Chapter Eleven: The Chosen and The Truth
Lord Voldemort had happened.
Severus wanted to be a coward and take the easy route out of the uncomfortable position he was in.
If he wanted to be spineless and run from the result of his own actions, he could simply attribute everything to the Dark Lord and his Dark and brutal war and leave it at that. The vague explanation wouldn't be anything less that the polished, sanitized tale that Dumbledore had fed her, so that he could maneuver out of a tight spot.
Lord Voldemort and his war had made it difficult for them to keep in touch after school. Lily would get married and become a mother shortly after finishing school and Severus had been a young bachelor with a budding professional career in academia.
The narrative was neat, logical, and faultless.
Severus would never have to admit that he was a branded Death Eater. He would never have to confess that he had served the Dark Lord for a year and half, willingly and proudly, before betraying that fealty for fear of his own life – and then, later Lily's life.
If he'd simply blamed it all on the Dark Lord and had never claimed responsibility for his contribution to Lily's death, the answer to her question would be so simple and neat and painless.
It wouldn't be the truth, however.
And Petunia seemed to know it wouldn't be the truth.
Lily's older sister was very keen, more shrewd than he was used to. She was aware that something had happened to end their friendship. She wanted to know what that something was.
Severus looked up from his wineglass, after the long pause where her words had been hanging in the air between them. His grip around the stem loosened, as he took a deep breath, and met Petunia's eyes squarely.
"Do you want to know the truth, or do you want to know what you can cope with hearing right now?"
Petunia stared at him steadily for a few moments.
He was startled when she smiled, briefly but sincerely.
"I always hated when you answered a question with a question, Severus Snape."
Another sip of her wine was taken, before she sighed and sat her glass down, crossing her arms.
"The summer I came back from Exeter, nearly done with university – that was the first time since I could remember that you weren't around." Petunia continued to look at him, her pale blue gaze slightly glassy but no less intense for it. "Lily spent a lot of time away from home that summer, visiting friends in your world, traveling and such. She wasn't home much that summer. I wouldn't have admitted it for anything in the world back then, but – I felt odd, without of the two of you there. I didn't ask after the two of you and just assumed I'd see you both, attached at the hip, when it was time for us to all head south for London, then Exeter, in September."
Severus felt as if he were hardly breathing, as he knew well the summer she spoke about.
"About a week before, Daddy asked Lily if you'd be sleeping on the couch the night before 1 September. He wanted to get an early start, figured it would be easier if you were already there, like you'd been the previous couple of years." Petunia shook her head, remembering something from very long ago. "Lily said that you had graduated from Hogwarts early. You had gotten into a college with a rigorous course schedule, which was to prepare you for a doctorate degree – and the two of you wouldn't be seeing much of each other for a while, because she still was a Hogwarts student. Mother and Daddy were sad that you hadn't said goodbye but told her to remind you to come for Christmas, the next time you two did talk. You never did. I never saw you again. Neither did Mother and Daddy, before they died. And Lily never mentioned you again, not even for all those months that she stayed with me after she had Haesel."
Petunia paused for a moment, then sighed, heavily.
There was something bitter edging her words, as Severus remained motionless and silent, not knowing how to feel or what to think as he listened to her speak more openly with him than she ever had in life before.
"Clearly, that was not the truth. It was what our family could cope with hearing, after you just disappeared from our lives, and we never saw you again." Petunia looked away finally, reaching for her wine glass. "Whatever made you disappear was what ended your friendship, wasn't it?"
Severus nodded, stiffly. "Yes, that could be said."
Petunia didn't speak for several moments. She was still staring off into the darkened garden and when she did speak, Severus didn't expect what she said next.
"Lily didn't think we could handle the truth, it seems. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps the truth is best left for when it can be handled – and, I don't think that's right now, for me, as much as it wasn't the best time, back then."
Severus exhaled. He was quietly, unexpectedly, and startlingly relieved.
He had more time.
He didn't have to give her the raw, shattering truth of what had divided him and Lily, as ultimately as her death had.
He had her consent to tell her what he felt was appropriate – and, for that, Severus could be more honest with her than she expected.
"Lily told you more of the truth than you think," Severus offered quietly. "The college program I allegedly attended was a prep program for the equivalent of a doctorate, in our world – a Potions Mastery. We didn't have many of the same classes, as we got near the end of our schooling. I had tested out of the one class we would have shared. We didn't see each other much after our Fifth Year at Hogwarts."
Severus continued, offering her as much of the truth as he could get near, for the moment.
"I spent more of our final years with a group of classmates in my own House, whose friendships – or, what passed as friendships – were very valuable connections to me, as I thought at the time. One particular friend of mine, Alistair Avery, had a father who was a powerful, globally renowned Potions Master. Avery and his father provided an opportunity for me to obtain the apprenticeship required to become a Potions Master myself. I wanted this opportunity more than anything I had ever wanted before, at that point in life, and…I had already made up my mind that I would do anything to ensure I didn't lose out on it. Anything at all."
Severus found himself reaching for his own wineglass, as bitter self-loathing reared up in him.
If it had been as simple as Avery being a classmate who's father did him a professional favor…Lily would have lived to be older than twenty-one and he would not bear the awful brand on his arm that had bound him to a Dark Lord before he was even twenty-one.
There was so much he wasn't saying, so much he wasn't telling her.
Petunia finally met his eyes again. "I think that tells me what I wanted to know," she said, quietly.
Severus felt he hid his surprise well, as Petunia offered in the same quiet voice: "Your disappearance, after you'd been a part of our lives for ten years or so – that was the first in a very long line of bad things that happened, seemingly one after the other. You disappeared that summer and that was the first summer that Lily spent mostly in your world, with witches and wizards that none of us knew. Then the next summer, Mother and Daddy were killed in that car accident. I finished university, but then, I met Dudley's father. My whole marriage was a very painful mistake that almost cost me my life. And, then, just when Lily and I had stopped being childish, made up, and were becoming a proper family – she disappeared with that awful, reckless wizard she married, takes Haesel with her…and she was murdered."
Petunia's eyes gleamed with unshed tears, as she admitted, "Those…those were very dark years, Severus."
Severus didn't know what to say. He drank deeply from his wine glass, while Petunia dabbed at her eyes primly, keeping her tears at bay. He allowed her the moment to gather herself, finishing his wine.
All he could think of was that for all that he had told her more than she'd ever learned from Dumbledore about the final years of her sister's life – Petunia still didn't know the truth.
Petunia had no idea of how Dark those years she spoke of truly were.
Nor did she seem to want to know, for now.
Severus returned to Hogwarts shortly after curfew.
The quiet spring night was much colder this far north than it had been in Surrey. Severus pulled his traveling cloak around him tighter, setting off through the gates of the castle briskly; the sooner he was inside the castle, the better.
The long evening of wine and conversation with Petunia Evans had done a great deal to distract him, it seemed.
Severus didn't even notice Dumbledore coming down the Grand Staircase until it was too late to dodge him.
"Severus, there you are, my boy," said Dumbledore, genially. Severus instantly felt that Dumbledore had been waiting for him to return to the castle; the wizard was a little too neat with how he blocked the staircase down into the dungeons. "If you have a moment, I'd like to have a brief word?"
There was no means of declining without seeming rude.
Severus nodded with the usual sourness that he usually met unexpected discussions with.
Dumbledore stepped closer, speaking more quietly.
"Minerva and I had dinner at Longbottom Tower earlier this evening. We had an incredibly productive evening with her and there is much to discuss." Dumbledore looked at him, meaningfully. "If you're able, let's have tea tomorrow afternoon in my office. I won't take up much of your Sunday, but I do ask for a brief audience."
Severus had no choice but to agree. It wasn't as if Dumbledore truly asking; he was simply far more courteous in giving orders than the Dark Lord ever wanted or cared to be.
Satisfied that they'd be meeting soon, Dumbledore bid him goodnight and Severus didn't hesitate to swiftly depart down into the dungeons of Hogwarts.
The looming and growing focus on the Longbottom boy was a shift he still wasn't used to or believed could be possible. He would need to get as much sleep as possible and be as refreshed as he could be, as he was forced to adapt to the new mission –
And the new Chosen One that Severus still believed was only chosen because of Dumbledore and not the Prophecy.
"Well, Mum – did you decide? When is Mr. Severus coming back for dinner or a visit or something?"
Haesel grinned.
Dudley had beaten her to the punch and asked quicker that she'd been able to. She was no less eager to hear what Auntie had to say, despite not being the one to ask.
"Severus is coming back on Tuesday," Auntie assured them. With a smile, Auntie seemed to enjoy very much passing along a message, when she added, "He says that you two are to be sure that your homework is completed, before he arrives. Else, he will only be staying for the meal, and promptly leaving, without taking the time to visit afterward."
Haesel nodded firmly.
She was already determined that she would complete any homework in record time. She would be sure that there was no reason for Mr. Severus to leave earlier than he had to. She would make sure Dudley had his homework completed, too.
Haesel would make sure that they would work together. Two of them would make for quicker work, so they could be sure they'd get the chance to stay up a little later. There was still so much that Haesel wanted to ask Mr. Severus. Things about her mum, in particular.
Auntie always talked about her mum and her grandparents. They had all died before she was born or when she was a baby, but as much as Auntie talked about them, Haesel felt like she knew them as well as she could. There wasn't a single day that went by where she didn't wish she could have known her mum and dad or Auntie and Mum's parents. Auntie's memories and stories helped a lot.
The memories and stories that Mr. Severus had shared last night were just like things that Auntie would tell her – but different. So very different.
Haesel had not known anything about the years when Auntie had said Mum was away at boarding school for gifted students. Auntie had gone away to university shortly after Mum had started going to this Hogwarts boarding school. They hadn't spent much time together until she and Dudley were born – and, those were the only parts of her mum's life that Haesel never really knew about.
Until Mr. Severus had come to dinner and started filling the missing parts that she hadn't known she'd craved to hear.
Haesel realized that Tuesday evening was only a day away, but for her, it seemed much further. Especially with all the endless things she wanted to know about her mum.
Lily Potter and her time at Hogwarts had always been a mystery.
Now that she knew her mum's best friend, Haesel hoped to know even more about the mum she had never known – and who Auntie, her older sister, could only ever tell her so much about.
Severus deliberately lingered in the Slytherin Common Room on Sunday afternoon, not at all eager to report to the Headmaster's Office for the brief audience Dumbledore had demanded with him.
He took his time reviewing homework from students across the years. He listened and talked far longer than he usually would, as he settled disputes and complaints of Slytherin against Slytherin. A random dormitory inspection gave him reason to spend quite a while taking points and even assigning a detention; the honor of detention belonged to Jian Chang, the Head Boy himself, when Severus came across clear evidence that that idiot Hufflepuff of his, Nymphadora Tonks, had been inside his dormitory and his bed. Severus wanted to use the discovery of his Head Boy's rule-breaking to perhaps be so late that Dumbledore would want to meet another time.
He knew better than to try it.
Sternly warning that he would return to ensure lights out in a few hours, Severus finally began his trek from the dungeons into high towers of the castle. He paused, before giving the gargoyle the password. Severus inhaled quietly, firmly erecting his Occlumency barriers –
His mind became still, focused, and cold.
Just like in the darkest, bloodiest days of the Great War, Severus took all of who he was and submerged it beneath the steel and iron barriers of his mind.
Nothing could get under that barrier.
Not even one of the most powerful wizards in modern history, whether he be a Dark Lord or not.
Severus was not surprised to see Minerva McGonagall when he entered the headmaster's office after a perfunctory knock on the door.
The close relationship she seemed to have with the Longbottom family, in particular the Madam Longbottom, made it quite reasonable that she would be deeply involved with Neville Longbottom and the new purpose Dumbledore had for the boy. Severus was faintly taken aback that Minerva would be this deep in Dumbledore's confidences, as it pertained to The Child Foretold.
As far as Severus knew, there were a very small handful of people who knew about the prophecy that portended the defeat of the Dark Lord. Most of those people were dead, leaving only himself, Dumbledore, and Dumbledore's brother, the owner of the Hog's Head Bar and Inn, where the prophecy was first divined.
Had Minerva become a fourth – or fifth – person brought into the incredibly sensitive core of the resistance against the Dark Lord?
The strained, troubled look upon her face was enough to make Severus speculate that she was.
"Welcome, Severus," said Dumbledore, cordially, "please, be seated and make yourself comfortable. We're eager to get started and as I said before, there is much to discuss."
Severus did so, but declined the cup of tea that Minerva offered him. He looked between Dumbledore and Minerva, intently.
"The Headmaster informed me that the pair of you spent yesterday evening in the company of the Longbottom family," Severus prompted, leaping right into the heart of it. "May I ask the importance of this visit?"
The answer wasn't what Severus was expecting at all.
"I have called the Order of the Phoenix back into activation, as of yesterday, following the adjournment of our organization in December 1981. I have spent the last week reaching out to the surviving members and new recruits – and, among the first to agree was Madam Augusta Longbottom, thanks to Minerva's help."
Minerva waved her hand impatiently. "I hardly did anything of note, Albus. Augusta and I have been best friends since we were children; I knew she wouldn't hesitate, if formally asked. There is much that has happened in the ceasefire that has made it impossible for her to do anything but take a stand against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
Dumbledore looked at Severus, evenly.
"Madam Longbottom has graciously agreed that the Order can use Longbottom Tower as a secure meeting point, for the time being. Can I offer you the formal invitation, just the same as the others, to join the Order of the Phoenix and meet with us in two weeks' time?"
Severus couldn't help but scoff.
"I don't think that I would be welcome, considering my past memberships in other organizations besides the Order of the Phoenix." Severus glared then, glancing at Minerva pointedly, as he added: "I'm not as well acquainted with Madam Longbottom as Minerva, but I have heard about the witch for years. Augusta Longbottom isn't a forgiving woman. What makes you think I'd ever be allowed inside of Longbottom Tower, after what happened at the hands of my fellow Death Eaters?"
Dumbledore frowned, opening his mouth to answer, but Minerva spoke before he could.
"Are you still a fellow Death Eater or have you turned your allegiance from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, as I have been told you have?" demanded Minerva, hotly.
"It doesn't matter what allegiance I have to a woman like Madam Longbottom," replied Severus, coldly. "All that will matter to her is the brand on my arm is the same Dark Mark that was borne by the people who tortured her son and his wife into insanity. For all any of us know, should I try to step foot on the grounds of Longbottom Tower – my Dark Mark will cause me to be harmed through the power of wards that likely protect against anyone who bears His mark."
Minerva looked stricken.
Clearly, she'd never considered the thought.
Severus wanted to roll his eyes at how utterly Gryffindor it was of the woman to not even realize that following a traumatic, tragic attack like the one that had taken her son and his wife from her – of course Augusta Longbottom would be sure that nothing like that could happen again.
The witch had a Hufflepuff, from what he'd once heard. Just as a Slytherin would never allow themselves to be exposed to the same tragedy that had brought them great harm, a Hufflepuff would not let the same enemy attack twice.
If she was anything like her House declared, Augusta Longbottom would not ever allow a Death Eater in Longbottom Tower again.
Severus settled for glaring at Minerva slightly, as he made it clear: "I am no longer a Death Eater, nor do I have any loyalty or desire to be a servant of the Dark Lord again. However, good luck convincing your friend otherwise."
His next words were for Dumbledore.
"I do agree and accept my place in the Order of the Phoenix, obviously." Severus ignored the faint approval that Dumbledore looked at him with, as he continued, "While I don't think it is wise for me to be present at an assembly of the Order, private audiences like this should be fine. When the Dark Lord does rise again, it might be more helpful than we realize if I am not seen or associated with the Order of the Phoenix, even if I won't return to his side, either."
"I'll start talking with Augusta and trying to learn what protection she has on Longbottom Tower that might be specific to former Death Eaters," Minerva assured him. The look she now gave Severus still made him want to roll his eyes, but for different reasons than before. "One day, it might be important that you be able to come to headquarters – and we'll want to be sure that you can."
Severus said nothing as Dumbledore approvingly nodded at Minerva's offer.
"As I continue to hear back from the others, I have been asking to join our number, there is a great deal to do in the meantime," Dumbledore shared with them both, looking determined. "Right now, we have an advantage that I would like to get full use out of. Walpurgis Night and Beltane are both next week, as you both know. Leading up to both traditional Dark and Light holidays, I am asking the both of you to undertake your first mission under our newly activated Order."
Severus was as attentive as Minerva, for neither of them seemed to have been told beforehand of whatever mission they were about to receive.
"Minerva, I would like for you and Augusta do make your social rounds throughout the festivals and feasts that will be happening in honor of Beltane. Begin seeking out potential allies among the families you think would be receptive or willing to join the Order. Recruitment will be a process, as there is no immediate threat and people will be loath to admit this peace was only temporary." Dumbledore looked at Severus, sharply, as he declared: "Minerva's assignment is directly related to yours, Severus. I ask that your focus, instead, but upon the Walpurgis Night festivals and the commencement of the traditional social season of those families and persons considered Dark or not Light."
Severus found himself frowning.
Dumbledore made it seem like a simple, straightforward task. Severus knew it would be anything but.
There was nobody who immediately came to mind as someone who could be recruited away from the Dark Lord. Most of the Dark Order was imprisoned or dead, while those who had escaped either fate had claimed to have been forced or manipulated into being the Dark Lord's servant.
Not even among those who had claimed bewitchment and were not punished could Severus think of anyone who would be convinced to come into Dumbledore's service instead.
As promised, Dumbledore didn't take much of his afternoon – but, by the time their discussion had concluded, Severus had long since been ready to go.
With his new focus on Walpurgis Night next week, something else had come to mind for Severus.
Petunia had wanted to tell Haesel and Dudley about magic.
There was hardly a better opportunity than Walpurgis Night to introduce the two children into the knowledge that they were magical. They were unaware that they had magical heritage, the missing detail that they deserved to know about themselves.
If Petunia was agreeable, then Severus could easily come by for dinner on 30 April. He could take Haesel and Dudley through the rites of Walpurgis Night, offering them the truth about themselves and giving them a very fitting welcome into the world they hadn't known they'd been born a part of.
Severus passed by the Great Hall without stopping in, unconcerned with dinner as he headed intently down to his personal apartments.
He did have a vague idea of how he would start on the mission Dumbledore had assigned him now that the Order of the Phoenix has returned. However, he didn't see the harm in not making it a priority.
Just like Dumbledore had decided to let Haesel Potter be a secondary concern to his new dedication to the Longbottom boy, Severus had decided that the Longbottom boy could be a secondary concern to his dedication to Lily's daughter and her family.
Severus found the enchanted journal right where he had left it on his bedside table.
He had returned from his morning patrol of the castle to find the journal glowing its usual green and a flowery good morning note waiting for him. The reminder of his promise to come by for dinner on Tuesday had been acknowledged with a hasty scrawl of his own, but he hadn't had time so far to say much besides that.
Severus flipped to the page where they'd last been speaking –
And spent quite a bit of the rest of the evening, writing back and forth to Petunia Evans, discussing with her how they would tell Haesel and Dudley of magic on the night of the witches, as it seemed most fitting to do.