notes/warnings
+ very minor spoilers for some of the later episodes.
+ I really, really love Hiiragi. you all needed to know this, okay?
Part Five
Natsume spends the evening helping a spirit break free from an ancient and nasty curse. He wanders around in the rain for a good three hours, looking for a specific seedpod from a specific tree. At one point he thinks he sees something long and flagella-like in his peripheral vision. But when he turns around, nothing is there.
It's eight o'clock by the time he finally goes home. He'd usually call Tanuma, but Tanuma has a girl to talk to now. He's making new friends. He's moving forward in the world, growing up, and Natsume feels horribly inadequate.
What did he want from Tanuma, anyway? A table?
A future?
Natsume can't always have the things that he wants. He learned that the day his father went away and never came back. He's good with spirits, not people. Tanuma probably wants a normal life with normal people, and that's fine. Natsume wants him to be happy.
By ten o'clock, Natsume is running a fever. He calls Taki, but not Tanuma.
He's already impinged on Tanuma enough.
Natsume doesn't come to school. Tanuma finds out from Taki that he's ill. And that's a little unsettling, because Natsume always tells Tanuma when he isn't well. And the weather is terrible, and Tanuma has a lot of homework to do, and he really just wants to go home and call Natsume and hopefully make Natsume feel better, but the girl is waiting at the gate again.
She wants to go to the shrine by the lake. And Tanuma could say 'no', but he'd feel terrible if she went alone and something bad happened to her.
"They've been together every afternoon this week," Taki says, on Friday. "Even on Wednesday, when Tanuma was home sick, she went and sat with him."
"I know," Natsume says, keeping his voice carefully neutral.
He misses Tanuma so much. He really just wants to be with Tanuma all of the time.
"You haven't called him even once, have you?" Taki scolds. "Some friend."
On Saturday, Hikari shows up at the temple.
"Don't I even get the weekend off?" Tanuma asks, only half-joking. She's a sweet person and everything, but Tanuma is getting exhausted.
"I wanted to take you for ice cream," she replies earnestly. "To thank you for everything."
Tanuma exhales at length. Okay. One more day and this will be over. He can go and see Natsume and Taki. Or maybe just Taki, because Natsume seems to be avoiding him. Which probably means he's busy with spirit-related things.
Tanuma hopes he's okay.
He and Hikari walk slowly. They've discussed a lot of different things over the past week, but she never says too much about her own life. She hasn't mentioned her parents, her home, or her school even once. Only her sisters.
"Have you ever been in love?" Hikari asks. "I think one of my sisters is in love."
"I…don't know," Tanuma replies, evasively. Love is a big deal.
But Natsume is a pretty big deal, too. He's worthy of being loved. Tanuma would follow him to the ends of the earth, and that probably counts as love. But he doesn't want to jeopardise their friendship, so he'd never name the feeling. Not out loud. He just wants to be in Natsume's presence, all the time. He wants to do what he can, give everything that he can.
"She says it hurts," Hikari continues.
"I hope it works out for her," Tanuma replies, honestly.
Hikari regards him thoughtfully, twisting her long hair around her index finger.
"You surprise me," she tells him. "A boy as handsome and kind as you ought to have a girlfriend."
Something about that sentence feels too presumptive, like Tanuma is obligated to be attracted to girls. But he knows she's just making conversation.
"Thanks," he says, quietly. "But I don't have anyone right now."
Romance isn't really that important. If he gets to live with Natsume, even for a few months, that will be better than all the girlfriends and boyfriends in the world.
Hikari takes his hand suddenly. Tanuma looks down in surprise. Her palm is much smaller than his, and her skin is soft and smooth. But holding her hand feels uncomfortable, and Tanuma pulls away.
"I'm sorry," he tells her. "I, uh, I'm not a very touchy person."
Hikari frowns, viciously, and Tanuma feels a sudden pang behind his eyes.
"Oh," she says. "Right. I see."
Over the past week, she's been constantly talking about how nice he is, and how good-looking he is, and Tanuma wonders, impossibly, if she's actually interested in him. But she's pretty and stylish - with long legs and striking eyes - and she could have pretty much anyone she wanted. There's no need for her to settle for a loser with strabismus and an unhealthy affection for his best friend.
Obviously, Tanuma needs to help her meet people.
"Come on," he says, warmly. "I'll buy the ice cream, to make it up to you."
If he takes her to parties, and gatherings, and festivals, then she should meet lots of far more eligible guys than him. He ought to do that, as her guide.
His plan turns out to be far simpler than he anticipated, because the store is full of kids from his school. Apparently they're having some sort of get-together. Tanuma feels his spirits soar. He's barely spoken to anyone this past week.
"Ugh, let's go somewhere else," Hikari says, grabbing his sleeve.
"In a minute," Tanuma replies, even though it's not very considerate of him. He walks around the counter and runs headlong into Taki and Natsume.
"Morning," Taki says, smiling.
"Oh," Natsume says, quietly.
"Hi!" Tanuma says, so, so happy, and he pulls them both into a hug.
Natsume is really glad his ice cream is in a cup, and safely on the table on the other side of the room, because otherwise he would have just dropped it on the floor.
Tanuma's chest is warm and solid, and Tanuma's hand is on his back, and Natsume could probably get eaten by a spirit right now and still die happy. He grabs a handful of Tanuma's shirt, because otherwise he's going to fall over, and because it's the thing he most wants to do right now.
He's been really, really lonely.
"Hey," Tanuma says, quietly. Maybe to him. Maybe to Taki. It really doesn't matter. Natsume feels like he's all elbows, like he can't actually hang on tight enough. The girl is still there, staring at him over Tanuma's shoulder like she wishes him ill.
After what feels like a not-very-long period of time, Tanuma gently pushes both of them away.
"See," Taki says, recovering quickly. "This is why we shouldn't go for a week without talking."
"Right," Tanuma agrees. He cards a hand through Natsume's hair. "You okay down there?"
"You're not that tall," Natsume manages, his voice about an octave higher than normal.
Tanuma grins at him. Then he seems to suddenly remember his companion, and gestures in her general direction.
"This is Hikari. She's new to the town."
Natsume generously holds out his hand, but the girl ignores it.
"Not a touchy person, huh?" she says, glaring at Tanuma.
"Sorry," he replies, sheepishly. "These people are my friends, and I haven't seen much of them lately."
"I don't want to be here any more," she announces.
Tanuma flushes, and Hikari turns on her heel and storms towards the door.
"I've got to go," Tanuma tells them. "See you later."
They walk away without another word. The soft, fluttery feeling inside Natsume's chest does not disappear.
"I'll call you!" he yells, inspired.
"You'd better!" Tanuma replies.
And just like that, everything is fine.
Hikari ignores Tanuma for the rest of the morning, and Tanuma suggests they both go home as soon as is polite. He's going to get to talk to Natsume tonight, but there's something even more important weighing on Tanuma's mind.
Something isn't right.
Natsume calls at three in the afternoon. Tanuma has been carrying his phone in his hand since midday, but when it actually rings he kind of fumbles and drops it on the floor and has to scrabble to answer it in time.
"Hi."
"Hi," Natsume says, cheerfully.
"It's been a while," Tanuma says. What he means is I missed you, but he's not brave enough to say that.
"I'm sorry for that," Natsume says, awkwardly.
"It's fine," Tanuma replies. "Listen. What did you think of Hikari?"
Natsume hesitates.
"Um, she's beautiful?"
Tanuma laughs.
"That's not really what I meant. She didn't strike you as strange?"
"Strange?"
"When she gets angry, my head hurts," Tanuma tells him. "It happened twice today."
"Oh," Natsume says, the uncertainty vanishing from his voice. "Oh no. That hadn't even occurred to me."
"Do you think she's a spirit?"
"Probably," Natsume tells him. "Wait right there. I'm coming over."
"Okay," Tanuma answers. He's not going to argue with that.
Natsume feels phenomenally stupid.
He should have considered this. He should be suspicious of everyone he meets, especially people who want to get close to the people he loves. He ought to have thought of the fact that Tanuma's attractive new friend might be a spirit.
And god, he's lucky Tanuma didn't get cursed or possessed or worse. He's lucky this spirit was relatively benevolent, that even when Tanuma annoyed her she only walked away in a huff.
Natsume runs all the way to Tanuma's house, and kind of collapses in a wheezing heap on the porch when he finally arrives. Tanuma snickers and rubs Natsume's shoulder. He's okay. He's definitely okay and healthy and breathing. Natsume can stop having vivid mental images of him being eaten alive, now.
"I'm going to put the kettle on," Tanuma tells him. "Try not to choke, okay?"
"Wait," Natsume manages. "Is she here?"
"No," Tanuma replies. "She didn't even say whether or not she'd come back."
"Oh."
"I'm glad you're here, though. Would you prefer green tea, or coffee?"
They spend the afternoon playing boardgames, and then sitting back-to-back in Tanuma's room, just talking to each other. They eat dinner and play board games and Tanuma's father makes some comment about how Natsume has gotten taller.
"It's late," Tanuma says, when they're washing the dishes and Natsume is only just managing to keep from dropping a plate on the floor. "You're welcome to stay the night, if you want."
Natsume chews on his lip. Tanuma is so open with him, so free with his words and his affection and his invitations, and Natsume is suspicious and presumptive and demanding. He doesn't really deserve Tanuma's friendship at all.
"I'm sorry about last week," he says, slowly. "I wasn't trying to ignore you. I just figured you were spending all of your time with Hikari, and I didn't want to interrupt. I'm so sorry."
Tanuma stares at him for a minute. Then he picks up a handful of suds and puts them on top of Natsume's head.
"Hey!"
"I always want to spend time with you," Tanuma says emphatically, grinning.
Natsume has no idea what to say to that. He just stands in the tiny kitchen, with his heart swelling and dampness seeping through his hair. And he's had this revelation before, that Tanuma is a fixture in his life, that Tanuma is never going to go away, but he can't quite bring himself to believe it.
"Now you know," Tanuma continues, filling the silence. "So, why do you think a spirit was following me? Did she just want to eat me?"
"I don't know," Natsume replies, stumbling a little over the words. "But I'm going to find out."
Hikari doesn't show up the next day, or the day after that. Tanuma wonders if maybe she knows that he's figured out the truth, and now she's just not going to come back.
Natsume stays over three nights in a row, until Shigeru starts making jokes about Tanuma's father adopting him.
"It's all right," Tanuma says. "You can go home. I'll call you if she comes back, okay?"
"Okay," Natsume says, reluctantly. "But maybe I should leave Nyanko with you, as well."
"Forget it," Ponta growls, sticking his nose up in the air. "I'm not some object you can just lend out to your friends. Idiot."
"Please," Natsume says, very quietly, next to Ponta's ear. He doesn't want Tanuma to hear, so Tanuma pretends not to have heard.
"It's really fine, Natsume," Tanuma says, smiling. "Besides, we spent a whole week together and Hikari didn't eat me. I doubt she's just going to show up and attack me without any warning."
Natsume reaches out and straightens Tanuma's collar.
"I guess so," he replies. "But please be careful."
Tanuma watches Natsume leave. He knows it's crazy, but he'd be more than happy for Natsume to become a part of his family. It would be nice for his father to have a son he didn't have to worry about all the time. And it would be wonderful to live with Natsume, to share the entirety of their lives together, to be with him incidentally, every spare second of the day.
He's looking forward to that green, plastic table.
Natsume often promises himself that he won't go back to Natori. That he's finished with the stupid, self-absorbed exorcist, that there's nothing new left to learn. But there always is something left to learn, and he forgot to ask about the sickness-spirit last time, and he needs a talisman stronger than anything in Taki's shed.
Natori is as vivacious and welcoming as ever. He's hard to deal with because he's friendly. Because he likes Natsume and wants the two of them to get along. And because Natsume just doesn't agree with the things that he does.
He doesn't like Natori.
He likes Hiiragi, though, so that's at least one good thing about being forced to visit. He wishes he could explain to Hiiragi that Natori is never going to change. That he's always going to be hard, and that he's always going to choose humans over spirits, and that he's never going to be the adorable little boy she remembers.
"Sickness spirit?" Natori asks, bumping his index finger against his mouth. "You say the strangest things sometimes, Natsume."
"So you don't know anything about it?" Natsume asks.
"Sorry," Natori says. "It sounds like something you should avoid, though. If you get sick too often, you might wear out your healer."
"Searching for the healer has been put on hold," Natsume tells him. "A spirit has taken human form and started following Tanuma. Have you got anything to keep him safe?"
Natori gives Natsume a long, soft look, and Natsume has to fight down the urge to squirm. Natori is always vaguely inappropriate about everything.
"He's really valuable to you, isn't he?"
"He's my best friend," Natsume retorts. He feels like he says it all the time, now. Like maybe he's trying to force it to be true.
"I see," Natori says, indulgently. "Well, I'll give you my very best charm, then. Wait here."
Natori hurries upstairs. Natsume turns to Hiiragi.
"You're looking well," she monotones. "You seem to get a little softer every time you say that boy's name."
Natsume doesn't even process that statement. He lets it bounce off him like water from oil, because his mind just might implode if he even considers it.
"You seem well, too," he replies. "And I see Natori is the same as ever."
"I think there's something in his past. Something he doesn't want to deal with," Hiiragi says. "But it doesn't matter. I will work for him no matter what he is like."
Natsume wonders if she's lonely. Sometimes, when you resolve to do something no matter what, you can wind up feeling completely alone.
"If you ever need a break," he says, brightly, "you can come and work for me."
"Whaaaat?" Nyanko spits. "I don't need help from spirit like her."
"You're my bodyguard," Natsume tells him. He thinks it's important that he's clear on this. It's important that Hiiragi knows she can go to him, that she never feels trapped. "It's not the same as having a servant."
He hates the idea of having a servant, but that isn't what this conversation is about.
Hiiragi seems taken aback.
"That won't be necessary," she says, stiffly. "I am happy here."
"I'm glad," Natsume says, smiling.
Natori comes back with a thin gold chain.
"It's more powerful than any of the rocks," he announces. "If little Tanuma is attacked, this will activate and protect him for fifteen minutes."
"That's long enough for me to run to his house," Natsume calculates. "Great. Thanks, Natori."
"It's no problem," Natori answers, waving a hand in the air. "Anything for my favourite assistant. Do you want to stay for dinner?"
"No," Natsume replies, curtly. "Also, I'm not your assistant."
tbc
a/n
+ thank you for reading.