A/N: Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me through the Mary Sue parts and such. I truly do appreciate it. This chapter has a lot of repeat stuff in it, but it's from a different point of view. Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters, only Mina Evans, much as I would love to. I do not have the skill, talent, nor creativity J.K. Rowling clearly has to create such fantastic plots and well-rounded characters as Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, etc.
A/N 2: New version of this A/N: Thank you to those of you who have stuck with me through the edits and are taking the time to read through them, assuming you read the originals. If you're reading the edits on your first time through, thank you for continuing this far. I truly do appreciate it. The rest of the A/N above still applies.
Severus looked down at the girl before him, still holding the book in his hands. She looked astoundingly like Lily, with the same build, though still far too thin, and red hair and (Merlin forbid) smile. The only thing that wasn't Lily's in her appearance was her eyes, which were the deep blue of Greyback. He found it difficult to comprehend that Lily Evans, one of the most powerful witches he had ever known, had been raped by the werewolf Fenrir Greyback. But clearly, it had happened, because the result was right in front of him and she most certainly hadn't slept with him willingly. Even if James Potter had been a prat, Lily had seen something in him and would never have cheated on him, much to Snape's chagrin.
And to think that Mina was so damn powerful…Merlin forbid she ever get pissed off. He didn't want to be there when her magic went volatile.
Except, something was different in Mina's eyes. Something that he couldn't read. Regret, perhaps? No…pride maybe? Not quite…admiration? Hell no. Oddly, he felt bent toward assuming it was some strange combination of all three, which didn't make sense. What did Mina have to regret? What did she pride herself on doing? Surviving? And why would she be looking at him with admiration in those dark blue eyes?
Thinking that it might be some sort of illness or relapse of injury, Snape pulled out his wand. Mina's eyes were completely eclipsed with fear and he muttered quietly, "Don't worry. I'm just going to cast a Diagnostic Charm to check on your healing. It won't hurt." Mina gave him a stiff nod and he quietly cast the spell, running his wand up and down her body, keeping one eye on her expression at all times so he knew when he was pushing her too far. Surprisingly, once she realized that the spell truly didn't hurt at all, she seemed to relax and looked relatively content to let him continue the spell until he was done. Nevertheless, he kept one wary eye on her at all times.
The quill next to him wrote down nearly as much this time and Severus's stomach clenched remembering how long the first sheet had been and realizing that not much had changed.
When he looked at the sheet, he gasped aloud at what he saw.
The Alteration he'd never heard of, the Animi Speaker, was gone. Quite simply gone.
Severus didn't understand. He pulled out the other Diagnostic Sheet, which was sitting beneath his book, and looked at it. The long list of Alterations was on the older one, but not on the new. What had happened? But wait, when he looked again, it was back. As he watched, it continued to fade in and out of view as though the Diagnostic couldn't decide if it was still there. He looked at Mina herself quizzically, his brow contorted in confusion. She held out her hand tentatively for the sheets, which he gave her, and looked over the older one first, her jaw stiffening as she looked at the list of various injuries and ailments. Then she looked at the new sheet and instantly, one corner of her mouth broke into a wry smile. She looked back down at the spot in front of the side table and the smile widened just a little. Then she handed the sheets back to him, pointing to the Alterations section. When Severus looked again, the Animi Speaker line was still, no longer fading in and out, but remaining black and proud against the white of the parchment.
Deciding to ask her about it once he had checked the rest of her injuries, Severus smiled slightly at her and finished reading through the rest of the Diagnostic. He summoned a few more potions for her to take and handed each one to her individually, explaining to her what each of them was (Pain Potion…SkeleGrow…Bezoar Extract, it counteracts poisons…) and letting her sniff cautiously at the vials before drinking. When she smelled the SkeleGrow, she looked sincerely opposed to drinking it, but when she looked up at him, her brow furrowed a little and her head cocked to the side slightly. Then, much to Severus' surprise and delight, she turned back to the vial, threw back her head and drank it. Also much to Severus' surprise, she didn't spit it all out, but rather simply grimaced at the taste.
She trusts me? he thought. Why does she trust me? What did I do to earn her trust?
Well, you did save her life, another part of him pointed out. And you haven't left her side since she got here.
It was only two nights ago, Voice 1 countered. And besides, what else could I do, leave her there to die?
She assumes so, and you know it, Voice 2 said. What other reason would she have for trusting you? It's not like she knows about the relationship you had with Lily or your spying duties for the Order.
Severus shook his head to clear it. Obviously, he hadn't been getting enough good sleep. He decided that he would formally introduce Mina to Poppy, Minerva, and Albus today and, once she seemed comfortable around them, leave for an hour or so to shower and eat. He would sleep in the Hospital Wing however, although perhaps he would claim one of the beds from now on. He had a nasty crick in his neck from sleeping with his head on his chest for so long.
Once Mina had finished drinking all the potions, he sent the vials back to his lab for washing and future use and put away his wand, knowing she was always more comfortable when he didn't look like he was about to hex her, which apparently, he always did.
"Mina," he said. Her gaze, which had wandered out one of the windows, snapped back to him. "Do you know what that Alteration on the Diagnostic Sheet is?" She nodded. "What happened to it?"
Mina shifted a little in the bed, running her tongue over her dry lips. She looked as though she wanted to tell him, but didn't feel particularly like speaking.
"If you'd rather just show me, I can pull the memory out and give it back to you once I've viewed it," he suggested. She instantly brightened and nodded enthusiastically. He smirked a little and pulled out his wand again. "Now, this might feel a little odd, but don't worry. Just bring the memory to the fore front of your mind and concentrate on it." She nodded and he pressed the tip of his wand to her temple. Slowly, he began to pull away. A misty silver thread was attached to his wand and as he pulled, he realized it was much longer than he had anticipated. Just how long was this memory? Was it something that had happened over time? Or was she showing him more than just what had happened to all those Alterations?
No, you idiot, said Voice 1. She doesn't trust you that much yet.
Annoyed, he cast the voices from his mind once more and concentrated on the memory attached to his wand. Eventually, the long mist finally separated from Mina's head and she sighed, blinking a few times. He pulled out one of the many glass vials he kept in his pocket (old Potion Master's habit) and siphoned the memory off into it. He didn't both capping it, deciding he'd just view the memories next to her and summon the pensieve to him, rather than go all the way up to the headmaster's office to view them. He didn't think he was quite ready to see Dumbledore again just yet. He wanted to know as many of the facts as he could get before he saw anyone else again.
Another flick of his wand and the pensieve came soaring into the hospital wing in its half-form, not its full stone basin form. Severus was grateful for that; he liked it in its half-form better. The simple metal ring seemed much more efficient and it looked better too.
He pulled out the vial and poured the memories into the pensieve; then, with one final glance at Mina, who nodded, he fell forward into the memories.
Severus found himself standing in a field of brightly-colored flowers. In front of him stood Mina, healthy and eleven years old, though she was still frightfully small. A sparrow was sitting on her shoulder and he abruptly realized that the sparrow must be her animus because she seemed as though she was used to him being there and he knew she didn't have a familiar. He would have noticed that by now; the familiar would have found her. But Severus found himself confused; when Mina had shown him what she saw earlier, her animus had been a fawn, not a sparrow. He remembered that some people's animi could change. Was Mina's one of them?
Abruptly, he became aware that the animus' name was Hugo and he often changed his form. Figuring this must be part of Mina's memories, he accepted it. He also became aware that he could see his own doe anima. He looked at her and she looked at him. A look of mutual surprise passed between them, but then they both refocused their attention on Mina and Hugo respectively.
As he watched, Mina strode forward in the field and plucked one of the flowers. Severus instantly recognized it as a lily and felt a pang in his chest. The fact that she had picked that flower…
Hugo took off from her shoulder and began to fly low across the field, his wings skimming the tops of the flowers. Mina looked up at him and Severus strode forward to stand slightly and front of her and to her side so he could get a better look at her. She was smiling as she watched the young sparrow fly about the sparrow. He could sense her confusion and relief and realized that she must be used to nightmares by now. Clearly, a dream about fields of flowers, as feminine and (in Severus' opinion) pathetic as it was, was a relief for Mina.
But what did this have to do with her being an Animi Speaker?
In front of him, Mina stiffened and her gaze flickered to the edge of the field. Severus turned and saw what she was looking at. His heart skipped a beat and for a moment, Severus couldn't breathe.
Striding down the field was Lily, hand-in-hand with Potter.
Once Severus had regained control of himself, he noticed that Potter had a stag for an animus (odd) and that Lily had a doe for an anima (also odd) and realized that she must have been attracted to him because both their animi were the same gender as the corresponding people. He wondered if she would have been his partner if she had had an animus or if Potter had had an anima. But it was too late to speculate about such things and he instead listened intently to the conversation Lily, Mina, and Potter had, grimacing every time Potter spoke and wincing every time Lily spoke, both voices painful reminders of memories he'd rather not recall. Mina's voice was similar to Lily's, but softer and more delicate. He realized that even in her dream, she wasn't willing to talk, or at least not very much. Curious.
He listened carefully with both ears as Lily and Potter explained that Mina's ability had simply been given to her to boost her magical core and get her through the painful days with the Death Eaters, which she apparently needed to survive for some ultimate purpose. He wondered what that purpose was, but didn't linger on it too long, returning once again to what Lily and Potter were saying about how she had to decide if she wanted to hold on to the ability. For a long time, Mina sat there silently and Severus found himself surprised with how patient Potter was being. Clearly, death had changed him. He smirked a little at the thought.
At the same time, he was aware of what Mina was thinking. She was going through the pros and cons of either choice and he realized that she was rather efficient in her decision. He didn't know many other eleven-year-olds who would do what she was doing. Then again, he didn't know any other eleven-year-olds who had been through what she had. He also realized that she desperately wanted to be accepted by her peers once she started at school. He hoped he could get her to open up by the time she started at Hogwarts; most of the other students wouldn't start up a relationship, platonic or otherwise, with a girl who refused to talk.
By the time she had decided on retaining her abilities as an Animi Speaker, Severus found himself whole-heartedly agreeing with her. If Hugo had been the only constant in her life that wasn't painful, he wasn't surprised that she had chosen to keep up contact with him. And, he realized, he would have done the same thing.
Mina told her decision to her mother and Potter and they smiled at her, congratulating her on her choice. Severus felt his heart clench as he saw Lily smile. Regaining control over his emotions once again, he listened as Lily told her daughter about how Mina had come into existence (thankfully without too much detail) and how Lily had birthed another child, a son, Harry Potter. They explained how even though Harry was famous, few people knew her name because she had disappeared a month before Voldemort found them. They explained how Greyback had pleaded for his daughter's life because he planned on making her like him. Severus' hand clenched around his wand and he grimaced at the thought of Mina, so similar to Lily, ever becoming anything like Greyback. Mina was apparently also upset with this revelation, as was Hugo; she growled and Hugo leapt off her shoulder to transform into a snarling wolverine. Even Severus was slightly frightened of the intensity in the animus' eyes and he leaned back a little, having taken a sat on the ground when they did. Eventually, Mina and Hugo calmed themselves and Hugo turned into a crab, still looking rather upset. Mina, however, was quite good at hiding her emotions, he noticed.
He continued to listen as Lily and Potter explained what happened in Godric's Hollow (with some points Severus hadn't already known and, in some cases, would have preferred not to hear) and how most wizarding children were sent to Hogwarts. They explained wands choosing wizards (though apparently even dead souls had no idea why wands chose wizards) and most of the rest of the wizarding world.
At least I won't have to explain all this, thought Severus. I'd be horrible at something like that.
He stiffened as he heard his name and realized that Lily was talking about him. Him. Their childhood together. He listened as she told Mina about Severus' own rough childhood (breaking the tension somewhat by pointing out that he hadn't been Cruciated till he was seventeen, at which point Severus flinched, not wanting to recall that particular memory) and smiled when she pointed out that Potter had never helped him in his childhood. He chuckled when he saw color rush to Potter's cheeks and was shocked when Mina glared fiercely at Potter. Even he flinched. He also noticed that Mina wasn't doing it simply to impress her mother; Hugo changed into a mongoose and hissed at Potter's stag, making Severus chuckle even more. A mongoose stood no chance against a stag, and yet the stag hung its huge antlers in shame.
So, James Potter finally came to see that he was an arrogant prat in school, thought Severus. About time.
Lily explained Potter's bullying of Severus in quite objective terms, which he supposed made sense given the fact that she cared about both men. She explained how Severus had become a spy (so dead souls really were more knowledgeable than their living selves; Severus had never told her that) and why he had done so (the fact she knew this mildly frightened Severus). He felt the blood drain from his face as she explained that he still felt guilty and a single tear streamed down his left cheek as Lily told Mina that she could trust Severus because he truly cared for her and would always help her.
When Lily and Potter's forms began to flicker, Severus felt the need to surge forward and hug Lily, kiss her hand, kiss her lips, something, anything. But he knew that it was futile. He wasn't really here; it was Mina's memory. There was nothing he could do. So, he stood back and watched as Lily and Potter bid Mina farewell and walked off and disappeared. As he looked back at Mina, he realized that she still hadn't let go of the lily in her hand and that Hugo had changed into something else as Lily and Potter had left.
He had become a vulture. A mourning vulture.
Abruptly, the scene changed…
…into a dark stone room. Severus recognized it as the room he had rescued Mina from. Before him a much younger version of Mina sat on the floor, her knees brought up to her chest. In fact, she didn't look much older than two or three, and yet she already had a look of great intelligence about her. She seemed very cognizant of the world around her and the danger she was in, and not just in a terrified-baby sense but in the same way he felt any other full-grown witch or wizard would have felt after being kidnapped by Death Eaters.
Next to Mina sat Hugo in the form of a trembling hedgehog. She cast glances at him every once and a while, but mostly sat taking in her surroundings, wondering what was going to happen to her.
Behind him, a door opened and Severus turned around to see several men in dark robes and masks walk in. Mina curled up even tighter and looked as though she wished they would disappear. Beside her Hugo curled up into a ball.
"Do you know why you are here?" said the leader, who he recognized as Lucius Malfoy due to the blonde hair escaping from behind his mask. It seemed fitting that he had an albino peahen for an anima.
"No," she said, still curled.
"Well, allow me to explain." Severus braced himself for what he knew was coming next as Lucius raised his wand. Mina cowered. Beside her, Hugo shifted into a spoonbill, the better to fight the peahen striding toward him, somehow managing to look quite aristocratic and pompous about it. Severus heard the muttered curse and winced at Mina's screams. He had heard those screams before, when she had been having nightmares, the first nightmare. So she'd dreamed about this before. He wondered how often this came up.
"You are here because you are a threat," Lucius told her. Behind him, the other Death Eaters were smirking at Mina's trembling form. "You are a threat that needs to be kept in check. That is something we can do quite easily here. Know that you will never leave this place ever again."
A single tear dripped down Mina's cheek and Severus' vision clouded as he felt his own eyes pool with tears. She reminded him so much of Lily, and as her screams and pleas filled the air once more, two tears, one from each eye, streaked down his cheeks.
Eventually, Lucius lowered his wand. "Welcome, Mina. This is your new home."
She looked up at him and shot him a death glare. "Like hell this is my new home. Let me go."
She was cursing at the age of what now? thought Severus. And, damn is she daring. I don't know anyone who's ever stood up to them like that after being Cruciated twice.
"Now, now, no need to be rude," said Lucius. "It's rather kind of us to offer you a home, don't you think?"
"Yeah, you ought to thank us." Severus recognized the voice as Mulciber's.
"Yes, and since you haven't…you ought to be punished," Lucius agreed. He raised his wand again.
Much to Severus' relief, the memory transitioned from there. He pretty much knew what was coming, and assumed they wouldn't be too keen on breaking her just yet, so they would only stick with the Cruciatus Curse.
Again, the same room materialized. Now, Mina lay on her stomach on the floor. Lucius was already on her back and he had a blade pressed to her neck, where he realized there were already several scars. He leaned forward and whispered lustfully, "Happy ninth birthday, Mina."
Severus shivered. He knew exactly where this was going. Lucius had always been twisted and perverted, the first one to begin raping any female the Death Eaters kidnapped despite the fact he was 'happily' married. He suspected Narcissa didn't know of her husband's philandering tendencies; she would have divorced him in a heartbeat. She'd been waiting for a good reason to do so for years.
Mina was dragged to her feet. Her hands were tied behind her back and a loop was secured to each of her feet. She was shoved against the wall and Lucius pressed himself against her. She began to struggle energetically (or as energetically as she could in such an injured state) when he kissed her. He leaned back slightly. "Come now," he said quietly. "I can't be that bad a kisser, can I?" He leaned forward again and this time the other Death Eaters laughed.
Suddenly, he pulled back forcefully and slammed his fist into Mina's nose, apparently not for the first time. Clearly, she had bitten him. He always reacted like that when girls bit him. He leaned in again and whispered threateningly, "Do that again and we'll be here a lot longer." He pressed against her again and waved his wand. Her clothes disappeared. Severus did his best to look only at Lucius' back and Mina's face, but he did sometimes catch a few indecent glimpses of her naked self. He hoped that she had deliberately given him this memory; it would make him feel better about seeing…her.
Lucius leaned back and ordered her onto her knees. She hesitated and instantly the Death Eaters in control of the ropes around her ankles pulled and she fell forward onto Lucius. "Eager now, are we?" he said. The Death Eaters roared with laughter. He undid the zipper on his trousers and pulled them down. He leaned forward to her, bumping her cheek with his member. "Open up," he whispered. She didn't, and, as Severus had learned was apparently an effective tactic, Lucius pinched her nose. She held her breath for a long time and struggled against his hand, but he had a tight hold on her broken nose and eventually she was forced to open her mouth. He shoved into her and yet another tear ran down Severus' cheek. "You know, boys, this isn't half bad, even though she's being so stubborn," Lucius said. The Death Eaters laughed even harder and tears streaked down Mina's face.
She looked to her left and Severus followed her gaze. Hugo had been smart enough to shift into an animal much too large for the peahen to do anything of the sort to him, a bear, but all the other animi had joined in to assault him. They might not be raping the bear, but they could still do quite a bit of heavy damage.
Eventually, Lucius pulled out of Mina's mouth and she spat. She ended up heaving, but she was clearly starved, not only because Severus could see her bones, but also because she threw up nothing. Lucius waited until she was done and if it had been anyone else, Severus might have thought he was being polite. But since it was Lucius, he figured he was probably smirking beneath that mask of his. The Death Eaters laughed at her, taunting her for her supposed weakness, calling her horrible names as she coughed and sputtered all over the floor.
When she was finally done, Lucius threw her to the floor again. He settled on top of her and the other Death Eaters pulled at the ropes attached to her legs, pulling them wide. The tears streaming down her face turned into wracking sobs. "Please," she cried. "Please, anything but this. Anything." Severus recognized this as the second nightmare he had witnessed her having and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He knew it would do no good to walk over and attempt to pull Lucius off Mina, so he hung back and watched as he responded and she pleaded with him one final time before he forced himself inside her. The Death Eaters laughed and laughed and laughed and when Severus looked, Hugo had fallen to the myriad of beast attacking him, who were now proceeding to bite and nip him on every visible part of his body.
The memories swirled one final time and left Severus with nothing before him, so he pulled his head out of the pensieve. He looked over at Mina and realized that tears still stained his cheeks. "Did you mean to show me all that?" he asked. She gave him a small weak smile and nodded, then turned toward something else.
Not something else. Someone.
Severus followed her gaze and realized he was staring into the eyes of Poppy Pomfrey, Minerva McGonagall, and Albus Dumbledore.
None of them looked happy.
A/N: So…any suggestions? I've read several versions of Albus Dumbledore; do you think he should be a blind meddler, a twisted old man trying to achieve his own ends, or a benevolent guide? Also, I could use some ideas for some things that should happen (or should have happened, I suppose) to Mina. As you can probably tell, I'm running out of ideas, although I figure she probably would want to show Snape these two first since he saved her from them and all that. So anyway, review please! I'd like to hear your thoughts, even if you hated it!