February 20, 2005
The wintry breeze brushes against my face. My skin has been numb for the last half hour, so I pay no attention to it. I try to dig the toe of my boot into a pile of disturbed dirt nearby, but the low temperature has caused it to harden. We were fortunate that when everyone passed away, the temperature was high enough so that they could be buried. It sounds so pathetic to think that being fortunate these days is as simple as people dying and still getting the chance to be buried.
I take in the graves. They sit in a line beside the exterior walls of Howe's. At first, they didn't even have any kind of marker. Pete graciously offered to make small, engraved markers to place at each grave, much to Bill's disliking. When I begged Troy to tell me whose grave was whose, he told me that Bill wasn't happy about our scrap wood being wasted on such a minute thing. Thankfully in the end he told me so I could mark them, though I suppose some or all of them could be wrong.
After I distributed the medicine, we lost four more people. The total number of people lost came to eight, but we only have six graves. Hilary and Austin, the original carriers of the virus, lie in the burn pile, though I imagine their charred remnants are not recognizable. Arthur's grave is the one I paid the most attention to. I came outside the walls over an hour ago to do something special for him. There aren't any flowers to place on his grave, so I collected some branches from the evergreen trees in the nearby woods. I braided them together to form a wreath of sorts, which is now placed around the cross at the head of his grave.
I hear footsteps approaching behind me. Based on the sound of the steps and the low temperature that prohibits lurker movement, I know that the individual is living.
"You're not supposed to be out here," the gravelly voice of Bill says.
I get up and walk past him without so much as a second look. I have been avoiding him ever since he officially damned everyone who agreed with me to the pen for eternity.
"Who let you out here?" He asks, persistent to get a response.
"Does it matter?" I mumble. I won't tell him that I slipped out when a group of guards left for a run. Vince, the guard on duty at the time, turned the other way. "What are you going to do? Kill me? Kick me out?" I snort at the idea; of course he won't.
I'm almost past Bill when he grabs my upper arm and changes the subject. "You out here thinking about your mistake?"
"It wasn't a mistake," I snap, though I've spent the better part of the last week debating it. Had I really done the right thing? At this point, everyone who was sick has healed and rejoined the main group. Many have persistent coughs, but no one is contagious. Carlos has told me that many more could have died had I not done what I did, but I can't help but wonder if those who sided with me will resent me for it.
He gestures to the row of graves. "We still lost four people after that stunt you pulled. Not only that, but you and all those people you claim to care so much about are stuck in the pen forever. Is that really a place you want your daughter to grow up?"
"It's not like I have much of a choice." I manage to finally free my arm from his firm grip and put some distance between us.
"You do, though," he says, and I stop in my tracks. He approaches again and peers down at me. "My offer still stands. Think about it. We could rule this place together with Evie and another little one by our side. We could be unstoppable together. And I'm not an unreasonable man; I'd let those fools out of the pen and never lay another hand on Nick. Things would get better around here for a lot of people."
I'm too drained to even respond to his ludicrous request, so I roll my eyes and try to leave. He stops me one more time, "I thought you'd do anything to protect them."
"I think I'll find another way to protect them instead of cohabitating with a madman." I stomp off toward the front doors and this time he doesn't follow.
"Hey, where've you been?" Nick asks as I walk into the pen. He hands me a clear water bottle filled with lemonade. I gulp half of it down instantly.
"Put a decoration on Arthur's grave, ran into Bill being a creep, but you know, what's new?" I say. "He says his little offer is still open, and if I accept, everyone in the pen would have a better life after the little stunt I pulled."
"Oh, don't listen to that shit," Luke says from beside Nick. "You did the right thing and saved lives. Everyone is here because they chose to do the right thing, too."
He hands Evie to me and says he's going to head out. "Where are you going?" I ask.
"Bonnie and I are going to hang out again," he says.
"I can't believe you two are actually a thing now," I say, "I mean I just don't see it." He came out of quarantine a few days ago and explained that they were not dating but were an item of sorts.
He sighs. "I already explained this, Bea. We spent a lot of time together cooped up in that tent during the quarantine. At times, we were the only two lucid people. We got to know each other better. She's a sweet lady and she likes me. We aren't even dating or anything. I don't see the harm."
We bid him farewell and Nick turns to me. "You sound like him when he wouldn't let us be together."
I feign offense. "I do not! I'm not saying they shouldn't be together, I just don't think it's enough of a reason to be together just because she's nice and likes him. Plus, she's a guard and he's trapped in here. But who knows."
He ponders for a moment. "Isn't it kind of sad that we've never even been on a date before?"
"That was random," I add before continuing. "I mean all those Saturdays we spent together in the city? We spent as much alone time together as we could. Did you not consider those dates?"
"Well I know you hate when it's brought up, but you had a boyfriend the whole time."
I do hate when it's brought up, but after much consideration, I've come to not even consider my ex a real ex. He was just a manipulative asshole who came and went as he pleased. "Oh please, I 'dated' that asshole for about a combined total of about four months across years. He would leave town and get arrested or scream at me and call me a crazy bitch and say he wanted nothing to do with me. Then he would show up months or even years later and basically force me to get back with him for a couple weeks, just for the whole thing to happen over again. The only reason I ever would get back with him was because he would threaten to kill you, or Luke, or burn down the farm. So, yes I would consider those days we spent together as dates, even if we weren't officially together."
When I stop, Nick is speechless. Evie is squirming in my arms from my distressed demeanor. I sit her down on the play mat, and she happily goes back to playing with her blocks.
"Bea, why would you never tell anyone that? Why would you even believe him? We would have made sure that he never saw you again." He pulls me in for a tight hug. I rest my head against his chest, heart racing for some reason.
He waits for a minute until we release and he says, "You have a real knack for keeping stuff from people and holding it all in."
"I was a stupid teenager to believe that loser could hurt anyone." I laugh, then add seriously, "Besides, they're my problems, not anyone else's."
He takes my hand in his. "But they don't have to be."
We stay like that for a moment, just enjoying each other's company after my revelation. It feels nice to get that off my chest after keeping it in for so long.
"You know I'm telling Luke about this as soon as he gets back, right?"
I pull away with a huff even though I completely expected that to happen. Evie calls for me from the floor and I pick her up. "Hungy," she mutters. She's picked up a few other words since she first started speaking not long ago.
"Let's go get something to eat," Nick says, leading us out of the pen.
We walk through the compound, passing several people who wave in greeting. Vince leans against a wall, his machine rifle grasped so tightly in his hands that I think he might crush it. When we pass, he drops his eyes to the floor and studies it with utmost intensity. Dorothea sits on a painted wooden bench around the corner from Vince. I stop next to her, surprised to see her out and about. She's mostly been staying in her room, still recovering from the illness.
"Hiya, sweeties!" She says to all three of us, but her eyes remain locked on Evie. She puts on a bright smile, but her skin is pallid and she's considerably skinnier than she was even a week ago. I sit Evie down in her lap, and Evie obliges.
"Hi," Evie says, reaching up to stroke Dorothea's face.
"What are you three doing out and about?" She asks.
"Just getting ready to get some lunch," I answer. "Relaxing while we still can. They're getting pretty serious about the expansion."
"I won't keep you long then. I'm just waiting for Lora to get done with her duty then I'm heading back to my room for the day." I bend to pick up Evie and as I pull away, Dorothea grabs my arm. "A lot of us wouldn't still be here without you."
I smile a closed lip smile and nod while pulling away. Nick and I wave before continuing on our way. I'm glad that the majority of people were able to pull through, whether that be my doing or not. But at the same time, I still feel horrible about the pen situation. It's a rough situation to think about in any regard, but I push on anyway.
We wait through the food line to get our trays, which today is composed of spaghetti and marinara sauce. The line doesn't take long, so we take our seats at the picnic table that has been unofficially deemed ours because of Evie's highchair that always sits beside it. Nick buckles Evie in her high chair and starts cutting up her spaghetti while I head to get us some drinks.
The place to get drinks is around the corner, so I don't realize how long the line is until I'm out of view of Nick and Evie. I inwardly groan when I see the line, but I wait nonetheless. Once I finally make it to the front, I fill up Evie's sippy cup, plus a glass each for Nick and I.
Back at the table, Evie's spaghetti is no longer on her plate but instead smeared on her face. A grin spreads across her orange-stained cheeks when she sees me. "Geez, did any of it even make it in her mouth?" I joke.
"It doesn't look like it, but believe me she ate a lot. This kid sure does have an appetite." Nick says. "I hate this place because of Bill, but I'm glad at least we have plenty of food to feed Evie."
"Me too." I answer, beginning to wipe away the mess on Evie's face with a baby wipe. "I just feel horrible that she has to grow up in the pen. I wish I could do something to get her out of there-"
"Don't consider Bill's deal!" Nick cuts me off, anxiety spread across his features. He takes a breath then changes his approach. "Please, just don't."
I smile gently at him. After all this time, he's still insecure. "I was going to say 'I wish there was something I could do to get her out of the pen besides accepting Bill's offer.' I always wonder if there's somewhere better out there for us." I know there's somewhere better for us.
Nick's eyes dart around the room trying to see if someone could have overheard my statement. Most people around the cafeteria are finishing up their meals and getting back to their duties. Others are deep in conversation amongst each other. Even if someone were to hear, I wouldn't care. Bill knows I'm not happy with the way things are here. "You have to be careful with what you say."
"It's not like Bill will let us leave anyway," I mutter. "We could always escape," I add, only half-joking.
"You can't be serious…" Nick says disapprovingly. But he leans toward me, eyebrows raised like he's intrigued by what I have to say.
"I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. Evie is starting to get to an age that would make it easier to be out on the road, but I doubt it would be possible to get us all out of here unscathed and without Bill finding us." It would be easier to escape with a smaller group, but I wouldn't want to leave anyone who sided with me behind to face Bill's wrath. I also don't imagine that Bill would let it go easily. He'd probably spend the rest of his days trying to hunt us down.
"Yeah, you're right," Nick murmurs. "What's on your schedule for today?"
His question hits me with a wave of irony. The dead walk the Earth and we still have schedules. Howe's could possibly be the last place in the world with any sense of normality and Bill manages to lead the place so horribly that we want to leave. But I compose my inner thoughts and answer, unaffected, "Just need to do some organization with some of our new supplies. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so."
Evie begins squirming in her seat now that she's done with her meal. Nick unfastens her from her seat and she gladly snuggles into his arms. I wonder when she'll get tired of being held… hopefully never.
"I have the day off, my mom does too. Since people are recovering, Bill wants everyone working double time on the new expansion starting next week. Guess we need to have our fun now. I can take Evie to spend some time with my mom while you take care of what you need to."
Nick kisses my cheek and lowers Evie to my height so I can plant a cheek on her cheek too. Her giggles fill the cafeteria long after she exits, leaving a permanent smile on my face as I finish my meal. The subtle smile remains all throughout my work and is still present when I hear someone harshly whispering my name on my way back to the pen.
My eyes dart around cautiously. I can't decipher who is calling my name or where they are lurking. I never believed that anyone at Howe's would want to cause me harm, but my first thought jumps toward the idea. Heart hammering, I'm pulled into a closet. The tight feeling in my chest immediately unfurls once I see who it is. But when I see the look of panic on her face, a new feeling of worry fills my body.
"Rebecca, what's wrong?" I ask, reaching out toward her only for her hands to cover her face.
I await her response in worry, my mind coming up with theories on what might be wrong. I watch her chest take one big heave before her hands fall to her side and she speaks. "What kind of symptoms did you have when you first thought you were pregnant?"
Oh. My worry fades away now knowing that no one is dead or hurt. My face softens in an attempt to comfort Rebecca. I remember how terrified I was when I first thought I might be pregnant, but I was in a terrible situation.
"I had crazy cravings, I was super emotional, I was sick constantly, and of course my period was nonexistent," I say.
"Oh fuck," she cries, panic evident in her voice.
"I know it's scary at first, but you have so many people around you to help out. And I'm sure Alvin would be excited to have a baby-"
"It's not his!" She wails.
I have to push aside my utter shock to try and calm her down. She's borderlining hysterical, and if she continues at this volume someone will hear. Once her sobs turn quiet I allow my mind to wander. I have a hard time believing that Rebecca was having a full-fledged affair with someone. We're stuck in the pen way too much for her to have an entire relationship with someone without it getting exposed. I suppose it could've been a one time thing, but with who?
"You know for certain it's not Alvin's?" I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
"No," she sniffles. "It could be Alvin's, but I'm terrified of what would happen if it isn't."
I don't know what to say to her, because I know so little about the situation. I say the only thing I know for certain, "Alvin is a good guy, Bec."
I let her silently cry for a few minutes, my hand gently rubbing her back. "We don't even know for sure that you're pregnant. We're getting ahead of ourselves."
She looks at me, eyes bloodshot. "But what if I am?"
"Then we'll figure it out," I answer. "Some of the guards are going for a run tomorrow. We can get you a test and we'll go from there."
"No!" she says, shouting again. "I can't let anybody know! Not yet."
"Okay…" I say, pausing to think for a minute. "I can tell them it's for me."
She looks up with hope on her tearstreaken face for the first time. "You'd do that for me?"
"Of course," I say with a tight lipped smile. I mean what I said, but I can already foresee the drama this could cause. I'll just have to be sure to keep it under the radar. "Now, how about we get you cleaned up so you can relax?"
I help Rebecca calm down enough to look semi-normal as she makes the trek up to the bathrooms. The group that's going out for a run tomorrow is leaving first thing in the morning, so I need to be sure to catch them now before we get locked in the pen for the evening. Sometimes if people aren't working much, Bill will send someone to close the gate in the early afternoon, just to prove that he can. I move throughout the compound with a purpose, not stopping to provide any of the people who greet me anything more than a wave or a hello. I know exactly who I'm looking for, but for some reason I'm unable to find him after a strenuous search.
"Woah, darling. What's with the rush?" Bill says, arms outreached to hold me in place. He was the one person I was hoping not to run into, but it's a small compound so I can't say I'm shocked.
"Looking for Vince," I mumble, too focused on my task to stop and chit chat. I realize he might be suspicious so I add, "I was going to see if he could look for books for Evie while he's out tomorrow."
My feet attempt to take me on my path, but Bill stops me once again. "You know you can ask me for this kind of stuff. I was just on my way to close the pen for the day. Walk with me."
"Yeah, I'll be there soon." I yank my arm away from him in haste, mere seconds before he is able to grasp it. I move as quickly away from him as possible without instilling any more suspicion than I already have.
I can think of only one more place that Vince could be, so I head for the expansion. Bill wants to expand the compound to the stores around Howe's. It's in the early days of conception, but some of the guards have been spending time in the area mapping things out. I open the metal door to exit Howe's and enter the expansion, careful to let the door softly close behind me. Bill had us put up makeshift fences around the perimeter of the expansion to keep lurkers out, but I don't think the fences could hold off more than a few of the dead.
I'm unsure of which store Vince might be in, but the opening of a door has me throwing myself behind a trash can. It wouldn't be wise for me to get caught out here, even if Bill has a weird obsession with me. I peek over the foul smelling trash can to see Luke exiting one of the store fronts. I hold my breath as he passes, partially because I don't want him to catch me and partially because I know things would be a hundred times worse if he were to get caught out here.
Once he's back inside Howe's, I enter the store I saw him exit. It's a comic book store, still in decent shape with some comic books strewn about the shelves. Boot stomps fill the air as a figure rounds one of the aisles with a gun pointed at me. Vince's chest rises deeply once he relaxes. Bonnie's red hair appears beside him, and she smiles sweetly at me.
"Oh, hey Bea. You just missed Luke."
I smile uneasily. "Actually, I came to talk to Vince. Are you going on the run in the morning?"
"Yeah, we both are," he answers.
"Need something?" Bonnie asks.
I approach the two of them. Behind them is a workbench with several large pieces of paper stretched across it with messy scribbles and blueprints. "I do, but it's personal. I prefer we keep it between us."
Bonnie's eyebrows furrow in concern and she crosses her arms. "Sure, what ya' need?"
I take a nervous gulp and glance between the two of them. I really had not wanted Bonnie involved in this situation. The less people that know, the less of a chance that word spreads around. I also did not want Bonnie to know because she is–for lack of a better word–dating my brother. But Bill could realize I'm out here any second and then I'd really be fucked, so I don't have much choice.
"Pregnancy test." I say, proud of myself for getting the words out plainly.
"Oh," the two of them mumble.
"Thanks so much," I say. "And like I said, I would appreciate it if you kept this between us. Be safe tomorrow."
I turn on my heels and leave before either of them can say another word, my stomach in a knot.
February 23, 2005
I stroll throughout the compound, Evie's head slumped against my shoulder. I took Evie for a short walk, but she ended up falling asleep minutes after we left the pen. I decided to finish the full course of my planned walk anyway. After being stopped for twenty minutes conversing with someone about supplies, Evie is growing heavy in my arms. She's growing like a weed, and I've never been well endowed with physical strength.
I'm almost back to the pen when I spot Bonnie and Luke talking at a nearby bench. I balance Evie on my hip to free a hand to wave at them. They return the wave emphatically, with Bonnie swooning and placing her hand over her heart. Evie is a hit around here with everyone since she's the only baby, and one of very few children. It's crazy to think that there might be another baby around here soon if Rebecca is pregnant. Vince got me the pregnancy test without issue, and Rebecca decided to wait a few more days before taking it in case her period was just late.
A few minutes later I lay Evie down in her crib and sit down on the bed to relax my muscles. Before I can even unlace my boots, Luke is storming inside my tent.
"We need to talk," he says sternly, arms crossed and lips terse.
"Oh, hello brother. Nice to see you too. How's your morning?" Sarcasm drips from my tongue.
"You're pregnant."
"Woah," I say, my tone immediately elevated. I dart my head outside the tent, checking that no one is nearby. Thankfully for me, everyone is either working or out and about the compound.
"Why the hell wouldn't you tell me!?"
I put my hands up in an attempt to shush him and calm him down. I haven't seen the stereotypical overprotective big brother Luke in a while, but now he's back at full force. I understand his point of view, just as I am extremely angry right now that he found out about the pregnancy test request.
"Please relax for a minute. First off, who told you?" I enquire.
"Bonnie just did. Apparently it was supposed to be some secret. Seriously?"
"Now I know how it seems, but it's not like that. If I could just have a minute to explain-"
I'm cut off by Nick storming into the tent, a furious look on his face. "What the fuck? You're pregnant and you didn't tell me?"
"Jesus, did she tell everyone in the entire goddamn compound?" I yell out, my exasperation gets the best of me. I regret it immediately when Evie wakes up in a fit of cries. She hardly ever cries, and she's a deep sleeper. Hopefully that will be a good thing in this world. She quiets down as soon as she's propped on my hip. The two of them soften a bit to accommodate Evie, but they still stand arms crossed awaiting an explanation.
"Now let me explain, please." My voice is calm and to the point. "I am not pregnant. In fact, the test isn't even for me. Someone else needed one and I was just the one who asked Bonnie and Vince for it so she didn't have to. That was why it was supposed to be on the down low. But apparently Bonnie told everyone."
"I heard from Stacey." Nick mentions casually. Now I know for certain that the whole compound will know by sundown. Stacey has a knack for gossip.
"So if you're not pregnant, who is?" Luke asks.
I shake my head. "Sorry, but I promised to keep it a secret. Besides, you'll know soon enough if she is actually pregnant."
They're both disappointed by my answer, but the situation is resolved and Evie is happily twirling my hair, so I'm happy.
My serenity is cut short when the intercom crackles to life–a fit of static followed by a gruff, "Bea Porter to my office now."
I feel my face pale but I play it off as I hand Evie off to Nick.
"I'll come with you," Nick says.
"We both will." Luke adds.
I brush them off. "I can handle myself." And I don't need him taking his anger out on one of them.
My feet feel heavier and heavier the closer I get to Bill's office. As I walk, I see several people who stare at me and turn away when I look at them. These people are ones that are usually happy to converse with me any chance they get. I can tell that they know–or think that they know my big secret. I opt to keep my eyes downcast for the rest of my walk.
At the top of the stairs to Bill's office, I reach for the door handle only for the door to open to show Tavia's face. She smiles awkwardly and mutters, "congratulations," as she all but runs down the stairs. Bill's face shows through the crack in the door. He's angry; I can tell, but he's keeping his calm demeanor that he always puts on. That calm demeanor is what I think makes Bill scariest. At first glance he seems like this well-spoken, collected man, but deep down he harbors a voracious yearn for control and fervent anger waiting to spill out.
"So what offense am I guilty of today?" I ask, brushing past him and taking a seat like I own the place.
He turns slowly in a way that seems robotic. He makes his way to his desk, his eyes never once leaving mine. I hold the stare because I've learned that it's easier to not show even an inkling of fear around him.
He sits on the edge of his desk directly in front of me. His hands grip the edge of the dark wood so hard that his knuckles turn white. I blink, waiting for what I already know is coming.
"You're pregnant."
I let out an amused snort. "No."
"I have to check what comes in after runs. Have to make sure no one is trying to pull anything, right? Well, Bonnie brought back a pregnancy test. I found it, of course I did. She didn't want to tell me who it was for, but I found out of course." He stands from the desk and makes his way to wear I sit. It's hard not to let my stomach coil in fear, but I try to avoid looking like prey being circled by a predator. Kneeling in front of me, he takes my chin in his calloused hand. "Now I'm just trying to figure one thing out. Why the fuck did you let that sack of shit knock you up again?"
I try to yank my head away, but it only makes him tighten his grip. He's always been gentle with me, but I know what he's capable of. I begin to think that I'm going to see the madman side of Bill that everyone else receives.
I grit my teeth. "I already told you. I'm not pregnant."
"Then why did you ask for the test?"
"Thought I might be pregnant. The test was negative."
"I don't believe you."
"The test was negative." I repeat.
He acutely releases my chin, no doubt leaving a red mark behind. He turns his back toward me before slamming his closed fists on the desk. A cup full of pens tumbles from the desk onto the floor. I keep my eyes trained on his heavily breathing back and ready myself in case I need to fight my way out of here.
"Goddammit, Bea. I don't understand why you do this to me. I make you one simple offer. I could give you the world, and yet you still stay with him." He spits out.
I don't owe him anymore of an explanation, nor do I feel like listening to another one of his tirades. I leave without another word and he doesn't stop me.
Back in the pen, Nick and Luke meet me with concerned and expectant looks. A sigh releases from my lips. I'm so exhausted from dealing with Bill's behavior since we've been here. "He doesn't believe me that I'm not pregnant and he threw a big fit, but I'm fine."
"So what do we do?" Luke asks, arms crossed.
"Not much we can do." I say with a shrug.
We make our way over to the carpet where Rebecca, Martha, and Sarah are playing with Evie. Evie puts her arms up and babbles, "Dada!"
He bends to her level so she can clammer into his arms. He uses the stubble on his chin to tickle the soft skin of her neck. Her giggles fill the air. "Mama!" She squeals for my help.
"Hi, sweetie. Is your dad tickling you?" I come to her aid and she reaches her hands out to me. Still in Nick's arms, she wraps her tiny arms around my head for a hug.
"Hey, Bea, sorry to interrupt. Tavia asked me to take some inventory on the new stuff. I was thinking, uh, you could help me maybe?" Rebecca stands before me, fiddling with her hands in an anxious manner.
Of course, I know that this request is just a plea for her to talk to me about her potential pregnancy. I answer, to try and make the interaction seem genuine. "Sure. Mommy will be back soon, Evie."
Exiting the pen, we pass by Alvin and George returning for the day. Their shifts in the expansion are evident by the subtle dirt stains on their hands and faces. "Hey, Bec. Where ya' heading?"
Rebecca's eyes dart between me and Alvin. She opens her mouth to respond, but before she can stutter out a response, I interject. "We're going to do some quick inventory. Be back before you know it." I start to pull us away, but I stop to add an afterthought to keep the two of them busy. "George, I know you've been wanting to play Pete in poker again. I think he'll be back soon."
"Now that's a rematch I can't miss. We better get cleaned up," Alvin says, the two of them heading off.
Rebecca leads me to a small bathroom on the other side of the compound. She closes the door harshly and locks it before turning to me. "This bathroom is pretty private. I don't think anyone will find us here. I haven't taken it yet. I was too scared to be alone."
She pulls a package from the inside of her jacket. It's a double pack, so that way we can be sure. I read the instructions to her aloud because I don't think she can focus to read them herself. After she uses them, we place them on the edge of the sink to wait. She leans against the black and white tile wall with her head in her hands. I join her to try and offer silent support. It wasn't too long ago that I was in this same position on the dirty tile floor of that gas station bathroom.
"I think they should be ready," I tell her after five minutes or so pass by.
"I… I can't look," she mutters.
"I'll check for you," I say, giving her hand a soft squeeze.
I creep toward the tests. I peer down at where they sit on the edge of the ceramic sink–positive. I try to think about what I should say. Congratulations isn't appropriate here.
"What is it?" Rebecca asks from behind me, her voice wavering.
I turn around and decide not to sugar-coat it. "Positive," I whisper.
"No!" Rebecca cries, her legs giving out. I lurch forward to grab her before her knees hit the tile. I pull her back so instead she's sitting against the wall.
"Rebecca, it's going to be okay. We have safety here, and I'm sure Alvin will be very supportive."
"Of course he will, but what if it's not his?" She sniffles.
"I'm sure it is." I've tried to think who else could be the father, but I've come up short. I thought maybe it could be George, but I don't think George would do that to Alvin.
"I'm so stupid… I should've never slept with him. He was just talking all sweet to me and promised he would give me and Alvin more benefits, maybe even get us out of the pen…"
My stomach lurches at her words. I look up at her tear stained face in the white light of the bathroom. "Who, Rebecca?"
"Bill," she sobs into her hands. "I'm so sorry, Bea! I'm so sorry!"
I spend the next hour consoling her despite my own fuzzy head.
This changes everything.
Author's Note: Hello, is anybody still there? I'm back, and I'm sorry for the massive hiatus. I don't really have an excuse besides I was busy and distracted and spent little time writing. But I'm back for good now if anybody is still interested. I will also be updating my other story shortly if anyone here also reads that.