Chapter 23 - Past and Future

A whole world stood between him and his princess.

First came Mahim and Garsen. Then came Theodwise and the village of Serenne. Now it was all of Hyrule.

There were no more quiet nights by the crackling campfire, no more journeys on horseback with the little family he had formed with Zelda and the sheikah. Now he understood what it meant for Zelda to be the princess, and he regretted once again that he remembered nothing of the past. Perhaps years ago he had stood like this, close and distant at the same time, alert and ready should she need his help. And he had no way of knowing, but he was almost certain that the Link of a hundred years ago would have fallen in love with her too, despite the distance.

"Symin, have you seen Zelda?"

"She's meeting with Lord Tyto, the leader of the Rito. I think he wanted to talk to you as well. There are people from a small village south of Tabantha who want to see the Princess of Hyrule. And... the Hero of the Sword."

"You know they're coming to see her," he smiled, "I suppose I'll be able to meet them later, once they've given us those cabins, as they say. Do you think we'll stay in the Rito village long?"

"I have no idea... I'd like to get back to Hateno, I'm worried about leaving the lab alone for so long."

"The lab will be fine, don't worry."

Symin smiled and just shrugged. There was little they could do now that the whole kingdom was pulling them away from home. Even if they ran now, it would be a long time before they got there.

After Theodwise's revelation in Serenne, there had been only haste, interruptions, people. Link hadn't been able to spend a single minute alone with Zelda, and he got the impression that she wasn't having a very good time either. But earlier that day, they had reached the Rito village, they were at Lake Totori. At last, they had reached the end of their journey.

Link felt a kind of vertigo. Yes, vertigo was the word, because it was necessary to confess to her that there was something inexplicable that was pushing him towards her, as it had never pushed him towards anyone before. He would tell her as soon as she talked to him about the past. And he would tell her that the past no longer mattered to him, only the future. It had to be as soon as possible. Then they would have time to make plans for the journey back home. He would have Purah make a telescope at home so that Zelda could draw her maps of the stars, and they would ride with Shadow and Snow through the trees of Hateno's forest. He would clear the plain of the guardians' rubble, so that she would never again have a panic at the sight of it. They will go to the beach of Lurelin and he will kiss her at sunset, his feet in the warm waters of the southern sea. All of these plans looked so good in his mind that he could hardly wait to put them into action.

That night, Lord Tyto held a feast to celebrate the arrival of the Princess of Hyrule in the village, as well as the end of the Calamity. It was not a great celebration - the rito were cautious and traditional - but there was plenty of food and drink to go around. There was a long table, presided over by Lord Tyto, and Zelda was there, the centre of attention, having to greet everyone who came. Even he was forced to deal with a thousand questions and with people who looked at the sword with curiosity and looked at him with respect. It was strange, he had been in the village before and now they looked at him as if he were someone else. He had gone from "that mad boy who dares fly and will kill himself one day" to "look, it's him. He's the hero of Hyrule."

"Soon there will be a full moon. Her Royal Highness should bless the coming of spring with a ritual... it would be so wonderful to show the people the light of the Triforce..." said Theod, who sat beside him, admiring Zelda as if he were seeing her for the first time.

"I don't know if it's appropriate to show the Triforce when there's no reason to," Link said. He remembered the blinding golden light, the intensity - why waste it if there was no real threat? The Goddesses made the Triforce for a purpose, but it was not to entertain the Hylians.

"You think you know a lot about this, don't you, boy? And you don't really know anything."

"I've seen the Triforce. And Ganon too," Link said, frowning, "so I know more than you."

"If you take care of the security, that will be enough; the priests and the sheikah will take care of the knowledge. It was, it is, and it always will be. Everyone has a part to play in this story," Theod said, ignoring his words.

"Of course I'll take care of her safety, that's for sure," he growled, turning his attention back to the food.

"Though perhaps it would be better to seek out trained guards. A new court of nobles and knights must be created."

"Good luck with that. And by the way... Zelda doesn't want to be a princess."

"My good boy, it's not about what her Highness wants, it's about who she is. The princess is someone different from all of us, she has holy blood. As much as she wants to avoid it, her life is about to change. The castle will be rebuilt and she will bring justice with the grace of the goddess Hylia, the grace that lives within her and her powers. And... you might address Her Royal Highness with more respect... she is not just any villager."

Link said no more. He didn't feel like arguing with this idiot. He knew he had no knowledge of nobility and protocol, but Zelda had never cared. And he was trying to be the best knight he could be, within his limitations, he had tried and would continue to do it.

"Tell me, Hero of Hyrule," Theodwise said, returning to the subject, "are you willing to sacrifice yourself for the Princess of Hyrule, as she has sacrificed herself for you?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's clear that you have feelings for Her Royal Highness, but... are you able to put them aside for the good of the kingdom? Look around you. Children, fathers, mothers, elderly. They all seem enlightened by her presence, and they will need her, they will need the crown to be girded again. It's the time of light that the legends have foretold. You can't stop it, you can't keep the princess in a remote village, out of sight. She was not born to be a villager, nor to live in a tent. She is the light of Hyrule... don't lock that light away in a tiny hut. It's not what a knight would do. Nor is it what a true hero would do."

That night, Link lost his enthusiasm. He even lost his appetite, stung by the words of the false soothsayer.

He had a chance. A split second in the midst of the chaos when he could have taken Zelda by the hand after dinner and led her away to a quiet place. Actually, that had been his idea. To take her to the stables. Shadow was there, and that was a good excuse to lose himself with her for a moment. Instead, he let the moment pass and walked alone, full of doubt, across the large suspension bridge at the entrance to the village.

The lost moments came and went, fuelled by Link's doubts. The next morning, for example, when he went to see the sheikah in their cabin and found Zelda rummaging through books and scrolls. In the afternoon, after a visit from a group of goron who live on a hillside in the Gerudo Mountains. And at night, always at night. Zelda would be the first to leave, or the last, and she would look for him with expectant eyes. He would usually slip away before she was the one to take the necessary step.

Every time he avoided her, it was as if the distance between them grew, as he realised more and more what she really represented. Theod was right. She was the light, and it would be selfish of him to want that light for himself alone. If there was another way to get it, he didn't know. But he did know that Zelda couldn't just live in his tiny house in Hateno. As he had always suspected, she would eventually leave. Perhaps it was best to let her go before he took a step that would hurt them both.

After a few days, he began to receive small assignments. A lost horse. A bokoblin camp that frightened travellers. A collapsed wall by a river. All to distract him from his grief.

"Linky, wait!"

He stopped just outside the Rito village. He carried his travel pack and everything he needed to go to the Hebra Mountains. This time he had to look for a missing mountaineer, who had shown no sign of life for days since he left the mountain hut near the rito soldiers' flight training area. It was getting dark, but he wanted to leave as soon as possible so that he could camp right at the foot of the mountain.

"Has something happened?"

"No, no," said Purah, catching her breath, "it's just that Zeldy wanted to talk to you before you left."

"Is she all right?"

"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't she?"

"Then I can't dawdle. I leave her safety in your hands, it would be wise to speak to Teba or Harth if necessary."

"If necessary what?" asked Purah. She was nervous and impatient.

"Well, have someone guard her or something. There are so many people around her now, someone has to look out for her safety."

Purah let out a laugh that only served to annoy him more. He was in no mood for her nonsense.

"What do you think the rito village is? The halls of King Rhoam or what?"

"I don't think anything. I'll be back in a few days," he said, turning his back on her and walking away.

"Wait! What the hell is wrong with you, Linky?"

"Nothing, you're just distracting me. Tell Zelda I'll be back in a few days."

He started off in a mood that was both grumpy and desperate. Everything had changed and there was no going back, whether Purah wanted to admit it or not.

For days, he lost himself in the great snowy steppes, with the winding northern mountain range of Hebra rising on the horizon, dark and menacing.

This was the latest in a series of quests, of tasks, that managed to distract him from the fact that he and Zelda had not yet spoken. They would have to, whatever the consequences, it was clear that she was more than aware of his behaviour, she was too clever not to see his clumsy evasive manoeuvres. He was avoiding a painful farewell, a rejection or... Goddesses, any of the things that would make him live in fear, believing that it had all been a beautiful mirage that was coming to an end.

He had begun to plan his return home. The idea existed only in his mind, but he hoped that once the problem of the lynel was solved, there would be nothing else. The problem was, he didn't know what to do with Zelda. He couldn't leave her behind, he couldn't imagine leaving her in the middle of nowhere, it was too painful an idea. But he couldn't lock her up in his house like Theodwise had suggested, so what was the right thing to do? Should he follow her like a shadow as she stumbled through towns and villages? Should they rebuild the castle? He needed to get home so he could think, but that meant separating himself from her and the sheikah for a while.

Later that night, he stumbled upon the lynel.

He could almost smell it in the air, it was like electricity. It was bitterly cold and the two rito soldiers with him were asleep, puffing out their feathers like a bird puffs out its feathers for warmth. But he was wide awake, almost chewing on the adrenaline.

The hideous beast appeared defiantly in the middle of the night, emitting two jets of hot steam from its nose. The two soldiers did not even flinch, it was he, he alone, who drew in time, who ran and crawled through the snow to wound the monster in the hoof and knock it off balance. It was a huge creature, bigger than the one in Akkala. Gods, how could humans not live in fear of such a monster?

The fight was not easy. He was clumsy, numb from the cold, and the monster was in his territory. One of the rito had been wounded in the wing and was spraying red blood into the snow, while the other was paralysed with fear. Link felt terror too, a strange, alien terror that took hold of him and made his thrusts miss, but what was it? What on earth was he afraid of? He had faced Ganon himself without a trembling hand, and now he was being intimidated by a lesser evil... The initial chill gave way to the heat of adrenaline. He was sweating, feeling all his muscles warm and ready to respond. He just had to do it, the gift of fighting was something in him, he just had to concentrate and let his instinct take over. Besides, he couldn't let this monster go. So he found the courage to strike a dangerous and deadly blow at the creature. The rito watched in bewilderment, and it was their recounting of the events that made Link a little more aware of what he had achieved, for in the final moments of the battle he was so blinded by his target that it could be said that he did not even realise what he had done.

On the way back to the Rito village, the group was in good spirits, even the wounded rito was smiling triumphantly as he hunted down one of the nastiest creatures north-west of Hyrule. Link felt thoughtful. He could not share in the euphoria of his companions, there was something nagging at the back of his mind, something that robbed him of sleep. And it was the last night, the last camp before returning to the village, that helped him to understand a truth as simple as it was revealing: he was afraid of dying. Yes, everyone is afraid of dying, it's common sense, that's why people don't go around blindly fighting monsters. But he had been born with no memory or awareness of what fear was, and he had never felt it so vividly as when he was hunting the lynel.

The first day he faced a bokoblin half naked with a handful of stones for a weapon, he had no thought of his death, no thought of "what if I do die". He did not think about what would happen if something went wrong the day he jumped from the Big Plateau with a piece of cloth and he fell to his death. It didn't matter. No one would notice his absence, whether he lived or died. He was alone, just a lonely soul searching for answers. But now, now, he couldn't die. If he died, he would never see his new family again. With Zelda as alone in the world as he was, he couldn't leave without being sure she'll be fine. And it was this, and nothing else, that made his arm tremble as he stood up to fight the monster.

Braised duck, mountain salmon roasted with fine herbs, long golden roast potatoes were on Lord Tyto's table. Spring had brought the first harvest of green beans, roasted in their pods, raw, fried with a little pepper... cooked in all their varieties. There were eggs, cheeses, pâtés... Lord Tyto had spared no expense to thank them for their efforts, and this was the best meal Link's greedy eyes had seen in a long time.

But he was nervous, damn it. When he tried to swallow a foodball, it went right through him before it reached his stomach. His hand trembled as he toasted his two rito companions, and Teba and Lord Tyto. And the culprits for his state were those two beautiful emerald eyes, fixed on him the whole time, there was no way to escape or delay the moment any longer. He clearly heard Zelda reject several offers after dinner. "No, not tonight Purah, I have things to do." "Thank you Lord Tyto, perhaps tomorrow I can take a look at your idea to include this in the new tapestry." And he was no less. He had declined the rito's invitation to join them for a drink of mountain brandy after dinner; they wanted to fill one of the lynel's horns with alcohol. "Another day," Link said without further explanation.

When dinner was over, the diners dispersed. It was cold outside, the spring nights on the mountain were still freezing, and there was still unmelted snow. Link rubbed his hands together as he said goodbye to Symin when he felt a tap on his back.

"Shall we go?"

"Yes, let's go."

Zelda had managed to get rid of the sheikah and say goodbye to everyone without seeming rude. And as they walked alone to Revali's Square, he could feel his nervousness growing.

"Are you all right? You're not too tired," she hinted as soon as they stepped onto the huge wooden platform where they had decided to meet.

It was cold, and it lit up Zelda's cheeks. The wind made the surrounding pine forests sound like a sea, and there in the middle, lit only by a few torches, they were finally alone. If he weren't afraid of what she might say, or what he might say back, he would just hug her and feel that, after so many lost days, he was finally where he wanted to be.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"I didn't see your usual appetite at dinner... It would have been more normal to see your section of the table empty of food and full of empty plates, rather than the other way around..."

"The rito use a seasoning that I don't really like... I think I'll save myself for the less spicy food," he joked, which made Zelda laugh. She was nervous too, he could tell, because his clumsy excuse wasn't funny enough to get anyone to laugh.

They joked some more about the food, about drinking baku from the lynel's horn, and about something she said about the day's work. He could barely take it in.

"Link, do you want me to tell you about the past or not?" Zelda asked, finally regaining seriousness.

"I said yes yesterday, I haven't changed my mind."

"There's a lot to tell," she sighed, "a little talk tonight won't be enough. It won't if you really want to know everything I remember."

"I want to know everything."

"Then-

"But... , " he slowed her, wrapping her wrist. Zelda was nervous, gesturing with her hands, "but you can start by telling me only the most important thing. Then there will be more time for storytelling."

"Most important thing," she murmured.

"I don't know what you think is more important. Whether it's what happened the day I almost died, or the message you wanted to give the Deku Tree in the middle of the forest."

"The Deku Tree told you it wanted to give you a message?"

He nodded. When he met the Tree, he didn't understand anything, he just wanted to get out of there with the sword. The Deku Tree then explained that the Princess of Hyrule had left the sword there to guard it until Link returned to claim it, and that its fate was yet to be decided, and... and that she had an important message for the hero. But she should only deliver it in person, it was not fit for a tree to tell such a thing.

"Was it not true that you wanted the Tree to tell me something on your behalf? Talking trees seem trustworthy... I don't think they go around telling lies..."

"Yes, it was true," she smiled, both nervous and relieved to hear him teasing her about it to ease the tension.

"Well?"

"Actually, the two things are related. Your death or near-death... the message I wanted to leave you and n-no... it all got a bit lost when I saw that you didn't remember anything."

"Well, you see, I still want my message."

"I was always a mistake," she said, looking back at the past, "I was not fit to be a princess, nor was I fit to work with the sheikah. I was not the best student Robbie and Purah had, nor was I a great worshipper in the eyes of the Priests of Light. I was a failure in their eyes, as I was in my father's. And... then you came."

"Didn't we know each other before I had the sword?"

"I think the day I found out someone had done it was one of the worst days of my life," she admitted. Her eyes sparkled with the memory, but she kept her composure.

"I thought you were a mistake too? Is that the problem?" he was worried.

"No... and that made it all the worse," Zelda smiled a sad, wry smile, "you were always good and kind to me. No matter how badly I treated you or how many times I tried to get rid of you."

"I don't understand," he said, shaking his head, "if I was there to help you, that's what that stupid Ancient Tapestry said, wasn't it? Besides, I swore a knight's oath... Why would you want to get rid of me?"

"Because seeing you... seeing the sword... it made me realise how useless I was... it was like feeling like time was running out and I couldn't make any progress. I was useless at being the princess, useless at awakening the power. You had already done it, you had achieved it, you were a source of pride and nothing more was expected of you... or so I thought. In the beginning. I made mistakes, and I was wrong about you, as I have never been wrong about anyone in my life."

Zelda hesitated for a moment. She was holding back tears, Link was sure of it, so he took her hand. She wrapped her hand around his immediately and sighed, trying to find the words to go on.

"The message from the Tree then," he said, trying to get her to focus.

"I love you."

Two tears streamed down Zelda's face, and she wiped them away immediately, almost angrily. He was speechless, so she moved on.

"You see, it's not a message that can be delivered by a tree. That was the real message, it wasn't just a thank you. It's... the explanation for everything. I love you. And if I'd said it before, maybe... maybe..."

"Take it easy," he said, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. He did his best not prevent her from saying another word. He didn't need to hear another word from her.

"You were always the answer, Link. But I didn't understand. When I was meditating in the springs, you were on my mind, when I was in my studio or with the sheikah, you were the only thing on my mind. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but you've even appeared in my dreams, when I was begging the goddess Hylia to give me a vision like the ones my mother had. There was someone who tried to tell me that these feelings were important and could attract unimaginable power. Still..."

"Do you think I appeared in your dreams as some kind of sign?"

"Of course I do, I do now... but I didn't know at the time."

He stood there for a moment, pondering. Thoughtful or stunned by this revelation. He often dreamed of her, too, perhaps it was a sign. What are signs, really?

"Hm," he growled, after a moment of silence that only served to make Zelda tremble with impatience.

"Link, please...," she finally smiled and shook her head in resignation.

"And when did you know it was true? When did you know that I... I was some kind of answer?

"When it was too late. Ganon had awakened, and I was still as useless as ever. You all went to encourage me, to help me. Then... it all happened so fast. The guardians, the fire everywhere. It's a long story, and..."

"Were you trying to sacrifice yourself for me?" He interjected, "You were about to take a fatal blow meant for me. And at the last second, as a result of that sacrifice, your power awakened."

"How do you know that?"

"I've done my research too. I know it was on the plain, outside the walls of Hateno, I know how that place makes you feel. And... this is not my first visit to the Rito village. I've heard their songs and legends before."

"So... have you always known?" she said in shock, releasing her hands from his.

"Not at all. In my travels through Hyrule, I've heard many stories. Some dark, some not so dark. Each story seems different depending on the mouth that tells it. And that sounded like one of those stories about the knights in the books. No... I didn't think it was true. The song says something about a sacrifice and that it was love that awakened the holy power. It sounds like a fairy tale, and it never occurred to me that it could be true."

"Well, you see, it's not a fairy tale," she sighed and looked away.

"Hey," he interjected, holding her face with both hands to keep her from looking away, "don't think I'm joking. I'm clumsy, you know... I can't express myself very well. But you don't know what this means to me."

"Do you understand now why it was so hard for me to tell you all this? Do you think you would have believed me if I had told you?"

"It wouldn't have been the same," he admitted, "and now I understand it's not easy. No one goes around telling a stranger that you loved and sacrificed for him a hundred years ago."

"Don't talk about it in the past tense, please," Zelda slid her hands down the lapels of his tunic, sure she could feel his heart beating wildly underneath, "don't say 'I loved you'."

"Let me speak in the past tense for a moment, it's my turn now," he said. She nodded, still trapped in his hands, "You don't know how strange all this has been for me until I met you. Until I met you, I was wandering and I was alone. I could wake up one day and no one would notice. Nothing would happen. I could disappear, get lost in the night I woke up from one day, and no one would come looking for me."

"I'd do," she hastened to interrupt him.

"Wait, let me finish."

"I'm sorry..."

"I wasn't afraid. Whether I jumped headfirst into the crater of a volcano or threw myself off the highest peak in Hyrule... it didn't matter. It was your voice that woke me. You were the only thing, and for a long time you were just that: a reason like any other to go on. Now everything has changed and I am afraid. I'm a damn coward," he smiled, shaking his head, "hey, my hands are shaking like a child who's never held a sword before, and I swear my hands have never shaken before this. And it's because I'm not alone anymore... it's because I love you too."

Zelda held her tension, for a moment. He reached out to touch her cheek, stroking it with his thumb, with all the affection he felt for her. He leaned in slowly, more than ever before, as he felt her fingers curl anxiously into his tunic.

The world faded away as they kissed again. And this time it was a present kiss, free of the burdens of the past. As soon as he pulled away to look at her, she caught him again, "Kiss me," she repeated, just like the night on Vah Naboris. They kissed as if they were both trying to say the same thing again and again, but with their mouths, as if, even if they repeated it, it would never be enough.

He finally pulled away a little. His lips were swollen from kissing, as much as hers. And he had certainly forgotten all about the cold of that night in the mountains.

"Is something wrong?"

"Not at all," he said, shaking his head with a silly grin. How could anything go wrong with her melting on his lips? But... there were still conflicting voices in his head.

"So?"

"Something's been bothering me and I haven't had the courage to face it," he admitted.

"Well... I ask you heartily to tell me, and from now on I'll try to tell you whatever you want, I won't make any more mistakes in that sense."

"It's... it's my house."

"Your house?"

"It's small."

"Do you want a bigger house? Is that the problem?" she asked with a frown, not understanding. Of course, he didn't express himself well either.

"I don't want to be away from you, Zelda."

"And why the hell would you?"

"You're the Princess of Hyrule and-

"No, I'm not," she interrupted, wrinkling her nose.

"Damn right you are," he said, grabbing her wrists, "no matter how stubborn you get about it."

"Hell, ok, I am. Technically."

"Maybe... my house isn't enough. It's small, it's far from the world. And I can't deprive Hyrule of its princess."

"What the hell...? Well, I'll try to talk without getting angry," she said sniffling, though they were both still enveloped in a sort of cloud of happiness that seemed hard to break, "your house is the most perfect place in all of Hyrule. I've had nightmares that you'd be angry with me, or that you'd want more space for yourself and end up asking me to leave. So I am asking you... or rather, I am begging you, to let me continue to live with you and to put all these absurd ideas out of your mind, because I want nothing more than to go back there, to your small-non-adequate house for princesses."

"What about the castle?"

"I don't know yet, but it doesn't feel like home."

"What if people want to see you?"

"Then I let them come, or I go and fetch them... travelling is pleasant. As long as I have a knight to escort me."

He smiled and kissed her again, then embraced her with relief. He felt so light, his feet seemed to leave the ground at any moment. And he loved Zelda with all his heart, that's all.

"Link, promise me that you will never again listen to the nonsense of Theodwise, the sheikah or anyone else but me," she said over his shoulder. "Only I can decide whether I want to be with you or not."

"I promise."

Zelda snuggled up to him a little more, taking it for granted.

"Hey, Zelda."

"Hm."

"Do you think the sheikah would be angry if I asked you if… tonight I... tonight..." he stammered, stunned at his own idea, "to stay with me in my cabin?"

"Oh, you've got some nerve," she joked, laughing over his shoulder, "They don't need to know."

Zelda broke away from him to grab his hand and pull him in the direction of the cabin.

"Purah will find out. She always finds out about these things," he said, with a hint of concern that only made Zelda laugh harder.

"Yes, she'll find out, and we'll deny it all, as usual. It'll be fun."

"What if she tells Impa? About you and I getting along so well…"

"Are you afraid of Impa?"

"Not exactly..."

"Note for my diary: besides the cuccos, Link is afraid of Impa."

"That's not true, dammit..."

"So you're afraid of Purah, even though she's a defenceless child?"

"A defenceless child? Damn, Zelda, now I understand why we argued in the past."

"Ha! This is nothing... just waiting for you to get on my nerves when you get stubborn about something."

"I'm not stubborn... was I stubborn? Are you going to tell me?"

"We'll see."

-FIN.

Note: Thanks for reading! -J.