By the time the drug wore off, it was completely dark outside. He was shaking terribly, barely able to stand on his own two legs. He used equally weak arms to help him stay upright.
Now that he was at least slightly lucid of his surroundings, he was terrified. He was lost, exhausted, and broken. His head felt like a lead anvil, complete with pounding hammer.
He was cursing all sorts of things to keep his mind off of the fear tearing at his heart. That stupid little man, his stupid brother, his stupid self, stupid Kaede, stupid money, stupid cell phones that he couldn't afford and obviously did not have. Otherwise he would be home by now.
Because of his stupid parents dying off and leaving him to live with a stupid, poor old lady, and because he couldn't afford something every stupid kid nowadays had, he'd been assaulted and drugged and left to lie in that dirty labyrinth.
He was only eleven. He had to blame something other than himself. And his own idiocy.
An hour or so of an eternity later, he crawled out into the courtyard where it had all started. An old clock he hadn't noticed before was off to the side. The hour hand pointed at the two.
At least I know how to get home from here, he thought, and started walking.
Two hours later, out of breath and vision swimming, he got to his house. No lights were on. He pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door.
It was a small house. Two bedrooms and a kitchen, and a tiny bathroom. He checked Kaede's room and saw no one. Perhaps she was still at work. He collapsed on his own mattress, which was directly on the cement floor, and curled into a ball.
She probably hadn't even noticed he was missing. They had no landline for her to check in on him. She probably just assumed he'd gotten home alright.
He was suddenly incredibly thirsty but now that he was already laying down, he didn't have the strength to get up. He was trembling something awful. His sheets began to soak up the excess moisture from his hair and clothes.
Inuyasha lost consciousness for a little bit. The opening and closing of the front door broke through his dreamless sleep and he laid there, wired.
"Inuyasha?" came an old voice. Kaede was at his doorway.
He sat up and looked at her round form shaped by lamplight and opened his mouth.
He'd wanted to tell her. He really did. He wanted to let her know about being drugged. He wanted her to somehow get the police involved. To catch that old man that took advantage of weak young children in their darkest hour.
But just seeing her there made a lump grow in his chest. The door slammed shut on his heart.
"My boy, you're soaking wet!" she exclaimed, coming over to him, touching his hair.
He waved her away. "I was sitting outside and lost track of the time."
"You need to get into a warm bath right away," she said, then touched his face. "You're freezing cold! Come."
Even with this display of attention, even though she looked utterly exhausted and was still fussing over him, he was unmoved. No sunlight filled his chest. It was cold and dark.
So when he shakily took off his damp clothes and sat in the tub full of hot water (the only luxury they could afford, and only every so often), he thought. He thought about that drug. It was warm. It was beautiful. It made him feel wanted.
It was just an illusion.
But it felt so real.
So, shunning the only true affection he had ever gotten through the old woman, he decided he would go back there. To that place. He'd make that old man pay. Yes, pay with that red stuff. That injection of belonging. And he wasn't going to tell Kaede about it.
The logic in his brain was a bit skewed. If he could have gone back in time and told himself he was making a big mistake, he would have. But that black flower in his heart had been tinted red and that was all he wanted now. Whatever love Kaede gave him seemed hollow in comparison. Fake. That needle had shown him real love. And he was going to get it, by any means. And he would keep it all to himself. Forever.