CHAPTER 7 There's a fork in the road (I'll do as I'm told.)
Ten silver spoons coming after me,
One life with one dream on repeat,
I'll escape if I try hard enough
" We are the spoons," they're telling me
"We scooped our way into your dreams,
To knock the knives out bloody cold,
and lead you down the unforsaken road."
-Mowgli's Road by Mariana and the Diamonds
The door opened to a beautiful, lush world with patches of blue sky visible above the green canopy of a virgin forest. Dappled sunlight trailed through emerald leaves, creating a mosaic of shifting gold on the mossy ground. Bird song, a cool whisper of wind, and the cry of crickets intertwined into a brilliant song. Until now, Steve hadn't realized how horrific the brittle ice fields were. The cold would take everything and leave nothing, if it could.
Loki, now in the form of his human body, stood linked beside him. His green eyes carried a sorrow Steve had seen in his shell-shocked soldiers. It was the look of a man who had witnessed terrible things.
Steve wondered briefly why Loki wore it now before turning his attention to the great tree trunks and loamy earth. The air smelled soft and sweet, the fragrance of rot and spring. Though the leaves stirred far above their heads, the air sat heavy around them.
To his great relief, Steve realized his memories had returned. He remembered his friends. He remembered Peggy's face. He pulled out his broken compass and saw her gazing back up at him. Steve had seen her picture so many times that he wondered how he could ever have forgotten. He gazed at her a moment longer, closed the compass with a click, and slipped it back into his breast pocket.
"Where are we?" Steve finally asked.
"We are in Alfheim, the land of Elves," Loki said. "Be cautious here. Your dreams are reality and the Elves deceive better than I. Be wary of their glamour."
"Why are you warning me?"
"You remembered who I was, even when I could not," came the reluctant admission. "I owe you a debt."
Laughter chimed around them.
"They approach," Loki warned.
Movement caught Steve's attention. His body prepared for a fight, but both his muscles and mind relaxed when he spotted the two exquisite creatures waltzing towards them.
"Who are you?" a female asked. Her hair was the gold of a late summer day; her eyes the deep blue of a South Pacific sea; her face ageless. She wore flowing silks of earthy browns and greens, and beneath the tunic was a fine, limber body.
"We are but humble travelers," Loki answered, dipping his head to his chest, "seeking the honor of your queen."
"I know who you are," The male said with a grin. His hair was the brown of the forest ground, almost muddy. His eyes were the bright green of a spring leaf. His face was broad, defined muscles visible beneath an unremarkable earthy tunic. His were a stark contrast against that of his friend. "You are Loki, Son of Laufey, House of Odin, and Master Liesmith. You are welcome here." He grinned mischievously, but his expression grew dark when he turned to Steve. "The mortal is not. He does not know deceit."
"He is with me," Loki quickly declared, pulling his arm, and Steve, closer.
The male Elf hummed, eyebrows raised. "A lover?"
"A traveling companion," Loki said evenly.
"An equal of Loki the Silvertongue?" the male asked, eyeing Steve appraisingly. "But you do not think so, do you, companion?"
"We travel together," Steve reiterated, choosing not to address the question.
The Elf's smile became wry. "You are handsome and Loki may corrupt you yet. Or he may not. Either way, it should be interesting. You may continue." He stepped aside and extended his arm.
"But beware," the female said as they passed, "all that you see may not be so welcoming!"
They shouldered past the pair. Once Steve was sure they were past hearing, he whispered, "Who were they?"
"Simple guardians of the gate."
"They're beautiful," Steve confided.
"They are terrible," Loki corrected. "They appear as they wish you to see them."
Alfheim, Steve decided, was the loveliest place he'd ever seen. Soft music filled the air wherever they went. Brooks ran through the land, clear water sparkling in unseen sunbeams. Steve suddenly realized he was incredibly thirsty. He said as much to his companion.
"You cannot take anything from this land," Loki said. "No foodstuff nor water nor anything offered to you. If you do, you will ever remain a servant of the Elves with no free will to call your own."
Steve recoiled from the water.
"What is that music? Are we close to... the kingdom of the queen?" he asked, to take his mind off his thirst.
"You hear the trees," Loki curtly explained. "In this realm, everything sings. The song is never ending."
"I've never heard anything like it," Steve admitted.
"Nor have I," Loki said. He looked at Steve with wide green eyes as realization came to him. "I cannot shield myself from you," he said, and appeared embarrassed to have even admitted that.
"Me either." Steve wasn't happy by that prospect.
"My mother is perhaps wiser than I gave her credit for," Loki muttered cryptically before falling silent.
As they meandered through the realm of Elves, Steve found he was grateful for the change of scenery. Despite Loki's warning, he couldn't help but feel they were safer here than in the realm of ice. His memories were recalled with ease. He was no longer afraid of losing his sense of self. He concentrated on the trees' song, trying to hum it. It was a song he never wanted to forget. Just as he felt he'd memorized the melody, he noticed a deeply discordant sound.
Beside him, Loki raised his staff. Steve didn't need to be told to bring his shield to bear.
The ground shook beneath him.
"A Nightmare!" Loki spat, moments before a monstrous horse thundered into the glade. Its coat was coal-black, made worse by the flames that burned where its eyes should have been. It breathed a gust of fire and reared back on massive legs.
"Do we fight?" Steve asked, body tense.
"Fight," Loki confirmed as he aimed his staff at the creature. Steve launched his shield at its brow. The horse recoiled as the shield hit true, but immediately turned back to retaliate with a heavy breath of black flames. The shield rebounded just in time for Steve to hold it up, protecting he and Loki from the burst.
Steve tried to roll away behind a tree before the next attack. Loki remained steadfast, the blue light of his staff meeting the horse's black flames mid-air. A sputtering flame reached the mistletoe between them. The plant glowed but was otherwise unaffected.
"We need to move!" Steve said. "Achieve a more strategic position!"
"I would never expect you to cower!" Loki snapped, punctuating his insult with another burst of magic. The Nightmare dodged it and snorted, pawing the ground with steel hooves. The beast charged. Steve yanked Loki down beside him and thrust his shield up. Hot, black flames curled around the edges as the monster grew closer.
"Shoot at my command!"
"I don't take orders from you!"
"Just listen to me," Steve demanded. "Or you'll get us both killed!"
To Steve's surprise, Loki complied. They stood together against the beast. Steve studied the way it moved and waited for the right time to strike. When he saw its muscles tense and the fire grow in its eyes, he knew their opportunity had come.
"Now!" Steve shouted. He kept his shield up as Loki blasted the creature, catching the Nightmare in its maw. It reeled back, coughing and snorting from the magic. Loki shot again, scorching the Nightmare in its side. It snorted at them one last time before thundering off through the glade.
Steve turned on Loki. "I don't know about your battle experience," he said, "but you had an entire alien army at your command and still lost to a group of six. And do you know who was in charge of them? Me. So when I give you a command, you better listen. I've fought worse odds and won."
"I'm a god," Loki said defensively. "I know a thing or two about war."
"So you say," Steve agreed, "but your tactics are clumsy."
Loki scowled, but was too worn and irritated to continue. He sullenly began walking; Steve, equally nettled, decided that discretion was the better part of valor. He allowed Loki to lead the way.
The Nightmare had made Steve realize this world wasn't quite the haven it pretended to be. He cursed himself for his complacency. He knew better than to let his guard down in an alien place.
After what could have been only a few feet or several miles, Loki began dragging behind. Steve' s arm noticed the weight before his brain did. He pulled them to a stop, where he saw that Loki had become even paler than usual.
"Did that thing get you?" Steve asked. Leave it to Loki to lie about everything—even his own injuries.
"It is nothing," Loki argued. He tried to venture on, but Steve would have none of it. He turned so that Loki was facing him and began to examine the god's right arm. It was limp and festering, and small black flames curled around an open wound. Steve's eyes widened and he shot Loki a look.
"It is nothing," Loki repeated.
"It's on fire!" Steve said. He batted at the flames. Loki howled in pain and jerked back.
"It is the consuming flames of the Nightmare," he hissed. "It cannot be put out!"
Steve eyed Loki's cape before coming to a decision. He pulled out a knife from his pocket and quickly dipped down next to Loki. Using one arm, Steve awkwardly cut out a long patch of the cloth. Loki twisted away.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to patch it up."
"It can't be healed. You are wasting your effort."
"I can try," Steve said stubbornly.
"You're an idiot," Loki said, though his words held no anger.
"Are you friendless because you deliberately try to be an asshole?" Steve asked. He grabbed Loki's arm and delicately wrapped the wound. "Hold it here," Steve said, indicating the wound with a nod of his head. "I've only got one hand to work with."
"I am friendless because they make one weak," Loki returned, gingerly clasping the cloth against his skin.
"They make you stronger," Steve countered, wrapping the bandage around Loki's arm. Blood immediately seeped through and black flames licked at the dressing. "And they keep you from being stupid," he added as he finished the bandage with a loose knot.
Loki pulled his arm away. "These flames will not die. I fear I will soon be of no use to you. They will consume me until everything I see embodies my nightmares. When they have consumed me, my soul will be lost here, forfeit to the creatures of this realm. Our time is running short."
"What are we looking for?"
"A willow tree," Loki said.
"A willow tree!" Steve repeated, scanning the area around them. "There are trees everywhere!" But they were all oak and maple and beech and other great trees common to the forest. There were trees Steve had never seen before, but he knew he wouldn't find a willow tree here.
The forest, previously a haven, now seemed infinite and Steve knew they had to clear it to get Loki to safety. A part of him wondered when he'd started caring about this belligerent man; a bigger part of him was wondering how much time he had left, and, if he failed, what would happen if Loki became a monster while still attached to him.
"You will know this tree," Loki interrupted his thoughts.
"If you say so," Steve said. "But we've got a ways to go, so you better not plan on passing out anytime soon. I expect more from you."
"I am not so weak," Loki scowled. "Don't give me your pep talks."
They continued walking, Steve quickening the pace. The forest no longer appeared quite as beautiful as before. The trees loomed too tall and there was an eerie chord beneath the encompassing melody that had always been there; he just hadn't recognized it.
"I can't see how you made it this long," Loki said as they walked. "You're so guileless. How does one as innocent and stupid as you endure?"
Steve glanced at Loki. He smiled wryly. "Being frozen helps."
"I know of your war. It was not for the weak."
"No, it wasn't," Steve agreed. "Have you fought in a war? A real war. Not that thing where you attacked Manhattan. That was a skirmish, at best."
"No," Loki finally confessed. "Odin did. He sought to protect us from one."
"For good reason. If you had, you would not be so eager for a new one. The only people who seek combat are those who have never seen it."
"You should have this conversation with my brother," Loki sneered. "He seeks to prove his bravery. He nearly brought us to arms against the frost giants."
"But it was you who tried to murder all of New York. You brought a battalion of floating monsters to Manhattan and we defeated you. But you killed thousands of civilians in the process," Steve pointed out, anger sitting deep in his belly. "Did you earn the accolades you wanted?"
"You understand nothing," Loki snapped.
"I understand war. You itched for a massacre. If we hadn't been there—"
"If you hadn't been there, I would've taken your New York without a fight and no one would have died!"
"If you think humans give up without a fight, then you don't know us very well. Without the Avengers, you would've killed more. We would have sent everything we had at you. Our leaders were ready to bomb the city to kill you. The blood of millions on your hands and for what?"
"I didn't seek their deaths."
Steve wheeled on Loki. "What the hell did you think would happened when you attacked us? That we would just kneel before you and say, 'All hail Loki?' My war was spent fighting a man exactly like you, so don't think—"
"I am no man!"
"You act like the worst humanity has to offer!"
"I loathe you," Loki sneered.
"Fine," Steve said. "The sentiment is returned. But you should know, Hitler never could have won, and neither could you."
"And why is that?"
"Because if you can't love your own people, then you can never lead them. You will always be rebelled against. Intimidation only takes you so far."
"You are tiresome," Loki said. "Save your preaching for someone else."
Steve glared at Loki a moment longer before he turned and pulled on their bond, yanking Loki after him. Loki caught up, but if he stumbled occasionally, Steve pointedly ignored it.
They walked for hours in silence, the shadows growing deeper around them. But as the sun began to set and the forest grew darker, Steve realized Loki was starting to drag behind again.
"Loki?"
Loki was grabbing at things Steve couldn't see.
"My dreams," Loki said deliriously. "I've almost got them. Just a little farther."
Steve shook his arm to try and snap Loki out of it, but Loki merely looked at him with cloudy eyes and said, giddily, "I'm so close. All the world is at my grasp."
Steve felt the impatience flee from him.
"Loki," he repeated, but his companion was unresponsive, reaching into the empty air.
As night fell, Loki lost consciousness. He groaned, but whether from his nightmares or from pain, Steve didn't know. He wondered if he could just saw through their bond with his knife, leaving Loki to deal with the nightmares on his own.
After a moment, Steve hoisted Loki in an awkward fireman's carry and pushed on. He carefully traced his steps under the silver beams that mercifully leaked through the dark canopy.
He came upon a wall of trees. Perturbed, Steve turned to go back and locate a better path, only to find another vanguard of trees stood behind him where none had been before.
"Soldier boy, soldier boy, far from home are you!" the wall sang.
"I need to find a willow tree," Steve said, no longer startled by things like talking foliage. "And your queen."
"Willow tree!" the wall chanted, a million voices joining into one. "And what makes you worthy of our queen?"
"I come seeking truth."
The wall laughed. "Yellow is the color my true love's crossbow, the color of the sun!"
"What?" Steve asked uncertainly. He felt heat kiss his skin and saw a dancing light in the corner of his eye. Reluctantly, he turned.
A massive fire burned before him. It glowed red and bright and although it did not consume the trees, it grew larger even as Steve watched.
"Loki, wake up!" he bellowed, unceremoniously dropping the delirious man in favor for his shield. He blocked the flames just in time.
Loki's free hand grabbed at something unseen.
"You are worth your weight in gold, Steve Rogers. You are worth your weight in sorrow," Loki dreamily said.
Steve threw up his shield again as the wall spit a second stream of flames.
"Loki!" Steve yelled. Nazis, he could get. Red Skull, no problem. But this strange world, he did not understand. It was as terrible as it was beautiful.
Loki was drawing squares in the loam beneath him.
Steve yanked Loki to his feet and threw his shield towards the wall to afford them a moment's protection. He watched in dismay as it was engulfed by the flames and, for the first time, failed to return to him.
He had lost his only defense. Steve shouldered Loki again and began to run. The trees separated for him.
The fire followed.
They ran over forested hills and through another valley, Steve not tiring even as he felt the heat of the pursuing fire.
They ran until Steve found a river. Without thinking twice, he dove into its frothy depths. The fire, fitful that it had lost the chase, remained at the shore.
The rapid current carried Steve and Loki downstream.
The river was moving faster than Steve could've guessed, and he struggled to keep both himself and Loki afloat. Even more difficult was ensuring Loki didn't swallow anything. At some point, they hit a rough patch of rapids; Steve frantically spit out the resulting mouthful of water.
Even with the dive into the river, he could see the black flames still licked at Loki's arm. It had burned away the bandage and spread to his shoulder. They were close enough to curl at Loki's long hair.
"Down, down, down," Loki said from his position on Steve's shoulders.
Steve didn't want to guess as to what that might mean, but part of him already knew. In the distance, the river abruptly dropped away. He struggled to make it to shore, and for a brief, thrilling second, Steve managed to latch onto a rock outcropping—but the current, combined with Loki's dead weight, yanked him from his safe harbor.
They careened over the falls.
A/N
The Nightmare is a shoutout to Neil Gaiman
"The Hooves made of steel" is in reference to a favorite song of mine, "Ghost Riders in
the Sky" written by Stan Jones and made famous by Johnny Cash.
There's also some song quotes by Elvis Perkins from his song Shampoo thrown in.
"You are worth your weight in your gold, you are worth your weight in sorrow."
We've caught up with my beta, teh_helanables so I won't be on my weekly schedule anymore. I'll post as she gets the chapters to me and I rework them a little. Believe me, she turns my shit into gold and without her, this would be nearly incomprehensible. To my four readers, Sorry for the delay! HOWEVER, if you like this enough to keep up with it, please PLEASE comment. I hate to beg, but I need the love. I got off active duty Marines so I could be a doctor, and currently the premed courses are kicking my butt. WHY DID I STOP DOING SOMETHING I WAS GOOD AT TO FAIL? (It's so I can go back and be a PA in the military. I was a logistics officer, and we're a dime a dozen. But a good medic is worth their weight in gold.) It's doing double damage to my ego that this story that I've toiled on for almost six months now is getting no visible love. LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE