A/N: Re:Zero and all affiliated characters belong to Tappei Nagatsuki, only what I write is owned by me.
My side slams into hard stone and I black out.
...
But not for long. As I recover from my brief bout of unconsciousness, I see that I'm on the wall. My left side is in a good deal of pain from my brush with death, but it's still far better than getting hit by a car. "Phew," I say, glad I let go fast enough. Thinking about it, I'll probably have a nasty bruise, but after feeling around, I am glad to realize that I probably didn't break anything.
I look down at the tree and see that about half the branch fell and got caught farther down. I also notice three people running towards me, one of whom has cat ears, one of whom has green hair, and the last of whom is almost here.
"Gotta go fast then." I comment to myself as I am galvanized into action. I run over to the other side and thankfully see some decent brush there. I lower myself from that side of the wall, and slightly bend my knees to soften my landing. I tense up, ready to drop down, but then stop myself to relax. I remember that a lot of damage from collisions and falls occurs because the people getting hurt tense up, so I force myself to relax as I drop the 20 feet into the brush.
I land in the bushes I chose, and my feet and legs get scratched up as I crash through them. The brush does its job, though, and allows me to land without spraining my ankle or breaking anything in my foot. I wade through a couple feet of shrubbery to reach the paved area before I start off at a jog towards where I guess a town square to be. Remembering Wilhelm's great athletic ability, I duck off into an alleyway, check to see if it has any problematic people inside of it, and, after confirming that there are no people, make my way down a thin corridor in the maze of the big city.
I wander through the city, taking guidance from a tugging in my gut that seems to occasionally pull me towards something, always in the same direction. I make my way into a market when I see a stand selling appas. I recognize the seller. I haven't been here before. I think, wondering where I know that guy from. "Oh, he's in the show!" I say and snap my fingers in comprehension. I start to mutter to myself, "That means Subaru first comes in right..."
"I'll turn you into XP!"
Right there. He should be right there. I get into a position to avoid notice, then sit back and watch with interest as the events of the first scene unfold. Subaru gets beat up, Felt makes her way through the alleyway, and Emilia is a good person and helps him up. The only reason I didn't do so myself was the dual knowledge that she was coming, and I would have provided no help but to get beat up as well.
Once Emilia starts to heal Subaru, I make my way over to her. "Thank you, I was watching, but I have no magic or weapon, and after the first girl walked by, I didn't think anyone was going to help him if I cried out." Emilia starts, and Puck shoots up in front of me. I begin to think on the plot of the first episode, and remembering she introduces herself as Satella, the thought changes to that of a question about the name of this stranger and her cat. "I thank you, stranger, you really were a good Samaritan." I begin to speak extra formally because my mind has fully shifted into story mode. "If I may ask, what is the name of this lovely lady and her phenomenal feline friend?"
She looks shocked at my comment, and Puck says, "He's weird, but I don't sense any malice from him at all."
"I've recently moved here and while I'm here, it's my intention to do no harm." I declare, pulling up a smile. I realized I was overdoing it the moment I finished talking. I put my hand to my forehead, "What am I saying?" I ask with bewilderment, pulling in a breath to restart the conversation. " Hi, I'm John, it was very kind of you to help this man, and I wish I could've done the same. As I'm new here, I don't know anyone, so would you mind if I asked your name?"
Emilia was still reacting to what I was saying, and had probably not therefore decided what name to give. "If you don't feel comfortable giving your name, just make something up, I don't care about your real name, I'm just here to help him." I say, nodding my head towards Subaru.
"You know him?"
"I expect that I was taken here to help him out, though I can't guess by who." I haven't given much thought to how I arrived here, as I my only guess is Satella, and that wouldn't really work because she shouldn't be able to reach a world where she is a character. Thinking through it, I come to the conclusion that my goal is to help Subaru. After all, the tugging led me to where he was going to land and be injured.
I see Subaru stir, and decide to leave the first loop to itself after this, because my knowledge of the universe will be catastrophically wrong if Subaru doesn't realize a couple of things.
"Where are you going?" Emilia asks.
"At the moment, he's in the care of someone who can actually help him. Until I learn some things about my capabilities, I'll leave you two in each other's care, though your spirit should help protect both of you more than either of you help each other."
"I won't protect him!" She yells after me as I start running out of the alley.
"Well, I guess he'll die then."
With that parting shot, I dart to the side and hide behind a crate to listen to see if I changed anything.
Emilia and Subaru's interaction continues as normal; they take off together, they look for Felt and, thankfully, Emilia still introduces herself as Satella. I continue to follow as they, eventually, both go into the slums and into the house of Old Man Rom. I remember as Subaru goes in that this is when he dies the first time.
"Wait!" I scream out, remembering the disemboweling assassin Elsa. I run towards the house as Emilia enters. I yell out, "There's an assassin. She's going to..." I scream as I feel my guts being torn out and my soul being yanked back and back and back. I look down, but there's no hole in my stomach. "What in the world?" As Subaru dies, so do I.
I appear back in the market, and collapse to my knees. I look around and see Subaru. I'm still reeling from the pain of his death, and as he runs off I lie on the ground clutching my stomach.
The pain of death, I've been given a taste of hell. I know why it's called the lake of fire, that thing which is the justness of punishment for my sin. I stood by and let him die, and every pore of my skin, every nerve in my body was set aflame. Not only that, but the most crushing sense of grief, a tearing, that of my soul being separated from itself and being torn to shreds, only for it all to unwind and for me to end up here. The car was nothing to this, disembowelment was nothing to this, my punishment for letting that man die. I come to, only to see that Subaru is gone. I despair, and weep. I have failed again.
But no, I must at least try. I get up, my face still a mask of tears, and run, run to find the house of Old Man Rom. As I do, I go in with the hope that I'm not too late. I can't fix this myself, so I shout for the guards and hope. Reinhard is off-duty, but he might help. Even if he doesn't, the guards should be able to do something. As they come, I explain to them that I've seen the Bowel Hunter, and learned that she will be undergoing a trade, at the house of Old Man Rom. The conversation with the first one to question me goes like this:
"How do you know this?"
"I overheard some random thief named Felt talking to her, but I don't think she understood who she was dealing with. She probably assumes Old Man Rom can handle her if she gets violent."
"That giant? Can he not handle her?"
"She has the capability, if it comes down to it, to survive in a fight with Reinhardt. If he was on duty or I knew where he was, I would ask him to go as fast as he could to reach that house before she does."
The guard, who now understands my urgency, calls for some of each patrol we pass to join us, until there is a decent following coming after me.
After running until my legs burn and running some more, I round a corner and finally see the house. The only problem is that it's shaking, and the time is already late evening. I shout at the guards, "In there! They're already fighting!" but as I do I feel a recognizable pain, the hole in my stomach, I am once again dying.
But it feels different, the burning isn't there, only the feeling of disembowelment, which is still painful, but nothing in comparison to the fire, and a stark recall of that memory. Perhaps it's because I did my best to help. I tried my best plan to keep him alive, so even though I failed, the sin I was punished for last time is not present. I understand as I am pulled back, that this is my goal. My goal is helping Subaru survive in another world.
If that is my end, then the pain of hell, of the lake of fire, will be kept from me. Who knows? Maybe that pain will also help me with my other problems, too. After all, pain is a powerful motivator, and I would do anything to keep myself from the pain of ending. Not the pain of the destruction of the body, but that pain, that burning, crushing, tearing pain, the pain of the fabric of my very soul being made completely into nothing.
A/N: Thanks for reading this story, and I hope you liked how I handled the restarts. If you have any comments or criticisms, feel free to leave them and I'll make sure to read them.