notes/warnings
+ I found this chapter extremely difficult to write. not sure what that says about the quality.
+ once again, I give my assurances that any OCs are just there to advance the plot, and aren't going to be requited love interests for any canon characters
Part Thirteen
Natsume spends all night trying to think of alternatives. Other things he could do. Other people he could use.
But there are no alternatives. In order to protect this world he loves so much, he has to put the people he loves most in danger. And he has to. For Touko. For Shigeru. For Kitamoto and Nishimura and Sasada and everyone.
He takes his friends aside before class, one hand on Taki's wrist, the other on Tanuma's back. They are his most precious treasure, and he is absolutely terrified at what he's about to do.
He talks quietly, without letting go of either of them. He tells them what they need to know and nothing more. He tells them about the two ancient sickness-spirits, and the trap, and the need for people with weak spiritual ability. He tells them he has no other choice. He doesn't mention Matoba by name. He doesn't tell them that he'll be acting as bait.
When he is finally finished, Taki looks serious and concerned. Tanuma looks kind of amazed. Sometimes Natsume wishes he'd never met either of them, so that all of this might have been avoided.
"This spirit sounds very powerful," Taki says, worriedly. "Especially that lethal poison barb. I think I'm going to go through all my grandfather's books and see if there's anything that might be useful."
"I don't think it will help," Natsume tells her. "Some very experienced exorcists have done a lot of research and this trap is the only thing they could find."
"Still," Taki continues. "I might be able to find something, even if it's not very big or important."
"I can't believe you're letting me help," Tanuma blurts out, sounding stunned.
Natsume fists his hand in Tanuma's shirt, and oh god he doesn't want this to happen, he doesn't want any of this. Why has it come to this?
"I'm sorry," he says, softly.
Tanuma bounces through the rest of the day at school, unable to keep still or focus. He's actually going to be involved. He's going to help and not be useless. Excitement tingles underneath his skin, makes him giddy and silly.
He chases Nishimura around at lunchtime, while Kitamoto stands back and shakes his head. He answers every question in class, and doesn't care when he gets things wrong. He barely notices the lingering aches and pains from Nishimura's cold.
At the back of his mind, Tanuma knows what this means. He remembers what Natsume said to Taki, that night they both slept over. He remembers that the reason Natsume always left him out was because he was precious.
Tanuma mustn't be precious any more.
And so Tanuma tells jokes in the hall between classes, and hums under his breath, and rides the emotional high as best he can. Because he knows that when he comes down, he's going to come down hard.
Just before dinner, the green shapeshifter appears on Natsume's windowsill and regards him expectantly.
It has been sent for an answer. Natsume swallows against the lump in his throat.
"Yes," he says, miserably. "Yes, and you tell him they had better not get hurt."
It nods just once, and then vanishes into the night.
Natsume calls Tanuma. He wants to be reassured. He wants a little of the comfort that Tanuma always brings to his life. Which is ridiculously selfish, because he's the one who's going to put Tanuma in danger.
"Hi," Natsume says, quietly.
"Hey," Tanuma replies, sounding strangely deadpan.
Oh no.
"Hey," Natsume continues. "Listen, I'm really sorry for getting you involved. We're setting the trap sometime in the next few days. After that, I won't ever ask for your help again, I promise."
"I want to help," Tanuma points out, softly.
"I need to protect you," Natsume tells him. He's never said it out loud before. On a different day, he'd probably feel terrible. He'd probably feel like he was confessing to something huge and overbearing and friendship-ending.
Maybe he is. But he's so scared.
"Oh," Tanuma says, and there's warmth in his voice now. "Maybe it's my turn to protect you?"
"Maybe," Natsume replies. He keeps his voice carefully neutral. Nobody else is home, and so nobody can see him tearing at his hair.
Tanuma feels okay after that. He's pretty disappointed in himself for ever getting upset, actually. It's not as if he ever expected anything from Natsume. He doesn't need to be requited, he just needs everyone to be alive and safe.
He has everything he needs, really. He has his powers, and reasonably good health. And as an extra special bonus, he still has Natsume's precious friendship.
This is all he's ever needed.
"Tomorrow," Natsume says.
The back of his hand is pressed against Tanuma's, like there aren't dozens of other students around them.
"I'm ready," Taki announces, fishing around in her pockets. "Look what I found."
It appears to be a very long length of blue thread, knotted into a circle. Tanuma waits patiently for her to tell them what it does.
"Is that what I think it is?" Ponta asks, shifting around on top of Tanuma's head.
"It makes a spirit visible to the eyes of ordinary humans," Taki explains, beaming. "It will only last for a few hours, though."
"I'm not sure how it will be useful," Natsume says. "I promise you that none of us will be getting close enough to the sickness-spirit to use that."
"That's not what I was thinking of doing," Taki murmurs.
"Why don't we use it on Ponta?" Tanuma asks. "That way we'll still be able to see him when he's a giant invisible demon-spirit."
Ponta swats at his face.
"Who are you calling a giant invisible…actually, that's kind of a cool-sounding description."
Tanuma chuckles to himself.
"It probably won't hurt anyone," Natsume says, reluctantly. "And it might help, I guess."
"And if Taki tries to touch me, I can eat her," Ponta adds, joyfully.
Taki rolls her eyes and folds her arms. Tanuma notices a tiny insignia inked across her left wrist.
"What is that?" he asks.
"The other thing I discovered," Taki tells him, still pouting a little. "It kind of…doubles a person."
"No," Natsume tells her. "It will be dangerous to go out with something like that. You need to have as little spiritual power as possible."
"It doesn't affect a person's power. When activated, it makes, like, a mirror image of a person. A copy. For just a few minutes. I'm going to draw one on Tanuma as well."
"If you're sure it's protective, then I guess it's okay," Natsume sighs. "But I'm not sure I understand why you need it."
"It may allow one of us to work the trap alone," Taki says. "If anything happens to either of us."
"Nothing is going to happen to either of you," Natsume says, fiercely.
"But-"
"No," he tells her. "I will protect both of you. Nothing bad will happen to either of you. Wear the insignia if you wish, but you won't need it."
He's upset again. He's always upset, these days. Tanuma wonders how long this sickness-spirit has been hanging around. He wonders if Natsume will be able to be happy again once it's gone.
Tanuma reaches out and tousles his hair, resting his hand on top of Natsume's head for longer than strictly necessary.
"Thank you," he says, gratefully.
Natsume gives him a watery smile.
"We should have another sleepover tonight," Taki suggests. "I mean, since we're all working together tomorrow anyway. It would be nice for the three of us to do something as friends."
"Yeah," Natsume says, thoughtfully. "That would be good."
"I'm coming too," says an unfamiliar voice. "I can help."
Tanuma blinks. There's a girl standing on the other side of Natsume. She has long, white-blonde hair and a pretty face. She's wearing their school uniform, but Tanuma is fairly certain he's never seen her before in his life.
Although she does look a little like Hikari.
"Are you a spirit?" Taki asks, brightly. The girl nods.
"I've been following Natsume for a while, but today I thought I'd use a form you can see. My name is Aoi. Nice to meet you."
She's only looking at Taki and Natsume. Tanuma wonders if she's angry at him for rejecting Hikari, somehow.
"Nice to meet you," Taki says, grinning. "So are you going to help us trap the sickness-spirit?"
"She's not doing anything," Natsume growls. "Aoi, I told you to leave my friends alone."
It's unnerving when Natsume gets angry. He always seems so soft and gentle and good, like he shouldn't be capable of anger. Tanuma wonders what this girl has done to upset him so much.
"I know," she tells him. "But I didn't want you to be able to use that as a reason to stop me from helping you tomorrow. They've already seen me, now. And you need my help. You need all the help you can get."
"But-"
"Don't you want to keep your friends safe?" she asks. She seems to know Natsume really well. Tanuma wants to ask him about her, but he won't. Not now, and not ever. It's none of his business.
"We'll go on ahead," he says loudly, slinging an arm around Taki's shoulders. "See you at lunch, Natsume."
Natsume glances at him with a pained sort of expression.
"Thank you," he says, briskly.
"No problem," Tanuma replies.
He'd do anything for Natsume. Anything.
"He's hugging that girl," Aoi observes, softly. "Or half-hugging her, anyway. Does that mean he doesn't want you?"
"He never wanted me," Natsume says, through gritted teeth. "Stop talking about that."
Aoi chews on her fingernails. She's clearly nervous. Natsume really doesn't care. He wants to spend the rest of his day with his friends, not interfering nosey fish spirits. Because he doesn't know how much time he has left. He never knows how much time he has left. Even if everything goes fine tomorrow, there will still be other evil spirits to fight. There is always something that wants him dead.
The thought of putting his friends in danger is making him maudlin. Natsume shakes his head hard.
"You had no right to come here," he says, finally.
"You have to let me come along tomorrow," Aoi pleads. "I can be useful. I have powers. I can help protect all of you."
"I can protect my friends," Natsume says, even though he's not really sure if that is true. He wants it to be true. He desperately, desperately wants it to be true.
"Then I'll protect you," Aoi says. She sounds desperate. "I have to. I love you."
Natsume clenches his fists, frustrated. He doesn't want to be loved. He just wants everyone to be okay.
Well, maybe he wants to be loved by Tanuma, but even that is irrelevant right now.
"I never asked for this," he says, fighting to keep his voice neutral.
"I never asked for it either," Aoi says, sadly.
"She's really beautiful," Tanuma comments, shielding his eyes.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Ponta says, batting at a particularly errant tuft of Tanuma's hair.
"Worry about what?" Tanuma asks, confused.
"I think it's good," Taki says. "I think the more people on our side, the better."
"Does Natsume usually have spirits wanting to help him out?"
"Well," Taki says, and then stops. "I guess I shouldn't tell you."
"Even now?"
"He still probably wouldn't want that. Even though I personally think it's a little ridiculous. I still suspect that after tomorrow, Natsume is going to go right back to keeping you as far from the spirit world as possible."
Tanuma sighs.
"You're probably right," he says. "I really would like to see more of it, though. The few things I've seen were so beautiful."
"The spirit world is definitely beautiful," Taki says. "But also dangerous. I think you and I should try to be happy with the lives we have."
"Yeah," Tanuma replies.
At lunch time Natsume sits between them, links arms with both of them, tips his head back against the wall and closes his eyes. He looks pale and tired. Sometimes Tanuma wishes he could take exhaustion from people, as well as illness.
"Everything will be okay," he murmurs to Natsume. To Taki, who is the best friend he could ever ask for. To the rotund calico pig-cat currently eating his lunch.
Everything will be okay.
The human world is beautiful, too.
tbc
a/n
+ I'm sorry this is atrociously late. I have no excuse. I have, however, discovered homestuck. :/
+ thank you so much for reading
+ I also want to apologise for not responding to so many of your lovely reviews. I am going to do my best to answer every single one of them from now on.