Inspire
~ Lift Up ~
"Okay, let's get you in this wheelchair," said the doctor enthusiastically as he walked into my ward. It was days after I'd seen Candy's mother and since then, the little happiness that I once contained had abandoned me completely. Time flew by, and most of the time I would just sit in my bed - propped up by the metal beams - and stare elsewhere. I hardly ate anything, and barely listened when somepony talked to me. It felt as though there was no reason to even carry on living. What was the point? I had recovered fully over the last month - the bruises, cuts and scrapes were gone. Yet I felt like a big piece of me was missing - like my life would never be the same again. I cried myself to sleep every night...
I struggled into the wheelchair. The doctor gently hoisted me up and attached the wheelchair to my flank. I would still be able to walk on my front hoofs, just my flank would be positioned on the wheelchair for support. Once I was seated in the wheelchair, the doctor ordered me to walk around the room. I wobbled slightly as I took a step forward, but the doctor held me gently in place. It felt good to walk again after staying in bed for so long. Walking around got very tiring, and I had to rest in bed again after some time. "Don't worry, we'll get you walking normally again in no time," smiled the doctor. I practised walking in my wheelchair every day for about a week, and progressively, I became less tired with each walk. After much practise and many trips and falls, I began to walk normally. One morning I woke up and Twilight walked into my ward once again. "The doctors say you can leave the hospital, Lavender," said Twilight. I smiled dryly. "Yay," I said without emotion. I was still so depressed - and embarrassed that I would be the only pony in Ponyville with a wheelchair. Sometimes, other animals would snigger at me through the window beside my bed - making me even more heartbroken. So many terrible things had happened to me, and I felt no obligation to be happy, get excited or look forward to anything in life. My personality was shattered - I was like a totally different pony. I constantly felt like I was living in a nightmare, and I hoped that I would eventually wake up. No, reality for me was much worse than a nightmare.
Twilight and I left the hospital at a slow pace. It had been days since I first began walking again, and walking no longer tired me out. I'd never walked with my wheelchair outside before, and there were no ponies on the street. It was early morning, and the sun was just beginning to rise over the mountains. "Shall we go to your cottage first, Lavender? You haven't been there in so long. Fluttershy was looking after it while you were... away," said Twilight happily.
"Sure," I nodded dully. When we got to my cottage door, Twilight opened it and we walked in. Everything was neat and tidy and there was a sweet fragrance of daffodils in the air. It felt good to be home. Twilight left my cottage soon after, and I was left alone. For the first time in weeks, I had absolute privacy. I reflected on all the events of the past few weeks and wondered what I was going to do from there, and where I was going to go.
I felt embarrassed to leave my cottage because of my wheelchair, and I didn't want other ponies to regard me as inferior. I was also still terribly depressed, and I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life. I stayed in my cottage the entire day before realising that I needed to buy some supplies from the market. I sighed softly and whispered to myself, "You can do it, Lavender." Then I walked out of my cottage and down the road.
For the first time, ponies that I didn't know caught a glimpse of me in my wheelchair. The street was fairly busy, with many ponies headed for home or towards the market. Many ponies tried not to stare as I stumbled down the road, but some just couldn't take their eyes off me. It was really disheartening. I got to the market place and purchased my supplies. Then I met up with Fluttershy and thanked her for keeping my cottage in such a good condition. "It's my pleasure, Lavii. Anything for a friend," said Fluttershy. For the first time in weeks, I actually smiled. On the way home I saw the young colt, Snails hiding in a bush near my cottage. He was sniggering at me with another pony that I didn't know. I gazed at the ground and tried not to cry as I walked up to my cottage. Then I walked in and closed the door. I wasn't seen for days after that.
3 days had passed and my house was an absolute mess. Tissues were strewn all over the floor. I'd never cried so much in my life. I was constantly crying, and every time I thought about my legs or Candy, it sent stabs of pain through my heart. I was heartbroken, depressed and a complete mess. I'd gotten very thin, I had dark rings around my eyes and I never got enough sleep. Everyday somepony would help me with making the food and cleaning up because I was in the wheelchair. I felt like a commodity, a toy being played with every day, and I wasn't able to help myself.
I wasn't able to change those feelings I had towards myself because of my disability.
"I'm having a party at my house in two days' time," said Twilight excitedly. She woke me up earlier that morning and tried to cheer me up. It was hard for the other ponies to see me in such a depressed condition, so most of them did everything they could to help make a difference in my life. Nothing really helped though. I always thought to myself that no matter what any pony said, it wouldn't bring my legs or Candy back.
I was always demotivating myself... "Would you like to come?" prompted Twilight. I hesitated. "Umm, well... I'm... Actually seeing another pony at her house in two days' time... But maybe next time?" I lied. Twilight gazed at the ground and looked disheartened. "Oh, okay. Yeah... Maybe next time." Then she walked out of my cottage without saying a word.
The sun was just beginning to drop below the mountains. It was a beautiful evening, and I had decided to go for a walk to clear my thoughts. I felt worse than ever, and looked even more terrible than before. I stumbled along the path, propped up and supported from behind by my wheelchair. I tripped every so often, but I was used to it. I walked past trees, and the lakes I used to swim in when I was a young filly. I turned corners, walked through forests and eventually found myself in a small meadow. I got so carried away by my thoughts that I didn't pay attention to where I was going. After looking around suspiciously, I heard voices coming from the other side of the bushes. I approached the flora cautiously and peeked through the thick leaves. The young fillies; Sweetiebelle, Scootaloo and Applebloom, stood by a blueberry bush in the meadow, and each carried a small basket filled to the brim with berries.
They all looked a bit disheartened and tired, like they'd been working for a while. "I guess a berry-picking cutie mark is out of the question too," said Scootaloo sadly. Applebloom sighed. "We're never going to find our cutie marks. It's impossible. We're going to be the only ponies in all of Equestria without cutie marks one day," mumbled Applebloom. She looked close to tears. "Everypony's going to laugh at us. I just want to be normal - like everyone else," replied Scootaloo sadly. Then Sweetiebelle turned around sharply, glared at the other ponies and said sternly, "Girls... It's okay, we've just got to keep trying. Keep calm and Flutter on, remember? And Scootaloo, no pony would laugh at us if we don't get our cutie marks. It's just the immature colts and spoiled fillies that would laugh. But don't worry about what they think, you're both perfect just the way you are. Don't worry about what others think of you. I mean, look at Lavender. She lost her best friend and both her hind legs. How is she supposed to deal with that?" The other ponies' expressions softened. I felt a tear run down my cheek. "She's an inspiration," said the ponies in turn. Scootaloo and Applebloom smiled. Then Scootaloo exclaimed proudly, "Come on girls, let's go find our cutie marks! For Lavender!" They all gave each other high hoofs and bolted away from the meadow. I stood quietly in my hideout. It was as though the sun was rising out of the darkness.
I felt the familiar feelings of hope, and warmth, and strength return to my body.
I'm an inspiration. I never thought I would be an inspiration to other ponies - especially not now in my time of despair. I felt happiness flood my face. I smiled brightly to myself and became aware of every tiny detail - the birds chirping in the trees, the gentle trickle of a nearby stream. I felt free, released from the bondage of depression. The fillies were right. I didn't need to be ashamed of my disability. Yes I looked different, but I was still the same pony as before. I realised that I'd had many ponies supporting me from the beginning - even the young fillies. It was time for me to come home, for my friends to be back with the real me. I'd been gone for too long, and the real me was finally returning. "Keep calm, and Flutter on," I whispered to myself…
The walk to Twilight's house was quick and easy. It was the night of the party, but nopony suspected me to be there. They thought I was still depressed. I had done a full house clean-up the day before and had also given myself a makeover. I was starving by the time I arrived back home from the meadow the day before, but I was already starting to look better again. I couldn't wait to be with my friends again. Finally, I stumbled up to Twilight's front door. It was left open for all the ponies attending the party. I walked in slowly and found all my friends, as well as ponies I didn't know, standing around in silence. There were gasps of surprise and everypony looked around anxiously. My friends couldn't believe I was standing there in front of them. They didn't know what to think. Then, after moments of silence, I stomped the wooden floor with my front hoof and exclaimed, "Let's get this party started!" There were claps and hugs and tears as everypony came to the realisation that the real me was back. Everypony told me how much they missed me, and that they were glad I was back.
I beamed at everypony and apologised for my terrible attitude over the past few weeks. "It was hard for me. I lost my legs and one of my best friends. I was devastated, and thought that everypony would laugh at me for being in a wheelchair. I now know that I was very mistaken." I looked around the room, and into everypony's eyes. "Thank you all for being there for me, and supporting me. I would also like to thank the young fillies; Sweetiebelle, Scootaloo and Applebloom for helping me return to my senses. And thank you, Candy, for also always being there for me.
You were one of my best friends, and one of the kindest ponies I knew. We're all going to miss you." There was a moment of silence around the room. Then the music started thumping and people dragged me to the dance floor. I learned how to dance in my wheelchair and was even picked up and carried around the room by large stallions - all in one night. And what a memorable night it was...
Candy thought of herself as being "differently-abled" rather than "disabled". She stumbled through hard times, and suffered emotionally and physically. But she pushed through, she didn't give up and she inspired others to be the very best they could be, and to do the very best they could do. Even though her state of depression changed her during the times of despair, she still stayed true to herself - she still took heart. So the morale of the story? Whatever you're going through; don't give up, always give your best and always strive to be an inspiration.