Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.

As always, huge thanks go to my pre-reader/cheerleader team. Gredelina1, Verseseven, IamTheAlleyCat and Mary-Alice-Brandon-Cullen. Also to Snarkymuch for beta'ing this chapter and listening to all my bitching when the words wouldn't flow. I love you all.

~ Chapter Eleven — Understanding ~

Esme POV

Her head lowered at an excruciatingly slow pace towards my neck. I struggled for all I was worth, but she had me pinned in place. I couldn't die here. I had to fight. I needed to keep myself safe for Carlisle. I had to defend Bella. If I wasn't here, there would only be an injured werewolf between her and my daughter.

Bella called out to my attacker. "Victoria!"

The eyes of everyone snapped to her just in time to see her drag the shard of rock down her arm, spilling her precious blood onto the snow. The scent reached me, but it had no draw to me. I had never been more in control of my bloodlust than in that moment. My daughter, my brave child, was bleeding to save me.

Victoria was torn with indecision. She wanted to finish me, but the call of Bella's blood was too much for her. She slammed my head against the ground, hard. Spots danced before my eyes, and I was momentarily stunned. It was a moment too long. When I jumped to my feet, I saw Victoria disappearing through the trees with Bella slung over her shoulder.

"Bella!" I screamed her name to the skies as I ran after them. I had never pushed myself so hard in all my life, but I was not fast enough. With cruel abruptness, my every sense was cut off.

I failed her.

The memories of my greatest failure merged into a new scene. Bella cowering against a rock with horror filled eyes. Crimson eyes. Scared eyes. Insane eyes.

No!

Someone was screaming, and I wished they would stop. The couch beneath me felt like it was shaking.

"Shhh, Esme, everything is all right, my love," Carlisle crooned in my ear.

I realized the screams were my own, and they cut off abruptly. They were replaced by choking sobs. I leaned into Carlisle's chest and hid my face behind my hair. I didn't want to be seen falling apart like this, but I couldn't help it.

The room was in chaos. I could hear someone shouting, demanding information, and someone else sobbing. I tried to force myself to look up, but it was impossible. I wanted to stay here, sheltered in my husband's arms forever.

Reality intervened in the form of a thin pair of arms encircling my waist and a head resting against my knees. Alice came to me for comfort. I enveloped her in my arms and ran my hand through her inky hair in soothing strokes.

"I can't believe it, Mom." Her voice was clouded with sadness. "It can't be true."

"Of course it isn't." There was no trace of doubt in my tone.

"I'm telling you it is!" Garrett's voice forced me to look up. He was still clutching the photo frame in his hands, but now he held it against his chest, hiding the image of my children from my eyes.

Jasper launched himself at him and pinned him to the wall with one hand at his throat. His lips were curled back over his teeth in a harsh snarl. "Tell me exactly what happened!"

Jasper slammed Garrett's head against the wall when he didn't immediately answer. The drywall crumbled against the force and dust settled on Garrett's shoulders. I should have been unhappy that Jasper was treating our guest like this, but I didn't care. In fact, I wanted to join the fray myself, to hurt Garrett the way his words were hurting me.

"I told you already," Garrett said. "She's crazy!"

"Stop saying that!" Alice shrieked, jumping to her feet and advancing on Garrett.

Peter put a hand on Jasper's shoulder. "I know this is a shock, but you need to calm down. Garrett will tell you it all; you don't need to hurt him."

Peter understood Jasper in a way none of us, not even Alice, could. They had fought together in the Southern Wars, and Peter knew how to manage Jasper when he was angered like this. My quiet son was gone and replaced with a furious vampire. I was seeing the man he had been then, and for the first time since he had arrived on our doorstep, covered in scars, I felt a frisson of fear looking at him.

Jasper took a calming breath and released Garrett. Stepping back, he extended a hand to shake. "I apologize, Garrett."

"It is understandable, my friend. I imagine you are feeling quite the emotional turmoil at the moment."

I immediately felt guilty. Jasper would have been assaulted by all of our emotions as we processed what Garrett had said. I had to be difficult for him. I concentrated on calming myself. It was not easy to do. Despite the fact I knew Garrett was wrong—though apparently Alice and Jasper at least believed him—the mention of Bella caused an emotional reaction.

Garrett looked down at the photograph in his hands. The silver frame was bent and the glass smashed. He handed it to me, looking apologetic. The glass had cut through Bella's face in a harsh line, splitting her beautiful face in two. I cradled it against my chest as if it were the actual person rather than an image. We could easily print another copy of the picture. The damage was unimportant in the grand scheme of things, and yet it hurt me to see her face torn.

Alice left my arms and flitted to Jasper's side. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him.

"Please, tell us what happened," Carlisle implored. "Why do you think the girl you met is Bella?"

Garrett crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't think. I know. I'm telling you this"—he pointed at the photograph in my hands—"is the girl I met. She is a vampire now, but she doesn't look all that different, same hair, same wide eyes."

"Which doesn't prove anything." I didn't want to even contemplate the possibility.

"Please," Carlisle repeated, "just tell us what you know."

Garrett sighed heavily. "I first saw her over a year ago. I didn't know she was cr–"

Jasper growled low in his throat.

"Fine." Garrett let out an exasperated huff. "I didn't know she was special, then. She ran from me, and I tried to follow; but when I realized I was scaring her, I left her to it. She kept returning to my thoughts, though. I thought of her for a year before I was drawn back to the place. When I found her again, I realized her differences. This human thing isn't just a quirk; it's ingrained. She eats, she drinks, she warms herself by the damn fire."

I shuddered at the thought. How much damage had to be inflicted to warp a vampire's mind so completely? Who and what we were was undeniable. Our instincts led us to feed from blood. How did this girl resolve that in her mind while still eating human food?

"I stayed awhile, but I could see having me there was just hurting her, so I left. That's when I met with you guys"—he looked to Jasper and Alice—"and told you what happened. As you remember, you felt bad for the girl so I offered to go back. When I saw her the last time, I was able to get her talking. That was when she mentioned Carlisle and Esme."

"What exactly did she say?" Carlisle asked.

Garrett looked uncomfortable. "She mentioned your name and said that she had killed your mate."

Jasper crossed his arms over his chest and fixed Garrett in his steely glare. "And the rest."

Garrett sighed heavily. "I asked her what she remembered, and she said she remembered to hide. Her exact words were 'If I don't hide, he will kill me. He will know you saw me, and he will come. He never lies.' She meant you, Carlisle. She believes you are going to kill her."

Carlisle dropped his head into his hands and moaned low in his throat. Before he hid his face, I caught a glimpse of his expression. To anyone else, he would look thoughtful but calm; I knew better. I recognized the expression. It was the same mask he wore when Edward left us, when Alice and Jasper, and then Rosalie and Emmett, came to us and told us they were leaving. It was the face he wore when his heart was breaking but he couldn't show it. I took his hand and pulled him to his feet, nestling into his embrace once more.

"This proves it, though," I said. "It can't be Bella. She would never believe Carlisle capable of hurting her."

Alice whimpered. "She must have been so scared."

Jasper pulled her into his arms, and she sobbed quietly into his chest. I wanted to go and comfort her, but Carlisle was hurting, and he needed me more.

"She's still scared," Garrett said. "She's scared of her own shadow. I know you are all dealing with a lot, and I'm sorry for my part in this, but you have to understand me. This girl is your Bella."

For the first time since this nightmare began, I allowed myself to consider the possibility that Garrett may be right, that somehow Bella had found her way back to us. It was painful to even think of her as Garrett described the girl, but I forced my mind to face the facts. We had never found Bella's body; we all believed her drowned and swept out to sea—Aro's story corroborated it—but we knew already knew that the Volturi had interfered with our pursuit of Bella and Victoria. Could it be…? Could she be…?

Without thought, I began to pace. Carlisle allowed me a circuit of the room before he caught me and pulled me into his arms again. It seemed he was as loathe to break contact as I was.

"Carlisle," I began hesitantly, "who else could it be? Who else have we met that could be so damaged?"

I saw the answer in his eyes before he spoke. "No one."

My knees buckled and suddenly it was only Carlisle's arms that were holding me upright. I didn't understand how or why, but I knew it was right. Our Bella was out there somewhere. Alive.

Suddenly, everything changed. The pain and fear that had enveloped me were gone and replaced with hope and happiness. Bella was alive.

"Alive!"

I didn't realize I spoke the last word aloud until I saw everyone's eyes on me.

"Alive and broken," Garrett said. "You have to understand just how grave the situation is. She is not the girl that you knew; she is a vampire now, and she is obviously damaged."

I nodded. Of course, she was damaged. The separation must have been as hard on her as it had been hard on us. With this new information about her state of mind, I knew that she must have gone through hell. What else would cause her psyche to break like that? Once she was with us again, we could help her; we could heal her. It would take time, but my family would be together. Things could be right again."

"We have to tell Edward." The thought of it alone was enough to lift my sadness.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Jasper said.

"Of course it is." I was already reaching for the phone. "We will call Sam Uley and ask him to take a phone out to Edward. Or should we go to him first. Perhaps that will be best. He will have so many questions. Garrett you will need to come, too." I felt a wave of excitement. He was going to be so happy. My son had been left broken by Bella's loss; with her found, he would be healed.

I imagined his tortured face transforming into bliss as he heard of his love's return from perceived death. He would be so happy.

"Wait, my love." Carlisle took the phone from my hand and pocketed it. "We need to proceed with caution. We need to see Bella first. If we are mistaken, and we tell him she is alive... well, I don't know that I will be able to refuse him again."

I knew exactly what he meant. If Edward asked again, Carlisle would help him meet his end. He had questioned his choice again and again over the months we had been alone. I was physically able to give Edward what he wanted, but, selfishly, I never even considered the possibility of aiding him myself. I didn't want to live in a world where he was not.

"We have to be sure," Jasper agreed. "Before we tell him anything, before we tell anyone anything. Emmett and Rose included. They can't know the truth. Think what happened last time. Rose won't be able to stop herself. If there is even a chance of Bella being alive, she will tell Edward in hopes of bringing the family together again."

He was right, of course. I loved Rosalie with all my heart, but she could not be relied upon to keep this to herself. She would tell Edward.

"Very well, we will go to Bella ourselves and make sure it is her," I said. "Where is she, Garrett?"

"She has her little camp set up near the Serra Do Cachimbo Mountains. I can take you there; it's a hard place to find."

"We will, of course, be most grateful for any assistance you can give us," Carlisle said.

Alice pulled out a laptop and began searching for flights south. She opened her mouth to ask a question and then shook her head. "Jasper, Garrett is going to need a passport."

"On it." Jasper headed for the library where our equipment for creating identities was situated. We were all adept at forgery, but Jasper was the best.

I went to the bedroom to pack up a bag of clothes for us.

I heard footsteps following me. Carlisle. He sat on the edge of the bed while I flitted to the closet to gather the necessaries.

I would need to pack clothes for Bella, too. I didn't know the exact conditions she was living in, but I doubted she had a surplus of clothes. I examined my clothes carefully. Bella and I were close to the same size, though I was taller; I could easily adapt some of my own for her.

I was just selecting some pants for her when a sound behind me caught my attention. It was a choked gasping sound. I turned in time to see Carlisle fold over with his head on his knees. Sobs were breaking from him.

I gasped and hurried to his side. "Carlisle! What is it?"

I had seen him cry before but never like this. It was as if he was breaking before my eyes. There was no sign of my innately calm husband; he was given over completely to his pain.

I knelt on the floor in front of him and cupped his cheeks in my hands.

"What is it, my love?"

"My fault," he moaned. "All my fault."

"How is any of this your fault?"

"I wished it, and now God is punishing me." He words became indecipherable as another round of sobs broke over him.

I moved him so he was lying on the bed and curled up beside him so our foreheads were touching. I soothed him as best I could and waited for the pain to run its course. He pulled me close to him and hid his face in my hair.

After an indeterminable amount of time, he quieted, and the only sound in the room was our breathing.

"Do you want to talk about it?" My voice was muffled slightly as he had me held close to his neck. "Why would you think this is your fault?"

He straightened to a sitting position and pulled me up so I was curled into his chest. I knew he had positioned us this way intentionally so I could not see his face. He took a deep breath and began to speak.

"I am not a good man."

I hurried to correct him, but he pressed a finger to my lips to silence me. I kissed his fingers and intertwined our hands.

"I am not a good man as I should be. I prayed for many things these past two years. I prayed for our family to be whole again. I prayed for Edward to forgive me. I prayed for the pain of Bella's loss to pass from us all. And I prayed for Bella's soul to pass into heaven. I also wished. I wished that we had never met Bella Swan, as through her our lives have been destroyed."

I was momentarily stunned. I knew he prayed and assumed it was for our family. I had done the same. Since the day we lost Bella, I had prayed. I bargained, begged, and pleaded with every deity I knew for something to bring Bella back to us and my family home. On the bad days, I prayed through my sobs, and on the good days, I prayed with stoic determination. I never imagined Carlisle was doing the same, but for a very different thing. I almost felt betrayed.

"I can see it in your eyes," he said. "You understand what I have done. God answered our prayers, but he has punished me, too. I wished we had never met Bella, and now she has been returned to us, but she is broken and damaged."

"Carlisle Cullen, you are thinking too much of yourself." I removed myself from his arms and stared him in the eye. "Do you really believe God would do that to you? You know better."

He quirked an eyebrow and smiled wryly. "I think too much of myself?"

"Yes, you do. You are not omnipotent. Whatever has happened to Bella, it is not your doing or God's. He answers prayers; he does not use one of his own to punish."

"But I wished it."

"The wishes of a grieving father. The day we lost Bella, we lost Edward, too. You understand the stages of grief. What you did was bargaining in hopes of returning one of our children. It is understandable."

He leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips. "I adore you, Esme Cullen. You always know what to say."

"That's not entirely true," I said, fixing my eyes on our intertwined hands. "I don't know what I am going to say to Bella."

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Simaril x