Entry 81: Nothing is Perfect
September 15th: Afternoon
Staring up at the sky, I didn't really know how to describe what I was feeling. I've never been very good at acknowledging, let alone expressing, the feelings that I have. While It has been getting easier to do so, I'm still frustrated when I can't seem to figure myself out. I know that I feel like shit at the moment. I'm having to hold back tears but... there's also this feeling I have. It's not a good feeling, but it sure as hell isn't bad. It almost feels like something has been released from me. But what is it and why? Why do I not understand myself to this basic level yet? Why can't humans just wake up one day and know everything about themselves? But, I took a deep breath, and simply let it out. Slowly, the tears began to fall down my face, and I was thankful that I wasn't balling like a baby.
I was still sitting in the same spot, So- Ka- Hiragii had left about five minutes ago. Honestly, I should get going as well, I don't want to keep Ichika waiting any longer and I want to catch up with Mom, Nino and Miku. However, I can't let them see me like this. I can't let my own self made issues affect them. I made this bed, so I had to sleep it in. Or cry in it. Whipping some tears and snot on my uniform sleeve, I tried to calm myself down. It's not like I wasn't expecting this. In fact, I'd always assumed that if I ever met W again, she'd yell at me on the spot and try to kill me. We're friends. And she's best friends with my girlfriend. I should be elated, overjoyed. The person who I thought I abandoned to hell turned out to be fine all along and was even still in my life.
But, not of my own doing however. I treated her as a stranger, a weirdo and even if we are friends, we don't spend too much time together. For the past year she's known me, I've been centering my life around the Nakanos. Living every day with them and for them. Hell, I even said to her face that I would be fine never seeing her again. In fact, I said I'd prefer it. Fucking idiot. I don't think I'm being melodramatic when I say that I think Hiragii went soft on me. And even so, this horrid feeling I have is my just deserts. But why do I feel this strange feeling as well? Could this feeling be closure? I'd always assumed closure was a universally good feeling. This is a scam, I want my money back on my emotions!
Taking deep breaths for a few minutes, my eyes finally ran dry. Taking out my phone to see if it was obvious if I'd been crying, I looked like shit. Great. Sighing to myself, I knew that I couldn't get away with staying up here for any longer, especially if Itsuki and Ichika saw Hragii leave the building. So, I cleaned myself up as much as I could, rolled up my sleeves so no one could see the damp spots and left the roof. I made sure to make a stop by the Cosplay club's empty club room before I went to the cafeteria. I found what I was hoping for, some sunglasses that obviously were owned by Subaru. I'd recognize the etched on chibi Saber he etched onto the temple tips anywhere. Putting it on, I made my way to the cafeteria.
Hoenbslty, I was a bit astonished to see that not only had all the snacks I'd brought Itsuki been devoured, but I counted more empty plates than I had brought. I was going to make a smooch comment about it, however Ichika spoke up before me. "Why're you wearing sunglasses?" She sounded weirdly worried, I'd expected a jab or a joke over that. Now that I thought about it, Itsuki also looked a bit put off.
"No reason, I found them and wanted to try them on." My voice sounded way more horse and forced than I thought, so I coughed into my hand. "They're Subaru's."
A strange silence followed my sentence as both sisters looked at each other. They seemed to have a telepathic conversation, something I've always theorized the quints could do, before the eldest sister sighed. "Fine. So, what'd you talk to Kana about?" Thinking about her again, I felt the despair almost encompassing me again. Powering through, I nodded my head and said the first thing off the top of my head.
"Just something incredibly depressing." Wow, that was way more honest than I wanted it to be. "I... can we not talk about it? At least for right now. I just want to forget that conversation for at least the rest of the festival."
Closing her study book, Itsuki let out a sigh as she stood up. "At least you're being honest this time. Besides, I needed a break anyway." Putting her belongings in her bag, she walked up to me.
"Ohoho! A new member of our party! So, where to next, leader?"
"Don't call me Leader, Ichika. I'm the furthest thing from one."
"But you look exactly like a RPG protag. Hm, would you stick with your fists or pick up a sword. Ohhh~ Or even wield a scythe. Now that would fit your edgy appearance."
Her small jokes were actually making me self conscious. Messing with my hair, I wondered if I should dye my hair back to black. "I'm not that edgy..." The two sisters seemed to enjoy that response because they began to giggle. "L-Let's just go. I want to see if we can find Miku, Nino and my Mom."
The three of us went out back into the main school grounds. The hustle and bustle of the festival actually relived me as we walked. After a few minutes of aimlessly walking, we ran into a familiar face. "Oh, Yotsu-"
"SHHHHH!" The short haired girl was peeking over a wall, seemingly spying on someone. "Be quiet." All three of us shared a look of indifference before joining her to hide behind the wall. "..."
"Uh, What's going on?" Ichika asked her younger sister. "Shouldn't you be helping around the festival, ?" Yotsu didn't even bother answering, only continuing to spy. "Ugh, fine." Crouching below her sister, Ichika slowly glanced by the wall and seemed to immediately spot what was causing Yotsu so much trouble. "Wow, Taro's pretty smooth, huh?"
"What?" Now my interest was piqued. Leaning over the two, I glanced over the wall and immediately spotted what they were talking about. Taro was speaking with another young woman in front of a churro stand, both of them eating one. The girl had long black hair and had an honestly pretty face. She was wearing a simple white button up and black pants. Wait, she seems familiar. Oh! "That's Takebayashi."
Faster than I thought was possible, I was pinned against the wall by Yotsuba, who seemed to be somehow towering above me with bright red eyes filled with anger. "Who?" Jealous Yotsuba is way too scary! "Kuro... tell me before I bite you." WHAT?!
"C-Calm down! She's just his old classmate! From elementary school! That's it! She came up in his background search a while ago and I just remembered her!"
"Do they have any kind of relationship?" Her voice was dangerously low and made me fear she would actually bite me if she got an answer she didn't like.
"N-Not that I-I know of."
Itsuki thankfully came in to stop my interrogation. Placing a hand on her sister's shoulder, she slowly and calmly spoke. "Yotsuba, calm down. This is Uesugi we're talking about. Not to mention we've spent practically every day with him for the last year. And didn't he confess to you yesterday? He doesn't seem like the type of guy to two time. That's only Kuro."
"HEY!" Ichika laughing at my pain only made me feel even worse.
But thankfully, she seemed to get through to her sister. The class prez sighed and let go of me, taking a few deep breaths as she did so. "You're right. Sorry, Kuro. I was just overreacting. Fuutarou is my boyfriend now. He's my boyfriend now, so it's all fi-" Walking past the wall, she immediately froze in place and the aura of jealousy and anger. Walking up to her to check on them, I saw Takebayashi pulling Taro around by his hand. "...Kuro."
"Why me?"
"Because you're you. Now go." Ichika chimed in as she pushed me out to the direction of the two. Grumbling to myself, I followed the two students. After a minute, the two of them stopped in front of a familiar stand, and were met with the three people I was hoping to see all day, Uh oh.
By the time I caught up with them, I heard Takeyabashi say, "Thank you for taking care of my Fuutarou."
"My?
"Fuutarou?" Miku and Nino took turns to say that phrase, both glaring at the tutor as they did so. "One day. It took you one day to betray my sister."
"T-This is a misunderstanding-" At that point, I had reached the group and Taro immediately hid behind me, obviously using me as a shield. "K-Kuro! HEY, buddy! Could use your help here!"
"..." This day is already exhausting. Sighing at the situation I found myself in, I debated on how to turn this all around. What I didn't expect was for the cause of all this to turn to me and smile. "Hello there! My name is Takebayashi, it's a pleasure to meet you. I didn't know Fuutarou had such handsome friends!" She's doing this on purpose isn't she? Not much came up about this girl during Taro's background check. There was no need after all, but I never got the inkling that she'd act like this. My head hurts.
And now, Nino had that smile. You know the one. The one that makes me borderline shit myself. "Who the fuck are you?" Wow, she's not even trying to act nice.
Clapping her hands and putting on an innocent smile, the black haired girl turned to my partner. "Oh, I'm Fuutarou's old classmate and tutor! I guess you could say we're childhood friends."
"I wouldn't go that far." Sush, Taro. You're also in the hot seat apparently.
"Okay, but I'd rather you not hit on my boyfriend."
"Nino, he's not yours. He's ours."
"Ours?"
"A-Anyway!" Popping out from behind me, Taro stood between his classmate and his current students. "These guys are my friends, so I'd rather you not tease them. They're special to me." Wow, he actually said that. And he's only blushing a little bit. Guess he really did change, huh. Not that I could say the same for me. That unexpected thought almost brought back the horrible feelings once more, but I forced it down by pinching my thigh.
Takeybashi smiled at her friend's statement and nodded. "Alright. Sorry about that. Then, let's go. I could go for a candied apple!" Pulling Taro once again, this time by his forearm, the two of them had disappeared before I could tell Taro to talk to Yotsu. Oh well, I'll text him. Sighing at the whole situation, I lifted the sunglasses I was wearing and rubbed my eyes.
"Well, that was something!" My mother, still in the middle of eating some pancakes, turned to me. "I'd almost forgotten how easily young people can get jealous."
"Jealous? I wasn't jealous, Mother. I know that Kuro can't live without me so there is no need for me to ever get jealous." With a huff, Nino turned her glare to me. "Right, Darling?"
"Correction. I can't live without you or Miku."
Satisfied with my answer, Miku gilded her way to me and wrapped her arms around my right arm. "See, he isn't yours. He's ours." With a blush, the Tsudere sister turned away and faced my Mother once more. "By the way, why're you wearing sunglasses?"
"It's... a long story."
Same Day: Evening
The festival was coming to a close once again for the second time. This time, however, I was feeling a bit better than yesterday. Unlike yesterday, Miku, Nino, Mother and I were waiting by the school gates. Waiting for the rest of the group to finish. Supposedly, Taro was being interrogated by Ichika and Itsuki with Yotsuba watching at the moment, and I definitely was happy to not be in his position at the moment.
Holding the sunglasses in my hands, I began to clean it as I asked, "So, what did you three do all day? You kidnapped my mother before my very eyes so I think that's a responsible question."
"Kidnap is a strong word. I'd use coercion." Miku smiled as she placed a finger on her chin. "We just went around and showed her the school, told her a few stories and tried to convince her to move here to be with us forever. The usual." That's not usual.
"Stop trying to steal my mother away. She's got her own family, too , you know." Sighing once again, I began thinking about the implication of her living here. It'd be nice. But- "Plus, we're probably going to move after graduation. What's the point in convincing her to move here if we're leaving soon, too."
"Hm, guess you have a point, Ku." Looking at her nails, Nino continued on. "But we didn't steal her. If our sisters are your sisters then your mom is ours too."
"My family gets bigger day by day!" Ai's happy and cute smile made it hard to reprimand my partners any further. "Oh, when am I getting my grandchildren?" God dammit.
"Soon." The two sisters said without even a second of hesitation.
"At least let me get a solid income first!" Ugh, I just hope Kuro Jr. doesn't pop out before we even get to college. I need to stay vigilant. Grumbling at my predicament, I flinched as both Miku and Nino came to my side, taking my hands. I won't make it.
I'd expected my mother to take the whole situation with a little discomfort. After all, I'd imagine most parents don't like to think of their children... doing the act. But... "Oh, how many grandkids... at least five!" FIVE?! Ugh, even my Mom is weird.
Speaking of five, We caught a glimpse of the rest of the sisters followed by taro coming out of the main school building. The tutor looked absolutely exhausted and on the brink of death, while everyone else seemed satisfied. Looks like they got the answers they wanted. "Ah, Ai." Itsuki walked towards Mother and gave her a polite bow. "I was wondering if you'd like to join us for dinner?"
"I'd love to, however, I do have something that I need to do. had arranged a meeting for me and it's actually quite soon. I was simply staying to hopefully say goodnight to you all." Giving her own bow, Mother kept it as she said, "Thank you all for the wonderful day. Have a great night and I'll see you all tomorrow." Standing back up, she ruffled my hair. "See you tomorrow, Isagi."
"...Goodnight Mother." It still felt weird saying that, but she smiled nonetheless. With that, she took her leave. 'I barely got to talk to her today..."
"Well, there's always tomorrow. Anyway, I'm startvin." Rubbing her stomach, Ichika led the group as we began walking away from the school. "I'm feeling some barbecue. You'll pay, right Taro?"
"...yes." Damn, they really destroyed him. Walking with everyone, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stiffen. Turning around for a moment, I caught a glimpse of Hiragii walking home with a tall man, most likely Gin. That is her family now, and this is mine, I suppose. My heart ached as I thought that, but there wasn't anything I could really do, now could I? I made my bed, I have to sleep in it. Even if it was from so long ago. Taking in a breath from my nose, I turned back around and kept my feelings to myself.
September 16th: Morning
The third and final day of the festival has begun. However, I am not currently at the school. No, because there is a certain someone that I have to make sure attends today. Making my way through Maruo Nakano's hospital, I found my way to his personal office. Easily going past security and the employee's because of my credentials. So, I expected it when Maruo had shown surprise for a microsecond once I entered his office. "Ogata. To what do I owe this visit? I assumed you'd be at your festival."
Crossing my arms, I held in a sigh when I heard his statement. "I'm here to escort you. You had made a promise to come on the final day, and that is today. Your daughters are waiting and would like to spend their last exciting day of school with their father." Making sure to use the parent card, I had expected that to work against the secretly devoted father.
"While I'd love to go, I am unfortunately preoccupied. I live a busy life, Ogata." Unfornilty, he parried my attack. However, that wasn't unexpected by me. Maruo is a difficult opponent. He is the most closed off man I know after all. But, unfortunately for him, I know the match up. I've been around this man for a large percentage of my life and so, I know a lot of his weaknesses. "Now, if you'll excuse me."
"Sir, if I may speak honestly, I'm a bit disappointed. Even their bastard of a birth father took the time out of his shity life to visit. You aren't going to let that piece of shit beat you, now will you?"
"Yes, I am aware. Itsuki had reported his appearance to me. She also told me about your attempt at... turning him away, per say. I thank you for that, however that does not change the amount of work that needs to be done here."
Shit. He blocked that. I expected that to work, too. "Now sir, while I'm sure that the work that you are doing is indeed important. Will just a few hours truly harm you in such a way? While I know she wouldn't admit it outloud, I know Nino has been hoping that you would come. And honestly, so would I."
"Ogata." Putting down his pen, Maruo gave me his full attention. Regrettably, that meant that the permanent glare on his face was now completely engulfing me. Now, I was truly feeling his absolute confidence and authority. "I am the Chief of Medicine. If I do not do my job, just how many people suffer, do you think? I would love to spend all my time with my daughters, however, I am no so blessed."
And now he's playing the job card. Fuck. There isn't much counter play to that. Like, he's actually right. But, I also know that Maruo is the kind of man to use his work as an excuse to stay away from them as well. He loves his daughter's, that goes without saying. But I think he also keeps them at arm's length so as to not hurt them nor get hurt himself. Shit. "I... I understand. I simply would have liked spending time with you and everyone else. I know what I said the other day was embarrassing, but you honestly are the closest thing I have to a father figure. And with the possibility of us all going in our own directions soon, I... I wanted to spend as much time with you as possible. That is my selfish reason for wanting you to come." Rubbing the back of my head, I could feel the heat come up to my face.
I didn't like being so open with my feelings towards Maruo. While yes, they are true, recently my feelings towards who I see as family hasn't exactly gone my way. But, I think it's necessary to admit these feelings. I've got to learn one of these days. I lost Hiragi because I didn't protect her in the way I should and I wasn't honest with her. I can't make the same mistake again.
The older man sighed after I admitted my secret and only shook his head. "So?" God dammit. "You should get going, Ogata. You don't want to spend the whole day arguing with me, do you?"
"...okay. Have a good day, Maruo." Giving the man a polite bow, I swallowed my stepped on feelings and walked out the office. He did say he'd try a few days ago. He didn't promise. I can't exactly be surprised. On the walk to school, I just shook off the disappointment.
That, however, turned out to be unnecessary, because by the time I got to the school, I noticed a black limo was parked right outside of the entrance, a familiar tanned man standing in front of the car. "Ah, Sir Ogata. How are you doing today?" said to me with a professional smile.
"...um. I'm alright. What're you-"
"I was simply dropping off Sir Nakano. I will be on my way now." With a bow, Maruo's personal butler went back into the Limo and began driving away. What a fucking Tsundere.
AN: Hello everyone. Sorry for the day late update, since Honkai Star Rail came out, I got addicted to it. The game is so fun I really didn't stand a chance not to fall for it. But, thank you all for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoyed it.