodded. "Okay, whatever it takes. I'll do whatever it takes to protect my daughter."
"If you wish to proceed, then we will require your signature to hold her on a 51-50."
"A what?"
"A 51-50 is a term for a 72-hour psychiatric hold. It is normally reserved for those who are considered a danger to themselves as well as society. But since we don't consider Mrs. Potter to be a public threat, per se, we would need a member of her family to authorize the hold. Instead of discharging her, she would be released to the psych ward in the building next door. Once there, we would have 72 hours to evaluate her mental state. If she is determined to suffer from a mental illness then she would be admitted to the psychiatric ward. At that time, Power of Attorney would be given to you and no procedure – save emergency measures – would be permitted without your consent. Are you agreeable to this?"
Harry nodded. "Just tell me where to sign."
"Very well, I will assemble the necessary paperwork and keep you updated on her status. Would you like to see your wife? She's asleep, sedated actually. She will likely remain so for several more hours. The sedative was a mild one given her condition, but necessary to get her blood pressure down to a safe level."
Harry nodded. "I'll go."
He followed the Healers down the corridor to a room with a sign reading "427. Bed A: G. Potter." The second slot for bed B, was blank. They were alone then. Good. The curtains to the room were opened, but the one surrounding his wife's bed was pulled, shielding her from view. He opened the door quietly and stepped inside, leaving his dad and two security guards to wait outside, pulling the cord on the curtains for privacy as he entered. Shrouding the room in an almost eerie darkness, he crept foreword, careful not to wake her up. He didn't think she would, but he had no idea how strong the sedative was. His obviously had not been that strong.
He sat down at the edge of her bed – she didn't even stir. He pulled back the covers and hospital gown to reveal the beautiful swell of her baby belly. It wasn't large yet, barely even visible. He stroked her soft skin, his eyes on the monitor strapped across her belly, at the small lines zipping across it. It was the fetal heart monitor and it was still going. He let out a long deep breath, one he hadn't even known he'd been holding. He replaced the covers, feeling as though a large weight had fallen off of his shoulders. He turned his attention to his beautiful wife, as she lay on the crisp white blankets. She was still, unnaturally so. She was a noisy sleeper, tossing and turning, but not today. He took her hand in his, stroking her cheek, wiping away the few tears that remained.
"Why, Ginny, why are doing this to me?" She didn't answer, not that he had expected it. Harry reached out to the bedside table for a blank scroll of parchment and a pen – apparently the hospital staff didn't want their equipment to be smeared with ink.
Dear Ginny,
I'll be back soon, we'll talk then. I love you. Take care of our daughter while I'm gone.
Your Loving Husband,
Harry
He tore off the piece of parchment and stuck it under the bedside lamp. He leaned over to kiss her cheek. He left the room after only a few minutes, striding down the hospital corridor at a brisk pace, his father on his heels. The father and son walked out of the hospital together, not saying a word, not knowing what to say until Harry broke the silence. "I don't know about you, Dad, but I'm hungry."
James clapped a hand on his back. "Lead the way, son."
"You did what?" James Potter ran a hand through his hair, laying his fork down next to his plate of long-forgotten French toast and hash browns. "Harry, tell me you didn't," James pleaded with his son.
Harry kept his eyes on his plate, at his half-eaten omelet and sausages. Going to a diner to talk had been a departure from tradition, which usually included a pub and several rounds of alcohol but Harry wanted no part in alcohol at the moment. It was the one thing that had almost taken his child away, the one thing that could still take her away. Until Ginny's blood tests were clean, there was still that chance.
When Harry didn't answer, James just sighed. "I told you! I told you, Harry…don't you remember?"
"Yeah, yeah," Harry muttered. "Post pregnancy hormones equal nightmares. Don't force her. I did that, Dad. I was patient. She said she was ready…"
"For the intimacy with her husband, not for a child."
"Yeah, well she didn't quite phrase it that way. She said she was ready for sex again. I thought that meant she was ready to try for another child again. I just, you said a child would make everything better, help us move on. I wanted that, I wanted that happiness for her, that healing. That's all. I never meant to hurt her."
"When you're both ready, that's what I said, Harry. Why would you think that she would be ready for a child if she insisted on the potion?"
"I don't know. I just saw the way she had that longing look in her eye when she saw babies with their mums. I wanted to give her that. I wanted her to be happy. I was sure she would be all excited again after she found out she was pregnant. Is this why you warned me, Dad? Did you know…?"
"No. Not entirely."
"Dad….!" Harry growled. He hated when people beat around the bush.
"An Auror's job is not all about fighting dark wizards and vampires…"
"You mean you guys actually worked when Voldemort wasn't wrecking havoc?" The smallest hint of an amused smile graced his son's handsome face. "Could have fooled me."
"Yes, Aurors actually do work," he quipped back before getting back to the serious talk. "Our calls also included domestic disputes. I didn't want to scare you, but…maybe I should have. Did the Healer give you any recommendations?"
Harry nodded. "He gave me a script to see a Mind Healer. Why the Hell would I need to see one of those nutjobs? I'm not the one who attempted to induce a miscarriage."
"Take it, son. I know you've fought the idea of seeing a Mind Healer before, but you need to go. You need help, and it's like Draco said, 'If you can't help yourself, then you won't be able to help her.' I could help you after Jaime's loss because I had been through that. But this is out of my league. I'm flying blind here, we all are. You need advice from someone who knows what's going on. If you don't, if you assume she'll get over this phase, you're wrong. It'll get worse before it gets better. Husbands and wives need to trust each other, and you just ruined that trust by violating your wife. What you did was worse than rape!"
"Rape?!" Harry was fuming, fisting his hands, visibly trying to restrain his temper. "Rape? I would never! I would never hurt her like that!"
"But you did!" James cut across.
"I don't need to listen to this shit!" Harry stormed out of the restaurant, his blood boiling as he apparrated to his home. He slammed the doors shut as he went from room to room before arriving in the kitchen…in the room where he had seen it all happen. The bottles were still strewn across the floor. He could still see her, leaning against the countertop, taunting him with a mock toast and the empty bottle. He couldn't for the life of him understand what had driven her to that point of madness. The only thing he knew for certain was that he had NOT raped her. His dad was mental – they both were. That was a heinous thing to do to a woman. He had done many things that he wasn't proud of in his life, but rape was not on the list. It never would be. He wasn't that kind of man.
"Harry," his dad's voice sounded from across the house.
"Leave me alone!" he shouted. His dad walked in just moments later. "How dare you?!" Harry yelled, fisting his hands so hard he was sure to draw blood. "How dare you accuse me of something so… so…" He struggled to come up with a word to describe the accusation, but nothing could. How could his dad think whatever he thought? Damned drugs were messing with his mind. "Get out! Just get out of my house!" He turned to leave the room. He didn't have the time or patience to deal with his dad at the moment, but James had other ideas.
He grabbed Harry by the arm, pushing him up against the wall, pinning his arms to his side. Any other man would have been blasted out of the house but Harry wouldn't do that to him, no matter how angry he got. And James knew it.
"Look, Dad, I know I messed up, but it's not like…"
"Messed up?" James roared. "You didn't 'mess up'. Someone who messes up, makes a mistake. You did this intentionally. You didn't 'mess up' you screwed up. You royally screwed up. You listen to me, Harry James Potter, and you listen good! Rape isn't all about the physical. It's mental as well. It's a heinous crime for a man to break into a woman's home and force himself on her, refusing to stop when she begs. A man who does that is a selfish son-of-a-bitch, who cares for nothing but his own desires. He uses her, violates her. But when he leaves, the woman has family to turn to, people who love her – like her husband. But what happens when that man IS her husband? What happens when she can no longer trust the person who should be her greatest source of comfort and protection? A husband and wife swear an oath to honor, love, and cherish each other. You did not honor her wishes, you went behind her back, you lied to her. You gave her an unwanted child… just- like- a - rapist." James kept his grip on Harry's arms, refusing to let go. He was expecting his son to fight back at any moment. He was bracing himself for the fight. But the fight never came. Instead, Harry's shoulders began shaking, his eyes were welling up.
Harry stopped trying to push his dad aside as the words kept swimming around in his brain, almost a mirror image of the words Ginny had spoken to him in her drunken stupor just hours before: 'Don't give a damn about anyone but yourself, just like your 'Father'! Doesn't matter how much you hurt your 'family' as long as it doesn't ruin your precious plan! ' He had lied to her. He had deceived her for his own purpose. He had used her for his own agenda. Just like Voldemort, just like the man he had loved and trusted as a father. "Oh my god what have I done?"
He was shaking, trembling, the tears falling from his eyes, unchecked. "Let me go! Just let me go!" Harry started fighting him, but it was only half-hearted. "I don't deserve…just leave me alone."
"No. I'm not leaving, Harry." He reached out to put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Son?"
But Harry shrugged away from him. "Don't touch me!" He raised his hands to his face, hiding his tears and his pain. "I don't deserve it."
"What don't you deserve?"
"This…just, just hit me!"
"What?"
"Hit me!"
"I'm not going to hit you, why would I?"
"Because, because I deserve it…I'm just like him. Just like my father."
James just froze at that word. Harry hadn't called Voldemort his father in so many years.
Harry put his hands down, shaking his head, taking in his dad's shell-shocked look. "I'm sorry, Dad. It's just, the lies, the deception, that's how I grew up. That's how he raised me. I know you want to believe I'm not like him, but…but he's part of me. No matter how much I try to change that: like Father, like Son."
James reached out to his son. Harry started to push him away, but James caught his hands and held onto them, refusing to let go. "You are NOT like him, Harry. Don't you ever say that again! You hear me? I am never to hear you say that again!" He took several deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down. "Look at me, Harry," he ordered, much more gently this time. Harry slowly looked up, bracing himself for he storm he knew he deserved. "The very fact that you're repulsed by this is enough to show you're not like him."
"You really think so?" James couldn't help but notice the cautious hope in his son's voice.
"I know so. With Voldemort, he took you for his own purpose, that's how it was from the beginning. I really do think that he cared for you, grew fond and proud of you over the years. But with a true parent it's more than that. A parent's love is unconditional, that wasn't the case for him. When he found out that you destroyed his horcruxes, his anger and desire for revenge dominated any affection that he may have felt. A true father would never be able sit back and watch his son under the Torture Curse. Your love for Ginny is genuine and your only desire has been for her happiness. That's something that Voldemort could never say."
Harry just leaned his head back against the cabinet. He didn't have the energy to argue with his dad right now. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have called him that, it just slipped out."
"It's okay."
Harry looked over at his dad. He could see the pain in those downcast eyes. He was biting his lips, as if to stop himself from saying something. "No, its not."
"Okay, you're right. It's not. Let's just forget about it. I'm willing to blame it on the drugs if you are. Though if you ever say that when you're not runk or drugged, then I may just have to knock some sense into that thick skull of yours."
"I don't know, my skull's pretty think… you think you can manage that?"
"A few well chosen Weasley Joke products and some Marauder ingenuity? Oh please, you won't stand a chance."
James had been going for a bit of humor, but Harry just groaned. "Oh shit."
"What now?"
"They're gonna kill me. Her brothers, they're gonna kill me."
"No they won't."
"Of course they will. Maybe if I'm lucky Charlie will just feed me to his dragons…that'll be nice and quick."
"No one's going to feed you to any dragons…at least not if you don't tell them."
"You think I shouldn't tell her family? You think she won't tell them?"
"No, I think you shouldn't tell her brothers. Talk to Arthur."
"Her father? What makes you think he won't rip me to shreds? Not that I don't deserve it…"
"Arthur is more rational than his wife and less impulsive than his sons and less prone to violence. He'll hear you out. What he does after that is anyone's guess. But he is the head of the family. Let him decide how much of this his sons need to know."
"And I assume you're going to tell mum." There was a note of resignation beneath the exhaustion.
James nodded. "Of course, unlike you I'm not about to keep this kind of a secret from my wife. Oh crap, your mother." James hit himself on the head, looking at his watch. "The hospital sent me a notification, I dropped the envelope on the floor. It's almost 7:00. Your mother's an early riser, she's probably freaking out right about now. Okay, look. Just try to get some sleep. I'll be back later today, and we'll…we'll figure out something. Okay? I'll explain to your mum, maybe she can stay with Ginny until her parents find out." He gave his son a hug, ending it all too soon. He hated to leave him like this, but Lily was going to skin him alive if he let her worry another minute. "I'll be back, just try to get some sleep and don't go anywhere. I mean that, Harry. No leaving this house until I come back."
Harry nodded as he followed his dad out of the kitchen, heading up the stairs to his bedroom, wondering how in the world he was going to fix this, if it even could be fixed. He had been fighting the effects of the sedation ever since he had woken up, but no more. He climbed onto the bed, still in his nightclothes. He didn't even bother with the covers. He was asleep within seconds.
~ To be Continued ~
Next Chapter: Family Ties: Includes hospital visits and Harry's talk with Arthur.
Please, please review. I've been rewriting this chapter for the last two months to get it right. And I apologize to any Europeans who may be confused by the medical and legal aspects of this chapter. I'm American, my sister and I both work in different aspects of Healthcare so I'm basing this off of American laws and protocol even though I know the books are British. In the US (crazy as it may seem to some) a woman (regardless of age) has the sole discretion in terms of abortion. The woman's parents and the father of the child often learn of abortion after the fact. I know this is a sensitive topic for some people, but I took Harry's pro-Life stance from the fact that he disobeyed his 'father' in order to save an unborn Nigel.
So, anyway, please review…I'm very anxious for reviews.