Finally! I had SUCH a hard time finding my inspiration again, but after a KILLER dream I had, I finally finished this chapter and here it is!
Now, I am VERY excited about the ending so lemme know what you think!
As always, I don't own Hey Arnold! or any of it's characters.
But I do own Ray. Hells yeah.
So R&R and lemme know what you think!
Enjoy!
xoxo
Polkahotness
***HELGA***
I wasn't really sure as to why I WASN'T excited to go to Arnold's for Poker Night. Normally, I'd be all gung ho for the little shindig, but since Ray had shown up... things had been mildly different.
I had kinda talked about with Phoebe earlier today while we went walking around the mall, but as usual, I didn't get into too much detail about it. Why would I want to admit what I was thinking?
Hell, I still wasn't even willing to admit it to myself.
"I think it may just be a phase, Helga. You can't dwell on it. It isn't like I don't find other people attractive besides Gerald."
"It's not like that Pheebs. It's like... something way different."
She stopped and turned to look at me.
"Helga, are you saying that you might be questioning your feelings for Arnold?"
"NO! Hell no, Phoebe. I'm more... questioning something else.
And I was. I knew I loved Arnold, whether he actually LOVED me too or not I didn't know, but I DID know that I loved him. I always had. But there were all these questions popping into my head now that he had brought Ray around Hillwood.
I knew it would be a bad idea. I told him long before he even bought the tickets that he should, 'withdraw the request' of his 'company' because he wouldn't fit in.
But he was.
He freakin' was.
Everyone was talking about him while Gerald and I watched, for two very different reasons.
I mean, Arnold was CRAZY for not seeing how man-jealous Geraldo was. Even Phoebe had commented on it. No matter how hard Gerald tried, it always seemed that Ray got in the way of rekindling their weird friendship. Not like it was broken, because it wasn't. It was just... being threatened, so Tall Hair Boy thought.
I knocked on the door of the boarding house and before I knew it, the flocks of animals jumped out of the door as Arnold stood before me.
"Hi Helga."
"Hi Football-head. Where's the party?"
He smirked and took a step to the side to allow me to enter the house.
"You know."
"But that ruins the fun of a possible change. You know... a possible curve ball in our usual plans."
"Okay... then it's in the dining room."
"Way to lie, ya big oaf. I wasn't even convinced."
He leaned in to kiss me and I felt my nerves spark in every part of my body. I fought the urge to push for further kissing and settled for smiling as he pulled away.
"Helga... I uh..."
"You what?" I asked, starting to walk for the living room that held the loud noise of laughing and threats in Oskar's direction.
I heard him mumble something just behind me as I continued to walk.
Must not be too important or he woulda' spoke up.
"Hey! It's our favorite member of the family!" Ernie called out, with a smile in my direction and I grinned.
"You know it. Now where's my hand?" My hand was eagerly gesturing for my set of cards and Ray reached over to hand them to me.
"Uh... th-thanks." I muttered, and took my usual spot on the side of the couch next to Arnold's Grandpa.
"No peeking at my cards, now! We only need one Oskar in the house!"
Arnold sat down on the floor beside me and smirked as he took his cards from Ray and glanced them over; shaking his head minimally.
Arnold, was one fantastic poker player. And as expected, the kid would never give himself the credit for it. I mean, he knew every move to play, not just card-wise, but LOOK wise. He knew the facial expressions to sell, the gestures to give and the ticks to add to the cause.
I mean... he was even better than ME. And I grew up watching Big Bob play poker with his friends almost every Tuesday night at the house while Miriam struggled to get them their beers and continue making her damn smoothies with HER stash of alcohol.
I smirked.
It's a wonder that I'M not some sad sack of drunk like her.
As Arnold explained the rules in more detail to Ray, I watched the way they interacted with each other.
It was weird.
The way they acted around each other reminded me of brothers. Similar in so many ways, and yet, there were just those few things that set them apart. And the way they acted with each other, only added to that.
But the way Arnold and GERALDO acted was the epitome of friends. They fed off of each other. With every joke Arnold made, Gerald one-upped it and then Arnold took the plunge with the one thereafter.
So I couldn't understand how Gerald didn't see it either.
"Got it?"
"I think I do..."
"Then how about we get this show on the road? I mean, it's not like we have all night." I cut in, winking in a general direction.
"I do." Ray smirked and I rolled my eyes.
"Only because you're temporarily living here, Mop-Head."
"You have nickname!" Mr. Hyunh said with a smile. "She likes you!"
And I did.
But that scared me.
"She promises she'll bring the meat next time, Oskar."
"I do not!" I said with a laugh and Arnold shushed me from the doorway; laughing pretty hard himself.
"Okay, okay Oskar. I understand that it's your favorite for sandwiches. Goodnight!"
I lay down on his bed and rested my hands under my head, closing my eyes as Oskar continued on.
"Why don't you go finish the game, Oskar. I'm sure Ray can clean you out of your money too."
Finally, he shut the door.
"That roommate of yours is a HUSTLER. We all just got HUSTLED." My laugh had faded slightly as I kept my eyes closed. I listened hard as Arnold's every footstep, muffled by the carpet, made it's way towards the bed until he hopped on beside me and smiled. His voice was pleasant.
"He's a wild one."
"Doesn't really SEEM like it."
"No, he is. I knew you'd like him. He's like this weird combination of-"
"You and me. Yeah I noticed."
He nudged my shoulder until I opened my eyes to find him looking at me.
"What?"
"Is something wrong, Helga? You know, you can tell me if you don't like him... I just thought-"
"No, I do, Arnold. He's... he's a pretty... swell guy."
He shook his head and scooted to lay beside me on the bed, his eyes focused on me.
"I'm not convinced. And usually, you're a pretty great liar. I mean, you had me believing you hated me since pre-school."
"And what if, hypothetically, I HAD hated you. Then what?"
His green eyes were searching mine and I didn't back down from his gaze.
"Then I guess... then I guess we wouldn't be here right now, would we?"
"Here being your room?"
"Here being together. Here being you and me dating and being happy."
"You're happy? You care about me?" I sat up then and he copied my movements.
"Of course, I care about you. How could you think I don't?" His voice was raised only slightly and I could tell I was getting under his skin.
I was looking for something; searching for something in him that I wasn't even aware of just what it was. I was determined to hear it. Hear something. To be convinced. For my fears to be shattered.
For something.
"It's not that... that I doubt YOU..."
"Then what is it, Helga?"
I scratched the back of my neck and shrugged.
"I...I don't know."
"I think you do."
"I DON'T."
"Why are you getting so mad?"
"Because you don't GET IT, Hair Boy!"
"Get what?"
I was shaking my head and I couldn't resist the urge that was coming on to laugh.
So I laughed.
I just sat my ass there, and laughed, right in his face. He quizzically watched me as I let out every chortle, giggle and snigger until I was washed out full of laughs and instead, found my eyes connecting with his.
"What did you mumble downstairs before we started to play poker?"
"Hmm?"
I ceased all funny business and watched him intently.
"You heard me."
"I didn't mumble anything, Helga."
"You aren't a good liar, Arnold."
He shrugged and turned away, focusing his attention on something out of our known world.
"Why don't you trust me?" He asked, his face still turned away from mine while the nervousness set in.
"You don't think I trust you?"
"I know you don't."
He looked at me then, his eyes seeming to be a different shade of bright green than they had once been.
"Helga... it's like you don't believe that I want to be with you. Like... like you don't think I like you."
"I know you like me, Arnold. It's... it's something else."
"Is it?"
I couldn't answer him.
I wasn't sure exactly what it was that made me not want to trust Arnold. It was almost like I was afraid that if I trusted him, he'd give me a reason not to. Maybe if I trusted him, maybe RIGHT when I decide to trust him fully, he decides that he no longer wants to be with me and breaks up with me.
Effectively breaking my heart.
But maybe... maybe it didn't need to be broken.
What was it about Arnold that made me hold onto him so tightly when maybe... when possibly... there were other 'Arnolds' out there?
I mean, let's face it, out there in the living room was someone who wasn't Arnold, but was someone I could... well I could be happy with in some weird shift of the universe.
Not saying I didn't love Arnold.
I did.
I always had.
I always will.
"I love you, Arnold." I blurted, his eyes widening almost slightly as his body tensed mildly.
It wasn't like I hadn't said it before.
He'd just never responded.
And I was almost 100% willing to bet that he thought I'd never noticed.
We sat quietly on his bed, the sounds of our breathing filling the room as I waited.
His eyes were holding back. Inside that beautifully shaped head of his that I had adored since I stood in front of that building, soaking wet and coated in mud after having been forgotten by my family again at such a tender young age, was a conflict.
I knew Arnold. Underneath it all, I knew how he worked, and I knew that he over-thought the simplest of things. But even more than that, I knew that if he didn't believe something, if he didn't FEEL something... he wouldn't voice it.
And when he leaned in to kiss my forehead gently, and wrap his warm arms around me to hold me close to his chest so I could feel his heart beat thump in his ribcage, I knew that either he was afraid to say those words I so longed to hear... or... he didn't even feel it at all.
Television, is a magical thing.
Really.
I'm sure if cavemen were to show up and look at a box glowing with moving pictures, they'd just about, and pardon my french, but they'd shit their pants.
After our little, 'discussion,' Arnold and I turned on his ancient television and sat at least five inches away from each other in complete silence. It was amazing how awkward and wrong it felt to not be talking to him about how I was feeling.
I was so used to just calling him or texting him my every problem without a care in the world and yet... and yet it didn't hurt me enough to say one stinkin' word to the guy.
It didn't take Arnold long to start yawning and soon lay down casually to only fall asleep. His soft snores filled the air and I closed my eyes to listen to them as he peacefully slept beside me; his foot just barely touching my thigh as he lay there.
A few moments passed before I opened my eyes to look down at Arnold's face as he lay asleep.
His hair rested just upon his cheek and I found myself smiling, despite how frustrated I had just previously been.
"Those soft blond locks..." I mumbled while combing my fingers through his hair, "and those stunning emerald eyes, hidden away to slumber. How I adore thee. How I have longed for such moments that we share. Four our every kiss, for our every touch or embrace, and oddly enough even for our every silly argument." I chewed on my lip and frowned.
"And yet... each fight pulls me away. It crushes every ounce of everything I've ever worked for..."
He stirred slightly and I froze in complete silence with my mouth wide open until he finally fell still yet again.
"I fear the worst, my love. I fear that you don't want me because... well because NOBODY else ever has wanted me and... and as I sit here now beside you as you dream... I know that I'll never be brave enough to open my mouth and actually tell you all of these things when you're awake."
I listened for a moment as Ray and the boarders cheered about something downstairs, Arnold's grandma beginning to sing a song about enchiladas or something.
"Alas my perfectly football-headed Love God, I'm scared. I'm afraid you'll slip right through my fingers. Maybe all of this was too good to be true."
The boarders became overpoweringly loud and I groaned quietly, fighting the urge to just go down there and find out what was going on.
Yet, despite his strange 'family' and their crazy antics, Arnold didn't so much as even jerk.
"What am I supposed to do? Sitting out there is this guy. And he doesn't lessen my feelings for you, but he threatens them. All my life I've focused solely on YOU. I've practically WORSHIPPED you, following you around as children, talking to your picture behind trash cans and revealing my deepest darkest feelings to you as you merely smiled back frozen to me. You have been my LIFE and now this weird mop-headed kid shows up and throws everything out of proportion. I only ever thought I'd be interested in you. I didn't know that I'd ever even... even CONSIDER any other option and now Ray-"
"Yes?"
I shot my head up and felt my eyes instinctively widen.
"R-R-Ray... how uh... how are... whattya doing?"
"Heading to bed. It's 2 in the morni-"
"I know it's 2 in the morning. Sheesh. Don't you think I can read a clock for God's sake?"
"I'm sorry? I just figured you would be conked out by now."
I crossed my arms.
"So now I'm like football-head over here? Out by 9?"
"He really fell asleep at nine?"
Rolling my eyes, I leaned back to rest against the shelves behind me.
"No, doi. I was being sarcastic."
"Just out of curiosity," he said while walking to sit in the middle of the floor and look up at me, "why do you still call him all those names?" My cheeks flushed and I struggled to find an answer.
"Because I can."
"But why?"
"He doesn't care. I've been calling him those names since forever."
"I can't imagine why it doesn't bug him."
"Probably because he's used to it. It's just... our thing. Okay?"
He shrugged and reached for his guitar.
"What's your deal with that thing, anyway?" I asked while pointing to his guitar.
"This?"
"No. Your pet armadillo. Yes your guitar. Criminy!"
Chuckeling, Ray started to quietly plus a melody from it's strings.
"It's comforting, I guess."
"How?"
"I don't know. If I'm ever mad or confused or happy or anything really... I can just pick up my guitar and let it talk FOR me."
I sat quietly and listened to him play for a moment.
"Why are you sad?"
"See? Didn't even have to say a word."
The minor notes danced with the few major chords he played. They swirled into my ears, continuing to make their way into my system, into my bloodstream even until they filled my entire body. I found myself closing my eyes to listen as he played; every note coloring pictures in my head of dark blues and hues of gray. I listened to every note and allowed them to play out their stories. To feel just what the music was trying to 'say' as Ray so carefully put it.
"I'm a little homesick, I guess."
I fluttered my eyes open and looked over to him as he continued to play with intent.
"Really? Arnold said you and your family don't get along very well."
"Just because we aren't the Cleavers doesn't mean that we hate each other."
I scoffed.
"Speak for yourself."
"I mean... my parents aren't best friends. Probably never should have even gotten married. But they try and I know that they love me. They love all of us."
"All of us being...?"
"My sister Alison, my brother Toby and my other brother Andrew."
I nodded my head while imagining faces to all of his siblings.
"So who is the oldest? You?"
"Oh no. Alison is. She's always been a pain since she's the oldest AND the only girl, but I admire the hell out of her. She's done so much for our family. She's 32 now so she's like 12 years older, but when we were really in debt after dad got outta rehab for some crap he'd been on, Alison who was 17 at the time got a full-time job AND juggled school while still managing a B+ average. She helped support our family so we wouldn't lose our house. When I got older and ma sat me down to tell me that story... I remember crying for hours and calling her to thank her for another 30 minutes. I mean... she gave up SO much for us."
"And your brothers?"
"Both a year younger than me. They're twins, but in the womb some weird stuff happened and Andrew came out with a sever mental handicap. He has some troubles with walking and his speech is pretty hard to understand..."
I never noticed him stop playing his guitar, and I never saw him look up at me once.
"That's... hard."
"Eh. You manage through."
Resting my hand on Arnold's shoulder, I frowned while closing my eyes.
"I don't even remember the last time I talked to MY sister."
"Where is she?"
"Is it bad that I have no idea at the moment?"
"So she's older, than."
I nodded my head; now focusing on Arnold's breathing as his chest rhythmically raised upward and downward.
"Olga is perfect. She is my parents' pride and joy. I mean... that girl could go on a killing rampage... she could slaughter an entire school. Throw people INTO a burning building. She could proceed to try and run over every pedestrian she came upon and she would STILL be perfect in their eyes. She can do no wrong to them. And then... well then there is ME."
"But you have full scholarship to your school which is a pretty exclusive school from what I've heard. You have a 4.0 GPA and an INTERNSHIP, not to mention you are dating a guy who would never dream of hurting ANYONE."
I shot him a look.
"Arnold kind of talks about you a lot..."
Clearing my throat, I continued.
"I wasn't supposed to show up. Miriam was told she couldn't have any more kids due to some complications from Olga's birth and so... Bob and Miriam invested EVERYTHING into Olga. Money for Piano lessens. Money for tutoring so she'd be 2 grades ahead of everyone. They entered her in every talent show case and she won every freakin' spelling be within a 50 mile radius. She went to NATIONALS for it. It was only because she asked to quit to join volleyball that she quit. And there she became captain of volleyball. And then captain of soccer. And in softball. Then she went on to star in every school play. Bob and Miriam loved showing off what they created together. They hated each other... but not when Olga was around. They sucked it up for her. Then 12 years later... here I come. So while Olga became a concert pianist at 15, I was struggling to find food to take with me to pre-school."
"Didn't anyone see what was happening at your house?"
"Are you kidding? I was Olga's sister. Since she turned out so damn perfect, clearly it couldn't be her loving, supportive parents that screwed up their other daughter."
Ray looked to me for a moment, a soft expression covering his face.
"You worry about Arnold not caring about you anymore because you never have felt cared for before him, huh?"
"Excuse me?"
"I know how to tell. I have a sister, remember?"
I shook my head and glanced back down to Arnold, his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids.
"He loves you, you know."
"He'll never say it, though."
Ray stood up and made his way to the couch. He plopped down onto it and pulled the blanket that sat there over him and then proceeded to fluff his pillow.
"Doesn't mean he doesn't FEEL it."
The clouds were really dark, and rain was pouring from the sky. I, of course, was dripping wet and standing in the middle of it. Oddly enough, I had somehow managed to wander so far away from Hillwood that the only thing that surrounded me was more open land. Turning around, I squinted my eyes in an attempt to see just how far away I had strayed from my problems.
But behind me lay nothing more than what appeared to be ahead.
I was completely lost.
Somewhere around me, I began to hear wind chimes. They sang loudly, almost above the noise of the constant rain. And as I spun around in search for it's origin, I found no such thing to cause it. All there was, was endless land.
Dry and brown, despite the rain's attempt to water the ground, my feet began to sink and I flailed my arms in the air as if it would help me fly home, wherever that is.
Just then, amidst the rain and mysterious chiming were those words. Those 3 words.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Arnold said all around me. I'd know his voice anywhere. While I sunk into the unforgiving mud, his words began to swell, his voice becoming louder and louder until it didn't just fill my ears... it filled my head and my thoughts. Filled my imagination and grew louder still.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
"Arnold!" I called out, but his voice was so loud that I couldn't hear myself above him.
This was the end. I was going to disappear in this mud without so much as being able to say goodbye.
Suddenly, I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. As if an anchor in a deep sea, it pulled me up from the mud and onto the dry land without so much as a grunt of struggle to stay on the land himself.
The rain instantly ceased.
"Arnold... Oh Arnold!" I yelled while wrapping my arms around him, soon realizing that the rain hadn't really stopped, but he had been holding an umbrella to shield me from the downpour.
"I thought I'd never see you again."
I pulled back to look into a pair of dark brown eyes, forcing them to lock with mine.
"Where... where's Arnold? Ray, you tell me right NOW where he is or I'll-"
A slow smile crept across his face and as we stood in the open dry land, I felt as small as an ant in his presence.
"Don't you recognize me, Helga?"
"Of course I do. You're Ray-"
"No Helga. Are you sure you aren't sick or something? I'm Arnold."
"No... No! No you're NOT!" I screamed in his face before backing away as quickly as my legs would take me. While I ran toward the nothing from which I came, Ray's voice called out after me.
"But Helga... I'm close enough..."
My eyes shot open and I sat up from Arnold's bed in a cold sweat, panting loudly.
"Helga?" Arnold asked quickly, grabbing my hand and trying to get my attention, "Are you alright? What happened?" He pulled me into his arms and stroked my hair, his embrace warmer than it had ever felt before.
"You were... he was... you weren't there..." I managed, closing my eyes and breathing in his comforting scent.
"Helga... I'll ALWAYS be there..." He whispered in my ear before kissing the top of my head.
I found myself looking to Ray as he continued to sleep on the couch, completely oblivious to what had just happened.
But Helga... His voice repeated clear in my head, I'm close enough...
I shivered in Arnold's embrace as his wind chimes cheerfully rang just outside of his window as the wind carefully tickled them to hit each other.
"I... I love you, Arnold..." I mumbled after laying down once again and closing my eyes, hoping sleep would succumb me fast.
"Helga... I lo-"
Succumbed, at last.
So... what did you guys think about the dream sequence? I could imagine it all in my head as the artists would have done it in the show. Inspiration for it was TOTALLY from 'Eugene's Pet' dream so yeah :)
like I said, let me know what you guys think! Next chapter I hope to pop out soon!